I think I need a sabbatical to reset myself and I'm looking for advice from anyone who may have done this.

83 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 5:06PM UTC

   Hello, I definitely don’t have the advise as im almost 30 but I would love to hear advise from you and your journey. I definitely empathize with you feeling left out and like you don’t fit in. Im currently going through that. I just want to encourage you and let you know that you are worthy of a great job and bullying that you are enduring has nothing to do with you but their own insecurities. If you can communicate your concerns to a trusted superior I would start there. There always a great feeling when you are supported.

2. Elizabyth HarringtonJune 6,2022 at 6:18PM UTC

   I did exactly that! I was working in a pretty toxic culture at a company that seemed to only promote a certain type (young, white, male). After three years of getting nowhere and watching my self-esteem descend into a death spiral, I decided to cut my losses and take a break. I gave myself permission to take a two year break and revisit things I like to do. I made some sacrifices (moved to a place with a lower cost of living and cut expenses) but after a couple of years (Covid extended my sabbatical for a bit longer than expected) I was healed and ready to get back into the game. When I went back into tech I was super picky and chose a company with a more altruistic culture that really values a diverse group of people of all ages (as well as other diversity pools). I was 100% transparent about my work gap when I interviewed and I was hired immediately. And yes, I am close enough to your age to say this is 100% possible for someone in their fifties.

3. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 8:31PM UTC

   I did have a forced sabbatical. I knew I was getting fired, had my ducks in a row and got a great settlement. First, see an employment attorney. My lawyer actually knew their lawyer and offered to call them while I was still working there. I wish I’d had the guts to take them up on that.

   Second, think about a pivot. Can you work in HR as a recruiter for the same industry?

   Third, consider a step backwards when you change companies. I went from VP down to director, as did a friend of mine, and we both love it! Works a breeze, stress is less and we just keep our mouths shut about leadership. Another friend went from well-compensated management to front line and loves it. Their new company offered them management after 2 years and they turned it down!

   Finally, think about a combination of night school for a masters and a step back while you are in school. I know of 2 success stories there; one did Counseling and one did Data Analytics. These examples are all 50+ people. They all love their new life! Good luck and be sure to care for your mental health.

4. Jennifer KaufmanJune 6,2022 at 9:35PM UTC

   What you are going through sounds like a nightmare. If you can afford to take some time off, do it. You can fill your time with volunteering, freelance projects, etc.

5. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:48PM UTC

   Sorry you’re going through this, but the leaders around you are definitely toxic and you should take a year sabbatical! Even if it feels forced, be grateful you have the luxury to not have to work for some time (you can even do a couple passion projects to recharge from this episode.) First, you should talk to an employment lawyer to negotiate a severance/ settlement agreement on your behalf, as you likely have a case around age discrimination. During sabbatical, find a leadership coach and join professional organizations to help you chart your next steps. You’ll easily find ways to keep busy.

6. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 5:54PM UTC

   Yes, and it works. Best job ever, after a couple of bad job choices. Used my time doing things I love and put them on my resume. Volunteer work looks good on a resume.

7. Sheila PhieldsJune 10,2022 at 12:20PM UTC

   I’m so right with you in just about everything you have stated. I’m wanting the same thing and will follow this thread. I wish you great success!

8. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:22PM UTC

   Doing it right now and every month (on month 2), I start to feel more like myself and more hopeful about fulfilling work in the future … (age 57)

9. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:24PM UTC

   I am going thru exactly the same thing! thank you for sharing! And thanks for all the comments below! great advice! best of luck and happiness to you!

10. Felicia FandreyJune 10,2022 at 12:32PM UTC

    I 100% just did this and it’s the best decision I ever made. I was in the same exact place you are with co workers and leaders. I took an early retirement cashed out my pension and am living off that. It has been almost 2 mos and immediately I left better. I also have had a job interview for a company I would LOVE to work for. When you leave your company they are going to continue in without batting an eyelash. You need to do what’s best for you! It will

    work out and you will have your sanity back!!

11. lyn johnsonJune 10,2022 at 12:35PM UTC

    Mental health is as important as physical. If your company isn't open to the idea of a sabbatical. Consider speaking with your health care provider-your mental health status my provide an opportunity for short term disability-especially in today's overwhelming climate due to COVID, social unrest etc. Please care for your mental health and do what's best for yourself.

12. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:36PM UTC

    I walked off the job for exactly the same scenario you described.
    Thank you for posting this because it tells me that this strategy is becoming normalized in the corporate world. It’s meant to push older workers along to make room for younger workers who will take less salary. Yes, take the time, but use it to keep your presence in your field. I am consulting, and it’s a lot more fun than that soul-sucking nightmare was. I’ll do this until I don’t want to anymore, and see what else I can do.

13. JenniferJune 10,2022 at 12:38PM UTC

    I am 50. You mentioned retire early...I retired from my job after 31 years. I was able to keep my benefits which has been a game changer for me. I am not sure if you have that option. I found a new company that I am make a little more than half I did in my other job, but I also have a side hustle that I absolutely love.

    The small business I am with now also has a 401K that I am contributing. Actual retirement age is increasing constantly. I do not see myself retiring until I am in my 70s because I could potentially have another 20 years after that. So, I do not see myself as retired, I see myself as a person who wanted to try something new.

    Look at your expenses closely. What kind of pay cut could you take? There are many strategies you can use. I did this and it is amazing how many unnecessary expenses you discover when your goal is to see exactly what you need right now.

    As for being hired at this age...AARP has jobs posted that the employer has already agreed to consider us. Also, employers are seeing that all of the people quitting their jobs and they are being left high and dry and are now focusing on hiring employees with long term commitments to previous jobs. We just lost two this week!

    I would highly suggest if you have money in the bank, keep it there and focus on finding something better and less toxic for you.

14. Vanessa BlakleyJune 10,2022 at 3:41PM UTC

    This is wisdom speaking for sure!

15. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    Geez...that sounds exactly like what I went through as a college administrator ten years ago.

    I'm 59 now, but I was 49 when this happened.. I had 25 years of experience and expertise in my field, but they took every opportunity to cut me down . The ones who did that were men at the upper levels, and it was because I knew more than they did, and they were threatened by me. It was a toxic, dysfunctional culture, and I had to get out. I left abruptly when I returned from my father's out-of-state funeral and settling his affairs; I was only gone a week, but it was when an important student recruiting event was scheduled. I sent the assistant director in my place, but with the crap thrown my way when I returned, you'd have thought I planned it. Uh, no. I walked out about four weeks after I returned, and I heard from one of my employees a few weeks afterward that the school couldn't function without me. Too bad, so sad. I was burned out and running myself into the ground, and resetting was the best thing I ever did. When I was ready, I found a great job at a consulting firm in my area of expertise, and I've been there ever since. It's 100% remote too, even pre-pandemic. You might contact consulting firms specializing in your field or even start your own consultancy when you're ready. Best of luck!

16. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 3:49PM UTC

    Thank you for this! I'm a 50-something college administrator and broke my foot a week before a student recruiting event. The aftermath was terrible though objectively nothing terrible happened. I'm running myself into the ground and planning my reset right now. I can get by on a smaller salary if I am careful. If I stay where I am I may become too sick to enjoy life.

17. Julie SetzerJune 10,2022 at 6:06PM UTC

    You have to take care of your health, both mentally and physically. No job is worth ruining either. For your sake, reset while you have both. ?

18. Erin Thomas, Career + Leadership CoachJune 10,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    Hi, I feel your pain and I’m sorry. It sounds like the culture and leaders at your company are really toxic and poor leaders/managers. I don’t blame you for feeling burnt out and ready for a break.

    And I would encourage you to take some time to zoom out to consider what is most important to you, what you’re best at, and how you’re motivated and then design your next job or opportunity around that. This is how we move into the right seat on the right bus without sacrificing good money.

    I’m happy to support you in any way. I work with LOTS of women in similar situations and help them reorient to move back into the driver seat of their careers.

    https://Www.careerupgradecoaching.com

19. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    After working with a fabulous life coach for 3 months, i made the decision to do exactly that and the level of stress and anxiety I was carrying improved significantly. I am taking a minimum of 90 days and will relaunch after a period of focus on passion focused time. If you’d like to connect to talk more about the strategies the life coach had me move through to make the decision LMK. Best of luck.

20. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:44PM UTC

    I did the same thing in middle of covid also in my mid 50s and did consulting and volunteer work to get great connections. You could spend the time developing your personal brand and only consulting with companies you really want to work with. It is much more rewarding and will allow you time to figure out what you really enjoy doing. I chased money all my career and now I look for time freedom and less stress.

21. Vanessa BlakleyJune 10,2022 at 3:39PM UTC

    Yes, find you purpose with Passion

22. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:53PM UTC

    You just described what I went through after 19 years at a company (I’m early fifties). I was in a director role. Reorg last year brought in new leadership. I had started looking outside my company which was hard because I loved it there for so long but it felt like it was time. I suddenly was getting negative feedback or no feedback even though I was having success in my job. Everyday was a full day of video calls, stress beyond compare and I found myself in tears at least once a day from stress and frustration (I worked from home). Suddenly my expertise was devalued. I stuck up for myself with my boss (WHICH YOU NEED TO DO TOO) but always got a excuse that was word salad answer. I was fired with no cause in Feb. and received a severance (I worked with an employment lawyer when that came to help me negotiate details) that could sustain me and my family. I spent the first week in shock and grief for a career that was suddenly gone. Then I found myself relieved! I was free!

    I’ve been off for 4 months and it’s been awesome. The stress and imposter syndrome I felt every day is gone. I’m the happiest I’ve been in 2 years. It helped me clear my head and prioritize what I like, what I’m good at and what I want to do next. I started networking on Linked In in my industry which I finally had time to do (and will help you immensely to find the next role). I also took some much needed time for myself! I’m happy to report I start a new job 7/1 at a startup. I took a pay cut and will be an associate director but can make it work. This company is excited about me and really wants ME. I can’t wait to start.

    Good luck! You can do it!

23. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 1:08AM UTC

    You didn’t deserve to lose your job but the energy of the universe knew that you needed to leave and that was probably the only way to get you out. Bravo and thank you for sharing your wonderful story

24. Susan KuhnJune 10,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    First, build a community of women in tech. TALK to other women. Even better, find a blog that discusses these issues. Journal. Start discovering who you want to be in this next chapter.

    Your answer is not in the void of quitting. It is within you and your work is to be able to clear the clutter to be able to see it.

    There are a gazillion meetup groups for all shades of human experience.

    I personally love doing meditation with Plum Village, and the whole body of Thich Nhat Hanh's work. He just died at 95 after being a Buddhist monk for 80 years. Here's what I am currently listening to "when you know how to suffer you suffer less." Plum Village is an app and a YouTube channel. Full of good and deep stuff.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTgv4iPgQ2o

    Don't take advice from other burned out people...look for people who have already solved a similar issue and learn from them.

25. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:59PM UTC

    Ohhhhhhhh Boy! Your question jumped at me first thing this morning, and I knew I had to respond.

    Firstly, I'm sorry you're going thru this. As much as we want to say "Ageism" doesn't exist in the work place, it does. Not everywhere, but many places. But in addition, you truly might be in a toxic work situation that has nothing to do with age (or at least, not 100% age related) and you're simply working in a competitive, fast-paced industry with youngsters and a manager who are crappy teammates. Whatever.

    So...about 18 mos ago (at age 59; with TONS of experience, post master's degree and outstanding work record).....I finally hit the wall. My industry has changed alot and become malicious. our company CEO changed as well and I went from receiving 100% support to crickets. (like, the CEO--my direct report--would not answer any emails or phone request for meeting with me for 6 months). It was crazy, and profoundly disrespectful. AT the same time, my employer had this bright idea of expanding the division I was over, but all of the foundational "pieces" were not in place. I kept trying to tell my immediate manager this--that we were out of compliance and couldn't do X, Y, Z wihtout doing A,B,C. All fell on totally deaf ears. At the same time, I was covering a huge 3 county region alone--I had the respect and friendship of everyone in the company except the CEO. Even the ladies in HR felt "sorry" for me; they saw what was happening. (Since my leaving, I might add--my division has completely COLLAPSED and numerous people have left). But...yes....I prayed long and hard about a "reset". Like you, I have worked too hard and for too long to be treated like this and I was completely miserable every.single.day. I knew, on the deepest level, that I NEEDED the reset. My inner spirit was telling me also. And, like you...I had the financial ability to reset (for a while), and I have health insurance thru my partner. So...I turned in my resignation in April 2021. How did it turn out for me? Well....I've never looked back. I miss my nice paycheck and benefits but not much...and I NEVER think about that job. It was like the job and the stress completely vanished in my life. After 4 mos, I decided to go to work for myself and I've done just that. The process of working for myself has been bumpy (just finding good business support, etc)--but I've changed. I don't need much to be happy. I"m making 30% of what I was making at my "job", but I'm also only working 1.5 days per week. I'm exercising more, taking care of sick neighbors, visiting my elderly mother more, cooking at home more, and enjoying my home more. I drive less. I'm open for more work opportunities but we've found a way to make it on my much smaller paycheck. Long story short: If you are feeling it's time, it is time. Dont' let yourself be disrespected any longer. You "think" you know how you will feel after leaving, but you don't. After much time off now....I'm a changed person. I can look at the corporate-type of work I was doing previously and see how miserable it is, and how miserable my teammates were..I can see everything clearly now. I like my new position; I'm a different person now and I can stop and smell the roses. (don't forget: You'll also have time to take a class, get a Phd, teach adjunct at the community college, volunteer, whatever!)

26. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:05PM UTC

    A very powerful, thought provoking message. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us!

27. Laurie SwansonJune 10,2022 at 1:07PM UTC

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! As a True Nature Career Coach taking a sabbatical would be top advice for my clients. Not everyone can take a year but even a week of focused attention on rest and reset is huge. If you are game, I’d love to offer you a free True Nature coaching session because that’s how important I believe this sabbatical will be for you. We can discuss the hows and the whys and any other thoughts and fears that might be arising. My email is Laurie@inspiHERtech.com. No matter what, know I am cheering you and your decision on!

28. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:17PM UTC

    I went through a similar situation a few years ago at age 55. After many years of having great employers, I took a job with a very toxic work environment and worked for people who had no appreciation for my skills and hard work. After about a year, I realized it wasn't going to get better, so I started interviewing for other jobs. I found that the jobs I was interviewing for in my field, CFO/Controller, held no appeal to me and I needed a change. Spent another 1 1/2 years in the toxic job and then gave notice. I did not know what I was going to do next, but I had some savings and my spouse was working, so I was not too concerned.

    During my sabbatical I found myself being naturally drawn to reading and researching real estate and housing in my area. I had gotten my real estate license 4 years prior, but only worked in it for 6 months before taking the toxic job. Then about 6 months into my sabbatical, I attended an affordable housing seminar, an area I am passionate about. This got me excited again about real estate. On my way home from the seminar I stopped at a real estate office my neighbor owns and talked to him about joining the firm. It was the best decision I ever made. I love selling residential real estate, owning my business and being my own boss. How well I do depends on my efforts and not someone elses. I make my own schedule and get to meet and know some wonderful people. I am free from the Corporate environment where I spent 35 years of my career!

    I know many people in their 50s who have been in the same career for years and are burnt out. They've achieved a skill level where many times they know more than the people they report to, but are not the final decision makers and become frustrated. You are not alone in your feelings.

    It sounds like you worked hard to get where you are and you may simply need a different environment to enjoy your work again. You might want first look for another job, while you are employed at your toxic job. That way you can be more selective, since you don't need the income while you are employed. If you can't find something you like, and need to preserve your mental health, then take a sabbatical. You will find another job/new career, but be patient because it may take some time.

    As a side note, my sister changed careers at age 59, spent a year in the new career, and then decided it was not for her. She quit it without a job and then her former employer hired her back. She's got a great work schedule now and really enjoys it since she gets done at 2:00pm each day and can go hiking.

    Best of luck to you!!

29. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 6:42PM UTC

    Thank you for this - at 57 I
    am taking a real course - totally changing directions during my self imposed “sabbatical”.

30. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:19PM UTC

    I feel almost every word of this as of I had written it myself. I’m so thankful you put words to so much of what I have been feeling, and appreciate the advice others have given. I obviously don’t have any answers for you, but am confident we’ll find the best path forward, sooner than later.

31. Lesley InmanJune 10,2022 at 1:22PM UTC

    I am so sorry you are going through this! It sounds like a horrible situation. I am in my mid-50’s and was laid off at the beginning of COVID, because I spoke up for myself, and I worked in HR. However, my boss was young and inexperienced in handling personnel issues. My coworker and I didn’t work well together, she was so cruel and ugly to me daily, she turned my boss against me, they made my life a living hell. Thankfully, I received a 3 months severance and they paid my Cobra for 3 months. I then extended my time off and was able to survive financially for almost a year. Best year of my adult life!! Getting away from the constant negative forces around me was such a blessing! I was worried about finding a position after being off for almost a year, but it wasn’t a problem at all. I quickly found a job with better pay, it was the first time in my life I experienced just a bad fit for the job, I intensely hated it and was treated poorly by my manager… left after 90 days. Landed a fantastic dream job with a great salary, benefits and it’s completely remote. Blessed beyond belief. Looking back at the journey, I didn’t think I would mentally make it at the time. Take your time and find the right match, for you. You have a day in where you want to work now days. COVID has opened up so many fully remote positions. Get on LinkedIn after you’ve taken some time off to reset. It does wonders for your mindset! Good luck, get away from that toxic position!! There will be a place where you fit and they appreciate your experience

32. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:23PM UTC

    I’m 51 and I just retired from corporate America. I also thought I had a few years left in me but it was time. I was not fulfilling my purpose.

    My husband and I made lifestyle changes over the past few years that allowed this flexibility. Over the past few months my body has physically changed due to less stress and more activities. I am also very focused on nonprofit advocacy.

    We’re good for now and when I’m ready, there are a lot of opportunities to make money that won’t be as stressful.

33. BiancaJune 10,2022 at 7:44PM UTC

    Great advice! I’d love to hear about the lifestyle change you and your husband made if you don’t mind me asking .

34. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 10:23PM UTC

    just a few points: moved out of the city to the county, lowered many expenses such as no vacations/honeymoon but enjoy walks and other local items that are free or inexpensive, sold items at consignment shops, minimalists our “things” paid off our mortgage in 3 years because of all this. These are just a few things.

35. BiancaJune 12,2022 at 2:45AM UTC

    love this. Thanks for sharing. This is something I’d like to do down the road.

36. Little But FierceJune 10,2022 at 1:25PM UTC

    I am so, so sorry you have had to go through this. Similarly, I was laid off at age 52 after 15 1/2 years at one employer, and I'm still in the post-layoff job search, which has gone on longer than I expected/wanted (over a year). A forced "sabbatical", in other words. I am not ready to retire, and like you I thought I had about 10 years of working left, and I had planned to stay at my organization for that time. In the midst of all the existential angst that the layoff-during-a-pandemic-in-my-50s created, at the same time I have found a lot of peace in healing from similar workplace trauma such as you describe. But it takes TIME, and I think a year is about the right amount to give yourself if you can. I can't even describe how much it has helped me to do basic things like sleep as much as I want (for the first time in my adult life) - exercise as much as I want - plan and cook healthy meals - take care of my mental health through life coaching, therapy, journaling, nature walks - read cozy mysteries as much as I wanted, etc. for a year. I couldn't really see it at first because I was so angry about the layoff, but in retrospect this time off (even if it was not chosen on my part) has given me some gifts. Although I don't know when my "sabbatical" will end, I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and what I want and don't want, as well as the power of simple rest and time for your brain to "let go" of all that went before. I wish the same for you, in whatever shape your rest takes.

37. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 12:59AM UTC

    I have had the same experience following forced layoff..wise words

38. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:27PM UTC

    Love others' responses here! I don't have much to say other than I hear/see/feel what you're going through. You're not alone in this, and I'm sorry that so many of us are experiencing this. Sending good vibes!

39. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:54PM UTC

    I took two months off and downsized my role and paycheck. It helped but I'm still feeling challenged as an older woman with a lot of experience who is forced to let this company and it's managers and leaders make the same mistakes over and over again. If I point things out I'm advised that it's better now and things will work out. Honestly my direct manager is great but overwhelmed and looking for work elsewhere. I am open to talking to recruiters but am trying to find ways to cope and lay low for ten years to retire if I don't get laid off first.

    Sorry for not adding value but ... Please do want you need and it sounds like your current company is not the place for you. Sending hugs!

40. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:55PM UTC

    I'm about to take a short sabbatical to decompress and refresh after a rough work environment. I think it's what we need after everything going on the past two years. In addition, a bad reporting relationship really can get under your skin and impact the quality of your work at any level. I don't want to carry that forward to the next level.

41. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:59PM UTC

    So sorry about your stressful experiences. Ageism is so very real and a serious problem starting at age 45 on up. It’s shameful to be disrespected especially when one is an achiever within a company. As many said, your company was also quite toxic and it’s good you are out of it so that you can heal and become involved with healthy relationships. Believe me, you need some healing. My experience with ageism at age 62 is even more pronounced unfortunately. I was forced out (at age 61) just 5 months after I solely saved the company from financial

    ruin. Figure that? I’m in the process of redefining the last years of my career and have since started consulting because of my deep, vast experiences. Im sure you could too. However, there are many other soul searching solutions for you as others have noted. I will agree that you may be forced to take a pay cut which I hate to admit for myself. Reaching out to others does help for sure. I appreciate you creating a forum on this subject.

42. Chriscodyc1June 10,2022 at 2:11PM UTC

    I left and started a small company as a consultant. Did so well I have 3 companies now. The money and schedule are mine to control and I have very little overhead. I am 57 and love my work every day. I took a month to regroup and then realized I had energy to change my life in a lot of ways once I departed the toxic environment I had been in for 11 years.

43. Michele DarleyJune 10,2022 at 2:15PM UTC

    I have a friend who is on a 3 month sabbatical. He's 52. He has been traveling everywhere. First a cruise to the UK, home and then another cruise to central and south America. I'm not saying you should do this He is doing the thing he loves most, and couldn't do during the pandemic,

    It sounds like you definitely need a break and a new job when you return. The break will let you get over the job you're in, leave you feeling refreshed and then when you're ready, you can start looking.

    Personally I took a 4 year break. While I had some personal issues I was dealing with, I was able to get a job within a month and now, 4 years later am much happier. I was 48 when I did that.

    I hope this helps in some way.

    Good luck.

44. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 2:19PM UTC

    Take the time, keep up with the field, and work your networks. There is a place for you where you will be valued! Investigate what is available (you will have time — even six months will help), and find the right place for you. I am almost seventy-five and I work with a good, much younger, crowd, but I have my own friends and colleagues. Find those people! It is especially difficult for you if you are not treated respectfully at work and you are home/remote all the time. It is not a good combination. Your experience is valuable and will be valued somewhere. Good luck and Godspeed!

45. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 2:20PM UTC

    As a fellow female in IT Infrastructure and security, I feel your pain. I'm only in my 40s and feel ready to retire from the male dominated field. I wish I had advice. The only thing I'm doing right now is living super lean to see if there is a way to save up for early retirement. Will be curious what others respond.

46. Michelle PolnickiJune 10,2022 at 2:46PM UTC

    I am so sorry you are going through this. If you can financially manage time off to reset, I suggest you take the opportunity to put yourself first. I am 51 and left my job of 11 years 3 weeks ago due to stress, being under valued and being in a very negative environment. After having my blood pressure increase due to stress and having a trip to the ER for palpitations, high heart rate and extremely high blood pressure a month later I left with a plan to take the summer off. No job is worth risking my health for. For now my plan is to relax, go to the beach, garden and be a good dog mom. ? I have my resume ready to go when I am ready mentally to start looking for work again and God willing I will find the right environment for me.

47. Zofia JaneczekJune 10,2022 at 2:51PM UTC

    Ageism exists and it ALWAYS WILL in a country that is money and youth obsessed!
    Not all industries treat older workers this way, it's mainly with white collar jobs and higher up in the professional world that you'll get this backlash. Women are still minorities in many tech jobs and there seems to be a backlash to the current system of "all inclusive". I think many male dominant jobs would like to just stay that way, plus they need a fall guy to lay the blame. It's a toxic environment, I don't blame your lack of enthusiasm. Not every industry is like this. I'm in my late 40's and feel no ageism in the current blue collar job, in fact, this type of job doesn't care about age, as long as you're able to do the job, you're in demand. I agree with a lot of others on here, start your own thing, own business. If you're able to perhaps move, even out of the country to an international job. Age is not treated the same way as here in Europe. If you can take the time off, do so, find yourself and what you love to do. It's not all about money and no toxic job is going to give you time back. Time is something you can't buy! To your ultimate success with everything. You've already accomplished a lot, it's time to find an audience that respects what you have to offer!

48. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 3:05PM UTC

    After 15 years of working in a high tech field, I took an "18 year" sabbatical, of sorts, to stay home with my kids until they started to go off to University and the youngest in middle school. I was an older Mom, and returned to the work place when I was 55.

    There are companies out there looking to hire older, experienced folks and are looking for a diverse workplace. I work with people at all education levels and age and respect is the key, something that is very important to the company I work for.

    Take the time to reset, your working life/career is not over. Good luck!

49. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 3:17AM UTC

    Hello, what are the companies that target hiring older women? I am struggling to find one of these.

50. GirlBossanova934974June 10,2022 at 3:53PM UTC

    I have been in and around the Tech Sector for 20 plus years. One thing I have learned is that the Tech Sector has a very bad tendency to have very short memories. The same blunders that led to a massive job losses back in the early 2000s are once again being revisited by many of the newest breed of Tech darlings. The Blame Game is now everywhere in the Tech Sector as companies implode left and right. MY QUESTION is why someone with a great resume and a fine track record wants to stay married to that. There are plenty of other industries out there. Why not go look for one? On the other hand, there MAY be a few Tech companies now willing to admit the errors of their ways. Experience in dealing with adversity means a ton. The 20-30 something manager who has NEVER dealt with this sort of adversity is ill equipped.

51. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 4:09PM UTC

    Your situation sounds a lot like my situation. I was fortunate enough to take a year and half off to decompress and reset. It allowed me to look at what I want my career to be for the rest of my working years and what I don't want it to be. I am just jumping back into the market and am finding a lot of opportunities out there. I'm not looking for startups or old corporations. I'm looking for the right place with the right culture and the right work/life balance. If you have the opportunity to take the time off to reflect on what you have done to inform what you want to do, then it's so worth it.

52. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 4:12PM UTC

    I'm in my 30s and been in tech for 14 years (9 professionally) and I want to retire asap. The disrespect in this field is rampant and even worst towards minorities.

    My mom is in her 60s, works in tech too. Her solution is working at a big corporation to benefit from the slow pace so that she can in set up her consulting services as an expert in her field.

53. Joanna PoeJune 10,2022 at 4:18PM UTC

    I'd encourage you to examine your portable skills and consider changing industries. Tech has improved in many aspects, but it's still behind when it comes to sexism. That said, you'll encounter it in other realms, so leaving tech isn't a silver bullet.

    Don't just take time off to recover, as the laymen's definition of sabbatical would seem to promise. In higher ed, sabbaticals aren't simply time off: they have to be applied for with a plan in mind of what you're going to do with the time, and faculty are often expected to come back from sabbatical having completed some important research or a manuscript for a published work.

    You say you have enough saved to walk away for a year. If you're sure, and you're at the end of your rope at this horrible position, then do so, but don't do it without sketching out a basic plan of what you're going to accomplish in that time and a backup plan of what you can do if you don't find a better position at the end. Take a class, get a new certification, learn to make something, and become a Shipt shopper on the side to supplement your income; whatever it takes, even if they are small steps.

54. Tara O'ConnorJune 10,2022 at 4:34PM UTC

    I not one to discourage time off, but it may just be the young startup nature of your current job. Good luck no matter what you do. You are valuable!

55. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 4:39PM UTC

    You’re not alone in this struggle, and I’m proud of you for recognizing and sharing. I’d love to chat further at your convenience, and share some of the things I’ve done over the past 18 months to diversify my income and shift my career focus. Hang in there!

56. BiancaJune 10,2022 at 7:40PM UTC

    I too would love to hear about how you’ve diversified your income to shift your career focus.

57. TVJJune 17,2022 at 6:25PM UTC

    Let's connect, I would love to share experiences and ideas!

58. Laleh F HassibiSeptember 29,2022 at 5:54PM UTC

    I'd love to connect with you and hear what you're doing to diversify and shift career focus. Your post is anonymous so I'm not sure how to do that but please try to reach out to me.

59. Been there done thatJune 10,2022 at 5:06PM UTC

    I am 3 months into my sabbatical. Which I decided on after a change of management which seems to want to deconstruct everything and rebuild, this includes bringing staff from his last company and inventing mid management positions for them whilst no promoting employees employed by the previous manager.

    I didn’t realise how much I needed it until I spent the 1st month in bed sleeping. I’m much better this month , communicating with family and friends more often , eating and sleeping better . Now I’ve recovered physically I’m concentrating on my mental health and hopefully enjoying having a long summer holiday . I’ll start applying for work again at the end of September, reduce my working works and be happier for it

60. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 5:14PM UTC

    Have you worked there long enough to qualify for FMLA? Did you buy short term and long term disability?

    Taking care of your mental health is extremely important.

    I had to take a one year leave (I’m almost 50) away from my employer and career after being there 20 years. I was diagnosed with an illness and the isolation from COVID was very hard on my mental health, plus my employer was becoming abusive (a lot of it was gender based, I’m also a woman in tech) and making it obvious I was an insignificant number and easily replaced.

    Talk to or find a good primary care doctor and mental health professional to vouch for you on the required paperwork for leave, short and long term disability. If you have these benefits, that is what they are there for. They will give you a cushion so you don’t have to eat through your savings.

    Take the time you need to heal and rebuild yourself to find a career you can tolerate and hopefully love the next 10 years.

61. Laura Ann KleinJune 11,2022 at 4:24AM UTC

    this is GREAT advice!

62. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 5:17PM UTC

    YES step away. Your heart knows it, the universe will show up if you trust in it. I am a coach for "mid_season" women. You are not alone! Others have made this walk, self included. Go respectfully,(self respect) primarily, don't doubt, do it now! Please go to Wellness-with-Attitude.com and download my FREE E-Book. Resistance to Resilience. It may be a good recipie for healing. Try Yoga and Meditation. You can do this. You deserve to do this.

63. Janelle RasmussenJune 10,2022 at 5:59PM UTC

    If you do take a break, I wonder if you could do something part-time to give you some inspiration and connect you with others in your field?

    Do some networking to see what else is out there and figure out next steps?

    After a quick search, not knowing exactly what your experience is, here are just a couple of things I found:

    Rutgers Innovation Ventures Senior Fellowship: https://research.rutgers.edu/researcher-support/innovate/senior-fellowships/technology-marketing-business-development

    The Marketing Academy Fellowship: https://themarketingacademy.org/uk/the-fellowship/

    I hope you find something that works for you and that you get re-inspired!! Good luck!!

64. Bridget HarringtonJune 10,2022 at 6:26PM UTC

    I was in that same headspace and situation....I changed companies. It sounds to me as if the toxic culture is your issue. I've never taken a sabbatical, because I am watching jobless friends (jobless from covid, downsized or took time off to care for family) who can't find jobs. It's somewhat harder depending on industry to take time off and then go back. In tech, with the fast pace and everchanging technology, even a year off will put you at a disadvantage.

65. Laura WhitakerJune 10,2022 at 6:46PM UTC

    I took a month sabbatical in November of 2020. It was a LIFE CHANGER. Now we have a 5 year sabbatical policy at ESP. Happy to connect - laurahopewhitaker.com

66. Rose McGillJune 10,2022 at 6:54PM UTC

    It happened to me about 2 years ago…you’re being pushed out. It’s an awful thing to go through. Ageism is real. I left and it’s the best thing I ever did. I chose to do something less stressful and make about half the salary but I love it! Good luck to you.

67. MichelleJune 10,2022 at 9:54PM UTC

    I decided not to do take the lowball offer from the new business owner in September 2021 after 6 months of unemployment I am able to access my 401k because I was 59.5. My body is healing after years of dental lab fabrication resulting in nerve damage. I hope to stretch my savings until I can get social security. I would rather be poor than work for wages that were offered 20 years ago. The labs are making money but happy to chain you to a bench until you are too broken to continue then cast you aside.

    I am painting, gardening, bike riding and spending time with my pets and elderly mum. Life is good. I might never go back because of anti vaxers or other political terrorists, male dude behavior and agist owners. Life is too short to work with that again.

68. Ashley DelBello, Transformational Life+Career+ Purpose CoachJune 11,2022 at 3:39AM UTC

    As others have commented, you're definitely not alone.

    I took 6 months off to do what you're describing. I'm not in my mid-50s, but I was burnt out, miserable and knew I needed a change, and didn't have the energy or brain space to figure out while working, so took time off to first decompress and just rest, travel and heal as well as hired a life/career coach to help me figure out what I wanted to do next.

    That whole experiencing was life changing and because it was so impactful for me, I decided I wanted to help other women do the same (and is what I do now; and I definitely have clients in their 50s who are in similar spots, taking time off, figuring it out and then getting back into a career; yes, ageism is a factor to consider, but it is possible to find something you love, in a healthy environment that pays well in your mid-50s).

    I think taking time off to reset is SO smart and I truly wish it was something that everyone could do as it was hands down the best decision I made for myself (in ways beyond just my career), my family (because I became a much happier + present person) and my career.

    Best of luck + take care of yourself!! That's the most important, everything else will fall into place some way somehow.

69. Laleh F HassibiSeptember 29,2022 at 5:48PM UTC

    I'm in the midst of a similar situation as the job poster and am now actually into my 3rd month off after separating from my last job. But I'm wondering what you advise women to do to figure out what they would love to do? I'm attending a bunch of workshops and doing a spiritual retreat, traveling, but it all just feels like avoidance of the elephant in the room which is how I will make money.

70. Ashley DelBello, Transformational Life+Career+ Purpose CoachSeptember 30,2022 at 9:36PM UTC

    Hi Laleh - good for you! I'm so happy you are taking some time for yourself, and giving yourself this gift.

    In regards to your question - I totally hear you and had the same thoughts myself when I was going through this; that's why it was so beyond valuable to have a Coach walk me through this and support me as I navigated this time for myself as well as figuring out what I wanted to do next with my career. I have a pretty in-depth process that I take my clients through to help them figure this out for themselves, that I'm happy to walk you through if you're interested in exploring coaching. If so, feel free to book a free Discovery Call with me here: https://calendly.com/ashley-delbello/60min-discovery-session

    Feel free to also check out my website as well if you want to before booking a call: https://www.ashleydelbello.com

71. Laura Ann KleinJune 11,2022 at 4:23AM UTC

    Get yourself on LinkedIn and start looking. Women in our age group are valued in many companies especially companies with CEOs who are women in their 50s-60s. Good luck to you!

72. Gillian ThackrayJune 11,2022 at 1:57PM UTC

    Tough industry to be in as a seasoned female leader. I am not in as bad a company or team situation, but I hit 50 during the pandemic and find myself burnout from career and family demands, and am thinking of taking a 2-6 month 'time out' for myself because I find the same thing: I can't even figure out what would be next, have good skills, but don't find any inspiration in my job/career beyond the fact that I really like the team I lead. Point being: you have ample reason to need a break, and taking one will be so good for your own ability to carry on.

    One tip: I saw one person put on their LinkedIn "Planned mid-career sabbatical" to explain a job gap. Thought that was a good idea.

    Also would endorse the idea of volunteering (very part time) for a cause or in a role that will take the load off you mentally. I would encourage doing some type of job totally different than your 'career' role. It gives your week a little structure, gives you something to 'point to' when people inevitably ask "what are you doing" and can also give new perspective on what other transferrable skills you have.

    Good luck - take care of yourself.

73. Stacey MurrayJune 11,2022 at 3:21PM UTC

    This is exactly what I have done. I left a great paying job with great benefits to move to Florida to be closer to my parents. I am also in my mid 50s. The work I loved doing no longer served me. I worked in politics and HR and it got so toxic. I thought I was going to just take a couple of months off. I has been 8 months. It can be overwhelming looking for a job. I am a professional with a very strong work ethic and get things done. I know my worth and want a great work culture. I will find it. I have had to heal a bit also. I am confident it will all come together at the right time. best of luck my friend. Do what is best for you.

74. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 6:24PM UTC

    Thank you for sharing. You will find your spot and in the meantime I hope you are blessed by the time with your aging parents

75. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 7:40PM UTC

    You definitely need a break from the toxicity, but in all honesty, you sound like a great manager with verve & skills, in a company that is likely to be being ageist. I work in a dept. that is female managed at exec. group level by women in their 50's who are still ageist towards any developing managers in that age group but love young graduates. On the other hand, a 56 year old work colleague, who had been a manager for years & then stepped away, thinking she was overlooked, eventually got to the point where she was thinking of quitting due to a lack of support - one year on & she is qualified to train others & has a team working for her again & is very happy. She raised the age issue with her boss, who said he disagreed with her...but was keen to get this sorted. It might just be worth one more discussion before making that move...Best wishes for it all turning out well whatever the decision, possibly including self-employed consultancy with the skills that you have there :)

76. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 9:04PM UTC

    I am just going through a very similar situation, although I just turned 65 yesterday. I took a family leave to care for my mother who is passing and is being overseen by hospice.

    I left for leave at the suggestion of my boss, who I left on less than satisfactory terms. I have been there 16 years, he has been there 6 months now.

    There is nothing I can do that meets with his satisfaction, he has all the answers, and holds me accountable for decisions that I never made or had input into.

    While I have been looking for another position for 12 weeks I have not received so much as a second look. I have two Master Degrees in Business and a wide breadth of industries. I have been an extremely dedicated and hard worker, but all to no avail.

    I did find that the "sabbatical" helped me to reframe my priorities, my self confidence, and a little time to care for myself. All of this is important if we are going to continue to work well into our 60's.

    My advice, take the time, there are jobs out there, it just is taking time to find the right one. Be open to all opportunities you never know who will know someone else who can assist you.

    Wishing you the best.

77. Venise VinegarJune 12,2022 at 3:55AM UTC

    My suggestion is if you no longer want to get out of bed in the morning to go do something that is no longer bringing you joy, let it go.

    It is a blessing to have enough to walk away from your current situation for a year, just do it and do it with intention.

    I have taken off more than a year to reset (and heal) and I figured out what I want to do next by discovering hidden talents, gifts, expertise I can monetize that I had not used in the past. Additionally, I did the deep work on what strengths and transferable skills I have that I can monetize doing something else (that I love) that is a solution to a problem that people will be more than happy to hire and/or pay me to solve.

    My sabbatical was caused by a blindside job loss. The first thing I did to help me overcome the negative impact my job loss had on my mental state of mind was to reframe my job loss journey into an educational sabbatical with no shame or guilt. I took the time to re-evaluate my core values, learn more about myself, i.e., who I truly am (at this moment), what I truly want in life, while also exploring other industries and areas of work that might be a better best fit match for my mission, passion, purpose and personality and also allow me to do something I love.

    You do have 10 more good years - to do something else that you love and that brings you joy, enrichment, fulfillment and prosperity. Take the year to figure out exactly what that is.

    Age is just a number. May I suggest that you not focus on your age, and redirect that focus to the gifts, talents and expertise you possess that are beneficial to others and companies and most importantly solve a problem, and you should have no problem getting back into the workforce.

    I had a job interview yesterday for a career opportunity at a Fortune 500 company on my wish list, doing what I love and I'm 60 plus. Success in life is all about our state of mind. I wish you much success in figuring out the right decision for you.

78. Derrick Julia Jessica NodsleJune 17,2022 at 8:27PM UTC

    This is a great response! It's so important to take the time you need, and also to move forward with intention and positivity and not bring the negative forward into your next 10 years! In my opinion, this way of moving forward shows that you are in control of your life and your mindset! I would love to work for someone like that :)

79. Maria Paula CalvoJune 12,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

    I resonate with your story and know it is not an easy moment to go through, But the good news is that you will go over ti.

    You should feel priviledged that you have resources to cover you for a full year, so if I were in your shoes I would not delay a decision that you know you have already made and are only waiting to implement.

    Take your sabatical with the commitment of focusing on deep reflections on yourself, who you are now after all the way you have undergone and everything you learned in it, what makes you happy, what keeps you awake at night, what are your pending dreams that you would not like to give up if you only had 1 day of spare life,... be serious with yourself and hear to your heart. I am positive that you will discover there what will be the reason for your happiness in your next stage and will then be ready to go back to the market (whichever it may be) and search and find what you need to make it happen. And, based on my personal experience, be prepared because your new path may be completely different from what you´ve done so far so you may probably make yourself open to start from the very beginning once again in life. It may be scared but I am finding it to be such a fun that keeps my energy at the top. Would strongly recomment to you to give you the chance!

80. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 7:25PM UTC

    Wow and I felt like I was the only one. Reading all these replies helps but also hurt’s because it’s just so wrong what goes on at work. I am just shy of 62. I take care of my 91 year old mother which is a job in it self. I work with a woman who was my work friend but she had a meltdown during the first months of working from home during Covid and had made my life unbearable ever since. I can’t retire and don’t want to until 65. I don’t want to pay for insurance and I need to work because if I had to spend 100% of my time caring for my mother I think I would probably have a nervous breakdown. The elderly are much harder to care for than a child that’s for sure. I love her but oh most days I just grit my teeth. Then feeling like a target at work every day it’s just a lot to take. I’ve never in 30+ years of working every had an issue with a coworker nor been a target. It’s very stressful on top of caring for my mother I cry every day. But I feel trapped I don’t feel I’m able to change jobs. I like my job but the woman who is targeting me has been there a lot longer than me. If anyone is going to get let go it will be me. I did file for FMLA to shorten my day after begging to work from home and that was a nightmare. The labor department told me to file a claim against the company but I’m not interested in fighting I just want to do my job. I worked fri m home for 14 months during pandemic with absolutely no direction and worked harder than I ever have but once they knew I had my mother they forced me back to the office. Like most here I believe it’s ageism. It’s a horrible thing and it’s so blatant and rampant I’m surprised there’s not more lawsuits.

    I feel after 50 and worse yet 60 the chances of getting a new job are slim to none. I know a lot of advice here is go for it quit and find a new job but I don’t see that possibility where I live. These companies don’t realize how good the older workers are and just keep pushing us out the door. I just don’t get it. Sorry I don’t have any advice for you all. All I have is I feel for each and everyone of you because I know it’s awful to live with day after day.

81. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 12:57AM UTC

    I understand, Ive been working inside sales since 2017 and helped oversee mother’s care. I hired wonderful private pay aids so my work wasnt affected in fact they helped me too with cooking cleaning and care for Mom. We had to put her in hospice at home in July 2020 and lost her September 2020. I worked up until a month before her passing. Laid off was a relief so I could spend last month less stressed though it was. I had a year off with Pandemic relief amd went to work for a compelling quasi tecg start up im 61 and cannot retire yet either. I dont notice ageism so much. but im working more than ever poorly managed numerous last minute fires and weedkend constant work. Investeors gave them a lot of $ so more and more corporate feel and demands. people are burnt out everywhere no matter what age. I witnessed fbombs in meeting from my age group ., It’s a hostile workplace, I have no time for gym or walking from exhaustion. I have a potential opportunity to pursue contract work and am. I had a aerious health crisis 2018 to 2019 and am afraid it will rebound. So I will be leaving. Our physical and mental health are much more important and Ill find a way to manage with less until i want a bigger load. But I sure miss the aids who helped Mom and myself. they were heaven scent.

82. Communication CoachJune 13,2022 at 9:37AM UTC

    Change for you is definitely in order, but, do some planning first.
    Consider doing a lot of networking. Working out of office is great, but, it can be isolating, too. You are successful at your work, present that at networking functions. You will learn what is out there and learn much about your local career marketplace. And, people that meet you will pass your name around - you may find yourself being approached by recruiters or someone looking for your skill set. Please start talking about your successes to your male counterparts - and everyone. Women are very modest when it comes to talking about their achievements where men love doing it. Call rudeness out at work! It can be as simple as saying, let's keep things professional. Don't worry about being called names - women often get that even being on the quiet side. Even consider taking an assertive class, just to brush up on standing your ground in a professional setting. On a personal experience level, try not to retire yet. Networking helps find positions - personal connection of seeing someone, hearing them avoids someone seeing an age number that can really prejudice consideration. Women 50-yrs+ can present well in person, but, seeing that number is a killer of jobs. Yes, it's discrimination, but, almost impossible to prove. Interacting with women's networks is good for morale and a good place for ideas. Finding joy in a new position is one of the best ways to heal and bring positive energy in to your life!

83. AnonymousJune 14,2022 at 11:58PM UTC

    If you can afford to walk away for a year DO IT!

    You are worth so much more than this job.

    When you decide to take the year off please really heal from this. Never settle for less. Don't just take another job that treats you the same.

    Personally, I have taken time off with out another job from a toxic job only to land an even more toxic job. I had probably 5 months to live comfortably. I made the mistake of taking a job 3 weeks into my job hunt when I had 2-3 months without blowing my savings. I wish I hadn't taken the job and waited a little more time. I'm treated exactly how you are at work now (I'm currently going through it) and it's a nightmare. I'm working on gathering enough courage to leave this job this summer and trying to do so by July 15th. I didn't learn my lesson. I took another job that was beneath me for money out of fear of losing my savings. So that's my advice, take the chance on yourself but really don't settle.

    You've got this.