How do you know when it is time to go to HR to report someone?

Anonymous

December 22,2022 at 4:02PM UTC

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How do you know when it is time to go to HR to report someone?

Let me start by saying that my boss is at the executive level in the company. Let me also say that the parent company isn't a fan of hers and were I to report her, I would be reporting her to the parent company's HR dept.

On the regular, and I do mean consistently, she sits on things for months and then faults me for matters taking too long, she has outright gaslighted me several times meaning she will tell me one thing and I do my diligence to let her know what I found out and she denies the direction she provided given that it was incorrect in the eyes of the parent company, she assigns thing but doesn't make me aware of the history or the resources related to it and I am blind-sided regularly, and she agrees to a deadline to get something back to me and the deadline comes and goes and then she ignores my follow ups.

Yesterday was just the last straw. We have a deadline next week to be in alignment with compliance in a heavily regulated industry - me, one of my direct reports, and my boss divided up the workload to get it done, it being a year-long project. We have a spreadsheet tracking progress but there was no transparency as to the status of her matters - so 2 weeks ago, I simply asked her if she needed help with any of the matters on her plate - no response. Bearing in mind that she repeatedly told us that missing next weeks deadline would be unacceptable, it was a HUGE surprise to get an email from her yesterday evening asking my direct report to pick up her work to complete it by the deadline because she is on vacation and won't be back until January. Wow. Our offices are closed next week for winter shutdown so no one will be available to sign anything; the matters have to be done by tomorrow.

Never have I ever had a boss that is obstructive, hoards information and isn't willing to share the necessary resources to get the job done, is absent when needing help, and literally sets her employees up for failure.

Do I go to HR? I know that HR is there for the company. I could easily document actual events with dates.

Thanks for your thoughts.

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AmyDecember 22,2022 at 4:14PM UTC
I would get all your documentation ready and report her.
Tracey MorrisDecember 22,2022 at 4:22PM UTC
I would document each specific incident with evidence (emails, etc.) and provide that information to HR. This is a toxic environment and no employee should have to deal with that kind of behavior. Just be certain you have dates/times/specifics.
AnonymousDecember 23,2022 at 1:34PM UTC
Its not just toxic, lets call this kind of behavior what it is. Abusive.
AnonymousDecember 22,2022 at 4:58PM UTC
Gee, do you work at the NYC DOH! Sounds like my supervisor in the HR department there.
I was a temp there and was let go after only a few months, despite them being desperate for help and workers and complaining how understaffed they were. I guess someone with a masters degree making $15 an hour was not good enough.
I started keeping a daily journal of exactly the kind of stuff you describe because I knew I was being gaslighted. Thing is, now I don't know what to do with any of it because nobody will ever believe me.
She even ruined my chances of ever getting a new assignment with the temp agency. Therefore, having nothing to lose, I am tempted to send my 30-page rant to her supervisors and the people above her who claim they want to make the workplace better. They clearly don't, but they do tend to keep things on file so hopefully just having this angry tirade in her file will hurt her down the road somehow.
I also complained on glassdoor but that site is becoming a meaningless joke.
AnonymousDecember 22,2022 at 6:06PM UTC
I giggled at your reply post because I live next to the DOH and I'm pretty sure people were protesting a few days ago.
I'd send the file you have, just as long as as it can't have any negative effects on your future career .
Mothra MoonDecember 23,2022 at 4:51PM UTC
My career is over!!! There is truly no hope whatsoever. I could not get hired at McDonalds at this point. Even places that say they are desperate will not touch me. It's what happens when you turn 50. DOH is truly one of the most toxic places I have ever worked and that is saying a lot because almost every job when you are a temp is toxic.
Completely unrelated to hat awful supervisor I had (who predictably was in HR which is where they put all of the people that think their $#!+ don't stink), I was hired as a contact tracer at the beginning of the pandemic. I was told to expect a Zoom onboarding conference. My offer was rescinded, except they did not have the decency to tell me. They ghosted me and I had to chase them down for an answer (via the third party recruiter they used PCB or something like that).
AnonymousDecember 23,2022 at 6:42PM UTC
I am SO sorry about this! I actually decided to make a career change recently and looked into being a virtual executive assistant. I applied for one of the companies in this field and, after a "test" assignments & and interview, I got an offer. We've have had 3 meetings over 2 days and from what I can see, age doesn't matter whatsoever here; you Just need to demonstrate that you're good at communicating and have the ability to be someone's assistant. it's also part time so the work can align with your schedule and hours. It might be worth looking into! If you google virtual assistant companies or search LinkedIn for the same, you can see if one aligns with you value.
AnonymousDecember 25,2022 at 3:44PM UTC
Send it anonymously
Crystal HowellDecember 22,2022 at 5:02PM UTC
Well, there is always Docu sign to get things signed electronically no matter where you are?
Obvious your boss is running scared and needs a scape goat, YOU!
When you do go to her boss, then HR local and let them know it will go to HR corporate, have your documentation tight and handy. YOU are not going down without a fight, because she is not a leader or project manager.
She probably fears that you can do her job, and tries to sabotage you and your work.
Others are hiring, Peace of mind is the best, be prepared it's taking about 60 days after you putin an employment application. Think it through, some great advice is here!
AnonymousDecember 22,2022 at 6:11PM UTC
If you go to HR, the 1st thing they're (probably) going to ask you is, "have you discussed this with her?". If you have, it clearly didn't work and from what you described, it probably won't.
If you haven't, it might be worth talking to her before going to HR. BUT! I'd go to HR literally immediately after so she has zero time to run up the chain to report something negative about you. If the higher ups are already not a fan, they must feel that way for a reason. She doesn't sound like the right person for her role, maybe HR needs to hear that so something can be done?
Good luck to you!
AnonymousDecember 22,2022 at 7:42PM UTC
I would document her behavior and sent it to HR definitely but make super sure you have collected everything. Provide a timeline and detail because she will come for you .
You must show a pattern of lack of management and communication.
AnonymousDecember 22,2022 at 8:31PM UTC
document away! Also, get her to email the instructions to you.... change all communication to email so you have written back up. Why are you staying? Can you switch departments?
Be sure to keep everything!! If she messes up the deadlines, you have backup that you've done what you can. If she blames you, nail her!
AnonymousDecember 22,2022 at 9:19PM UTC
I'm sorry that you have been subjected to this abuse of power and lack of accountability by your boss. This type of behavior continues to permeate through the workplace and some people do not need to be in positions of power. Your boss is one of them. They abuse, obstruct and are never held accountable for their terrible behavior. You end up witnessing this atrocity and it falls on you. I've seen this type of situation repeatedly and nothing ever happens to the abuser. What I can say..... is that you need to be prepared, if you go to HR. They will probably document it, take your information, do an investigation and then select a course of action. HR may ask, what do you want to happen? Often times, when the abuser is in a position of power....................nothing happens to that person....and then they can make your life even more miserable. It's sad that we have to tolerate this type of unprofessional behavior at work. The abuser continues to wreak havoc on all of it's victims, until the victims leave and then they repeat the offensive behavior. I wish I could provide you with a better example, but this happened to me. Every time I spoke up about bad behavior, I was punished. Why can't we as humans communicate, clearly and take accountability for our actions in the workplace? It shouldn't matter if you are an employee, Supervisor, Manager or AVP. I hope that things get better for you, but prepare to look for another job, once you go to HR. On the other hand, if you go and it works in your favor, then please let me know...because this will be a first.
AnonymousDecember 23,2022 at 12:00AM UTC
Make sure you have solid proof like emails. Document and document
AnonymousDecember 23,2022 at 2:44PM UTC
Sounds like she really doesn’t know how to do her job. Avoidance is a big indicator of lack of applicable knowledge. I’d wait until the parent company takes action. Then submit your documents. Let her be accountable for her actions and lack there of.
I am a managing employee and I can tell you, if you send your findings too early, they could and probably would get rid of everyone under her. (Sounds like this is how she kept her position in the past, by throwing her direct reports under the bus).
Update your resume, and be prepared to move on.
I’ve been on this track too many times and I can tell you from experience, people like this just go somewhere else and start the whole process over with another company. Don’t waste your time or energy on her, take care of yourself and your career.
I hope it works out for you.
AnonymousDecember 24,2022 at 1:38AM UTC
When there is obvious damage to the company and concrete proof.
Mary PoolDecember 24,2022 at 1:52PM UTC
The answer is "no." A response something like "We are sorry, but with such late notice we are unable to comply with your request; we will be submitting what we have on the project on this day at this time." Then submit the project without her part with a factual note saying, "XYZ portion was not available for submission; please contact ABC for details." Hopefully, you have documented everything. When the assignment is submitted incomplete, with documentation that everyone's part was completed except for hers, then the powers that be will be forced to deal with the issue. This is NOT YOUR PROBLEM, this is upper management's problem, and they must deal with it. As long as your team continues to bail your boss out, there is absolutely no reason for her to change her behavior or for her supervisors to take action. Document, document, document. I would not have any meetings with her without follow-up emails detailing the meeting. I would put absolutely everything in writing. How she treats your direct reports is your problem, and you must stand up for them! Once she has to deal with consequences, and once her managers have to deal with consequences, then things will change. This is not an HR issue; this is a failure of management issue. You say it must be done by tomorrow, well if that were true, she would be doing it, wouldn't she? Let her deal with the consequences, then things will change. This is an excellent time for this to come to a head because she asked, in writing, for someone else to do her work at the last possible moment.
Julie WozniakDecember 25,2022 at 5:54PM UTC
EXCELLENT response! ?
Christi LopezDecember 27,2022 at 1:34PM UTC
Yes! This is a perfect response. If you don't have it already, compile ALL the documentation - create a timeline, compile all the emails, and make sure you have copies OFF network to CYA.
BBOSSDecember 25,2022 at 2:55PM UTC
I would report your difficulties to your bosses manager first, then HR letting them know your issues with your immediate supervisor
HR will appreciate the heads up, and do their followup.
Your bosses manager needs to know what is happening within your department. I'm surprised that her manager is not aware of these issues(? ). You must report in a factual not emotional way despite your frustration.
You might include I am passionate about my work, and wish to be a successful team member but I'm finding this challenging, here is why...
Her managers response will tell you if this is a company or divisio you wish to work in.
KathrynDecember 25,2022 at 5:39PM UTC
I am an HR Manager. Please report her. this will not change and without any information the parent company will blame you all so report it CYA and make sure to provide proof. Please do this before she ruins your career
Michelle SiskoDecember 25,2022 at 7:10PM UTC
When you have a boss like this you must save every email and written communication from them. I would start printing things out and keeping a hard copy CYA folder (as in cover your a**) off site. If you go to HR, you are going to want to be able to factually back up your claims. Start writing up your response in a word document so it doesn’t get sent until you are ready. Then edit, edit, edit to remove anything that is emotional or in anyway inflated. You need to write it like a third part observer. Lastly, try to set up a phone call with someone in HR before you send the email to ensure you can direct it to a specific person not just a generic HR email address .
AnonymousDecember 26,2022 at 2:53AM UTC
Never go to HR.
If you can't get anything done because of your boss, it may be due to their boss being inefficient or both of them trying to make you leave. Document everything, be sure they know you're documenting everything, and then you may get a nice severance package out of this.
Meanwhile, perform as well as you can under the circumstances, and if possible make a ripple outside of your organization that a future employer may notice or be able to find when they google their applicants.
AnonymousDecember 26,2022 at 9:25AM UTC
Sounds like you have my old boss. I have learned from experience and others. NEVER GO TO HR you will lose. Either they will make it your fault or you will have to get a lawyer to sue the company. I wish I could give you better advice. Remember HR are human and when they get threaten either do what we say by the company or lose your job, the employee gets screwed.
AnonymousDecember 27,2022 at 12:29PM UTC
I agree completely. HR will not help you. The HR individuals are on your side and might honestly want to help but as a department they have to go with the company's direction. And companies tend to protect high level executives or management at your cost. It's been well documented and there was an article in a business magazine a few years back about this. I've seen first hand how a company protected an abusive executive because she earned them a lot of money. I tried to stop her from verbally abusing myself and other employees (as an office manager) and I was the one who had to leave. Find another option before going to HR.
AnonymousDecember 27,2022 at 1:28AM UTC
I'm not sure that this would be a situation HR could assist with. If you were her boss then you would document everything and tyipcally HR would step in when it's time to PIP her. Since you're not her boss you need to find a way to effectively manage up to make her behaviors tolerable OR you need to find another boss. One thing that folks need to understand is that oftentimes people don't change, so you need to change your situation.
AnonymousDecember 27,2022 at 5:23AM UTC
Discuss your concerns directly with your manager first. Tell her exactly what you need to succeed. Then, after the next hiccup, consider going to HR.
Before you go to HR, determine what you want from them. Do you want them to mediate a meeting? Do you want them to speak to your manager on your behalf? Do you just want the situation documented?
Good luck! That's a draining situation. I wish you the best.