I’ve recently started a new job and I’m getting the feeling my new manager doesn’t like me.

Anonymous

October 18,2022 at 12:33AM UTC

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I’ve recently started a new job and I’m getting the feeling my new manager doesn’t like me.

I notice that when I speak she cringes or makes a face of disapproval even before I’m done completing my sentence. We can just be having a group conversation about current events and she always makes a face if I say anything. So I try to just keep quiet now.

We’ve only had a few weeks of interaction where I’ve been training and learning so I don’t think it’s my performance.

I notice she’s a talker (like rambles on) and a one upper- so when she’s talking or telling a story I just shut my mouth and listen, because I’m familiar with people who want attention and let them have it without issue. I actually don’t mind her at all and think she’s pretty cool in general.

Normally I wouldn’t care if someone liked me or not- But I am concerned in this case because I think it’s super important to have a good relationship with my manager. And I LOVE my new job.

Not sure how to turn this into a positive here? Any advice?

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AnonymousOctober 18,2022 at 1:53AM UTC
The fact that you love your job is everything. Sounds like you two need to work a few things out (tread lightly). Sorry she's making faces and is otherwise annoying. Good managers are hard to find.
AnonymousOctober 18,2022 at 1:58AM UTC
Helps to know how long you’ve been there.
If less than 3 mths, give her time to warm up to you. If more than 6 mths, provided that you are respectful and professional she could just be a snarky jerk and or jealous of your potential or even your appearance if she is insecure. And sometime people run into these bosses from time to time, Best advice is continue to do you and be your positive and best self and don’t let her low vibrational energy affect you mentally or emotionally. But if it does get to the point where it is unbearable know and understand your limits and start networking to see if you can do a lateral move or promotion to distance yourself from the wench or apply elsewhere if it starts to adversely affect your well being.
AnonymousOctober 18,2022 at 7:05PM UTC
I’ve been there under 2 months. I appreciate this advice. Time can reveal many things for sure
Shelly EdwardsOctober 18,2022 at 2:09PM UTC
Have you tried speaking with her about it? It may be that while you are talking, she's thinking of something else and reacting to that. It may be that she has a condition that causes her to make faces without control. Or it may be that she doesn't even realize she's doing it and a simple conversation can clear it up. I'd try speaking with her to see if there is something you do that maybe upset or irritates her so you can work toward a communication style that works for both of you.
AnonymousOctober 19,2022 at 12:38PM UTC
This was me last year. My manager used to roll her eyes when I started talking despite appearing to be nice in all other instances. She’s also someone who stretches a meeting by 15-20 talking to people about things better said offline. I still tightened up my sentences and got to the point quickly. Others complimented me on being efficient whenever I led meetings as well. Also, I never apologized for whatever reaction she had to me. When her facial expression was inappropriate with no apparent reason, I asked her if she wanted me to clarify and she stopped doing it.
GirlBossanova934974October 19,2022 at 12:48PM UTC
After a few decades of work experience, I would attribute this manager's behavior as a mark of inexperience. When one is first starting out as a manager, one always tries to make a good impression and be the person, 'doing the talking'. Some new managers feel a little upstaged especially when their direct reports start chiming in and it is not expected. LATER ON, the manager realizes that the true mark of managerial excellence is when your direct reports do the vast majority of the talking and doing for that matter. It makes life a lot easier. Time spent managing the day to day can now be switched into planning and working with outside groups to improve the overall performance of one's business unit or organization. I myself let my direct reports do the day to day customer stuff. I concentrate on the IT, marketing, and financial planning. Time will tell if this new manager "catches on".........
Crystal HowellOctober 19,2022 at 1:02PM UTC
They hired you for a reason, if you love your job thrive in it! If she has a facial issue, ask if something is wrong and you sense disapproval, ask if you can have a coffee chat?
Don't stay quiet, you won't grow that way, everyone is entitled to their opinion and should voice it. Keep us posted!
AnonymousOctober 19,2022 at 1:27PM UTC
Personally, I would ask her if she had time for a brief meeting. I would let her know how much you love your job and ask if she has any feedback for you. You may get a better sense of where she’s coming from. In the very least, it will show you’re trying to establish a relationship with her. You may be misinterpreting her expressions and I think having a quick conversation with her about your performance may clear things up.
Maggie StoneOctober 19,2022 at 1:30PM UTC
Well as long as you can communicate and collaborate on work related things, she doesn’t have to like you or be your friend.
Elise PilkingtonOctober 19,2022 at 2:53PM UTC
Did you interview with her for the job? Were others present or was it her decision alone? Sometimes managers can carry a bit of a grudge if their candidate wasn't chosen or if an employee they didn't choose is assigned to them. This happened to me and one time it turned out well and one time it didn't.
I would start by stopping her when she makes the face, even mid-sentence, and asking her if she wants to say something or if you need to clarify something. Assuming this doesn't clear things up, you could try asking for a meeting and letting her know as kindly as you can your perception of her response to you. If she explains that as RBF (it's a thing!) but otherwise says she enjoys working with you, just accept that and move on.
I always advise, but particularly in cases where you don't feel the love from a supervisor, document your accomplishments. Measure your results and keep track.
Maria Paula CalvoOctober 19,2022 at 3:21PM UTC
I agree with you that having a good relationship with your manager would be an ideal scenario. However, in my experience, it is crucial to identify the proper cultural protocols for communicating within your new company prior to drawing a conclusion on whether someone likes you or not. Being new gives you for a short while the advantage of having the opportunity to ask questions or to explore to learn how life and work are developed in your new environment, and using that period well is key to allow you build your team of allies, that may then help you intercede or interact to smooth or sweeten relationships with the rest of the members of the organization. And also in this phase you can certainly ask to your manager for regular check points where you can showcase your experiences and feelings and ask for feedback to rectify or to confirm what will enable you for a successful performance and a good work environment.
AnonymousOctober 19,2022 at 3:37PM UTC
Keep doing your job the best that you can.
Also, surround yourself with other positive, like-minded team/co-workers. Always be a team player and continue to work well with others at the company. Stay positive. And, document everything. Maybe, ask her to a coffee meeting or lunch? If you feel things are getting worse, and it starts to feel like harassment, then it’s time to get HR involved. Probably after the 90 day probation period. Hopefully things will get better and improve for you :)
AnonymousOctober 19,2022 at 4:08PM UTC
I see a lot of comments saying “maybe it’s just her face” but it seems like you’re saying she gives You this face and it seems directed to you and not the rest of the group? If that’s what you’re saying that is different than RBF (I know many leaders who have RBF but in general, with everyone, not just directed towards one person). I’ve been in a similar position where very early after joining the company my male boss (who admitted to me he was told he had to hire a female director so it was obvious I wasn’t his first choice) would cringe every time I spoke in a team setting. His nose would twitch and it was just bizarre. I politely confronted him and asked if I was doing something wrong etc and he denied it but he continued and then peers started to notice and would ask “what’s wrong”? Then a couple months later he started being verbally abusive to the point a peer went to HR to say how uncomfortable it was to be in meetings watching this. It was so bad! But they did nothing bc this man was brought in by a tenured C suite member and was very protected. I couldn’t go to his boss who brought him in and HR hands were tied. I asked him for feedback several times and he always denied there being a problem and had no negative feedback about my work. At the end of the day the guy just didn’t like me. Likely for some personal reason (maybe my personality triggered him somehow and he was too immature to connect the dots and leave me out of his issues) and I never knew why but it didn’t stop so eventually I had to leave the company. I took a year + of abuse because I loved the rest of my team but it eventually became too stressful. Very disappointing bc it was a great company but this is just corporate life sometimes.
I’m sorry you’re going through this! It’s terrible for someone to do that to you period but even wore in front of peers etc. I’d recommend having a direct convo with her ASAP. If she’s professional at all and doesn’t realize she’s doing it hopefully she will stop when it’s brought to her attention. And then hopefully as she gets to know you (and gets to know you will not accept this treatment) the relationship will improve. If not, this job may not be the best one for you. Best of luck!
AnonymousOctober 19,2022 at 5:05PM UTC
Resting Bit@h Face
AnonymousOctober 19,2022 at 9:10PM UTC
Ask her. “I notice that there seems to be some ideas you’d like to discuss with me in depth. Would you like to get together during [insert free time] to brainstorm?”
Make sure you aren’t alone.
RBF isn’t the case here. She’s changing her expression when you talk. Have you noticed it with anyone else?
AnonymousOctober 20,2022 at 12:14AM UTC
She highly insecure. She over compensates by trying to put people off and making herself appear superior. Insecure people often try and portray disdain or disapproval as a way to express superiority. It's classic and can actually be sad when it's so obviously awkward. I would give her space and understand this has nothing to do with you.
AnonymousOctober 20,2022 at 6:31PM UTC
Yes, very passive aggressive behavior to cover up her desire to undermine and place herself in control of other's emotions. Extremely common with insecure people.