I need advice.

Anonymous

July 13,2023 at 12:50PM UTC

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I need advice. I’ve been at my job for about 3 months and I don’t know that it’s for me or if I’m just dramatic. It’s an industry I was previously in and burnt out on hard. The company is super small and they tell me constantly how happy they are to have me and that me being there will allow the boss to retire so the person under her can take on her work and I can take on my bosses work, which I didn’t know when signing on for the time. I am remote and we have to track every single thing we do in an online tracker and it’s stressful getting 8 active hours or work. I spend probably 9-10 hours at my desk trying to log 8 full hours of work. I am salary and they are not flexible with time. I had a doc appointment at 4 and left at 3:30 and had to use an hour and a half of my PTO. Maybe that is standard but I’m just not used to it! Everything I do is reviewed to the 10th degree and it often feels like even if it’s perfect, some small insignificant issue is pointed out.

I have a second interview at a place that seems cool tomorrow but I feel anxious about it. Not that I have the job or anything but the thought of having to potentially quit my current job when they are SO happy to have me just kills me inside.

Would it be terrible of me to leave a job that is SO seemingly happy to have me? (Hypothetical since I don’t have a new job)
Do I even take this second interview? The stress has been a lot.

I probably sound ridiculous but I wanted to know what everyone thinks. My anxiety with this job has been insane and I cry a lot. I don’t know if changing careers would help as I know a lot of this is a me problem.

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Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachJuly 13,2023 at 1:15PM UTC
It doesn’t matter how happy they are with you if you aren’t happy with them. That said, you could turn this into a negotiation/feedback opportunity. If you like the work, let them know the issue is the micromanagement and tracking. It feels like they don’t trust you, even as you’ve demonstrated your work ethic. If you have an offer in hand then give them the opportunity to improve your working conditions. Then make your decision. If you don’t think this is where you want to stay whatever the terms, and the other job is good, then it is absolutely OK to move on. Again it does not matter that they love you. They don’t treat you as such.
Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachJuly 13,2023 at 1:18PM UTC
And yes TAKE THE SEECOND INTERVIEW. You are crying over this job. It is time.
Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachJuly 13,2023 at 1:56PM UTC
It sounds like you should take the second interview and see if you get an offer. Then - you can consider giving your current company feedback on how things are. I would almost take the approach of - if i told them this in the exit interview and their reply was..why didn't you tell us this before... what would I want them to know?
I think you can tell them and deliver it in the right way. Also give solutions of how things can be a bit better.
AndreaJuly 13,2023 at 2:01PM UTC
I believe both things can be true in this scenario- they are likely honestly very happy to have you in this role AND it may not be the right role for you.
In the end, I think you have to look out for yourself, how and what you're feeling when you're at and away from work, and how those feelings are affecting your quality of life. I see a lot of words in your post that indicate the impact is not good - and that is OK! What wouldn't be OK is to keep working in a place that isn't the best for you and you keep feeling this way.
If anything, you know more questions to ask in future interviews specifically about culture, work life balance, and expectations to get a better idea if it vibes.
AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 2:12PM UTC
If it were me, I would go to the second interview and if that didn't pan out, keep looking for something else. You deserve to have your needs met and it sounds like you are too micromanaged to feel valued or fulfilled even if they are happy with you. No wonder you feel depressed. It is not your responsiblity to make others happy like that anyways. It is your responsibility to perform your duties (which it sounds like you are). If its not making you fulfilled, get out. Life is too short.
AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 3:44PM UTC
I would definitely consider my options as this is a form of micromanagement hell that is only going to get worse. It's not productive nor rewarding.
So, while the people are nice, the work will be void if satisfaction due to their need to study every minute.
KatJuly 13,2023 at 3:54PM UTC
You're not being dramatic. The job is not a good fit for you. They are planning on you taking over for a job you don't really want without telling you that upfront. Jobs shouldn't make you cry regularly or cause you massive anxiety. Don't buy into their guilt trip. Just because they're so happy you're there doesn't mean *you* are happy to be there. And that's ok. It's not your job to make other people happy - especially ones that don't trust you and micromanage you. You need to find a job that suits your needs and work style. Take the second interview with the other place and keep interviewing and applying for other jobs if that one doesn't pan out. You're smart enough to realize you're unhappy and it's time to cut your losses and move on. Better to leave after a few months than stay and be miserable for years because you don't want to upset anyone. Always choose you and your needs over a your job.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 12:11PM UTC
Keep interviewing until you find a job that is a better fit. Your well-being is at stake. Your employer has options so should you.
Sandy EarlJuly 14,2023 at 12:31PM UTC
Who WOULDN’T be extremely happy to have your labor on these conditions? They are getting a fantastic deal and they know it. For the record, I would be extremely happy if you got on a plane at your expense and cleaned my house top to bottom for minimum wage. That doesn’t make it make sense for you, and you are not responsible to make me happy in that way. Same for your current employer. Go in peace with a clear conscience and get a deal that works for you.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 1:04PM UTC
sure they love to have you. you're doing great work and abiding by their micro-management rules. you sound MISERABLE. who cares what they think??? Any place will be happy to have you. Move on and take care o you. Are you living and working to please them or whom?
T MNJuly 14,2023 at 1:07PM UTC
Don't fall victim to burnout again, Run!
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 1:08PM UTC
I believe you've answered your own question - I worked in an environment like that where I was scrutinized for every movement I made and had to log everything and I was in C-suite role! It became ridiculous and caused great pain to my health.
No job is worth this amount of anxiety and if I was you - I'd run fast as you are subjecting your mental and physical health for a role that makes you feel good for .0009% because they tell you how happy they are to have you back. You come first - never a job!
Marcia SmithJuly 14,2023 at 1:19PM UTC
Your happiness and your mental health are the most important things. Sure they are happy to have you - because you are smart and effective and a great worker. Find a place that appreciates you and treats you with respect :)
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 1:36PM UTC
That’s it exactly. No respect there.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 1:30PM UTC
Take the second interview and find another job! And please request an exit interview with your current company to explain your reasons for leaving. Maybe it will save the next person in your position from the same type of micromanagement.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 1:35PM UTC
Oh my God, get the hell out of there. Nobody should cry about their job. I have had similar experiences. I think we all have. You owe it to yourself and your sanity and health to make a move. If you don’t get this job, keep applying, keep looking and just keep treading water until you find a better company. That amount of time tracking is toxic.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 1:40PM UTC
Stay there until you find something better- just commit to actively looking. We all have things to weigh when we're considering other opportunities, but I have to say that if we have any ability to control out wellbeing at work, we need to do it. You are meeting their business needs but are they meeting your needs? Think the answer is clearly no. And it seems like you've in the position to explore options, which is a blessing.
I wish you the absolute best with this interview and opportunity. You got this!
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 1:56PM UTC
Always do what is best for YOU! Go on the other interview and if you end up getting an offer, make your decision to stay or go and don't look back. If you stay, keep looking until you find your match. Ultimately no company is going to shut down if you leave...they will find a replacement and move on.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 2:00PM UTC
Get the offer first, then make your decision. Do what’s best for you. Its business and they should understand. Happens all the time.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 2:02PM UTC
Who cares how happy they are? You’re miserable. They probably have a hard time holding onto people given the level of scrutiny they do. Get out now.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 2:10PM UTC
Take the interview and if you get offer you are happy with go for it! No job is worth risking your mental health and if it’s causing you this much anxiety then time to move on. I am in similar position where I went from flexible perm job to contract where it is strict with hour and the job has caused endless anxiety and stress so I interviewed and just got a new perm job which is much better work life balance. Just accepting the job offer has been a huge relief. Do what’s best for you. It’s not right that a company makes you take pto for a doctors appointment there should be flexibility. wishing you all the best in the interviews! Remember do what’s best for you not the company!
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 2:19PM UTC
I worked a remote job, and I understand how you mean an eight hour day is 10 hours. I think coworkers of mine who worked 8 to 430 with a half an hour lunch had to be fudging their time.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 2:24PM UTC
If a job is making you cry, LEAVE. Your mental health is more important than how happy they are (if this was a relationship, and your partner was watching every thing you did and critiquing, would you say oh but I make them happy, or would you say it’s emotional abuse and leave?). You have to look out for yourself and do what’s best for you. They’d certainly let you go if it suited them. And think about why they may be so happy to have you. I’m sure partly because you are a great worker, but maybe also because no one else wants that job and they want you to stay. I had a job once that made me cry on my way to work all the time. I found out 2 people had the position before me. One of them just got up and left one day. That seriously should have told HR something, but apparently not, and I was the unlucky next person in the role. Take care of yourself, and good luck on your interview.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 2:25PM UTC
Your first loyalty is to yourself. Never forget that.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 2:54PM UTC
I think it sounds like they tell one thing but their actions tell you another , listen to their actions words are cheap and anyone can say them
i have always been salaried wherever I worked if I needed to be off early I came in early that day or another or stayed late never used pto hours for that
I think the best thing you can do is find another job that offers more work you enjoy and some learning mixed in if you have to search 9 hours for 8 hours worth of work I don’t think your really working to your potential sounds like it’s not the best fit
you don’t mention your happiness and while most jobs have something to complain About as nothing is perfect this place sound nit picky and boring
look for that new job start enjoying it and don’t stress about looking in all honesty everyone can be replaced and if they wanted to get rid of yuu they would not think twice or lose sleep !
Shelly EdwardsJuly 14,2023 at 3:01PM UTC
You have to take care of you first and foremost. You do not owe them any loyalty, especially after only three months. Let’s address the salary issue though. By law under the FLSA, salaried employees must be paid the entire day they work even if that day is less than 8 hours. I would speak to your boss and let them know that if they want to track to make sure you work a full 8 hours then they should make you an hourly employee. If not, you will get the work done and be logged in for 8 hours but if your work is done after that, you are logging out. Many companies ask employees to make up hours which is just wrong. If you are getting the work done, then the number of hours is irrelevant. I would not want to work like that and I see why you’re looking. If you get this other job I would be pretty honest that their strict monitoring and tracking every minute of the day is oppressive. If they continue that process, they will continue to burn through employees quickly. I hope your next role is a better fit.
ElizabethJuly 14,2023 at 3:16PM UTC
I think if you want to leave that's fine. You have to do what's best for you. They will find another person to fill your role. They'll be okay. You must have to put you first. For you and your family.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 4:23PM UTC
I think you should secure that offer, then talk with your current employer about the stress of this system to give them a chance to compromise on that issue. Also, it may violate standards for exempt employees. If exempt, employees aren't paid by the hour. The regulation you describe sounds like they want to ensure employees are accountable when working at home. I think accountability is important but so is trusting employees. Micro-managing and looking over the shoulders of staff never achieves best results. You aren't happy. You don't need to feel guilty about that. Who wants to be treated like they cannot be trusted?
GirlBossanova934974July 14,2023 at 4:23PM UTC
Please do yourself a huge favor and get the heck out of the current job you are in! These people are CONTROL FREAKS! CONTROL FREAKS love to micromanage and then try and compensate everyone for their looney behavior by handing out "FALSE PRAISE". 99% of the time they have trained themselves to dish out the small talk and they don't mean a word of it. It is a method of control. A place that values your contributions does not hand out compliments every other minute. If it sounds too good to be true, it is! The fact that they hired you with the intent of replacing your superior without letting you know is another sign of very sketchy people. Last but not least, real managers with real jobs do not have time to go running through their subordinate's schedule every other minute. That's paranoia in its fullest form. Paranoia that the help is cheating them. You manage best by managing to the task NOT to the minutes on a timesheet! Ah yes!
Suzanne Luscombe ChamblissJuly 15,2023 at 7:43PM UTC
Yes! This!
"CONTROL FREAKS love to micromanage and then try and compensate everyone for their looney behavior by handing out "FALSE PRAISE". 99% of the time they have trained themselves to dish out the small talk and they don't mean a word of it. It is a method of control. A place that values your contributions does not hand out compliments every other minute."
TinaJuly 14,2023 at 5:45PM UTC
Definitely take the interview, then see what happens. The only thing you are committing to at this point is an interview. If they offer you the position, then you can decide what’s best FOR YOU.
Others have already said this, but your current company doesn’t sound like an healthy place for you to work. Is this really where you would want to spend the next 3-5-10+ years?
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 5:57PM UTC
It sure sounds like you feel micromanaged. If you get an offer from the other company be sure to ask them how they manage your workload and how they will measure your success, you surely don't want to move from one micro place to another. Decide if the content of the new role is what you want and if there is room for you to wiggle and just be you. Ask the tought questions. No matter if you get the offer or not, do sit down with the person that hired you and let them know you want to have a 90 day check in and tell them how you are feeling. Give them real feedback because it will lighten the baggage you are carrying by not speaking about it. It is not being overly dramatic if you are crying and feeling horrible about where you are. If the company was going to fire you they would not have the empathy that you have for them now. Do what is right for you after you take a deep breath and don't act in the moment. You matter more than they do. When the potential new company asks why you are thinking of leaving so soon you could say upcoming change of leadership and misalignment with your career interest. Don't speak ill of where you are because they make take that negatively. Breathe! and good luck in the interview.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 8:47PM UTC
It sounds like your intuition is already raising red flags. Trust your instinct! Doesnt hurt to do the interview, in my personal opinion. <3 Best of luck to you, and wishing you the very best outcome.
AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 9:40PM UTC
Just walked away from a similar situation. I feel so much better. I have already received a great offer and interest by other companies. I am taking some time before jumping into another role.
Liz MilneJuly 15,2023 at 3:49AM UTC
If you are sitting at your desk for 8 hours a day, you are meeting your obligations - going into the office for nine and leaving at five does NOT equal eight hours of uninterrupted work (coffee breaks, greeting colleagues, water cooler chat, popping to the loo, sometimes just thinking through the best way to tackle a to-do list (which is VITAL for productivity...) Your employers should not expect to see eight hours of activity on the tracker unless they want you to be a thoughtless, mindless robot, imo... :(
AnonymousJuly 15,2023 at 1:17PM UTC
You dont owe them anything. The next employer will be happy to have you as well :)
It's important that you focus on what makes you happy. The lack of flexibility in today's remote world seems absurd to me.
Rock your interview!
Erica MitchellJuly 15,2023 at 1:20PM UTC
Don't worry about the fact that they are happy to have you. Instead, ask yourself if you're happy there. If the answer is no, then you should interview with another company. This should be what you want, not what your company wants.
Barbara ThompsonJuly 15,2023 at 1:36PM UTC
What I “heard” you say in your post:
I’ve been at the job 90 days and they keep telling me they are so relieved to finally have the position filled, as major changes were dependent on it being filled. Because I am remote we have to track our entire day and I’m actually having to spend an additional 1-2 hours of work justifying that I am actually doing 8 hours and though they say they are really happy with me being there, they don’t seem to like my work yet and don’t trust me to get it done. I’m very unhappy and crying and anxious, but they keeping saying they are happy, so I’m confused.
Suzanne Luscombe ChamblissJuly 15,2023 at 1:52PM UTC
Do not stay at a job you do not enjoy just because your skills and your work are making someone else happy!!!
Sabine MorrowJuly 15,2023 at 1:57PM UTC
This is one of the challenges for contingent workers. You are not covered for time getting to and from appointments as well as the appointment itself. But you knew. There may be something about the culture that is not a fit for you. When you constantly feel stressed that is not a healthy situation to be in. Several folks on this thread have suggested leaving. Consider your options. Plan your exist. Take several weeks or months to save money so you can give notice. Start looking for something else now while you are in this job. Life is too short to stay in an environment that impacts you in this way. So make a plan now. You are in control of your future.
AnonymousJuly 15,2023 at 2:21PM UTC
Run, Run,Run….Your gut is steaming out to you! That job is not a good fit. Have you ever bought a pair of shoes that didn’t feel comfortable, because they made you feel happy? Would you wear them daily for 8-10 hours?
AnonymousJuly 15,2023 at 2:22PM UTC
Screaming
Kimberly OlmoJuly 15,2023 at 2:49PM UTC
That does not seem like a culture I would want to be a part of! And such an antiquated idea- counting minutes. Listen to yourself and do not feel guilty at all. Go find a better fit for you! Good luck!
TerryJuly 15,2023 at 3:18PM UTC
Get out quick! They don’t feel guilty for giving you mor responsibility now that the boss retires.
ChrishoggJuly 15,2023 at 3:20PM UTC
An old man is sitting in a rocking chair on a wooden porch, and next to him is a big old coon dog, whimpering and whining, scruntching around, a pained expression on its face.
A stranger passing by stops, and asks, "What's the matter with the dog? Looks like it's in a lot of pain."
"Sittin' on a nail" the old man replied.
"Well, why doesn't it move?"
"Guess it don't hurt enough."
AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 2:29AM UTC
Hello young lady... i"ve been in similar situations and have found that when the pressure is unrelenting and has caused you a lot of anxiety, you must consider s future that is not going to get any better thsn it is know. Are youbeilling to take the chance that it won't??? Seems like you had a very short "honeymoon" period that is seemingly very quickly vaporizing. Do you honestly see a better future down the road? Seems to me as i read your "tea leaves' it has a high probability it will not.
You"ve apparently subconsciencly come to that realization in your heart of hearts.
Have you made a realistic evaluation that choice 'b' would be less stressful than what you have now? You have to come to a conclusion for whst you determine to be what is best for you overall. Tne choice is up to you. If you choose to make the change to choice B. You will have to formulate an honest departure plan that lets the current organization down honestly. Without burning sny bridges...
You gave it a good try. but the match to your expectations did not provide you with the reality once you started. No harm. Zno foul. You met some great people. But another oppty came up that is a better fit. You dont want to leave sny loose threads and if you have any thing in process. You should identify them and mske sure yo can lv things in a state that will allow business continuiity b4 you leave. If you get choiv B.
Be up front with the new oppty and let them know you'd have some turnover onligations so you don"t leve them in a bad spot. Only do it if you hzve the offer in writing b4 you make any move awzy from your current employer.
Your are in the driver seat to a degrer. First rule you csnt break is to not leave a job without a job
Hope this helps.
AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 1:25PM UTC
hi, it sounds as if you need to re-read what you wrote here, and listen to yourself. It does not seem as if you are very happy. take the second interview. What is the worst that could happen? They might offer you a job, and you might like it better.
AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 1:56PM UTC
They're happy to have SOMEONE in the job, not specifically you. Don't fall for the love-bombing. Get out ASAP because you know this won't work for you, and if you care about them at all, leaving sooner rather than later gives them time to find someone else before your boss retires.
There's no shame in discovering a job is not a good fit. Take what you've learned and move on.
Molly FJuly 16,2023 at 2:36PM UTC
Go for the second interview. You work to take care of you, not them. I would also suggest talking to them about your issues. If it's a small family company, maybe they don't realize how ridiculous what they're asking of you is or out of the norm.
Rachel RobisonJuly 16,2023 at 8:39PM UTC
Not terrible. You don’t owe your current employer anything and you owe yourself happiness. Go to the second interview.
titaliJuly 18,2023 at 12:35PM UTC
I think, first you should find another job and then quit this job. good work environment is most important for healthy mental health. If you have stress while working there then you should change your job. If you are doing good job for them then everyone will be happy in any company to have you in their company. so dont think to much.
BarbaraAugust 30,2023 at 6:10PM UTC
Sounds like the company isn’t a fit for you. The constant scrutiny isn’t palatable for everyone. To me it expresses a subtle message that you arent trusted. That would really bug me. They should probably do better hiring robots. Go elsewhere that suits your gifts and talents.