My boss has forgotten and/or canceled my last three one-on-one meetings.

12 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 28,2023 at 6:56PM UTC

   Actions do speak.......so my conclusion is that your position is not a focus right now.

2. AnonymousApril 28,2023 at 7:36PM UTC

   Sorry to hear that you are being treated this way. I would take the initiative and schedule a meeting with your manager. If it is again cancelled, is there a contact in HR that you can connect with to express your concerns? Maybe reach out to your peers in passing to see if they are experiencing the same thing? Give your manager the benefit of the doubt until you can gather more information. Good luck!

3. Becca A.April 28,2023 at 9:17PM UTC

   Yes, your idea to send an email to share what you are feeling about the continuously missed 1-on-1s is appropriate and should be welcomed. This would also help get a paper trail going to show that you have and are not only taking the initiative in wanting to connect but also actively seeking to improve your work development .

   From experience, when I have had a manager do this it was not a positive sign and was done as a means to intentionally have my performance fall behind when it comes to my peers so it could be easier to have me placed on a PIP to be removed under the notion of "not meeting expectations."

   Please don't let that make your mind go into turmoil. maintain the line of continuously reaching out when necessary.

4. AnonymousApril 30,2023 at 12:39PM UTC

   I would say - it depends - my leader schedules one on ones and if I have nothing new to bring up with them or if I don't have any concerns, I give them the gift of time by cancelling on them - which, by the way, is greatly appreciated. However, when I do need guidance or require their attention - I'm rather adamant about them respecting my time. Keep track of your scheduled meetings, your rescheduled meetings and your cancellations just in case something comes up in the future - like "you should have reached out to me", etc.

5. Clydene HorriganApril 30,2023 at 1:21PM UTC

   Are you the only one this is happening to? If your meetings are at the same day and time each week, maybe it turns out that the time is not good for a reoccurring meeting. It could be that your manager keeps getting pulled into other meetings or that they have a regular deliverable that is taking longer for them to achieve and they need that extra 30 minutes. Maybe they have something new on their plate and didn’t think this would keep happening.

   I would ask your manager if there is a better day/time for you to meet as it appears that this one doesn’t work for them and you really value these meetings. This will let them know that you have noticed and give them the opportunity to fix the situation. They may share what has caused this to keep happening, and you may see an opportunity to help them, thereby putting yourself in good favor.

   I would not read ill intent and give them some grace and the opportunity to fix it. If they do, great! If not, then there may be more to it.

6. Louise ByrneApril 30,2023 at 1:36PM UTC

   Flag it, don’t sit and dwell on it any longer. It’s obviously bothering you and important to you, and if salary reviews are part of completing these kind of sessions then it’s important to have your attempts to keeping to your development plan on track.

   You’re entitled to feel the way you do and entitled to voice it… appropriately.

7. AnonymousMay 1,2023 at 6:29PM UTC

   This is such an important reminder that whatever feelings you have are valid and can be addressed appropriately so everyone is on the same page.

8. AnonymousApril 30,2023 at 4:35PM UTC

   I would send them an email and let them know that you want to understand from them if the 1-1's they keep booking on calendar are no longer essential. Ask to maybe move them to a slower cadence and to add an agenda to the invites that are scheduled and keep those in a running document so that you both can memorialize the details of setting expectations and work to be done or work that was done. I think 1-1's are more for you than them if used properly and should be a way for you to unblock or feature things that you need to discuss or get their advice on. If you think you are currently not performing to their expectations or suspect that they might be leaving or that the company might be heading toward a RIF (reduction in force) or reorg then that could be another cause for this to be happening. Often when there is impending change managers stop meeting with people so as not to alarm or address these things directly before they happen. If you truly need these meetings let them know you do and why.

9. AnonymousApril 30,2023 at 4:52PM UTC

   I would just ask the question. I'm a people manager and sometimes I just get slammed with critical meetings that get scheduled on top of my 1:1's so I have no choice but to cancel the 1:1. It's not anything my direct reports did wrong, it's just that I got another conflicting meeting that it was required for me to attend.

10. AnonymousMay 1,2023 at 6:27PM UTC

    This is a great viewpoint. Thank you!

11. John MendenhallMay 1,2023 at 6:52PM UTC

    I strongly recommend rescheduling 1-1s that you can't absolutely make. This will help ensure you get the same time to meet with each person. Cancelling drops it entirely. As a people leader myself, I know our calendars can be really tough with 1-1s and with other meetings. It is important to put our people first as much as we can.

12. Liz MilneApril 30,2023 at 11:41PM UTC

    Are one-to-ones necessary for your reviews, pay rises etc? if not, let it go. If yes, ask if there's a problem and directly point out that he's cancelled the last three - he might not remember and think he's spreading the load more evenly than he is...