hi fairygodboss, i'm having trouble understanding why my boss is excluding me and i wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this situation.

Anonymous

October 3,2022 at 5:25AM UTC

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hi fairygodboss, i'm having trouble understanding why my boss is excluding me and i wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this situation.

So I've been at my current job for about a year now, and I've worked extremely hard this past year to prove to my boss that I am a hard worker and self-starter. I had a bad experience at my previous job, so I set a goal for myself to do really good here and hopefully work up to a raise or promotion.

It's almost been a year at my job and my boss has acknowledged my work a few times by giving me shout outs at staff meetings. However, within the past 2-3 months. I've noticed a slight shift in my boss's actions towards me. He's started new client accounts that includes everyone but me. It's now 3 in total. And it's very obvious that I am the only one excluded because we have only 6 people on our team.

The quality of my work has stayed the same, and even our clients acknowledge the hard work I do. I'm even close to expanding the contract we have with a current client. However, I am receiving the opposite kind of treatment that I would expect from boss when achieving something like this.

I have thought about this for a while and why this could be happening to me... I've wondered if i 'm outshining the rest of my coworkers and it has led to my boss focusing more on them, but from a business perspective why would you exclude one of your best performing workers? I was thinking personality but we're fully remote so it's not like he has to hear from me every hour of the day.

I have a good relationship with all my coworkers, it's really just been my boss who is making it harder for me. But now I'm questioning whether it was my coworkers who requested this, so they don't feel like I'm overpowering them when doing tasks.

Has anyone experienced this? When you work really hard at a job and somehow you receive the opposite kind of treatment you would expect from your boss?

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Kristie WhiteOctober 3,2022 at 5:41AM UTC
I think you are overthinking this. The best way to stop the spiral is to set up a meeting and ask be clear this is your perception, don’t accuse. And ask if he has concerns or feels your performance has decreased. Be diplomatic. Get your answer and work from there.
AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 7:19AM UTC
You should talk to your boss but not in an accusatory way to see why you are not included in meetings to give him a chance to explain. If he gives you a logical reason…even if you don’t agree with it, see it as an opportunity to work on yourself….but if he is dodging or pivoting the conversation, it is a sign that your hunch is right and maybe it’s time to find another job. I had a similar experience and it only got worse. And no a boss is not going to admit he or she is limiting you bc you make them insecure. Sometimes the behaviour is even subconscious. But before you jump to that ultimate conclusion, have the conversation
AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 9:10AM UTC
I agree to this!
JC LindquistOctober 3,2022 at 1:16PM UTC
Reinforcing that you should set up a 1:1 with your manager to proactively discuss your performance to gain insight on their perspective of how they perceive your performance and to discuss how you can continue to grow in your role.
A good leader should be doing this for their teams but it’s not necessarily the standard practice.
Hopefully you can gain insight as to why they are excluding you so you can determine if your future growth at the company is at risk or not.
Good luck! Trust yourself and your values.
Shelly EdwardsOctober 3,2022 at 2:45PM UTC
Have you tried speaking with your boss about it? I would request a meeting with him to review your performance and discuss your feelings. There may be a logical explanation, or he may not even realize he's doing it. A meeting with him is the best way to find out.
AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 6:17PM UTC
I recommend a discussion with your boss. There are many things that this could be and he may not know that his actions have made things harder for you.
NepetaOctober 3,2022 at 6:21PM UTC
You need to reach out and talk to him. Tell him what you've told us: your impression is that you are performing well, so you are curious as to why you haven't been included in new client accounts.
You mentioned some possible reasons, and they might be the ones. Or, there might be others.
Another consideration is that maybe your colleagues ARE staying in touch more often than you (i.e., working the relationship) and that has unconsciously created a favorable bias for them.
Speak to him.
JenniferOctober 3,2022 at 9:43PM UTC
Another vote for just speaking with your boss. You haven't mentioned that boss is treating you poorly overall, and it sounds like not being included on three of the new accounts is the sole/primary issue. If that's the case, try to give your boss the benefit of the doubt.
It would be helpful to shift the narrative of the "story you're telling yourself" about what is going on. Maybe other team members are currently carrying a smaller workload, and boss is trying to balance work across the team. Maybe he anticipates that the expansion of the client contract is going to result in additional work on your plate. Maybe he is aware of an incoming project or account that you will be leading. As a high performer, these things are more likely to be true than the things you're worrying about.
Once you reframe the way you're looking at the situation, the conversation becomes one where you're just asking about something you've seen, as opposed to talking to your boss about unfair treatment.
Good luck!
Also, I am so happy to see that all of the responses thus far have been to communicate rather than assume. I don't think I've seen a FGB post where all of the advice has been to just communicate. Makes my heart happy.