This is not what I signed up for. How do you leave a job you just recently took?

74 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 2:19PM UTC

   Start doing a weekly report to your direct supervisor whether they want it or not. Tie the activity on your report to the items on your job descriptions. List this weeks accomplishments, work in process and next weeks plans. This forces you to focus on the work not the people, documents strong performance and lets your boss know you are focused. Try to last the year. You can start looking at 6 months but let prospective employers know you’d need a bonus to payback the relocation money.

2. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 2:22PM UTC

   This is not hostile or toxic, these are textbook difficult personalities. Read some books, articles and take courses on how to manage working with them. It's solvable and you can figure it out.

   Your reaction to them is completely under you control and it's amazing what changing your mindset can do to improve your life at work.

   Seperately you made a big change, and like many big changes there is going to be doubts and "buyers remorse" . I left a job I loved for a change and found a million reasons why to go back once I got there. However I figured it out applied myself, focused on the job, and now over a decade later I am head of my department and absolutely love the work I get to do, as well as en joy the teammates I work with.

3. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:04PM UTC

   It sounds highly entertaining and not worth the trouble and effort to lose the moving money. You probably wouldn’t prevail. Stuff your 401k and savings. You’ve only been there 3 months you’ll make some friends and allies and the year will go by quickly. Keep a journal of all the silliness that goes on there. Sounds like fun. Not

   toxic

4. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:13PM UTC

   When you have another manager constantly making you look bad, it’s not fun.She handed me some paperwork to review, “This has been on my desk for months. It’s not super important, but can you review it”. Sure! I’ll help to make a good first impression. Literally 2 days later “What is the hold up on this? This has been on your desk since July” in an email with numerous other people trying the get this lot released. Yea, I wasn’t even here in July. You gave this to me 2 days ago! But I responded professionally, but that’s what I have been dealing with for 2 months since helping her group out.

5. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:18PM UTC

   I would have corrected her right there and then politely of course. Don't let her throw you under the bus .CC everyone just like she does and keep records You cant keep helping her hide her I competence because you'll be the one that gets fired not her

6. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:35PM UTC

   I am only communicating with her in writing now. It’s too risky not to.

   While everyone else doesn’t see this as toxic, it definitely has the possibility of hindering my career progression and even job stability. I will not leave without another position, but this is going to be the longest year ever…

7. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:23PM UTC

   I'd caution quitting without a job and having to payback the moving costs. It's a difficult market and the worst I've seen in my 20 year career. You don't want the pressure of being without a job and having to pay back the money unless you have enough savings. I've been looking for a role now for 6 months and although I'm fortunate to have received some interviews, it hasn't led to an offer yet.

   As others mentioned, be creative in your approach to the dinner theatre. For the manager that forgets what's asked, make sure all assignments are in writing. If it's verbal, send a follow up email along the lines of based on our conversation x. That way, you have a record.

   The bragger and complainer, annoying but relatively harmless. Let him vent and then he'll move on to the next audience When he finds others that are willing to engage, he'll prefer their company and you'll be off the hook. You haven't heard his stories yet. It makes him feel good to show how valuable he is...

   If you find a new job, you can cite that it wasn't the right fit. I'm sure your current company would agree to a payment plan or return by x date. You might even me able to work with them that based on your tenure, $28K is $15-20K which would make it more manageable. Good luck!

8. JB09718October 29,2024 at 3:28PM UTC

   Can’t offer any insight to the payback but personally wouldn’t risk it. I would stick it out the year or try to transfer elsewhere in the company (assuming you don’t have to pay it back if you transfer either) Wouldn’t say it’s a toxic environment just an annoying one. You’ll likely encounter these types of people at every company unfortunately.

   Suggestions to get through the day:

   Narcissist manager: I would just let him talk, he’s just looking for an audience. Annoying as it is, just nod and smile. You can also make yourself scarce or busy if he’s coming over (pop your headphones in/take a phone call, or put yourself on do not disturb)

   Memory loss manager: I would email her after every conversation to confirm what she asked/expectations she set to give yourself a paper trail if she tries to throw you under the bus. CC your direct manager too. If it becomes too much, ask your manager to step in between you and filter her requests.

   I agree with other feedback on sending regular updates to your manager on what you’re working on, especially if you’re receiving assignments from other managers.

9. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:34PM UTC

   This is a horrible place to be. I don't necessarily agree with some of the comments regarding "sucking it up," but instead, I would suggest you read your move agreement carefully regarding the repayment requirements. Some will want the entire $28K if you work there for 51 weeks, while others will prorate the amount you must pay back if you leave before the 52nd week. If it's all or nothing, you should figure out how to cope for another nine months. If the payback is prorated, start saving and figure out a timetable you could afford to pay back to start looking (if you still feel the same way).

   Try the best you can to navigate the three different managers in a healthy way. I also agree with the one who commented on keeping daily logs of tasks done and for whom, in case you get overloaded (or need to prove to the short-term memory boss you did something.) If you need help developing healthy skills or habits, seek a therapist or coach through your company's EAP. Sometimes, having someone to bounce things off of and vent occasionally does wonders, especially since you are in a new place. Also, seek out new activities outside work that can help keep the distracting thoughts and memories of the day from bringing you down.

10. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:39PM UTC

    Thank you. This has been to most helpful result yet.

11. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:37PM UTC

    You will be required to pay them back in full but can possibly negotiate to do so over time.

    As for the toxicity, it doesn't seem these are extreme in any way.

    The first manager can be managed with boundaries and time constraints. The 2nd manager can be managed with a quick email outlining the task or assignment as you understand it immediately after the discussion to formalize the direction. These, in my book, are not deal breakers and don't rise to the level of a legal claim. You will definitely nit be able to get out of reimbursing the moving allowance unless the company breaks the law and severely discriminates or harassed you or some other claim you can prove.

12. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:57PM UTC

    I did not want to describe a lot of the details, as it may give away the identity of whom I speak. But the Dory manager’s lapses are a detriment to my perceived performance.

    She handed me some paperwork to review, “This has been on my desk for months. It’s not super important, but can you review it?”. Sure! I’ll help to make a good first impression. Literally 2 days later “What is the hold up on this? This has been on your desk since July” in an email with numerous other people trying the get this lot released. Yea, I wasn’t even here in July. You gave this to me 2 days ago! But I responded professionally, but that’s what I have been dealing with for 2 months since helping her group out.

    The most recent was a lot that I needed corrections on. I sent an email to the group needing to do the correction and copied her. She is on planning emails and having discussions that I’m not privy to, so it’s essential she knows the status of what we are working on. She received an email wanting to know what was going on with a particular lot. She responded, included me, and stated she was not included on my original email and had no idea what the hold up was.

    I responded all, included the original email, and restated what I needed completed. I did not point out she was on the original email though. Maybe I should have?

    But her memory “lapses” are potentially affecting how my new colleagues perceive me.

13. Titra HamiltonOctober 29,2024 at 3:49PM UTC

    The short answer is "No". If you leave this job early, you're expected to pay back the relocation benefit. They'll hold your last paycheck and come after you legally. To make the best of things while you consider options, my advice is to be kind and professional, but essentially ignore the narcissist since it does not sound like he plays a role in your performance evaluation and cannot impact your pay. I do this by continuing to work while a coworker is talking to me and create "fake" meetings and change my status in MS Teams to "Be Right Be" to limit access to me. Your goal is to deliver on time and with quality and to be easy to manage, but more importantly, protect yourself. To do that, manage up! Treat the two managers like clients. Take the initiative to schedule weekly check ins, document meetings outcomes, and track items to closure. If they decline the meetings, no worries. Do everything else. Consider sending them a weekly status report before your work week ends. Be very clear about what you need from them, by when and why, and follow up when you are at risk of not getting what you need from them in time. You'll empower yourself, create the environment to organize your work, document your accomplishments and may even improve your work relationships with the folks who can impact your performance evaluation and pay. You've got this! Good luck.

14. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 4:37PM UTC

    You owe them the funds, yes they will claw it back from you. How? you likely gave them your banking information and they can use that to get the funds back. When you signed your offer letter you signed a contract for what was in that letter.

    My suggestion is fairly simple not knowing how long you actually have been there, stick it out. Find a way to deaden the sound of those that clearly are disturbing you. Get some headphones and wear them when in the offices. When someone turns the conversation to negative things tell them you don't want to hear it. As for the manager who forgets what she asked you to do, after each request repeat the request in writing in an email to her and also cc yourself and add in the delivery time limit for this request. So in other words learn to manage them. Each situation has a solution but you have to want to be part of how to fix this. You should give it some time to work yourself into the culture there and if it does not suit you quit cold on the day after you are released from the relocation claw back.

    Next time you look for work remember to ask about how culturally people communicate internally. As an aside and a new person there you could decide to teach the folks where you are how to be more sunny and to change. It's all up to you! Show them how.

15. Kris WolframOctober 29,2024 at 6:19PM UTC

    If you like the company and the work, try speaking with the managers that you are having issues with. The direct manager —. Set up 1:1’s weekly to discuss your work and what you need from them. For the manager that keeps talking about how important he is, tell him that when he says this it makes you feel he is not engaged in the right things. For the last manager, put everything in an email follow-up. See if you can work it out first. The company will want the money back lump sum.

16. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 12:41AM UTC

    Most jobs will have about 20% you don’t like and 80% that you do. All companies have incompetence running amuck through the halls. The ego guy, the forgetful manager, all places have the same characters. Use this year to learn all you can, do the best work you can and at the 8th or 9th month begin your search. Be sure to keep your resume updated with any new skills or certs or classes you may experience or take. You have a large debt dangling over you. Once you complete your year and have satisfied your moving expenses obligation, focus your energy on finding new turf, whether it be in the same state or a different city or another great state. There are no miracle cures but many posts are spot on. Document, follow up, 1:1 meetings, and ignoring ego dude. Disengage when you can and he’ll go find another person to “impress”. You have 9 months to go and will make it. You CAN do this! Hang in there!

17. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 5:41AM UTC

    Agree with this 100%

18. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 5:40AM UTC

    Stick it out if you don't want/are unable to pay back the moving compensation.

    Write down date/time & assignments from the 'forgetful' one and reiterate uf she/he denies giving you the assignment. As for the narcissist, respond that you're really trying to concentrate on the work you've been given. Make yourself unavailable by wearing noise cancelling headphones or earbuds & tune them out.

19. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 12:08PM UTC

    Why on earth would you think you can take their money and not pay it back?

20. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 12:13PM UTC

    It’s bad situation but it’s better to stick it out , try to find a way to deal with these toxic managers , the guy with the ego just smile and say I bet etc and move on he will think your the best and hopefully a new employee comes in and he can go bug them as far as the female with the bad memory write it down as your conversing tell her you need to so you remember everything she says , and when you can get her to send things in email maybe email her right after the conversation and ask her to reply even if she does t you have the email you sent ,

    if you signed something g that says you ah e to pay that money back if you leave before a year they will expect that money back and they would be right . there is no clause for toxic environment because honestly that’s harder to prove what may be toxic to you may be a minor annoyance to someone else , stick out the year find little ways to deal with them and then find another job

21. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 12:38PM UTC

    You were clear on the terms of the $28,000 relocation payment, right? I mean, you fully understood that if you left under a year that you’d be on deck to repay this amount? I’m guessing yes, since you signed this contract. Working with assholes and claiming a toxic work environment isn’t a valid reason to exonerate you from the contract…that you signed! This is simple contract law at play. Figure out a way to work with these people for the next year or get your check book out.

22. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 12:42PM UTC

    Citing a toxic work environment is probably not going to get you out of this. Best you could likely hope for is they prorate the amount by how long you actually worked there. It may be more productive to focus on just keeping your head down and in the meantime start looking for a new job. That will possibly take some time as well, and you can always try to negotiate in a hiring bonus to that offer to reimburse your current employer. Best of luck!

23. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 12:44PM UTC

    I've, too, been there. And no, you can't leave, or they will make you pay back all the money. The last time I was in this boat I lasted just a little over a year and had nothing to pay back, but was stuck in a location that had very little jobs.

    Look for a new job while you are there and stick it out.

24. Rae WagonerOctober 30,2024 at 12:44PM UTC

    I see people using the term "toxic work environment" frequently, which has evolved into a catchall term. I also don't find a legal definition of toxic - the term is often used interchangeably with a hostile work environment.

    According to Cornell University, "In employment law, a hostile work environment when an employee is subjected to discrimination, harassment or retaliation on the basis of their membership or perceived membership in a protected group such as race, religion, gender, national origin, disability, age, or genetics. The harassment must be so severe or pervasive that it interferes with the employee's ability to perform their work, or changes the terms and conditions of their employment. One-time offhand comments or minor annoyances are not considered harassment."

    This ain't that. This is dealing with personalities (that you will find in most any career situation) and learning how to manage up, which is a valuable skillset.

    I can see that you are disappointed and annoyed, but I highly doubt there's any way around paying back the $28K if you bail early. Keep yourself busy, smile and nod at ego guy, and send recap emails to document conversations and tasks agreed upon with the forgetful manager.

25. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 6:11PM UTC

    I’ve been in the workforce for over 25 years. I’ve never dealt with someone who continually blames other people for their lack or organization.

    She handed me some paperwork to review, “This has been on my desk for months. It’s not super important, but can you review it?”. Sure! I’ll help to make a good first impression. Literally 2 days later “What is the hold up on this? This has been on your desk since July” in an email with numerous other people, including senior leadership, trying the get this lot released. Yea, I wasn’t even here in July. You gave this to me 2 days ago! But I responded professionally, but that’s what I have been dealing with for 2 months since working with her.

    The most recent was a lot that I needed corrections on. I sent an email to the group needing to do the correction and copied her. She is on planning emails and having discussions that I’m not privy to, so it’s essential she knows the status of what we are working on. She received an email pertaining to said lot, wanting to know what was going on with it. She responded all, included me, and stated she was not included on my original email and had no idea what the hold up was.

    I responded all, included the original email, and restated what I needed completed. I did not point out she was on the original email though. Maybe I should have?

    But her memory “lapses” are affecting my perceived intelligence and work ethic.

26. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 1:06PM UTC

    These folks you work with are unpleasant, but I don’t necessarily find your description to be “toxic”. I am guessing that there is more to the story. I agree with others in that you signed a contract and you need to stand by your word. There are unpleasant people in almost all jobs and it typically takes a good year to find your stride in any new job or company. There isn’t much to say about the narcissist, as anything you rebut his comments with will not be heard. As for the manager with “short term memory,” follow every conversation with an email. “I enjoyed discussing X subject with you. Per our conversation…”. One year will go fast if you keep everything in perspective.

27. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 1:11PM UTC

    work for 11.5 mos, suck it up, and leave at the 12 mos anniversary date. I"m sorry. this happened to our son- he moved to another state out of college...He worked 11.5 mos and gave proper notice and returned home (got another job and was happy!)

28. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 1:12PM UTC

    If you aren't getting anything from your direct manager, I would consider reaching out to your HR representative. Have an open discussion with them. "Hey, I'm kinda struggling right now, having a bit of buyer's remorse." Share a bit of what you have here. See if you can work with them on some possible solutions. It could even be working with them on a mutual parting of the ways, "you go your way, I'll go mine, no harm, no foul" that include forgiving relo expenses. If that's not an option, try to negotiate a lower amount if paid all up front or workout a repayment plan, in writing. I believe (can't back this up) that in MO, while they could withhold some of this from your final check, they cannot withhold it all...you would have to be paid minimum wage.

29. asmith13October 30,2024 at 4:55PM UTC

    A lot of companies will send you a letter noting the amount you owe back, which is sometimes pro-rated. They technically could take you to small claims court to recoup the money, but most companies don't bother with following through with it.

30. AnonymousNovember 3,2024 at 2:22AM UTC

    Don't, under any circumstnaces, contact HR about this. You are being annoyed, not harrassed. HR is most assuredly not your friend

31. GirlBossanova934974October 30,2024 at 1:47PM UTC

    If it were me, I would refrain from using the term, TOXIC, for everything that one does not like or displeases one. If you have a manager who drones on and on about his so called achievements that never happened, that is what we use to call a corporate blowhard. Just ignore the hot air! Short term memory issues? Document everything via email? Have to pick your own work assignments and do your own thing? I think you are fortunate not to have to put a micromanager. Do the things that are going to look GREAT on YOUR resume! As for walking away from the $28K? Not likely. Unless there is some sort of serious things like harassment or other serious infractions in the work force, you have 9 months to go.. I would use every minute to bulk up my resume on whatever skillsets I could acquire for the next job.

32. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 1:20PM UTC

    One of the most relevant comments I've ever seen on this board: I would refrain from using the term, TOXIC, for everything that one does not like or displeases one

33. GirlBossanova934974October 31,2024 at 4:33PM UTC

    I am not sure that many workers these days even understand what a TRUE toxic workforce even looks like or sounds. My career has lasted 41 years. I remember one company in particular. The word toxic could have been subbed for the word, confrontational. Talk about everyone being at each other's throats every day. The nastiest bunch I ever worked with. Even the C SUITE was constantly dropping F BOMBS al the time. But the company went out of its way to hire and promote managers who were jerks.. WE all had to take MYERS BRIGGS tests and the vast majority fit into one category. ACT FIRST, THINK LATER!

34. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 1:53PM UTC

    I agree with the other commenters here. There may be more to the story, but from what I read, it seems that this isn't a good fit and the personalities aren't great - but it isn't toxic. Could it become so?- maybe.

    Since your primary issue is not being able to pay the money back if you leave early, I'd suggest you do a few things.

    Take some time to reassess your goals and make a new plan. That plan could be on your 12month anniversary you give notice (make sure you count the days and read the fine print about when you'd owe money back...and give notice 1 day after that day). You could start upskilling, focusing on you, your finances, looking for work, moving home or just to a new job, etc.

    If you want, you could take the advice to aim to make this job better. Talk to key people internally. Or, choose to quiet quit, do what can be done, get your paycheck and move on.

    In the meantime, you could contact your local bar association or legal aid for a free / low cost consultation of an employment lawyer to ask them to review your contract to get an official view of what you'd owe and when.

    I'm not in a position to tell people to stay or go, especially when finances are involved and not knowing your financial situation, but if it the situation gets to the point where you know you just can't go there anymore- it's not worth it to stay (thus getting the advice from lawyer now so you know the parameters- should that time come).

    If possible, stay- a year goes by quickly. Many of us were raised to give our effort and do well to work hard and reap rewards. Sometimes, by assessing the situation, there is no winning, so consider being a ho-hum employee and plan your year. Where will you live, where else to work, Map out PTO/vacation days, make use of all your benefits, focus on you- take professional development. If you have tasks/customers, be kind and courteous to them, ask your boss what the current priority is and make them happy, even if it means your schedule is changing. Learn to tune out the drama/noise of the company culture. Take it as an acting role. For a year, I will be this, so I can get out and go.

    Good luck!

35. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 8:21PM UTC

    What the original poster described is not a mature, normally functioning place of work - therefore I postulate it is toxic. It doesn't sound quite as bad as the place I was just termed from after 18 years of service, but almost as bad.

36. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 3:05PM UTC

    I would take out a small loan and pay them back if you can't stand it.

37. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 3:44PM UTC

    You can't get out of paying them back if you quit. Normally if they fire you you then wouldn't have to pay it back. I'm sorry this job sucks so bad. Honestly, you never really know what you're getting into until you're in it. Try to keep your head down and do what you can and about six months in, start your job search. As for the short term memory loss person, every time they ask you to do something send a follow up email: just to confirm our conversation, you asked me to do X and Y, etc. At least then you'll have a bit of evidence when she tries to throw you under the bus.

38. AnonymousOctober 30,2024 at 8:02PM UTC

    You did get a sign on bonus in that form of payment. That is how they navigate that, however, that is a less than normal timeframe expectation. I've mostly seen 2 years to stay in role, so that's a gift for you. You will be responsible for paying that back. TBH, that is A LOT of money for them to dish out for moving expenses. I think you need to really think about the debt you're about to put yourself in. Now, IMO, yes concerned about your work place, I would suggest you to utilize email communication to confirm the asks. ex: Following up on our conversation that I will be doing A, B,C. You need to see how you can get through this without placing yourself in debt. It's not just putting yourself in debt, they could take you to court if you don't meet their demands on the process of payback.

39. Regina BrownOctober 30,2024 at 8:21PM UTC

    You don't need to pay them back and it sounds like you can "guide" them to a better environment.

    As far as "Forgetful Freida", ensure that you follow up in writing or via email what she asked you to do, so that you have this in your possession and can "remind" her of what was instructed.

    As far as "Narcissistic Nick", the next time he comes to your desk, call his bluff and let him know that he could probably get the pay he thinks he deserves but he won't know unless he tries.

    Your direct manager leaves you alone which is good, continue making up your own daily routine, particularly if it keeps him busy and the company prospererous.

40. Maggie StoneOctober 31,2024 at 12:59PM UTC

    I agree with Regina. If you have to stay until the time frame is up, manage your bosses. Your other option with Nick is to gently and assertively tell him you don't have time. It is fine to make up your daily routine, but I would keep your direct manager informed and have a discussion about duties. Wouldn't want you left with him saying. "I have no idea what she does all day..." Good luck.

41. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachOctober 31,2024 at 2:05PM UTC

    Great strategy for"Narcissist Nick."

42. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 12:13PM UTC

    With the short term memory thing-send her a quick email after every request outlining what was asked.

43. Rondinella OlsenOctober 31,2024 at 12:29PM UTC

    Try to stick it out using the techniques given below. So much can change in a year. And let HR know about the short term memory loss when you have proof. This person needs medical help. Hopefully they will realize that and get it.

    I have found a weekly email to my. Boss to be extremely helpful in this kind of environment. Once a week I send an email that states what I’m working on. Any issues on having and what I need from her. This is saved my butt several times when my manager tried to throw me under the bus for an issue that I have been bringing up weekly and letting them know I needed help. Your boss may not read it after the first few, but it’s a very good way to document your issues and to CYA.

44. Christi LopezOctober 31,2024 at 1:18PM UTC

    Cannot recommend enough the weekly updates email. It not only serves as a way to CYA, but it also is a great way for you to keep track of your work load and duties. I refer back to mine a couple times throughout the year and drop notes into my performance evaluation so I have supporting evidence ready when I have to complete the personal eval section.

45. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 12:50PM UTC

    If it is a very entity and you've found another position: leave. It will cost them more money in legal fees trying to get the money you have received back. I had the same type of situation over a signing bonus. I left. They didn't pursue.

46. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 1:55PM UTC

    Agree with this fully - remaining in an untenable position is not worth your time or health, leave as soon as you can find something better.

47. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 4:25PM UTC

    I agree with this. It's your well-being that can never be fully recovered; $28k is nothing compared to sustaining your health! The company will keep on sailing and find ways to recover their losses. Some comments are saying to suck it up and that is old school mentality when many companies offered pensions, more unionized and things were like family (prolly because there were more families/nepotism) and managment stuck their necks out for their staff. Missouri is an at will state and unless you have something in your contract terms ...like the one year rule you mentioned.... leave after that. The environment will not change as it sounds like self-awareness is not your management's strength. Self care and an exit plan seem like options in your situation.

48. Kristi MarxOctober 31,2024 at 12:56PM UTC

    Wow. Throughout my career I've had similar challenges. I would encourage you to shift perspective and see this as a skill building opportunity. I've found that the most trying scenarios led to personal/career growth. Those lessons I learned led to great interview and management skill building. Let's face it, job skill is rarely the issue in the workplace but handling unmotivated colleagues, overbearing management, etc. is. Most job interviews ask about these things and how you handled them. This is an opportunity for you to have concrete, real life examples to give in a future interview.

    Hunker down and build your "soft" skill set. Take initiative and learn what you can about memory loss and how you can help someone in the workplace and protect yourself. Educate yourself on behavior patterns of persons who are insecure and how you can "manage" them. Complimenting your coworker on his value may boost his confidence and provide the affirmation he so desperately seeks.

    Best of luck on your journey to a great career!

49. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 2:08PM UTC

    I think complimenting the narcissist will be feeding the beast. He'll keep coming around for more. Folks like that need constant affirmation, not a one-time thing.

    Plus, it sounds like she wouldn't feel very genuine about it.

50. Jean NaanOctober 31,2024 at 1:46PM UTC

    I would agree with the above comments. Hunker down and do your best, one year is not that long. Don’t make the job the focal point of your life, you are in a new area, go out mak friends and enjoy your new area.

51. Suzanne RonayneNovember 1,2024 at 12:12AM UTC

    A year is an eternity when you're miserable in your job.

52. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 2:02PM UTC

    Hunker down; you know what to expect from these folks. And honestly, it sounds more like very annoying than truly toxic.

    When short-term-memory loss lady tells you something, write it down, -- email her a confirmation immediately-- that will save you from tire treads when she tries to throw you under the bus. Which sounds like it's not intentional. You might even raise concerns about her well-being to someone (HR, her boss, or your boss) if it continues. "I'm concerned for Mary, each time I give her a report, she forgets and shortly thereafter asks me for the same information."

    Call the narcissist on quitting. Next time he says "I may quit" say, oh so sweetly, "You've mentioned that idea several times. Do you think you'll act on it? You're right sometimes that's what it takes for people to appreciate you." It's a bit snarky but maybe he'll take the bait and do it, or at least shut up about it. It's nicer than saying "So why don't you quit already!" which is what I'd really want to say ;-)

    And continue keeping yourself busy. Document your daily activities that you pursue in absence of guidance from your boss.

    $28000 is A LOT to pay back if all you need to do is hang tough for 9 more months (I know that's really hard when you're in that space). You CAN do this. For the moment, you've got crazy people around you. This too shall pass.

53. Wendy CarranzaOctober 31,2024 at 2:15PM UTC

    After a conversation with the person with the memory issues send an email recapping what was said and send it to them. That way you can "keep the receipt".

54. Charlotte PettisOctober 31,2024 at 2:18PM UTC

    I would suggest that when the manager request a task that you reiterate it in an email stating the task and asking for a confirmation that the task in the email is the same as the conversation.

55. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 7:32PM UTC

    Agreed here. I would tough it out and keep looking in the process if you find that you absolutely cannot tolerate the atmosphere. That is a big bill to pay back.

56. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 2:24PM UTC

    ive been in situations dealing with people with such issues. The one think I learned is to always CYA and don’t take it personally or so hard. Sounds ,I,e these are some miserable people and such love company. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Document EVERYTHING and take notes. Recap everything and put things in writing. So if someone forgets, there’s proof that you said or did it. So if anything comes back on you, you can pull it up as proof. Also make it known to those managers superior and HR that there is this difficulty. It’s better for you to tell them first before those managers tell them and you end up on a PIP so they can fire you.

57. AnonymousNovember 1,2024 at 2:23PM UTC

    I would also include forwarding or bcc those emails to your email account.

58. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 5:36PM UTC

    Wow, that would be a lot of money to pay back. You should tough it out. Just ignore the weird guy who keeps saying he wants to quit, and email the lady with memory loss following each discussion where she assigns a task. Keep good documentation. You'll eventually settle into a routine and learn not to take this all so personally. If it's still uncomfortable in a year, then look for something else. Your direct manager may be observing you and doesn't know how to delegate well. Reach out and ask for assignments or direction. Not everyone in management is really cut out for management responsibilities so you may have to take the initiative here. And Document, Document, Document.

59. AnonymousOctober 31,2024 at 5:37PM UTC

    I totally agree. Unfortunate that the job didn't turn out to be what the OP expected, but this constant default of claiming someone is a narcissist or you're in a toxic environment when things don't go your way isn't sustainable long term.

60. AnonymousNovember 1,2024 at 12:10AM UTC

    Wow, that's a bit harsh! With that kind of attitude, I'll bet there's someone at your workplace that thinks YOU are toxic.

    I wish the O.P. well. There is no reason someone should have to remain working with people who are as awful as she describes.

61. AnonymousNovember 1,2024 at 12:11PM UTC

    That's alot of money to pay back! Most likely they will make a payment plan with you to pay it back. Once you signed that relocation agreement it is a legal document that is binding.

62. AnonymousNovember 1,2024 at 1:32PM UTC

    It would be best for you to power through this mess for a year and move on. One way you can do that is by putting every narcissist at-your-desk conversation in an email confirming what was said, and telling him to please email me going forward with this type of information. Same thing for the forgetful lady. She tells you to do something, instantly put it in an email to confirm what she said and then she has a reminder, as well.

    lastly, poke around and try to find out how the “normal people “ in the office handle these two losers. Good luck

63. AnonymousNovember 1,2024 at 1:54PM UTC

    I can only offer advice for the stml person- followup every conversation with an email "Per our conversation we agreed I am going to _______."

64. AnonymousNovember 1,2024 at 3:48PM UTC

    You sound like a…..very unkind person.

65. Michele HoraneyNovember 1,2024 at 5:26PM UTC

    I experienced similar way back in the late 1980s. Moved from IL to CA for a job at a daily paper. Happy move! Right?

    Well, I was there 3 weeks - even before my husband and son had moved out to join me - and I was shipped from the features department as sub-editor working days and M-F to the copy desk I had to work split shifts (!) and weekend nights.
    A possible move to another department was NOT ever shared with me when I was interviewing and orienting. Not at all. As you can imagine, I was ready to pack up my stuff and head back east.
    Could. Not. Do. That.
    Husband was not happy I was being moved, but OH WELL. My husband had a big new job waiting in CA that he was ready and thrilled to take. Clearly, I was second on the list. Still hurts like hell.
    I stayed there a year. By then, husband had yet another job that meant a huge commute for him. So I quit, moved on to work that was closer to where he worked. In the end, it was OK. Although I had to leave news and go into PR. That was another hard loss for me.
    Husband simply skated on with his career and his job.
    We divorced in 1998. A good move. Done with always coming second.

66. AnonymousNovember 1,2024 at 6:58PM UTC

    While it sounds incredibly annoying and disappointing, unless there's more than meets the eye in your post, I'm not sure it rises to the level of "toxic" enough to cost you $28,000. Your malignant narcissist sounds like a pompous jerk, but personally I wouldn't waste my time and energy worrying about whether his self-aggrandizing is true or not. If he's just feeding his ego it's not your problem.

    If this person can't be avoided outright then try to find ways to tactfully disengage from those time-wasting conversations.

    As for the complaining manager, whether she does have some sort of memory loss or is just plain disorganized I'd follow up with emails with a brief summary of any agreements or conclusions.

    Unless your contract has language that suggests a "toxic" work environment would exempt you from repaying the money I doubt that will work. And who has to define "toxic"? I'm guessing the burden would fall to you to prove when difficult coworkers rise to the level of toxic, which probably wouldn't be easy unless they've been pretty extreme.

    Is there nothing positive about the company culture or is it primarily these two?

    I'd try to tough it out for another nine months.

67. JoyNovember 1,2024 at 9:34PM UTC

    I think you will have to wait for the year to go by.

68. AnonymousNovember 2,2024 at 2:29PM UTC

    Wow you are in a pickle. But what I'm going to stress here, is that your mental health is your number one priority. You must devise a plan to get out as quickly as possible. Find out what your legal options are ASAP. Don't do anything prematurely without finding out the consequences of those actions. Have an aim to be out as soon as possible maybe before the new year. Good luck, and stay strong.

69. Bridget HarringtonNovember 2,2024 at 4:24PM UTC

    I was in this exact situation. I stuck it out for 2 years - just long enough to not have to pay back my relo (which was not nearly as much as you're looking at). Yes, your mental health IS important. But financial stress can affect mental health even worse than a toxic work environment. Try to stick it out and ignore the coworkers as best you can while you look for something else. Leave as soon as you reasonably can.

70. AnonymousNovember 2,2024 at 5:35PM UTC

    I agree mental health is a priority! Financial burden equally as stressful.

    Can't you kinda chat with the person that hired you?

    I would umm and ahh in all the right, nod and smile... places to the person who is up themselves! Then they will leave you alone.

    For the person who is throwing you under the bus, get everything in writing, even if it's on Microsoft teams that they asked you and then, I'd save the screenshots.

    Good ? luck!

71. AnonymousNovember 2,2024 at 10:03PM UTC

    I agree; when I only make nonverbal acknowledgements here and there to people who complain they eventually tire of the lack of reaction and move on.

72. Jami FarkasNovember 3,2024 at 3:29PM UTC

    I'm sorry this is happening to you. Does your benefits package include an employee assistance program (EAP)? If it does, services like counseling and some legal advice are available to you free of charge, and most importantly, they can't disclose to your employer. You can call and talk to a counselor to ensure you're keeping your mental health a priority, and maybe get some strategies on how to deal with these toxic managers from a professional. There's a lot of not great advice on this thread that could end up making things worse. On the legal side, you can send them the wording from your relocation agreement and ask if there is a way you could get around it that won't cost you equally as much in court. I'm in HR and those docs are usually pretty straightforward and air tight, but not having seen how yours is written, I really don't know that in your case. Either way, professional advice is best, and free confidential advice is even better. Good luck as you navigate the through this!

73. AnonymousNovember 3,2024 at 9:16PM UTC

    HR here, the first thing you need to do regarding the manager who forgets conversations, is when you all have a conversation about a task that she requested that you complete you need to make sure that you immediately follow up in an email. What do I mean by that whatever y'all discuss you put that in an email you and then you complete the task. Secondly, stop internalizing their toxic behavior and do what they are paying you to do and keep it moving. While you may not have control of people and their toxic behavior, you absolutely have control over how you respond to it.

74. AnonymousNovember 5,2024 at 2:04PM UTC

    Unfortunately working for and alongside two individuals with quirky personalities and proclivities will not excuse you from repaying the loan back should you choose to leave. If you were to poll the majority of working adults about their work environments, I would bet that over half would say that some form of toxicity exists. You’d be much better off learning to adapt by finding creative ways to get around the negativity. If the company paid your relocation fees, it must mean that they saw something in you that they felt would add value. Don’t let the detractors - whatever or whoever they are and what they do, take that away from you.