Boss being lenient only to me

38 Comments

1. Amy CollinsOctober 12,2021 at 9:50PM UTC

   First, kudos to you for being aware of the optics. When you do interact with the team, be sure to model the behaviors that he encourages (i.e. being on time,) without being flashy about it. Maybe mention it to him as well, so his public interactions with you are consistent as with the others. good luck!

2. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 9:54PM UTC

   It could just be his management style and have nothing to do with him liking you better because you've been working together longer.

   -Was your boss very hands-on when you first started reporting to him?
   -It's good you're aware of the differences. Try to hold off on forming an opinion though until you've had more time to observe behavior, then navigate if it's indeed something to navigate :)

3. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 9:59PM UTC

   It sounds like you have earned his trust and he doesn’t feel the need to micromanage you, while his team needs a bit more close contact right now.

   I know that there are often perceptions of favoritism in the workplace, but sometimes fair treatment doesn’t mean treated everyone exactly the same.

4. FGB userOctober 12,2021 at 10:39PM UTC

   Is this pissing off the rest of the team? You're doing something right!

5. AnonymousOctober 12,2021 at 11:44PM UTC

   You navigate by bring super professional and high performer. You contribute at the top of the spectrum and prove yourself worthy.

   He obviously sees a great deal of value in your performance and can trust you to get things done and done well.

   You don't flaunt your situation and the boss's faith in you. You hold yourself to a higher standard and so will this team.

   This team is treated with close scrutiny because they have demonstrated a lower level of autonomy and proven they need the hands on management. They'll learn so all you have to focus on is your work and staying the brilliant course you've established.

6. AnonymousOctober 13,2021 at 12:44PM UTC

   There's probably not much you can do except not take advantage of that leniency. I have been a turnaround manager in a place like that, and it was tough. He has a lot on his plate, and not having to micromanage you makes his life easier. After the others have turned around, either they will get more rope or you will get more scrutiny. You know what his standards are, so just continue to meet them.

7. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 12:15PM UTC

   He trusts your work based on past experiences. That's a good thing . If the others on the team are jealous , it means they are paying attention to the wrong things .

8. Leader757947October 14,2021 at 12:19PM UTC

   I am in a similar situation, only with a team that has worked together for long before our boss joined us. I earned his trust and respect by working hard. I use this to my advantage and that of the team. You should be proud that you've earned the trust and respect of a micromanager - that's no easy feat! As you settle in, you'll learn ways to work the relationship to benefit the team, not just yourself, but for now, continue the excellent work and lead by example.

9. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 12:33PM UTC

   Idk. Leniency is usually linked to a subculture reason. Enjoy the ride! But know that it could turn in the future.

10. Vi BrownOctober 14,2021 at 12:37PM UTC

    Short response: Maybe you are already doing most of the things that he wants the other members of the team to do. If that is the case, keep up the good work. Your team members may figure out that if they adopt some of your work habits, the heat from the task master will go away.

11. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 1:13PM UTC

    It means he trusts you. Hopefully your peers are able to earn the same respect.

12. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 1:18PM UTC

    You are astute to notice. I would do nothing. If asked why, return the question? Have your answer ready. I have worked with “Joe/Josie” for x years and s/he trusts I’ll get it done and I now understand how to do it to his/her standards. Then if your boss would be open to you helping or guiding the person(s), offer it.

    This can be a double edged sword. I’ve had it back fire as well as it be a huge success. Judge both the reaction of your boss and the individual to help. Also, if the person that you try to help ignores your advice early on and still complains about it being unfair.. pull back gently your time. They aren’t open to change.

13. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdOctober 14,2021 at 1:19PM UTC

    It's both a blessing and a curse to hold a supervisor's favor. I've had this happen on more than one occasion.

    It's a great feeling on one hand - especially if you hold favor because you've worked hard and earned the trust and respect of your boss. But it's tough when others look at you in a negative light - though it's no fault of your own.

    From what you write, it would appear the "new" team need to have structure put into place. You, on the other hand, don't. And I appreciate highly you're concerned with how this appears to others. For me, it shows you care about the team as well as yourself.

    I would accept leniency where you feel comfortable. If there are times this group is required to grit down and bear it, perhaps you can join them. In a show of solidarity and to display that you don't set yourself apart from them.

14. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 1:23PM UTC

    You have great trust equity and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. Seek opportunities to speak openly with others about what it takes to meet the boss’ expectations, and you will be seen as a peer leader and not a ‘teacher’s pet’!

15. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 1:35PM UTC

    Ladies, these are such amazing and positive responses that there is nothing I can add. You are all amazing.

16. Lilia GhazviniOctober 14,2021 at 1:53PM UTC

    Boss is the Boss is the Boss Baby Girl :)

17. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 2:01PM UTC

    Enjoy this well earned trust! Not that I expect you would from your astute reading of the situation, but don’t gloat or draw unnecessary attention to this and be a helpful team player. I have been in this situation and the responses were definitely based on the insecurity levels of my individual co-workers.

18. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 2:24PM UTC

    Nothing to navigate that I see. The other team seems to need complete hands-on if they were not achieving the results expected. But don't rub it in the other team's faces either. Be the "bridge" to the team by showing them what it takes to earn their boss's trust and respect.

19. Marion Badin LatourOctober 14,2021 at 2:33PM UTC

    You should share your feelings with your boss so he/she could have it in mind when he/she interacts with you in front of your teammates.

20. KateOctober 14,2021 at 4:10PM UTC

    Bad advice. Drama isn’t needed in the work place.
    Keep your head up, be confident but humble. Anyone attacks you even a little- call them on it.

21. Karen GongawareOctober 14,2021 at 2:38PM UTC

    Don't borrow trouble. He knows you and your work. It is that simple. Honestly you are not getting special treatment. You earned the right to work without being micromanaged and they have not. Believe in yourself and stop worrying about what they think.

22. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 3:03PM UTC

    I was in this position and my peers called me the golden child. Doing a great job is nothing to be ashamed of! Now I'm their boss :) so keep killing it and don't look back!

23. BeaBoss645203October 14,2021 at 3:19PM UTC

    As one of my former bosses once told me " Just keep doing what you are doing ". Evidently you are doing something /things right and your boss feels he does not have to worry about you. Feel blessed and don't obsess what others think.

24. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 3:43PM UTC

    I agree with these other responses, you’ve earned his trust and he doesn’t feel the need to micromanage your. Awesome.

    While folks aren’t wrong about keeping on doing what you’re doing, take care in how your do it.

    I’ve also been in your shoes, and while it’s great… insecurity of others made me a walking target. Apparently, when someone is doing better than yiu not everyone opts to emulate and succeed, sometimes they just try to knock you down so they look better.

    Get the “special treatment “ idea out of your head and do your best to stay humble & keep that idea out of anyone else’s. Let your good work speak for itself & help where you can.

    Best of luck!

25. Renee Radcliff SinclairOctober 14,2021 at 4:28PM UTC

    He has learned to trust you. Once he becomes familiar with others on the team, he'll figure out who he can trust with more leniency and who might need a higher level of supervision. I don't find this particularly odd.

26. Jemm ThymeOctober 14,2021 at 5:31PM UTC

    A man would never ask this question. Women need to learn to not worry so much about being liked. As long as you are good at your job, work hard, are polite, professional and have proven your worth to your boss you are fine. Don't talk to your boss about this. That is unnecessary drama that we, as women, tend to think of as normal. The only time you need to approach your boss is if you start being harassed or sabotaged by your new team. Actually, you are a huge asset to this team. You can lead by example and the smart ones will notice this. Whatever you do, do not get caught up in any negative talk about the company or your boss. Even a little bit because there's a good chance someone will make sure he finds out. We all have bad days where it might be nice to vent to a coworker, but know that you do not have this luxury at this point in time.

27. Healthcare workerOctober 14,2021 at 9:25PM UTC

    I love this answer. Women really need to stop worrying about how everyone around them feels about them or perceives them. Who cares let go of the need to be liked and focus on the expectation of being respected.

28. Balanced791371October 14,2021 at 10:46PM UTC

    A man would have never asked this question!!! The truth you speak! ❤️

29. AnonymousOctober 15,2021 at 4:52AM UTC

    A man gets that latitude more often whether he is qualified or not to have the autonomy which is why men would never ask this question. It is a rarity that your management operates in equanimity. Congratulations. Recommend more talent.

30. AnonymousOctober 14,2021 at 6:36PM UTC

    You are trusted and do your job well. If this new team proves themselves to work as well as you, he won't micromanage. You could even mentor them. Just keep the mindset that you are there to exchange your talent for pay, and what others think is not relevant.

31. Tricia BurroughsOctober 14,2021 at 8:17PM UTC

    Of course you are getting treated differently, you have earned it. It isn't special treatment.

    Lean in to the position you now hold in the team as a leader and understand everyone is treated differently. It isn't your "fault'.

32. Shelby COctober 14,2021 at 9:03PM UTC

    You need to relax. He is focusing on them because they need the attention. You don't. He trusts you and has confidence that you will do your job.

    This is in NO way a poor reflection upon you. It is quite the opposite.

    Now, if your co-workers start to treat you badly because you are a competent professional, it may need to be addressed. I wouldn't worry about it though. I would give them a while to settle in. It will probably take until the beginning of next year because while your boss is testing him, they will likely test him too.

33. LenaOctober 14,2021 at 11:54PM UTC

    I love a lot of the responses on this because they come from a healthy perspective. I have a less healthy one I worked with a manager that would do this and it caused chaos and I eventually had to leave. I was the one getting preferential treatment (not always the only one). Some of my colleagues were jealous and would sabotage me behind my back. I was accused of things I didn't do. They would complain about me to the manager and she would entertain their complaints to their face and tell me not to worry about it to mine. She would say they are just saying this because they are jealous. She would talk bad about them to my face and I suspect the opposite was true. So while it is true you probably deserve this freedom, pay attention to what is going on around you too.

34. Laura Ann KleinOctober 15,2021 at 12:45AM UTC

    Maybe find ways to champion the culture change with your coworkers? Offer to help them as needed, offer encouragement...

35. Rebecca MillikenOctober 15,2021 at 1:58PM UTC

    Lots of good advice here. I've been in this position before as well. Because my boss trusted that I knew my job. I was definitely not a kiss up (though I never spoke bad of the boss, either). I just did my job and was a responsible person and I always tried to be professional. There were snarky comments or remarks, which I ignored. I did not care what people thought; I was focused on doing my job. My boss knew it, too, and ultimately, the snarky people knew it too.

    So I agree with everyone who says don't worry about it. But I also add don't worry what others do or say. It's hard to sabotage someone if they are doing their job and the boss knows it. It will just make that saboteur look bad.

36. AnonymousOctober 15,2021 at 7:17PM UTC

    A few responses here mentioned the potential for resentment and sabotage, which could happen. If it does, watch your back.

    My last job there was alot of resentment toward those who could work remotely. When my computer started crashing and work was deleted, I kept record of everything I did and printed it out at the end of the day as proof. Fortunately I am in a new place and knock on wood no toxicity, but still watch because my complete trust will now be hard to earn.

37. Eloisa JacintoOctober 16,2021 at 11:50PM UTC

    I think it is understandable that the boss is lenient with you since you’ve been working together for quite sometime and she is just learning how to navigate and manage this new team. Don’t worry too much about what others will say but take an active stance to help manage the change and integrate yourself with the team. Come in without any biases and judgments. The team may know how they are seen by outsiders so a little help to get them to embrace the changes will go a long way.
    But don’t forget to also protect yourself by making sure you document any form of harassment that this time may inflict on you. Best of luck!

38. AnonymousOctober 18,2021 at 2:07PM UTC

    I will continue doing your usual excellent work and fly under the radar. No need to advertise that you're not being micromanaged like everyone else