Pushed out of my career at age 63.

Anonymous

October 3,2021 at 1:08PM UTC

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Pushed out of my career at age 63. Too young to retire. Too old to hire.

I've applied for several positions in the past five years, and because my specialty is very small, I eventually get to know the person who was hired. They are all either internal candidates, or have finished their Ph.D. (I left grad school at the ABD level 20 years ago because I didn't think I needed a Ph.D. - my field only requires a masters degree).

After being demoted during a reorganization and reporting to a former peer who had almost no training in management (vs. my 25 years of supervision & management), I was let go last month. I'm relieved to be free from the stress of reporting to an incompetent manager, but what do I do now?

I had planned to retire at age 70. Social security is based on an average of your income for 30+ years (which incudes my years as a grad student), so a reduction in salary to take just any job hurts both my 401k & Social Security. I can take partial security, but I'm not eligible for Medicare for two more years. Fortunately, Cobra will cover me for most of that time, but it's over $600/month!

I can't get a positive job reference, because everything was supposedly my fault. My supervisor never acknowledged her role in making things difficult for me. She flip-flopped, nursed a list of grudges, didn't give me timely feedback, assumed the worst possible motives for small mistakes, blamed me for her disorganization, expected me to read her mind, etc. etc. etc. I pushed back against all this, and of course that was considered "inappropriate." As a baby boomer, I have low tolerance for unfairness, discrimination, bullying, and misuse of power. I will never regret standing up for myself (I have also stood up for others). As a baby boomer, authoritarianism just isn't in my DNA, but I paid a price for sticking to my values.

I am just so hurt and depressed about the way I was treated at the end of a career that I loved, that I don't think I even want to return to this field, even if I can find a job. I'm in therapy for chronic PTSD and I'm seeing a psychiatrist for depression, anxiety & ADHD, so I have support, but I suspect the truth is that "my" issues are really due to the way I was treated on the job. Medication and therapy can't "fix" the fact that I have had too many birthdays.

People who plan for retirement have time to mentally and financially prepare themselves, but what do you do when "retirement" has been forced onto you prematurely?

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AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 1:44PM UTC
I hear you! I had a VERY similar situation but was fortunate enough to be demoted (with a 20% pay cut) rather than fired. I just turned 65 and am planning to exit at the end of the year. Take a little while to recover your dignity and then start networking! People in our age-bracket have 40+ years of connections. Get on LinkedIn and start looking for people you've had positive work/personal relationships with over the years and reach out. Be sure everyone (neighbors, friends, relatives - not just people in your work sphere) know that you are open to work. There are many openings - maybe not something directly in your field, but consider how your skills might transition to something else. YOU ARE VALUABLE! Consider freelance, which can sometimes lead to full-time. You will make it through this and come out stronger. Good luck!
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 1:54PM UTC
I am sorry that you are in such a discouraging place..
It seems like there are quite a few things that are left out of your story—particularly the perspective of the company and your manager about your job performance. This reads very much like you are a blameless victim who had no responsibility for arriving where you are today, and that seems extremely unlikely. You made choices each and every day that have resulted in arriving where you are today. Own your part so that you can grow in resilience and flourish triumphantly despite this set back. Low tolerance generally does not foster good relationships; having empathy and growing in awareness to work towards a common goal fosters good relationships. Advocating for yourself in the midst of unfairness can be done in a way that garners respect instead of burning bridges.
I’m glad you are making sure to nurture a good support system and that you are seeking treatment. It’s hard work, but it is really worth it.
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 4:01PM UTC
Not blameless, but not 100% at fault, which is what was portrayed to upper management by my boss.
I took advantage of every training opportunity that was offered in our workplace, and I never once saw her at any of them, despite the fact that she was a new supervisor (to non-professionals) when she was promoted to the position where she was my peer. I made a lot of mistakes as a new manager, so I saw what she was doing as basic incompetence, giving her the benefit of the doubt (rather than maliciousness).
A manager who can't make up her mind, withholds criticism until the performance evaluation, and then delivers a firehose of complaints, has a vague communication style and then blames the supervisee for misunderstanding, assumes the worst motives for a mistake rather than asking the supervisee about what happened is at fault.
Also, I don't think I can be blamed for a manager withholding information I need to do my job, requiring permission-seeking for projects and then not responding to requests for permission, or responding when it's too late to act on it, saying one thing in person and something completely different in writing, acting like she doesn't know how the final score for my evaluation was tallied, etc. I want to believe she was really just stupid, and blaming me for everything helped her to prop up her own self-esteem, because the alternate view is that she was just out to get me.
In any case, "blame" for mistakes shouldn't necessarily equate to "needs to go."
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 3:21PM UTC
This is all too common. There is such contempt for highly educated older women in the workplace. Once a younger manager comes in, forget it. The older woman better keep her trap shut and kowtow to the younger manager, or it's time to start a campaign to get her out the door asap. Sadly, it's usually a younger female boss who drives out the older female staffer, too. So insecure.
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 3:23PM UTC
And seriously, in some workplaces, the younger female manager can do no wrong, especially if she has political pull. Best to get out on your own terms and find a place where you will thrive.
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 3:42PM UTC
You say you’re unable to get a positive job reference, but surely there are many people from your past 25+ years in management that can attest to your skills and character. I think most employers understand that many of us have had one supervisor with whom we did not agree. On my recent job application I did not put my current supervisor, and I was offered the job.
You’re 7 years from retiring. Look for jobs where you can use the experience that you didn’t get to use before. Break away from your niche if you have to. Consider discussing with a career coach who can help. Talk with a recruiter. Talk to people you’ve worked with previously. Reach out to your network.
I know you feel upset now, and I know that is justified, but perhaps there is still opportunity to reinvent yourself and do well for yourself.
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 4:02PM UTC
I have been researching bullying in the workplace as I and other family members have experienced demoralizing circumstances which resulted in being pushed out of a job or outright fired. Having been diagnosed with chronic PTSD myself, I can absolutely relate to emotional toll this takes and the lack of confidence this can inspire. It may take time to get to a place where you can think about how you might have better protected yourself but the fact that a particular employer did not value you does mean you are not valuable! The support system and self care will be critical but also important is finding ways to market the value you can bring to an organization and showing how you can help them meet their goals.
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 4:56PM UTC
"the fact that a particular employer did not value you does mean you are not valuable!"
Thank you for this!
DianaOctober 3,2021 at 4:38PM UTC
I am so sorry. Would you consider starting your own business?
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 4:56PM UTC
Yes! I have a few ideas, but nothing that would be a livable income on its own.
Dawn S. CrossOctober 3,2021 at 4:53PM UTC
The same thing happened to me due to a reorganization and I was at a loss on what to do. Here are some things I thought about doing -
Returning to school, because why not
Taking time off to see what I really wanted to do (I did and really got to know myself)
Volunteer for a cause that I support
Take a job that appeals to me, even though it may not be in my line of business
I found my niche finally and truly enjoy what I’m doing. I know it is on my terms and what I bring to the table.
As far as recommendations go, a company should only provide hire date and last day worked. If you have colleagues in your field who you respect (and vise-versa) ask them for a recommendation.
Good luck!
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 6:00PM UTC
This is excellent advice. Thank you for sharing.
Jackie RukaOctober 3,2021 at 6:45PM UTC
So sorry this did not end as you had hoped.
At some point you will see that rejection is a redirection .
You are not your title or your job.
And perhaps getting back down to your essence with finding what brings you true joy is not based on parameters or PhD’s.
Now you get to redefine what success can look like for you and create a new chapter where you are the producer, director and leading role .
You are the driver and CEO of your life. No one can make that decision for you but you.
Time for new beginnings except this time you are not starting over you are starting with loads of experience!
Allison LaRockOctober 4,2021 at 12:00AM UTC
There are really some companies out there who value experience. On another note, is there anyone at that company who could give a reference even if it's not your direct supervisor? What about past supervisors who have now left the company?
Unfortunately, discrimination happens (and it is not right!) but you just have to keep your head up and keep going! If they are discriminating and not appreciating your experience, they are not the company for you!
Emmy BemmyOctober 4,2021 at 3:36AM UTC
I know this isn't what you were asking about, but you might consider talking to an employment lawyer (via reference... you want someone that will be straight with you, not just run up billable hours with no realistic hope in getting anything for you). If you think there was any age discrimination/this was a wrongful termination, you might be able to at least get a decent severance package. I'm not sure if this is a possibility, but you might be able to consult/contract. It won't help with benefits, but might help if you are feeling financially unprepared. Good luck!!
AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 7:50AM UTC
What a horrible experience! I'm not sure what your field is, but could you consider looking for a project manager/coordinator role of a consortium project or similar? If they're supported by gov't or private funding, they're usually for a time period of 3-5 or so years, and your experience would be very valuable.