I really can't take it anymore and am so very drained.

39 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 8,2023 at 1:08AM UTC

   Oh wow, hello are we twins of misfortune or what?
   haha! I say as I just posted the following below which is along the same lines as yours here as I was and continue to hold these exact same sentiments!
   https://fairygodboss.com/community-discussion/YEF_OFgIf/can-anyone-share-their-success

   Its hard being a black woman who isn't anti-black working in the tech field! I mentioned the anti-black part as I have noticed in my previous predominantly white spaces that they although they initially will feel comfortable with me. Once they see that I refuse to belittle other BIPOCs I experience them turning on me and icing me out. Its always unnerving to watch it unfold and I refuse to ever go along with it. As I will never ascribe to the whole, " there can only be ONE BIPOC working in the team, at the same level as us, for us to be comfortable."

   Its maddening. More so, since its 2023 and we still have to deal with this regressive 1960s, " lets do the bare minimum workplace affirmative action" move. UGH.

   People will say, "well become an entrepreneur and work for yourself" Ummm not everyone's cut for that life nor strives to be one. Some people just want to thrive in workplace, alongside other people who make them feel like they're in community, treat them with human decency, and allow them the space to contribute in a meaningful way. Why is that so darn hard for other to allow? Where does the unwillingness come from? I will never know but lorde does it hurt so many people....clearly!

   Sigh, I wish there could be further laws put in place to prevent discrimination in the workplace. EEOC is nothing but a performative measure to showcase to the public a false notion that workers ( stepping outside of race for a moment ) are protected when it actuality. they are not. Read their reviews online. No matter the state the consistent criticism they get is how they do nothing but allow their portal to share plaintiff information with their employer which literally does the same thing HR strives to get from employees who complain which is, "EVIDENCE" to ensure the company can counter it, if that employee musters up the money to sue properly outside the EEOC.

   Run ragged too and wish I had the answer for us all but please do not give up or give into the hopelessness. Dont you dare let all your hard work and experience accrued be for naught! You have come too far.

   oh and shameless plug moment, I felt this so much for such a long time that I just felt compelled to finally start a podcast surrounding it to give a voice to what I feel most of us, if not all, BIPOCs experience https://anchor.fm/variedshadesofblue

2. Cindy GloverFebruary 8,2023 at 2:30AM UTC

   Well said!!!!

3. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 2:02PM UTC

   This "Some people just want to thrive in workplace, alongside other people who make them feel like they're in community, treat them with human decency, and allow them the space to contribute in a meaningful way". I am currently in the same situation and I am exhausted!!!!!! The biases, microaggressions and I cannot understand why no one is addressing it! I just want to do a good job, make a little money and not be stressed out every day!

4. Charlee HarrisFebruary 8,2023 at 1:40AM UTC

   You took the words right out of my mouth. They encourage us to take out all these loans and then fire us any chance they got.

5. AnonymousFebruary 8,2023 at 2:29AM UTC

   They are absolute scum.

   Have you documented what they have said?

   Hold your head up,

   be confident snd screw them.

6. Becca A.February 8,2023 at 3:06AM UTC

   It's the gaslighting of your comment for me...

7. AnonymousFebruary 8,2023 at 3:41AM UTC

   Clearly you have a low IQ and don’t know how to read and comprehend.
   Maybe start back at elementary school and learn your ABCs again … because your response indicates an unhappy, miserable person. Be well

8. Becca A.February 9,2023 at 1:31AM UTC

   As I read your reply, I kept in mind that no one can control how someone reacts to criticism received.
   With that said, as I read your reply and view the blatant attack on my character as opposed to refuting my stance. It shows that you're not capable of having a mature argument and are most likely one of the people that are part of the problem that the original poster is referring to. Given how dismissive and belittling you were to their lived experience. Must be nice to live in a social bubble where everyone's experience is the same and rarely if ever differs.

   Comments like yours are the reason many people, like the original poster, share their stories through anonymity for fear on not wanting to have them looked up and have their whole personhood and the quality of their career attacked viciously so.

   You need help and if you continue that regressive behavior. Then please...do all of us a favor and stay off of this forum site because many of us are able to pass judgment with compassion and sympathy. Both that you seem to lack.

9. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistFebruary 8,2023 at 9:58AM UTC

   Where's a down vote button when you need it.

10. Balanced372207February 8,2023 at 2:43PM UTC

    My sister....I am right there with you. At almost 70 years of age, I thought the microaggressive behavior would be done with....instead it seems to be escalating.

11. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 1:31PM UTC

    It is definitely escalating, in part because workplace protections have been eroded. And that erosion has occurred through both Democratic and Republican presidents including Obama. The proliferation of arbitration agreements leaves workers with very few options if any when they encounter even the most horrific workplace bias and discrimination. Black workers in particular are seen as disposable and far too often, we play right into the game. People run to LinkedIn and advertise these companies on their first day of hire. You rarely see from them again at month 6 because they're probably going through hell.

12. Balanced372207February 8,2023 at 2:45PM UTC

    Spoken like the white racist you are.

13. Balanced372207February 8,2023 at 2:46PM UTC

    Bless you for caring, Ms. West.

14. AnonymousFebruary 8,2023 at 3:56PM UTC

    Im not the anonymous one that just tried to tell you that you invited it. If its not color it would be something else. I have had that done to me for being white but moreso its because everyone in my area (Chicago) plays cancel culture games with a goal of helping friends and relatives secure employment. It took a while to figure out why people were doing this and luckily my employer has started to recognize it and put their foot down. You have the right to work without this harassment and they probably are trying to get your spot for someone they know. I cant wait for this nasty trend in society to end.

15. AnonymousFebruary 8,2023 at 5:16PM UTC

    Diversity is the "in" thing right now and has been for a few years. Companies understand that in order to attract candidates, they need to portray themselves as being a diverse employer. Maybe that's in their employer branding, on their website, etc. Maybe they will have ERGs specific to diversity. But what I've seen is that they can talk the talk, but that's where it stops. They are approaching diversity from the wrong angle. They don't know how to do diversity nor do they really want to know how to do diversity. And that is how it will continue unless more and more people speak out, call out the actions, the microaggressions, etc. as they happen. I know, it's not your job to educate, to take this head on, it shouldn't be happening but it is. Determine your level of comfort with speaking out. How can you educate? What are you willing to tolerate? How far are you willing to push it? Do you have allies at work that you can maybe educate them more so that they, too, can also take on that role of speaking out, etc.

    And I'm totally talking from a place where I don't have experience - I am a white (dare I say middle aged) woman in HR but many have I seen and heard things in the last 10 years that have left me shaking my head, calling out the BS when I see it, etc.

16. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 1:40PM UTC

    The fact that being a good human and respecting others had to be/has to be 'on-trend' has always and will always disgust and infuriate me. I have been 'punished' many times in my life for not putting up with it and advocating for others and it blows my mind that adults can't comprehend that it's really NOT hard to be kind and still 'win'. It hurts my heart for you or anyone to have to experience such feelings of unwarranted stress instead of bring surrounded by adult human beings.

17. Peace OutFebruary 8,2023 at 5:18PM UTC

    You really came here with that? I'm actually kind of speechless, but this is one of those things where if that is truly how you are feel and aren't ashamed of how you feel, why are hiding behind the cloak of anonymity? If you feel this, then own your words.

    I am all in favor of anonymity except with a lot of posts and responses except when it comes to BS like this.

18. Gaby CadenaFebruary 9,2023 at 1:17PM UTC

    There's something about places that claim to be DEI informed and completely disregard the whole concept. =( You have a right to feel exhausted, drained, and even rage- I know I sometimes feel like that. What has helped me is finding people that feel the same way and support each other. Sometimes holding space for rants or venting, sometimes organizing ourselves and speaking up, and sometimes just acknowledging each other's experiences. I have been watching these series on racial trauma by the NICABM and they have been difficult to watch but has been so refreshing to see professionals speak the truth about these experiences. You can reach out to me if you ever need someone to talk to.

19. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 1:38PM UTC

    Usually those places claim to b so "woke" due to past litigation (EEOC) and/or numerous accusations. Think BP funding clean energy and environmental causes despite knowing decades ago about their own negative impact.

20. Gaby CadenaFebruary 10,2023 at 11:59PM UTC

    This is a good point! It requires more research into companies to find good ones nowadays because there are so many deceptions that can happen when they use buzzwords. =/ But I stay positive and trust that more honest company are on the rise and will eventually be the majority!

21. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 1:28PM UTC

    My heart goes out to you. First and foremost, take care of yourself. Lean on people who are truly your friends, and if necessary, find a PTSD therapist who specializes in workplace racism and bias. The undermining, the gaslighting, the microaggressions and the outright racism are just as prevalent in workplaces as they are in the general public. And you are correct, the companies that claim to be the most inclusive are often the worst offenders. You often see people in marketing leading their DEI and that tells you everything you need to know. They are marketing and branding inclusion instead of actually practicing it.

22. Bonnie CoventryFebruary 9,2023 at 1:47PM UTC

    I don't know how you feel, but I and others can listen. I wish you to surround yourself with a community of people that listen. Documentation to help provide examples may just be the eye opening that the company needs to see. I'm so sorry that this has continued to yourself just being exhausted. Must be so so draining and for that I'm shattered for you. Keep reaching for fairness and love. Don't give in. Be THAT person for yourself and for others!

23. WendyFebruary 9,2023 at 2:01PM UTC

    Thank you for sharing this. I have also gone through this as a Black woman many times. I do document but there is no solution since in my situation all the non-melanated people stick together. I hope you get some encouragement from the comments as I have.

24. Nature LoverFebruary 9,2023 at 3:13PM UTC

    We're not non-melanated. We're melanationally challenged.... me more than most. All jokes aside, not all lightly melenated people will stick together, just the willfully ignorant and intolerant. It's BS and I wish is was easier for people to call out. But given the racial/ethnic make up of many companies, it's nearly impossible. It's not hard to be a human being and respect all other human beings in their autonomy and uniqueness, but some people act like doing so will make them lose their own autonomy. That's BS. It's like love... it's not a pie. Another person having some doesn't mean you get less. It's like sunlight.... it makes the world a brighter beautiful place.

25. Sandy NagelFebruary 9,2023 at 3:07PM UTC

    I agree with Elizabeth. I too can be an ally.

26. Mary PoolFebruary 9,2023 at 3:20PM UTC

    I'm sorry. This situation must be just awful for you.

    Hanlon's razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." I cannot tell you how many situations this simple saying has gotten me through. Somehow when I can think in my head, "wow, you really are that stupid," it just makes the situation easier to endure.

27. misskelleypFebruary 9,2023 at 5:27PM UTC

    THIS! What a great idea.

28. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 3:27PM UTC

    I hear you! I am in the same situation right now at work. After being bullied and sticking up for myself, a co-worker who recently became a supervisor called me “insubordinate” and the President of the company said he was “disappointed in me”. Others at the company are allowed to speak up and basically walk around like a$$holes, and it’s clear I am being held to a different standard. I’m clearly not allowed to “behave” the way that others do, and I am not allowed to say that I don’t like how others speak to me. I was in a rage about this the last few weeks. I was taken off of the projects that require me to work directly with the bullies, which is a relief to me; but, I also know that the company will see me as to blame for being taken off of these projects. There’s no way to win. And why even try.

29. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 5:33PM UTC

    Perhaps find a company where the employee population is more black than white? Why not focus on your strengths and how to communicate in those situations without losing your dignity and feeling put upon. I would strongly suggest sitting folks down who have done this to you and let them know you can take feedback and corrective action but this is how you want it. Show them the way, they are ignorant of who you are and unless you teach them it will repeat itself in other situations. If its just a toxic work environment get out! It's not good for your mental health, spirit and well being. A good employer will support you and your diversity in so many ways, inclusion in decision making, support for your culture, and support for you as a woman who needs to be heard. If you make a job change when doing so ask the tough questions beforehand to find out how your voice will resonate within the business. You don't say what you do and what industry but there are some that just will need someone like you to speak up and find the path. Stay strong and keep pushing forward in a positive way for yourself and your career.

30. AnonymousFebruary 10,2023 at 2:23AM UTC

    So sorry what is happening to you. Perhaps the company could provide training for the staff. there are some really good programs out there, such as universities. I just attended an amazing five module training hosted by Ruth Buzienski Ph.D at NICABM.

31. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 9:47PM UTC

    I am sorry you are going through this. It must be very hard to constantly have the double forced-upon-you burden of being a woman and a person of color. As a fellow human, I wish I had some words that could offer comfort or a solution that would make it better for you. I'm afraid I don't. What I can say is that I hear you and I see you and it is okay to be tired of it all.

32. AnonymousFebruary 10,2023 at 4:13AM UTC

    I can relate. Don't forget the gaslighting and pay gap. Working to save and invest and gather skills to strike out on my own and freelance. I'm absolutely over all of it.

33. JulieFebruary 10,2023 at 3:30PM UTC

    I'm sorry you are going through this and that it's even a thing. I wonder so much what the heck is wrong with people and the worl d.

34. AnonymousFebruary 10,2023 at 10:15PM UTC

    You are so heard and so seen by me right now! I'm in your shoes, daily and it hasn't been an easy road in Corp America...period. I wish I had something more to say but I don't right now.

    What I have learned is, "if it costs you your peace, than it's too expensive" - Paulo Coelho

    No job is worth your mental health! Please take some time to do some deep soul searching and self-care, love up on you. I sincerely hope you find a peaceful landing elsewhere because you are valued, you are intelligent, and you DESERVE better.

35. AnonymousFebruary 12,2023 at 10:59AM UTC

    Sis, I know how you feel. Oftentimes the D&I is a mechanism to check the box. The Vice President of our company recently had a panel discussion where he invited the "minority" employees to.speak. He invited 2 white women, and an Asian man. I'm the only black woman and I was left out. When he asked for comments I spoke up. I said his overlooking me was a strong indication that we have more work to do. He apologized and said he was wrong. However when the meeting was over he met with me separately to express his anger that I ruined his panel. All of that humble apologetic act in front of other associates disappeared and the true him appeared. You have to remain true to you, speak up as diplomatically as you can. .Find other black women you can bond with, because when black women love on each other its a beautiful sisterhood. Work on an exit plan preferably one where you control your future whether you start your own business or become a consultant. I don't see the workplace getting much better for black women. Its better that we strike out on our own and once successful pay it forward by becoming a mentor.

36. Liz MilneFebruary 12,2023 at 10:12PM UTC

    omg, I'm so sorry he did that - and yes, he knew enough to wait until he had a private moment to express his anger, instead of publicly acknowledging his MASSIVE oversight (and that's the kindest possible interpretation of what he did by excluding you... :( ) I find it telling (and rather sad), too, that the two white women and the Asian man didn't point out that there was a Black woman in the company who just *maybe* (sarcasm font) needed to be included in the D&I panel if true diversity and inclusivity was the actual goal...

37. AnonymousFebruary 15,2023 at 8:37PM UTC

    “Quiet quitting” has saved my sanity. Work is a business transaction and I save my heart and soul for those that deserve it.

38. AnonymousMarch 1,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

    Girl you think women of color are the only ones who face this? These things happen to every color. Suggestions, work undermined is not exclusive to your situation. Passive-aggressive and harrassing behavior, I've seen and felt it all. It hurts everyone who faces it.

39. AnonymousMarch 1,2023 at 7:35PM UTC

    ?