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Seeking Advice on Setting Boundaries with My Boss

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Seeking Advice on Setting Boundaries with My Boss

Hi everyone, I could really use some actionable advice. I started a new role about a month ago, landing it in part because of my reputation as a hard worker and a supportive team member. When I joined, I asked my boss what hours he expected me to work, and he said, “9-5 unless there’s an emergency.”

Since then, he’s messaged and called me on Teams at all hours—5:45am on a Sunday, 10pm on weeknights—none of which have actually been emergencies. It seems he’s just bringing up things he wants to discuss. I haven’t been responding outside of work hours; I reply when I log on at 9am.

Recently, he commented, “I noticed you only respond between 9 and 5, and that may have to change because I need to be able to reach you in an emergency.” I was so blindsided I didn’t know what to say, though I wish I had responded with something like, “Those were the hours you told me to follow” or “To my knowledge, none of your after-hours pings have been emergencies.”

I’m feeling disappointed and frustrated. I worry that I’m losing the ability to set boundaries and that I need to be available at all hours. Even during the workday, he interrupts me multiple times, which keeps me constantly on edge.

Has anyone experienced something similar or have advice on how to handle this situation? I’d really appreciate any guidance. Thank you so much!

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  1. Laura

    Unfortunately, I had something similar and in the beginning I did respond during the off hours. I reached a point where I had to re-establish boundaries. My boss was one of those "everything is on fire" type of people. So I had to reset expectations and have a conversation around what could wait (it was pretty much everything!).

    I'm not sure what industry you're in but what constitutes an "emergency"? Perhaps setting the groundwork for what that is would help. Is someone actively dying okay yes that's an emergency. Is a change needed to a report, not an emergency.

  2. Anonymous

    change!

  3. Shannon M

    Some things I'd like to know...

    Are you an assistant manager?

    Does he rely on just you or others which he does this to as well?

    Does he pay you well, give you raises accordingly etc?

    What does the offer letter you signed say regarding you basically being "on call"?

    Is it in writing anywhere that you be an "on call" employee?

    Is what he considers an emergency in writing anywhere?

    If any of those questions aren't clarified, try to get him to answer them in writing/over text.

    But regardless, I'd say something along the lines: "Nowhere in the job description or offer letter or documentation does it state that I must base my free time around what you consider an emergency. I was never given a contingency plan which states that my free time is at will of the companies or your needs, however you deem fit."

    If I were you, I would be documenting all that time he contacts you, the amount of time you spend discussing work matters while you're not at work, and bill him for it, or bring it to his attention that your time is valuable and should be paid, or bring your documented findings up with EEO since he doesn't care about your rights. It would be wise to do that because if he tried to fire you for it, it would be a lawsuit on his hands.

  4. Anonymous

    what is your job? Do you support C-Suite exec? That would be expected when you support someone of that level, but it is usually not all the time and you normally can work around it. As others have asked, what industry, what job?

  5. Anonymous

    Take a deep breath. Time to manage your manager. Schedule a 1-1 with him in person if you can. Replay the conversation with him and from when it happened to the time constraints that he shared with you back when. Be concise and then ask for him to list out to you what he would deem emergency, and ask for that clarification so that you know what to respond to out of office hours. Set a firm no weekends policy unless it's what I call a P-0 (priority-0) which means do it now! IE: The CEO called and requested something, or a customer issue is urgent, or systems down. Let him know that within your personal life your family (or other committments) require your full attention and that you value work life balance. Let him know that respectfully as a manager you realize that for him you know he might do more than the usual M-F stuff. Loosen up a bit re the 9-5 because you should give a little but be firm about zero sundays or zero after 7PM or before 7AM. It seems fair. After the conversation memorialize in an email to you, him and your personal email what you have agreed upon. Stay calm during these conversations and be sure you get out what you need to.

    As for midday interrupts you should let him know how you like to be interrupted while doing things. Not knowing what you specifically do, perhaps add focus time to your calendar? or find a conference room to go into for focused work? This is solvable but you will need to let go a bit because being tightly wound about this won't help you to get through it...let him know how you take feedback and how you take course correction or more tasks and work as well. Good luck, you can do this!

  6. Anonymous

    I agree with your comments to the OP and also think the stricter they are with the 9-5 only will stifle their options to move up as they could be seen as not being a team player or able to prioritize and go with the flow. Personally I read messages that come in off hours but decide when I respond. The OP should remember they are learning how to work with the person and this would be the time for the 2 to come together to ensure this partnership will work.

  7. Anonymous

    Meet with your boss and agree on the definition of "emergency." Let him know that your time off should be time OFF otherwise. Waking you before 6 AM on a Sunday or calling you in the wee hours of the night without a REALLY good reason is unacceptable. In the event that there really is an emergency on a Sunday or late night, you expect to either be paid overtime or be given equivalent time off during the work week.

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