How would you professionally respond to casual inquiries about your plans to adopt and/or become pregnant?

Anonymous

December 24,2022 at 3:45PM UTC

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How would you professionally respond to casual inquiries about your plans to adopt and/or become pregnant?

I explained a gap in my resume in an interview that I had taken a gap year to care full time for my adopted daughter who was an infant. The interviewer asked with a laugh if any more children were imminent. I laughed politely but didn’t answer and awkward silence ensued. When it dragged on, I just said “oh, I thought you were joking.” Still didn’t answer the question though and we wrapped up pretty quickly after that. Haven’t heard a peep from that company since. I probably dodged a bullet but just wondering if there is another professional way to say “none of your business”?

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Dawn S. CrossDecember 24,2022 at 4:34PM UTC
Even jokingly a company can’t ask about that. Here is a good article on questions that can’t be asked.
EEOC.GOV - What Shouldn’t I Ask When Hiring
A better option would be to put the company on notice that asking these questions are illegal. I would send it to the head of Human Resources and copy in any higher up you can find on their website and then seriously consider if that is the type of company want to work for.
AnonymousDecember 24,2022 at 5:34PM UTC
"I haven't decided " or "we are still deciding "
AnonymousDecember 24,2022 at 5:49PM UTC
The interviewer's question was inappropriate and violative of EEOC. This happened to me during an interview and I advised the recruiter that her question was inappropriate and violative of labor law. I knew it meant I wouldn't be considered but used it as a teaching moment so that it wouldn't happen to the next candidate. I then filed a complaint with the NLRB who took the matter to the owner of the company. We signed a settlement agreement wherein the company agreed to.implement practices so that this didn't occur again. They also removed the employee from interviewing until she completed a series of compliance courses.
Laura AlpertDecember 24,2022 at 6:32PM UTC
At least 25 years ago, the head of HR at a well-known company asked me a series of inappropriate questions about my marital status and living situation, to which I didn’t respond. I participated in five in-person interviews and then didn’t get the job. Boy, did I dodge a bullet! I was too young to fully appreciate it at the time, but I definitely knew the process was ridiculous.
AnonymousDecember 24,2022 at 9:45PM UTC
You honestly don’t have to answer the question, just explain your gap as, I left for personal reasons. They are not suppose to inquire beyond that.
AnonymousDecember 25,2022 at 10:31AM UTC
Which company is it? I feel we should track them.
AnonymousDecember 25,2022 at 11:02AM UTC
You don't have to answer or explain anything. just simply say it's too personal and ask for changing the question. You have the right to ask for changing questions if it's not related to the job or to your qualification.
M BaazaDecember 26,2022 at 5:08PM UTC
Umm, that is illegal?
Crystal HowellDecember 26,2022 at 5:27PM UTC
I don't think that is appropriate or legal to ask about that, you should alert the hiring mgr or company dept.head or owner. Some recruiters need to learn the hard way.
AnonymousDecember 26,2022 at 7:17PM UTC
It is 100% illegal to ask that question. Please, please out that company and file an EEO complaint. I would also write a well written non- whiney email to the CEO and the Head of HR telling them that this is an illegal question. You do not say the gender of the person who asked the question but often it is men who do this not knowing that it's unlawful. Not that it matters but, often its lack of training and cluelessness with unsophisticated or junior hiring managers. I work in HR and the legal side of it too so do not let them get away with it. You will be helping them and additionally stopping it from happening to others too. You probably won't get the job but it's for the best.
AnonymousDecember 26,2022 at 11:52PM UTC
The best way to answer questions like these is to answer the intent behind them.
In this case, the interviewer was trying to discern if you were fully ready and committed to take on a new job.
A good answer (if truthful) would have been something along the lines of: “I’m fully committed to taking on this job, and will give it 100%.” You could also volunteer, if accurate, that your schedule permits you to meet all job requirements.
You do not have to share family or childcare information (and it is illegal to ask about these, as you mentioned), but if you have excellent and reliable childcare, sharing this information will be welcome news to a prospective employer.
AnonymousDecember 27,2022 at 12:15PM UTC
Hello, I'm sorry that happened to you, and I appreciate you sharing! Even though most of us are aware that it is illegal, it still occurs frequently. If you have the time, I would absolutely file a complaint.
In addition, I would consider this a red flag when interviewing for a new job, because most serious companies would not ask this question. However, if you are under pressure to get a job (at least a temporary one), I would respond that you are fully committed to taking this job.
Zeecil KimmelDecember 27,2022 at 3:06PM UTC
In addition to all comments below, I would also laugh at the person who asked the question and say clearly "Since asking about my decision to have more children is illegal and sexist I am sure I misunderstood your question. What did you actually mean?" Yes, it is time we took back the power. Having laws no one follows does not really help.
IntentionGirl299847December 27,2022 at 9:22PM UTC
I always let them know that it is illegal to ask about children. That said, If I bring up children then I opened the door for them to ask. Never state anything about children or spouses or pet or personal info. If asked about gaps I simple state I took quality time for myself or I went back to school (always doing Udemy!). All true.
AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 7:16PM UTC
I work in HR and once was in an interview at a VERY famous well known company with their CHRO- Chief Human Resources Officer- do note this was the first time she held that role and also came from another very well known famous company. She too was personally quite well known. Early in our meeting she asked me "where are you from?". My response was that is an illegal question. She responded " I didn't ask where you were born". My response was -What's the difference? Clearly no one told her that there are 10 illegal questions not to be asked in a direct or indirect way. I was rejected for the role, yes it made the rest of our conversation awkward, BUT I would never work in a company where the top HR person was unethical. I now follow where this person works and assure that I will never work in the same company as they are. This company is currently all over the news....and not for good things. Bullet dodged!