Please help me to be stay positive!

28 Comments

1. Barb HansenJanuary 5,2026 at 10:36PM UTC

   Here’s what helped me in a very similar situation and quitting wasn’t an option at the time.

   I focused on the paycheck. Every hour I worked was another X dollars that went toward supporting my life and my family. That mental reframe helped me detach emotionally and remember why I was still there.

   I also started to see my manager as a broken person who needed to feel bigger by making someone else feel smaller. That shift made her words lose their impact. When she tried to provoke me, I responded with a neutral and calm presence and a simple acknowledgment, while mentally focusing on the fact that I was getting paid to be there.

   It wasn’t about agreeing with her or absorbing the criticism. It was about conserving my energy until I could leave on my own terms.

   I don’t know if these approaches will work for you, but they helped me get through a difficult stretch without giving someone the reaction they were clearly looking for.

   And just to be clear: I’m not saying anyone deserves to be treated this way. If the behavior crosses into abuse, it’s absolutely appropriate to document it and escalate to HR or another supportive leader.

   For now, protect your peace. You’re already doing the right thing by planning your next move.

2. AnonymousJanuary 6,2026 at 2:12AM UTC

   Great advice. It is not easy.

3. AnonymousJanuary 6,2026 at 4:49PM UTC

   Great advice! Thanks for sharing part of your story. :) It is difficult to cope in situations such as these.

4. AnonymousJanuary 10,2026 at 3:04PM UTC

   Tell that bitch off when the time comes and you're on your way to a new job.

   People like this need to be put in their place. If she retaliates in any way (threatening your reputation) slap her with a cease and desist, or a lawsuit if needed.

5. AnonymousJanuary 6,2026 at 3:24AM UTC

   No one can make you feel small. Only you can make that happen.

6. AnonymousJanuary 7,2026 at 5:16PM UTC

   I need people to stop with this rhetoric, as if you alone can control the work environment you are forced to be in, supervised by someone who essentially controls what you do with the time you're there. There's only so much positive self-talk you can do before it's time to leave.

7. AnonymousJanuary 11,2026 at 9:31PM UTC

   Agreed. This is the popular Eleanor Roosevelt quote that everyone likes to use. It is one thing when it is unintentional on the offender's part, but in this case it is intentional manipulation. Dealing with this behavior can wear a person down when a new job is not easily attainable. It is a long, LONG process of accepting the behavior without letting it affect my own morale. Unfortunately the job market is difficult and my patience is turning into disappointment. Taking PTO to regroup is the best solution at the moment. Unless a person has dealt with this type of rollercoaster manipulator, it is hard to understand the toll it can take.

8. Rae WagonerJanuary 6,2026 at 1:47PM UTC

   Have you read the Let Them theory by Mel Robbins? It helped me by reframing to "LET HER be a sad, hateful, bitter person. And LET ME continue to live my life unbothered, and so very glad that I am not that miserable."

9. florence fasanJanuary 6,2026 at 7:05PM UTC

   Keep searching or pray she gets moved to another department. Managers like this will push you till explode which will hurt you in the long run

10. AnonymousJanuary 7,2026 at 1:07AM UTC

    I would suggest running positive affirmations and positive music while you are working on tasks at your desk. This constant positive influence will help combat the negativity of your situation.

11. AnonymousJanuary 7,2026 at 2:15PM UTC

    Have you heard about the Gray rocking method?

    Basically, is a tactic some people use to deal with abusive or manipulative behavior. It involves becoming as uninteresting and unengaged as possible so that the other person loses interest.

    The idea behind the technique is that abusive people, especially those with narcissistic tendencies, enjoy getting a reaction from their victims. Refusing to give them this reaction makes interactions less rewarding.

    Some people anecdotally report that the grey rock method reduces conflict and abuse. You can google if you want to find out more info about it. I have seen it used on YouTube in the courtroom specifically, in the Lori Vallow trial. She was representing herself and would try to pick a fight with the judge and start stuff and he didn't give into her. He would just sit there while she was going on and on and he would just look at her and ask her if she was done and then he would just reiterate his point.

12. AnonymousJanuary 8,2026 at 3:08PM UTC

    Thanks for sharing gray rock method. I could have used this several years ago.

13. AnonymousJanuary 10,2026 at 2:56PM UTC

    The grey rock method can only go so far. Don't pop off but there will come a time (if you decide to stay) of reckoning. If so, do it professionally and have HR present.

14. AnonymousJanuary 7,2026 at 4:25PM UTC

    Drama! Try and peel yourself away from obsessing about what your boss may or may not be thinking about you. It’s such an easy trap to fall into and is probably not the case at all. Learning to not take things personally or depending on the approval of others is a good path to begin to walk. It will free you from being a perpetual victim and you will be so much happier and open to all kinds of better situations. Do your job as best you can and start to learn how to let go of these destructive patterns. There lots of help in books and online to help with this. Good luck!

15. AnonymousJanuary 10,2026 at 2:53PM UTC

    Your response is insensitive.

16. AnonymousJanuary 11,2026 at 7:54PM UTC

    Playing victim isn't the issue.

17. GirlBossanova934974January 7,2026 at 5:33PM UTC

    Tell the truth, you answered your own question in the first sentence. Put your efforts into finding your next role. I started my career with many who made one feel small at times. They were not exactly friendly with anyone with less than 20 years of experience. I made it a point to meet them on their own ground and show them I was up to the job. In doing so, I learned how to get things done and work with others with NO official title or authority.

18. AnonymousJanuary 7,2026 at 5:53PM UTC

    It's hard to stay patient when dealing with someone like that, but you are already doing the right thing by applying elsewhere. In the meantime, hold your head high, go into work looking your absolute best, and act as if your manager doesn't bother you a bit (even though it hurts inside.) Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she upset you. Take excellent care of yourself outside of work and when you can, spend time with encouraging family and/or friends.

19. AnonymousJanuary 8,2026 at 3:24PM UTC

    I think a lot of us have been there. It’s really hard to take the high road every single time when someone is steadily wearing you down. Try to hold on to what you know to be true—that you are not as small as your manager is trying to make you feel.

    And if it helps, maybe take quiet satisfaction in knowing that choosing not to lash out already shows your strength and character.

20. AnonymousJanuary 8,2026 at 7:23PM UTC

    Please sit her down, give her an example of a time that she did this and that you felt diminished. Let her know that you can take feedback but that you would appreciate that it be productive and corrective and would be a conversation around how to improve not to smack down. Follow up this meeting with an email and if possible start to meet with her on a regular basis IE: 15 minutes each day to set expectations, or once a week in a 1-1 where you openly talk about the good and bad. Be prepared to get feedback some of which may cause you strife but in the right forum and tone might be a good thing for you both. Let her know that your goal is harmony and strong collaboration so that you can both work together to be excellent. You can do this and need to not only for your mental health but also for your benefit and career growth. Conflict exist in almost every job and taking back control with give you the power you need to get through things when things fall apart. You got this sister!

21. Titra HamiltonJanuary 9,2026 at 1:58AM UTC

    Like others have said, we have all been there. My last employer said, in a team meeting, that the intern could do my job. That was the last straw, but instead of lashing out, I stared straight ahead and just stopped speaking even though I prepared all of the materials and was facilitating to brief her. Lashing out is what they expect and can handle. They cannot handle going "grey rock". That is no arguing or explaining. No emotional outburst or facial expression. Give them nothing to react to while you look for your next role. I clocked out on time, gave no extra effort and went to the gym to release tension. Yoga, meditation and time with loved ones helped tremendously. In closing, remember this. Your light shines on their incompetence and insecurity. You deserve much better. All will be well.

22. AnonymousJanuary 11,2026 at 9:24PM UTC

    My manager enjoys downplaying my prior experience and I have noticed that when I tried to defend my credentials she seemed to gain exuberance. I have found that it helps to just focus on my work, show up, do it well, and quietly plan my exit. What makes it hard is the dismal job market. This is good advice.

23. Kelsee KennedyJanuary 10,2026 at 1:18PM UTC

    Or Pipe Down, rather.

24. Kelsee KennedyJanuary 10,2026 at 1:19PM UTC

    ?

25. AnonymousJanuary 11,2026 at 9:34PM UTC

    Great points. Yes, staying positive doesn't mean staying upbeat. I will keep trying to find a new job and focus on career development and physical health. 3 miles per day seems to help my mental state. I so much want to find a more rewarding job. I have a few leads but it is extremely competitive.

26. AnonymousJanuary 14,2026 at 1:34PM UTC

    Start documenting EVERYTHING. Dates/times/things said. Once you gather enough, especially if there is anything at all that is discriminatory (age/race/disability, etc). Then you may have a case for CONSTRUCTIVE TERMINATION if you feel you can't go on and need to resign. You should go to your HR (or EOS) department first and make a complaint. Have all your documentation ready. I'm about to connect with an attorney for just this thing as I just retired since I could no longer take the actions of the supervisor that came on 3 years ago. Good luck. That makes for some really rough working days.

27. AnonymousJanuary 14,2026 at 5:27PM UTC

    I am very sorry that you are experience this. It is truly draining. Lately I have been exhausted, and I believe it is due to putting up with this behavior for so long. I have been limiting contact as much as possible, only talking about work and not anything personal, because anytime I have shared anything as benign as my pets, it turns into an opportunity for put downs. I have come to think that my manager is doing the "quiet firing" because she doesn't want me on her team. She just fired someone else with a PIP and I don't think she can do the same thing with me, so she is deliberately keeping my job simplified, not giving me anything new in spite of the company telling us to set goals for cross training, etc. She doesn't even want me talking to the guy who replaced the person she fired, so I am very isolated. She talks negatively about everyone, so I assume she probably has presented to my new co-worker a negative image of me. I just get that impression. I just need to get out of here.

28. AnonymousJanuary 17,2026 at 2:15PM UTC

    All of that is a huge waste of time and mental energy...just do your job until you can find a better one and come up with a sanitized reason (for interviews) for leaving your current employer