Profiled?

35 Comments

1. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 3:51PM UTC

   I don't quite understand. Did the accuser object to how you answered the question about the author's race, or was it about the book's content? Was the author's race even relevant to the book's content? Consider the book's content first, as that may be what they are objecting to. One thing I've noticed when racial tensions rise is that asking what you said that led them to that conclusion will only make matters worse, as you are expected to know better. This may be an area where the internet and AI tools can help by running the phrase through it. I went through the same issues following the George Floyd murder. Mentioning my multiracial family only made things worse. My suggestion: Don't stir the pot with this person. Research things externally first. Remove the phrase from your vocabulary (for the time being), and if you discover others object to it, remove it permanently.

2. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 4:03PM UTC

   Thank you. I’m the poster. The unhappy person involved a third party so I’m not sure of exactly what set them off, just a vague description. Appreciate your advice.

3. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 4:47PM UTC

   Not all books feature a photo of the author, so it's possible to not even know an author's race!

4. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 3:52PM UTC

   Have you reported this back to your manager and asked for their guidance?

5. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 4:12PM UTC

   Request a meeting with leadership this person and HR.

6. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 4:26PM UTC

   I don't think anyone can offer valuable advice to you without knowing more about what was actually said. If this is a client that you don't work with extremely frequently, I'd probably just let it go and be extremely deliberate with your word choice in the future, or ask someone else to take the lead with this client.

7. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 4:45PM UTC

   Hi. 65-year-old white women here (from a coastal city, however). First, thank you for trying to understand your colleague's perspective. She can probably best advise on the error of your ways. For me to best advise I'd need to know what was said.

   The past two weeks have been awful for many, and I can imagine folks can be a little reactive.

   It's easy to say the wrong thing when we think it's right. Phrases such as "I don't see color" and "some of my best friends are [insert group name here]" can be very offensive. "I don't see color" can be interpretted as you don't see a core part of what makes up a person's identity. And, likely, it's not really true as much as the speaker wants it to be.

   In the absence of knowing what you said to offend, I do recommend asking to speak to her, and ask WHY what you said that didn't sit well-- express your intent to understand their perspective so you can learn and not inadvertantly offend again.

   I appreciate your multi-racial family has given you good perspective. I too have a multi-racial family, however that doesn't exclude us from making racist-seemng gaffes. I've even heard the white mother of an African-American/Latina family member make racist comments. And I'm sure she has no idea she's doing it.

   So have a conversation. If you're at a loss, ask her.

8. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 7:22PM UTC

   And for many, the last two weeks have not been awful.

9. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 11:26PM UTC

   Appreciated reading your reply. I’m not the OP but I learned saying “I don’t see color” was offensive when the intent was meant as I’m not judging your skin color. I took that as a learning moment and remembered being judged on my skin color and being asked “what are you?” One side came from the Middle East, the other side backwoods country white confederate. We are a melting pot. I agree. To the OP have a conversation with the person offended. It’s how we grow and learn what may be offensive to others.

10. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 7:11PM UTC

    Southern east coast lady here.

    Hard to say if we don't know what was actually said. Or the content of the book and perhaps they didn't take to the context of the book written by an author who may not have first hand experience. Not sure.
    However, if you recommended a book and your colleague felt it was racist, something must have triggered that comment. What you may have said before may not have been offensive but could be today. I am from an ethnic family. In my great grand parents world when they came to this country, no one would hire them because of the color of their skin. And left their country due to genocide based on their religious belief of being Christians. So all this to say, we all have stuff. I'm a believer that all lives matter. But no matter, people still get offended. I can't fix the past nor am I responsible for what my American 7th great grandfather did. I wasn't there. But I will be sensitive to the horror family's faced and try to be respectful of all. I would ask this person to please educate you on what was upsetting so you can learn from it. It could very well be individualized to that person only. But at least ask to find out. I have an ethnic background on one side and the other side we were slave owners. It has given me a great perspective. Best just to ask what offended them and go from there.

11. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 10:19PM UTC

    What would you like to have happen? Not sure what you'd like to say. What outcome are you aiming for?

12. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 2:10PM UTC

    It's hard to comment on your specific example without knowing what you said. It is entirely possible that this client did profile you based on your race, age, and location, so I think your only defense on this going forward is to be extra careful about how you communicate with this specific client, as well as maybe other clients in general.

13. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 5:25PM UTC

    Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it. The majority in German thought the holocaust was a good idea. He barely won by 50% (votes are still being counted) so the "Majority" did not speak, and the Majority does not get to override the minority.

14. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 6:19PM UTC

    He did win both the electoral college and the popular vote. Does it really matter how much he won by? And the majority of registered voters DID speak. You may not like the outcome but in federal election law, the majority does override the minority.

15. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 10:26PM UTC

    Only voters spoke. Not the majority of registered voters. Some sat it out as the democrats failed to get a strong message out. I sadly think the nation will rue this election as so much was based on misinformation. One day the scales will be removed from his supporters eyes.

16. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 6:15PM UTC

    Totally agree with you. Her trigger=her responsibility. Not on everyone else to tip toe around this.

17. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 6:43PM UTC

    What did you say? If it were me I would chalk it up to post election anger and say nothing unless it could possibly go elsewhere in your organization and return to harm you. If there is the possibility of that please speak directly to your manager, memorialize the conversation in writing don't embellish or provide and substance about how you feel and then let it go. Let your manager know that you are never those things that you were accused of but wanted to be sure they knew about the incident.

18. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 6:45PM UTC

    What did you say? IMHO best approach is to let it go. Do memorialize it with an email to yourself with the content, date, time and place. Keep it simple. Speak to your manager about what happened and just inform them of it not embellishing with any emotions about what happened. Ending with I hope you know I am none of those things but am telling you what happened to inform so that you know. Then just let it go.

19. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 10:22PM UTC

    Well the future will prove if this outcome is best for the nation. Current actions are not comforting. We don’t know that the majority of American approve of current actions and believe things will be better. We know that the majority of Americans who chose to vote hope for that. And that was two weeks ago, perhaps some opinions have shifted now that people see he DID mean what he said in the election. There are many others whom opted not to vote (shame on them) and they may not agree with you. But they lost their right to complain in the short term. So do not assume the majority of Americans want autocracy.

20. AnonymousNovember 21,2024 at 2:06PM UTC

    I agree with some of the commenters below that you could definitely dig around online to figure out if/why what you said was offensive. Even googling the book + “controversy” or something might be illuminating, if the book itself was the issue. I'd personally try not to ask her to explain this to you, unless you have a pretty good relationship, as that might make her feel like you’re trying to make it her job to teach you something that, in her view, is your job to educate yourself on (if you are pretty close, however, I can see it helping her know you see her and want to learn and do better).

    I’d also like to add that comments calling her “fragile and unstable” or “too woke” without knowing anything about what you said seem misguided to me - just because we can’t necessarily predict or understand how someone reacts to something we said, doesn’t mean they’re wrong or unreasonable. Add to all that the fact that each person has their own baggage, and the best we can do is try to be curious and understanding.

    you might also want to reach out to a close friend of yours who wasn’t at all involved in the incident, to get their perspective, if the internet search doesn’t give you much to work with. If you happen to “figure out” why a person of color would have been hurt by what you said, THEN I’d go back to her with an apology, but not before doing the work of trying to understand her perspective. Hope this helps!

21. Camille DuckettNovember 21,2024 at 6:04PM UTC

    I highly suggest to no longer work with this client ASAP. If the client holds any malicious intentions towards your and/or your race they are defaming your character and slandering you. These forms of complaints do not help you as an employee, so be sure to cut off all liability because they can easily jeopardize your employment: getting fired, laid off, denied raises, promotions, etc.!

    I do suggest for you to talk to your manager and express you no longer feel comfortable about working with this specific client, and for the manager to delegate that client to someone else. Be sure to mention any “fraudulent claims made against you are illegal and abusive in nature.”

    Technically, if you do end up losing your job over this incident, or if it encourages HR to seek out getting rid of you in the 6 months-1 year from now. I would sue that client! Hire an attorney and sue them for Defamation of Character. Take note of this incident if you need to use the information later. Also, you are 65 years old, which puts you at risk because of ageism.

    I’m sorry you had to deal with this experience. I also experienced racism in the workplace in retail. Overhearing how much the group of minority employees hated white people with managers in the conversation several times. Getting less hours and denied promotion opportunities with me and my white colleagues. I also used to work for a private school. So, I too had to deal with a lot of pettiness and fraudulent complaints by mothers. For example like putting her kid in a time out because the kid continued to misbehave with 6 warnings.

    Just be careful. Watch your back. Know when to complain and when to stay silent. I wouldn’t even address the issue with that specific client. Never confront the person, they are problematic and not worth your time. I can cause other issues between your employer.

    There is a lot of anti-white hate propaganda pushed by the news, and TV. Sorry you have to deal with this issue.

22. Hold on Lee LouNovember 21,2024 at 6:52PM UTC

    There's a lot of jumping to conclusions in this comment section. On one hand, training in these areas does not mean one will never make a blunder. On the other, sure, maybe the client misinterpreted/looked for something that wasn't there. Regardless, it is up to you as the communicator to ensure that your message is clear.

    Take this as an opportunity to learn. Go to your manager and share the situation in plain, factual language. Perhaps a conversation with the client will help both of you grow. Uncomfortable situations handled well can only strengthen relationships.

    Don't immediately get into the "reverse racism" "playing the race card" mindset. A one-on-one incident cannot be blamed on the "woke media" or whatever other dismissive excuses some people come up with.

    If someone says that you've offended them, learn why, and go from there.

23. AnonymousNovember 21,2024 at 9:32PM UTC

    Not the OP but I love this response!

24. AnonymousNovember 21,2024 at 7:03PM UTC

    Ah good eye. In that case it might be easier to ask them directly, though I’d still only do that if they know each other well.

25. AnonymousNovember 22,2024 at 1:29PM UTC

    I think you mean the majority of people who voted, and it was a very small margin. Less than 2%.

26. AnonymousNovember 22,2024 at 3:15PM UTC

    Back in the 80s (90s?) I had someone accuse me of being a racist because I didn’t like Bill Cosby. (this was back during his huge popularity and tv show.) When that person asked me why I didn’t like him, I told them that I couldn’t figure out why, but he just gave me the heebie-jeebies for some reason and that something about him just struck me as off. (He reminded me a lot of an old white guy in my neighborhood who, oddly enough, many years later was accused of the same type of criminal behavior - he also got time for it as well.) But I was a racist I guess. :::shrug::::

    I think you’re probably right with your assumptions but it’s a good idea to directly ask and be certain. At least, then you look like you tried to understand their point of view. Maybe there isn’t one. Maybe there is. You won’t know until you ask.

27. AnonymousNovember 22,2024 at 4:36PM UTC

    That all depends on the book. The OP has not given us enough information to evaluate what she said or why the person reacted. There are certain books I find highly offensive that others find inspirational because I come from a different POV.

28. AnonymousNovember 22,2024 at 6:32PM UTC

    So my mom was alive in World War 2. A teenager so old enough yo remember. She has clearly stated the president-elect reminded her of Hitler.

    There are frightening parallels. Read your history.

29. AnonymousNovember 22,2024 at 6:40PM UTC

    I voted. You couldn’t have kept me away from the polls! I’m saying there is a difference between registered voters and voters. Yes the majority of voters made a questionable decision and elected a felon and philanderer.

    The dems failed to convince middle America that yes, we actually do give a damn and want a living wage and better health care and education. And we can make it happen. Instead people believed that high tariffs and deportation will make their lives better. We shall see. (By the way the tariffs are paid by importers in the US, and passed on to the consumer— inflating prices). Enjoy.

    Good news— jobs will be created in the fields and other low end work once the immigrants are put on planes. In the meantime our fruit and vegetable costs will increase as the shortage of labor to harvest the crops will drive up prices.

    Let’s hope the majority of voters are right and I am wrong.

30. AnonymousNovember 22,2024 at 6:49PM UTC

    I think she does know what she is talking about. My grandparents were not there but I do know many who lost people to the holocaust and those people see clear parallels. The rhetoric is eerily similar and scary as s***

31. AnonymousNovember 23,2024 at 5:06PM UTC

    Thank you for asking, it is a fair question that is too easy to answer.

    His cabinet picks are not qualified (e.g. Gaetz to run DOJ- thank goodness he dropped out). Then there is the outsized influence of Musk, yet another billionaire with his own agenda. And there's his appointment RFK Jr, an anti-vaxxer who questions science, to run HHS? To lead the organization that spearheads vaccine and infectious disease research in this country (the NIH)? He is a Trump syncophant, he has been appointed to lead the agency that leads health science research and more. It is an illogical and dangerous choice.

    Overall-- it's the president-elects appointment of cronies without qualifications to run government agencies.

    Also, he is refusing to sign transition papers which will enable the FBI to run standard background checks which are necessary for Senators to have information prior to the confirmation hearings. He's balked at that for 6 months! Normally signed during the race. Instead he has hired a private company to run the background checks? That seems dubious and self-serving, to say the least. Imagine if someone was being hired for a position requiring a security clearance, and the person being hired said- oh don't worry, I'm hiring this other company to run the background check for you-- the FBI doesn't need to bother. It wouldn't be acceptable. Similarly, the p-elect hiring his own people to run background on his picks is not acceptable.

    As you see, I could go on. So, yeah I'm worried.

32. AnonymousNovember 23,2024 at 6:42PM UTC

    Well clearly one of us is brainwashed. Time will tell if it’s you or me?

    I didn’t say he’s Hitler. In 2016 my 86 year old mothet told me he reminded her of Hitler.

    Watxh a video of Hitler’s rallies, and those of Trump and draw your own conclusions.

    Much of the rhetoric is similar, in particular the villainizing of “others”— for Trump it’s immigrants and for Hitler it was Jews and anyone else who was not “Aryan.”

    Read and watch and learn.

33. AnonymousNovember 23,2024 at 6:46PM UTC

    I hope you are right about deportation. My permanent resident in-law is worried given the rhetoric. They have applied for citizenship but are very concerned by the rhetoric.

    Why do you think prices won’t go up when the people who do the work aren’t available to do it? Labor will either cost more or some produce will go to waste, decreasing supply. It’s basic economics. Prices will have to go up unless we have a workforce waiting for those jobs at the same low pay.

    I’m glad you work for an ethical company that hires only through legal channels. Sadly many do not follow your ethics. What we need is an easier path to legal immigration not a lot of rhetoric about “illegals” and a mass deportation.

    What ever happened to “Give me your tired, your poor?”

34. AnonymousNovember 23,2024 at 11:39PM UTC

    No one is brain washed for studying history!

35. AnonymousNovember 24,2024 at 1:36PM UTC

    I agree to disagree with you. Time will tell who is right and who is wrong.

    BTW, the ACA (healthcare) and SNAP (food stamps) do not serve illegal immigrants at the federal level.

    Best of luck to you. I hope your life improves in this administration, I sense so much anger that I hope it gets better for you. Take care.