I feel as though my job is taking over my life.

22 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 7,2023 at 12:41AM UTC

   Please do not let this job be your life. Please don't. It's not worth it.

   Also, Joshua Fluke on YT warns against this for those who are still in corporate America. His "Race Against Time" and "Climbing The Corporate Ladder" videos are difficult but a must see along with others. I am not too sure if you read about another poster in here who lost her marriage to a job and that job is not defending her against abuse allegations.

   Also, I used to work at a tech start up as a contractor and I thank the lord everyday that I moved forward on a different path. There were young mothers and fathers who were ALWAYS working - they can never get that time back and now that start up was sold with their jobs eliminated.

2. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMay 7,2023 at 5:44AM UTC

   Why are you still working at that company?

3. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 5:33PM UTC

   I can't afford it financially to leave and I am too young to retire (in my mid 50s.

4. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMay 8,2023 at 6:31PM UTC

   Are you looking for another job?

5. AnonymousMay 7,2023 at 1:18PM UTC

   I almost lost my job after making a mistake and it has stayed with me a long time. Resentment because I’m human and humans make mistakes. Constant fear of making another. Anger because others aren’t living under this cloud. Understanding to a degree that the owner of the company would be upset by the error in a critical part of my job.

   Your resentment, even if the criticism is right is understandable. I can’t imagine how awful it must be to have basically been threatened rather than supervised and managed. This says a lot about your supervisor. Employers come and go. Spouses are hopefully long term. Don’t put your mental health or relationship with your spouse second.

6. AnonymousMay 7,2023 at 4:52PM UTC

   I think you need to seriously find out why you aren't keeping up with your work. Therein lies your answer. If it's volume then focus on escaping that and highlighting your need fir help. If it's you and you are suffering for some reason then find out your options for your help.

7. Mare LevineMay 7,2023 at 4:57PM UTC

   You already have great advice here. Please read it and let it sink in.

   My only additions would be to consider seeing a mental health professional (if you already have one). If not, see your primary care physician and get a referral.

   Your company may also have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that you can contact. However, before you do, make sure it is anonymous and not reporting back to your employer.

   Have to had a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse? If you've been trying to protect your spouse or minimize what's going on for you at work, he or she is not going to be able to fully understand the situation and lend support. My spouse has always told me that no job is worth it, and I tell her the same. In our 25 years together, that means that on rare occasions, one or the other of us has been unemployed when we were already struggling financially. It sucks, but it was better than the alternative of permanent physical or mental health damage.

   Finally, a Life Coach has really helped me with some thorny issues of my own, so that may be a good route for you, too.

   Wishing you the best!

8. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 12:33PM UTC

   This is your sign to find a new job. Trust me, I've been there and it's not worth your health and marriage. Everything happens for a reason and you will be better off as better things are coming your way.

9. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 12:57PM UTC

   SSOOOOO not worth it , i vent a bit at home but that is IT.

10. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 1:46PM UTC

    I'm not sure what you are "asking" here...? You are working under constant/daily duress, because you've been told that if you don't improve, you will lose your job. Did your manager give you a time line for re-evaluation of your work, or do you have to work under this threatening "cloud" for the rest of your life? NO ONE CAN WORK under a cloud of threat every day, not knowing if he/she is performing okay or not. And so, your stress is understandable. This is scary stuff! And you feel angry- at your coworkers- and projecting anger to your spouse and perhaps the world. This threatening situation is looming over your head like a dark rain cloud. You need to take control of it. You need to leave this job- the sooner the better. Give your notice and take control of the situation. You've been treated extremely poorly, without being given guidance or encouragement (it sounds like)--You will feel better about yourself if you take the bull by the horns and give your notice. (if your employer has a Free Employee ASsistance Program, I would call and make an appt to talk with someone there ASAP). Let us know how this turns out. I'm so sorry.

11. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 5:29PM UTC

    I would like to put in my notice, but, financially, I can't afford to do so.

12. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 6:47PM UTC

    Understand... But give yourself permission to pull the trigger any time you need to ,my friend.

13. Megan LeasherMay 8,2023 at 1:48PM UTC

    Time to find a new job. No job is worth your self-destruction and/or the destruction of your marriage.

14. misskelleypMay 8,2023 at 3:57PM UTC

    Jobs are far easier to replace than spouses. Find a new job and rebuild your marriage ASAP (and not in that order!). Not to mention a work situation like that is bad for your health. That kind of stress is very destructive.

15. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 4:19PM UTC

    I hope you have spent time during those months looking for a new job. Take care of yourself and keep in mind that work is just a means to an end and not what your life is going to be remembered for!

16. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 5:26PM UTC

    I have been spending a lot of time in work, thus, coming home late. My husband gets mad at that.

17. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 12:58PM UTC

    Hi, older Millenial here,

    Isn't that normal behavior for an employer?

    I've found my Boss does that when he's scared, and trying to project that he's powerful instead of scared, which means that there's somebody upstream that's scared of the investors.

    I'm pretty against shareholders. They don't know how the business works and yet they get to call all the shots, and make everyone elses lives hell.

18. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 6:55PM UTC

    Ok, I feel like I'm missing some details. Why aren't you keeping up with your work? Is it a time managment thing, a volume thing (as in too many items / tasks), how does it compare to coworkers? You mention you are resenting them - do you all do the same sort of task? If so, are they keeping up? If they are, can you swallow your pride and find one you sort of like and ask them how they do it - if they have any tricks or tips? You should ask this supervisor as well - what does he/she think is the problem? If the volume is reasonable enough that others are keeping up then perhaps you need to see if you can glean some ideas on how to work "smarter, not harder." When you were behind, did you know you were behind? Are the goals of the number of things you need to do clear? If not, you need your supervisor to clarify expectations. Did you tell them you were behind? Manage up? I'm a manager and a big fan of "no surprises." I would expect my team member to tell me if there was an issue or they were behind so we could brainstorm how to fix that.

    I think you need to look at the feedback and the "what's really going on" behind it so you can figure out a way to handle it. I think you will feel less anxiety if you take control of the situation. I'm not sure if this role is new to you or if you have been in it for a while. If you have been doing this for a while, what has changed or have there always been complaints about timely completion of tasks and your supervisor just decided to make it more serious?

    Think about how to take control - the answer may be update your resume and look for something new or it may be finding ways to manage up, work smarter, find some tips and tricks to plowing through the work, or some other solution. It isn't worth it to get anxious - take control of the situation and that should help. You need to have a serious converation with your spouse as well. Make sure they know what is going on. Do they have any tips? Can you share your "action plan" so they know you are looking to put an end to the situation, etc. It is important to have a give an take and let them know - look, I'd rather be home with you. Let them know they are important and you value them and part of why you are doing this is you feel an obligation to help support the family. I see that in some comments below. You are in many ways doing this for your family when you say you can't afford to quit.

    You've got this. Good luck. Agree with talking to EAP as well. They may have some good tips for you on how to handle these conversations and / or how do you find a new more suitable gig that you enjoy.

19. MislynMay 10,2023 at 4:45AM UTC

    I put my job before a marriage and I’m now divorced. My job was consuming so much of my life I no longer had time for my family. Once I realized I was not moving in the right direction at work it was too late for my marriage. My family suffered and I had to move on and find another job. It’s been a good move and I’ve been very happy and my stress level and anxiety has almost deminished. I say start looking for another job.

20. AnonymousJanuary 19,2026 at 2:18AM UTC

    I am sorry that this happened to you.

21. Frances OsheaMay 10,2023 at 7:32AM UTC

    If you are fulling behind you should ask for help and work out a way to help you, but they can't sack you that is not right

22. surfnwriteMay 13,2023 at 9:49PM UTC

    What type of work do you do? Need context.