About five years ago, I found myself overwhelmed by life and holding a fairly important position in a midsize company.

Anonymous

March 13,2023 at 3:45AM UTC

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About five years ago, I found myself overwhelmed by life and holding a fairly important position in a midsize company. I reported to the CEO. I tried to negotiate for assistance in the form of either an assistant, reduce duties, etc. but my boss just yelled at me until I was in tears in multiple one-on-one meetings. I had an intermittent FMLA, so when they fired me, I got a settlement with a NDA. However, the CEO insisted that all my former colleagues and direct reports have no communication with me or they would be fired. Further, the CEO contacted key external people I worked with and told them if they ever worked with me again, they would never work with his organization again. 90% of these were women and 100% of them ghosted me. I’m fine, I recovered, am thriving and developed a new network. However, I’ve wondered if this is the norm and I was naive, or was this just everyone having a bad moment? I don’t have any interest in rehashing this with the people who ghosted me and I am now doing well without them, but trust is still hard for me. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been on either side of such a situation.

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AnonymousMarch 13,2023 at 1:29PM UTC
I learned through therapy not yo hold on to regret and old patterns. I work hard on building trust and cooperation. History is just that. Trying to make sense of old wounds never works. Leave all of thar in the past or you'll be doomed to repeat the past.
Coach Nancie Kay ShumanMarch 13,2023 at 3:50PM UTC
In the past, I worked with someone who said, You'll never work in this town again! Wow! Must be great to have that much power!
I think that reflecting onpast experiences is how we are able to learn and grow. If we simply say, well, that was the past, we continue to carry it around with us, and nothing changes. The #metoo movement has shown the benefit of taking time to look at these patterns of behavior and moving forward to break them if possible.I think the bigger issue comes down to is this a pattern in your industry, and if so, is there anything which can be done about it? I am currently working on a dissertation about Compassionate Leadership in the Entertainment Industry, asking if it is possible in an industry which is riddled with a culture of abuse and exploitation.
AnonymousMarch 14,2023 at 1:52PM UTC
This is definitely not the norm and you should not settle for this type of treatment in the workplace.
AnonymousMarch 15,2023 at 6:06PM UTC
This is not the norm. You should be able to trust those you work for and work with. You deserve to be treated fairly and not retaliated against. Your CEO was upset because he did something unethical and illegal by firing you and got caught. He deserves it and probably knows it but will never take responsibility for it. If you still have problems with trust and worthiness, please talk to someone who can help. There are plenty of good therapists out there.
AnonymousMarch 20,2023 at 1:33PM UTC
The settlement agreement should have included a mutual nondisparagement provision, precluding either party from “bad mouthing” the other. Always include this in negotiations.
Liz MilneMarch 20,2023 at 2:04PM UTC
Your ex-CEO sounds like an absolute bullying arsehole who has no idea about what management actually is... And everyone who enabled him is equally arseholic, in my opinion...
Crystal HowellMarch 20,2023 at 3:48PM UTC
You did the right thing, get new contacts, leave the past behind. If another CEO yells at you, don't take it. Say, did you have abad morning? I'm not up to this type of loud discussion, I can come back when you cool off.
AnonymousMarch 20,2023 at 6:08PM UTC
I think it has happened to many of the readers here though some may be more subtle than others. Do note in the state of California : SB 331 or the “Silenced No More Act,” introduces restrictions on settlement agreements, non-disparagement agreements and separation agreements executed with employees in California after January 1, 2022
While it won't help your situation if California leads the way I suspect other states may adopt this as well which will be assurance that employers cannot stop you from speaking about what happened and is going on.
As for trusting I suggest taking a broad approach to trusting new people and if something goes askew then pull back. Keep personal things out of the workplace and don't offer up too much that could allow people to judge who you are by how you live your life. Be open but take small steps. You got this!
I think you should as 5 years has gone past bury it by reaching out to someone who is most likely to be a person who would respond well to you and see their reaction. That will definitely help you to get past it and to see if those relationships are reparable. The majority of people shut down when they are faced with this situation and are usually worried about their own jobs and don't want to get involved. His bullying is definitely something that he uses to control and now that you are outside of that sphere you are safe. Glad you made it out and know that you are not alone at all.