To all who are experiencing a situation where you feel bullied or abused by a manager or boss. You are not crazy. You are not alone. Toxic work environments exist and workplace trauma is real.

20 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 19,2024 at 12:59PM UTC

   And seems to be more the norm now. I would love to have a change happen where managers know how to manage and not beat their workers into the ground so they look good. It’s awful!

2. AnonymousJune 19,2024 at 2:21PM UTC

   Also where results include how the managers treat their direct reports. If they get great results by driving everyone into the ground by overworking, gaslighting, lying and perpetuating a toxic environment, do they really have great results?

3. AnonymousJune 19,2024 at 3:05PM UTC

   Im going through this. I am seeking a new position but are there any support groups? You can’t vent to coworkers and you can’t air frustrations to prospective employers. I don’t know that I need therapy, but would like to talk to people in a similar situation.

4. SophJune 19,2024 at 4:27PM UTC

   Hey, that's what these boards are for.

5. AnonymousJune 20,2024 at 3:38AM UTC

   Does your company have an employee assistance program?

   If so, you might want to consider calling them. I first heard about EAP in 2012 when I was trying to survive the Great Recession, but I was too paranoid to use it. During the pandemic, I worked from home for a biotech company where I mainly processed requests and released equipment for use. I had a coworker who did the same work. We had two different shifts where she worked 2:00-10:30 in the morning and I worked 2:00-10:30 at night. The issue was that she actually worked from 1:00 in the morning, through her eight hour shift, through the three and a half hour gap between our shifts and into my shift up to five o'clock, sometimes seven o'clock at night. She would upset me to the point of tears every time she closed out a request faster than I could or steal work I was planning to do after lunch while I was at lunch. There was no reason for her to be in my shift, and I could have said that until I was blue in the face, but there was no point to it all when considering that my supervisor had no control over her. A month before I quit, I actually got over my paranoia of EAP and called them up. EAP might not be able to solve your problems, but they were able to confirm things I had already known (such as the fact that my coworker had compulsion issues) and give me insight with my supervisor (such as the fact that my supervisor crossed boundaries and used me as his emotional support employee). Why not give EAP a call? They won't mind if you need to vent and cry at the same time.

6. Amen Igbinosun- KoladeJune 19,2024 at 3:30PM UTC

   Yes. Toxic work environment is very real.

7. AnonymousJune 19,2024 at 7:05PM UTC

   Always have been, always will be. It's human nature and dysfunction.

8. AnonymousJune 19,2024 at 10:29PM UTC

   This is so true. There is an incredible amount of workplace toxicity, bullying and discrimination. Worker protections have been virtually gutted so companies are able to get away with it, often with HR either turning the other way or quite frankly enabling the toxic behavior from managers. I realize all the hrbps here don't work that way, but 95% of the ones off fairygodboss are definitely NOT employee friendly. The hardest thing I had to do when I left the toxic environment was to learn how to connect with people again without fear and anxiety. I didn't realize how much damage had been done to me until I was free. If you're in a toxic environment, get out for your mental and physical health sooner rather than later. The long-term toll is not worth it.

9. AnonymousJune 20,2024 at 1:54AM UTC

   I had a toxic boss. Would yell at me constantly. She is still with the company and been promoted several times. I quit years back.

10. AnonymousJune 20,2024 at 4:12PM UTC

    What you want to do is acknowledge the sign and your personal response and clearly plan for an exit.

    Too many people start to try and fight the toxicity and look for ways for Managers and/or HR to help you fight it. It seldom works and if it does, it's not for long. After awhile you will be beaten down and you stop performing and growing.

    Feeling victimized is natural but it will gut you if you stay in that headspace. You need to get away fast. Pointing fingers and trying to correct what's happening is not a plan.

11. AnonymousJune 20,2024 at 11:38PM UTC

    Exactly because eventually you will seen as the problem.

12. AnonymousJune 21,2024 at 12:36PM UTC

    Your response here spoke to my heart! Clearly you speak truth; thank you!

13. AnonymousJune 21,2024 at 1:55AM UTC

    I would go one step forward past validating that experience and say it’s pretty much the norm nowadays.

14. Crystal HowellJune 21,2024 at 10:33AM UTC

    It's real, you can choose to leave and make an exit plan now. Once you assert yourself to the bully things change. Bully the Bully, I did that years ago and she left,her cronies attitude changed and all was peaceful.

15. AnonymousJune 21,2024 at 12:33PM UTC

    I'm experiencing this now, just 6.5 months into a new job. The chemistry between the skip-level supervisor and me is not meshing -- even though she interviewed me and had an idea of who she was hiring. As of yesterday, I began actively looking for a replacement job -- while I'm still employed. I have reason to believe a case is being built against me to let me go. But, this person's behavior toward and opinion of me has grown toxic. I feel she regrets having hired me, and has made it her business to take me down a notch all while making an example of and targeting me. It's very demoralizing.

16. AnonymousJune 21,2024 at 1:05PM UTC

    I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Yes, once dynamics like this change - and the boss seems to be staying at the job, the power dynamic is not in your favor there. Keep your head held high. Do what you need to do to survive and thrive. You can quiet quit and leave or push back and leave.

    Demoralization at work is cruel and shows an immaturity and ineffectiveness of senior leadership. You deserve better. You owe them nothing. Good luck.

17. AnonymousJune 21,2024 at 12:47PM UTC

    It's a fact, and it's depressing. I was asked to present my strategy to the c-suite team.

    After the presentation, I had several VPs reach out and complement me. My manager, a few hours later, sent me a write-up for my employee file, with three topics that were either made up or so minor that no people manager would ever put them in writing.

    I clearly (unconsciously) intimated him (no one asked him to present) and it's a "stay in your lane and I want you gone" message. I've never received an improvement write up in over two decades....

18. AnonymousJune 21,2024 at 1:58PM UTC

    That's terrible, so sorry you went through that. I never understand managers like this - when the team shines, they shine also, how do they not get that? Unfortunately many of them are so massively insecure that they act like this, but if they are delivering on results the company tolerates it.

19. Colleen HansonJune 21,2024 at 1:53PM UTC

    I agree! I believe if there were harsher penalties through the EEOC or State agencies Companies would be a lot less likely to engage in/allow this type of behavior! I am 2 years into a a well documented claim of bullying/abuse from my employer after I was diagnosed with cancer. This man became unbearable to work for, but I persisted to the point where I was coming home in tears daily. Two hours after I turned in my cancer treatment schedule, I was terminated. Seems pretty cut and dry, right? No! He made up several false allegations about me and even with all of my documentation, and from what I have been told he has been unable to provide any documentation that makes sense, I am still fighting this! I had been with the company for almost two years and never received a write up or had any disciplinary action whatsoever! It seems like all of these agencies put in place to "protect" workers always error on the side of the employer, which is ridiculous! This same employer failed to pay an employee her full pay when she left. She went through all of the proper channels, filed a claim through the state for unpaid wages, and it still took her 4 months to collect the pay she was owed! This employer should have been immediately fined and required to pay her, but the State entertained excuse after excuse from him for 4 months, while he sat back and collected interest on HER money and paid it out when he was good and ready. I feel like more needs to be done to protect workers, because the agencies put in place to help us are clearly dropping the ball!

20. NatashaJune 21,2024 at 5:23PM UTC

    So true. And the bullies get PROMOTED! The companies do not care no matter what they say in their marketing materials! And if I see one more DEI statement I'm going to puke! It's all for show! Behind closed doors it's anything goes as long as it doesn't get publicized and profit over people! They don't care about us if they did, negative and toxic behavior would not be tolerated!