Boss won't talk to me about how to get promoted

Anonymous

April 9,2022 at 4:24AM UTC

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Boss won't talk to me about how to get promoted

I've been in my current job for 2.5 years and told my boss I'm interested in working towards getting promoted. But whenever I meet her to discuss what this involves and what I should be doing, she gets defensive and makes unfounded accusations. She keeps saying I expect to be promoted without putting in the work, which isn't true. I've always approached this in terms of what I should be working on.

She says she needs to see more leadership from me, but if I ask her what her expectations are or make suggestions about how I can demonstrate this in my job, she'll change the subject and starts talking over me. She'll say vague things like "You dont handle things well"or "You need to watch your tone'. But if I ask for clarification she gets angry and says I don't take feedback well and I need to learn to handle constructive criticism. She also said if I disagree with her feedback I need to prove it's wrong.

It seems like she's derailing our meetings to avoid answering my questions for some reason. I'm not demanding a promotion, I'm just asking how to go about it. I really dont want to go thru another meeting like this. This has happened 3 times already.

How should I handle her when she starts bring up red herrings and unfounded accusations? Is it time to start looking elsewhere?

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AnonymousApril 9,2022 at 9:49AM UTC
I would document your meetings in writing/email afterwards to have a papertrail.
AnonymousApril 9,2022 at 3:57PM UTC
Dear...
To me it sounds like the chemisty is off between the manager and you. And to be honost: 'My concern is actually that your manager sounds like she is anoyed by you and currently trying to avoid you. Could be that she misinterpret you and perhaps feeling threatened by you asking her.
You do not mention how big the company is. But would it be possible for you to apply for a position internally outside your department and with a promotion built in ? If not possible to apply outside your current department; I fully support our fellow fairy. Document meetings in emails to have a papertrail.
AnonymousApril 10,2022 at 7:28AM UTC
Thanks Anita.
Normally I get on well with my boss , except when it comes to discussing career goals. She promoted 2 people over the last 12 months and she often says she's big on supporting people's career development. Which is why I don't understand her behaviour towards me.
I work for a small company so I don't think I'll be able to join another team without my boss's input. The other problem is that my boss says she doesnt know what Im doing but when I give her updates, she challenges them because she hasn't personally witnessed evidence of me doing those tasks. Then she says I need to be more proactive in giving her updates.
KatApril 10,2022 at 3:00PM UTC
She might want to keep you in your current role, which is why she won't discuss promoting you. Best to look outside this company for advancement.
AnonymousApril 9,2022 at 6:58PM UTC
Sounds like your boss is projecting feelings of inadequecy onto you... oftentimes people will project the same thing they feel about themselves. So if they feel like they arent doing a good enough job and guilty for not being able to show you the way (because they dont know it themselves), they might become bitter and start blaming you. Did she rise to power without putting in the work? Either way, time to take your talents elsewhere.
AnonymousApril 10,2022 at 7:52AM UTC
Thanks for your perspective.
That could explain why my boss is acting like this towards me. It's baffling because she likes saying she's big on growth and career progression and she's always open to talk about it.
She's been with the company for 7 years - people do get promoted but since it's small company it's not clear how its done, even though she's promoted 2 people recently.
AnonymousApril 9,2022 at 11:36PM UTC
I can honestly see lots of red flags the way how your boss interacts with you. Could she feel threatened? Is there any room at your current place for you to progress? I agree it is time to take your talents elsewhere, especially when a suitable opportunity comes along.
AnonymousApril 10,2022 at 8:04AM UTC
Thanks.
It's weird because we generally get along, except when I want to talk to her about career progression. Maybe she is feeling threatened although I don't know why - I'm certainly not trying to steal her job and I don't act like a know-it-all.
I work in a small company so if I wanted to transfer, it would depend on her feedback about me and after our last meeting, I'm not sure if she can be trusted to give an objective review.
Jackie GhedineApril 10,2022 at 11:43AM UTC
There isn't a better time to be in the market. There are 1.5 jobs for every person so the power is finally in the hands of you, the employee.
I'm saying this because you have the opportunity to find an organization that has values and employee development in alignment with what you want and need.
It will be really difficult to usurp your boss and get through to her if she is unwilling. It's time for you to decide what is it you want next and if this boss/company can help pave the way or just throw obstacles.