I'm going on FMLA leave/STD next week and struggling to not feel guilty about leaving coworkers in the lurch. I'm the only person that does my role right now and it has been super busy and I feel like I'm letting everyone down even through I'm doing this because I'm taking care of myself because the job is killing me.

15 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 8,2024 at 7:09PM UTC

   You create clear priorities. You then focus your efforts and energy there. So if you prioritize your health then you truly prioritize that. You can not have competing priorities as #1.

   So while you love your job, it is killing your #1 priority. So feeling guilty implies you are doing something very wrong.

2. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachJuly 8,2024 at 7:30PM UTC

   Fortunately, next week you'll be away from your email and phone-- well you should be. It's illegal for your employer to contact you (but most likely someone will!).

   Just breathe, know this is the absolute right thing for you to do. Your coworkers will be fine (eventually). It sounds to me like you need this, and if you don't take this FMLA, more serious issues could arise, making matters even worse.

   So perhaps think of the alternative to not-letting-go.

   It will be okay. Take care of you.

3. E CJuly 9,2024 at 2:17AM UTC

   Your coworkers and your manager will not be the ones visiting you in the nursing home someday. Focus on taking care of yourself and the people who matter to you. All the best.

4. AnonymousJuly 9,2024 at 1:53PM UTC

   You are taking care of yourself, and that should be your priority. The company continues to perform when you take a PTO day or week, so why should this be any different? Except it is longer, and they won't be able to put some things off until you get back. If you stress about work while trying to heal, it will only elongate the healing process.

   Look at it this way: very few obituaries talk about how someone was the best worker at company XYZ unless they worked there for 100 years, but they all talk about what they meant to their friends and family. Working on yourself is the most important thing you can do right now.

5. AnonymousJuly 9,2024 at 4:47PM UTC

   Take care of you. Trust me, if something happens to any of us, the world doesn't stop. The hard truth is this-that office will keep on keeping on with or without you.

6. AnonymousJuly 9,2024 at 5:51PM UTC

   Get your co-workers together and explain to them what you are dealing with, set times while out on leave if they need to check in with you to see how you are doing or for support while you are out. Make it minimal, say 30 minutes each week and then let go of how you are feeling and get well!

7. E CJuly 9,2024 at 6:41PM UTC

   Check organizational rules on this. Many of them are strict about not contacting staff on FMLA, especially if it is unpaid.

8. AnonymousJuly 9,2024 at 9:32PM UTC

   Work is a business transaction. You give (your job descriptions) and you get (pay and benefits). Assembly workers in factories stay for years and aren’t all eaten up any sense that it should be fulfilling, etc. On your leave, be intentional about work as a means to a paycheck. It’s actually your boss’s job to be sure your work is covered during your absence.

9. AnonymousJuly 10,2024 at 12:46PM UTC

   I don't mean to be crass, but if you died today, they would fill your role with someone else. None of us is completely indispensable. Take the time off. Enjoy your downtime. Refresh and reenergize yourself for your return.

10. Sarah BojorquezJuly 10,2024 at 1:02PM UTC

    Sounds like your manager did a poor job of cross-training employees and making sure they had the resources necessary to allow their employees to do their jobs. That is not your fault or problem.

11. AnonymousJuly 10,2024 at 1:51PM UTC

    It’s definitely not your issue. I would connect with your manager and ask what the plan is for coverage while you’re out. Tell them that you’d like to ensure that the transition is as smooth as possible, and that you want to be available for questions while you’re still in the office.

    If they haven’t been thinking about it, offer to help figure it out, but once next week hits, don’t stress yourself. That’s not your problem.

    And when you’re on leave, don’t you dare answer any calls or emails. Block them if you have to. You’re not going to be able to recover if you’re thinking about work.

12. AnonymousJuly 10,2024 at 1:58PM UTC

    It's a natural feeling to care. It's natural to rest when you're worn down. That said, it's not your job to manage/cross-train your team. I have 2 suggestions. 1 for work and the other for you.

    -for work- This link mentions "vacation," but the advice is roughly the same. There are some best practices to prepare for time out of the office. You know your office culture best if you have to review your out of office tasks preparation and delegation through your manager or to your colleagues. I'd suggest making some suggestions regarding priority and frequency of task. Yet, at the end of the day, it's your manager's job to make the team run. At the very least, make sure your away message (email, phone, calendar, etc.) is updated to include a phone/email of who they can contact while you're away. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-prepare-your-team-success-while-youre-vacation-kanfer-stewart/

    -for you- maybe doing the above will help you breathe easier. Finding ways to disconnect and focus on your leave time is more important. Sometimes, giving yourself a verbal prompt when you catch yourself thinking of work- find a phrase that you can say to yourself to reframe/reset your train of thought away from work. Any word or phrase that works for you. Envision a future where there is healthier change.

    I hope you/ your family are safe and well and recovering.

13. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 11:32PM UTC

    We had this same issue come up very recently with a low performer and we are looking forward to this person being on leave. In our case, the person going on leave is causing everyone a lot of extra work, not pulling their weight, and is an absolute gaslighter. While they are gone, we are just going to change their job which they haven't been doing anyways.

14. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 6:35PM UTC

    That doesn’t sound like the same situation at all.

15. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 3:35AM UTC

    you'de be surprised.