Hello everyone, I need some advice.

22 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 6,2022 at 3:43AM UTC

   Its very clear that you and the women don't get along. It happens.

   I would request to be moved so you two do not interact.

   If you can't move STOP interacting with her. STOP helping her with work. Request that all work she wants assigned to you go through your boss.

   Although you swear you mind your own business, be very very clear to mind your own business. If your relative was questioned, the issue has somehow escalated and you'll need to demonstrate that you are not adding to this issue.

   Complaints are very specific so please understand what she is complaining about.

   Length of tenure is not a defense but a good way to remind your manager that the ALL complaints have only have only come from this particular person.

2. Danna Furnace-GrimesAugust 8,2022 at 2:59PM UTC

   Agreed, ask to be moved. Take the high road, speak kindly of her (or just be quiet, but definitely don't add to the drama) and let your upper management know that you don't want to get in the way of anyone doing their job.

   Good luck to you.

3. AnonymousAugust 6,2022 at 7:33PM UTC

   Given the fact that this person's complaint was taken seriously and brought to your relative leads me to think your manager takes her seriously and that you may be creating a negative situation.

   I would take these complaints as a sign to take a look at your behavior.

4. AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 1:48AM UTC

   It was taken seriously because she has close relations to the manager/chairman of the company.
   But honestly it’s just something petty.. I’m still getting my work done in time. So I don’t see why that’s an issue to begin with. she told my director that I was being awkward with her and not wanting to have lunch with her. I’m an introvert and spending time with ppl is not my kind of thing, more over I spend at leave 4 days a week to have lunch with her! We sit on different tables because it’s a big group having lunch together.

5. AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 1:42PM UTC

   This sounds just plain silly, and the director sounds like a wimp. Do you live in the Midwest?

   Conflict-averse people don't settle things one-on-one and instead go around to others to help them fix things. If you want to be that disrupter who tackles it head-on, then do it carefully.

   If you really need your lunch time alone, then can you tell your coworker you have an appointment or something and then go eat in your car? Something that trivial shouldn't be impacting your workplace relationships.

6. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 12:31AM UTC

   I’m doing that currently, I say I have appointments and she say I don’t spend enough time with her. The thing is, I don’t want to. She is always bragging about her life when we have lunch together and it’s sickening. Apparently having appointments is not something she take as an answer for not having lunch with her. So she goes off complaining to the director.

7. Cindy LaceyAugust 8,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

   It sounds like she is a narcissist. She expects you to worship at her feet. What is particularly alarming is that you say she has connections to the boss. I suggest you get a transfer to another area if possible or find another job.

8. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 4:35PM UTC

   I seriously doubt that tge complaints shared with your relative have anything to do with not have lunch with her as often as she'd like.

   Sorry, but something seems very off on your description of events.

9. Looking for a changeAugust 6,2022 at 9:59PM UTC

   I would definitely stop interacting with her and if she gives you work start cc your manager in an email and ask her if she wants you to work on that first-she might not even know it’s happening and you’re letting that coworker know as well.
   I’d also let your manager know ur uncomfortable being given work by this person. You might also want to start looking for another job if thanksgiving possible

10. AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 1:36PM UTC

    Talking directly to the director is probably your best path. If the director is taking the complaints seriously, then you'll know it's time to move on.

    Personally, I hate tattle-tale culture. If your workplace culture doesn't allow people to work with each other to resolve problems (which means you would be going to this person to work things out), then you need to tattle or go above this person's head.

11. AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 3:16PM UTC

    Listen to the message that’s being delivered: Your director is taking these complaints seriously and they’re siding with the new employee. If you’re interested in keeping this job, it might be worth some inflection to see if any of these complaints are valid. If so, think about what you can do to improve the situation. Stop engaging with this person, keep you head down and produce the best work product possible.

12. Audrey KirschAugust 7,2022 at 4:58PM UTC

    Going to your relative makes no sense since they are not part of your department or team. Sounds like you have a weak boss. You should go to your boss and discuss the situation directly. That’s what your co-worker is doing so don’t let them get the upper hand. And quit letting them dump work on you if the are not your team leader or manager. They will take full credit for your accomplishments.

13. Lisa Olson TillyAugust 8,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    From your comment below that this regards not having lunch with her - aren't breaks "time off" so you can get away from work/coworkers to recharge? You are not required to have your breaks with her. This could almost be considered a harassment issue and I would possibly bring it to HR. Maybe her personality doesn't afford her many work friends & has picked you, but this should be a mutual thing...

14. Shelby CAugust 8,2022 at 12:51PM UTC

    Respectfully, your post is full of inconsistencies.
    To paraphrase: They're complaining again. No one has complained before. The complaining has been going on for months.

    It doesn't matter how long someone has been complaining. The point is that perception is everything and they're saying negative things. You need to get out in front of it.

    Stop letting her bully you. Don't let her push her work off on you. If she can't get her stuff done, she can speak with your boss. You should always follow the chain of command.

    Your boss is weak and unprofessional. There's zero reason to involve anyone else in a private personnel matter other than HR or your boss's superiors. That's trampling all over your privacy.

15. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 12:51PM UTC

    In the eyes of this person you did do something wrong and to her it was worth a complaint. If it’s being addressed then someone found it or part of it to be valid. I don’t know you so I am only going off words and tone but you do sound like a slightly difficult and not mean but also not an overly friendly coworker. Possibly not very approachable. I may be way off target with that.

    Maybe you two need to sit down and just talk. Not about work itself but about yourselves. You two sound opposite and understanding each other may be key in eliminating hurt feelings, miscommunication and complaints. You may actually get along and find you work really well together but this wall needs to come down.

16. crystalAugust 8,2022 at 1:24PM UTC

    whatever you do, be mindful of office politics.

17. Maggie StoneAugust 8,2022 at 4:05PM UTC

    Have to agree. Sounds like OP is on the losing side of the politics

18. Maggie StoneAugust 8,2022 at 2:43PM UTC

    There is not a lot of information on the nature of the complaints, so I can’t comment on that.

    However, if the complaints are about the same issue or if there are complaints from others, particularly of a similar nature, than those might be worth examining.
    However, I think there is nothing that necessitates you having lunch with them or otherwise interacting with this person unless strictly necessary or common courtesy (e.g Saying good morning or good night). The less interaction probably the better. If they delegate to you, I would immediately email the boss and cc the complainer and say “x y z task was just delegated to me. I just wanted to check in with you about whether or not this takes priority over abc or if you have anything more pressing that I can assist with.” I might also try to schedule some time with the boss to discuss the complaints and try to get ahead of them.

19. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 3:28PM UTC

    One of the most helpful things you can do is ask your boss what specific actions she would like you to take, and those should be in SMART terms. ("Judy will reply in writing to requests for assistance within 4 hours and include a timeframe for the assistance to be rendered") The second thing is to be sure your boss is aware of how much you are helping this person with her work, again in SMART terms. ("Lori, I completed the paperwork for the ABC company you asked for help on yesterday and uploaded it"). Your boss may realize they need to ask the complaining person for specific concrete issues which will encourage factual communication all around.

20. Afo Ogbeyalu KaluAugust 8,2022 at 7:11PM UTC

    Agreed! I typically advise clients to get into the habit of summarizing verbal communication/directives in an email and copy all relevant parties. This not only CYA, it acts as a secondary tracking of productivity, and cues cohorts and supervisory staff that they cannot say or agree to one thing, and then say or do another . . . .

21. KathyAugust 8,2022 at 9:43PM UTC

    It's been my experience that 'complainers' exist in the workplace and use complaining about others as a way to deflect scrutiny of their own work and to bully others.

    As other commenters indicated, your manager is not treating you in a professional manner and not acting in a professional manner. Ask for the complaint in writing and then discuss it with your manager. If your manager cannot provide satisfaction, then you might consider speaking ot HR though that can backfire.

    Make sure the complaint contains specifics, date and time, nature of the problem, etc. You might find these complaints will disappear once the complainer has to be specific.

    Good Luck!

22. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 12:27PM UTC

    Agreed. I would add that “complaints” do not indicate that your manager is providing you with an avenue to improvement. Once you have documented, specific “complaints” in hand, discuss and document specific ways that your manager wants you to address them. Following the face to face, send an email to your manager reiterating her orders regarding your improvement as an employee.

    HR isn’t going to do anything about this. From what you’ve described it just sounds like you don’t get along with your new coworker and she complains about that to your manager.