I have accepted a VP position that requires a costly out of state move and disrupting my children significantly.

32 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 13,2026 at 4:33PM UTC

   I would place more weight on the opportunity that will best serve the needs of my family and personal mental health rather than fleeting feelings of embarrassment.

   A year from now will anyone really still care that you turned down the job that requires you to uproot your family?

2. AnonymousFebruary 13,2026 at 4:52PM UTC

   Thanks for sharing. Such a hard decision. My experience (within tech in the same sphere) is that this would be career suicide to switch at this stage. Any chance you could get a small apartment in the new state and try it for 6 months or so, as not to disturb your children (assuming you have a spouse or help at your current home to keep things running)? I would also work on keeping this other company warm. I would hate for this to backfire on your career, which you clearly worked incredibly hard to build.

3. Kathy SijanFebruary 18,2026 at 1:31PM UTC

   Agree with the idea of getting a furnished apartment and see how it goes, while keeping the remote company 'warm' and interview them to 'test' the waters.

   My Dad was transferred from MO to OH in the early 70's. I was in 5th grade - it was TOUGH all around. Yes, I learned to adapt but it was lonely for a while, and hard to make new friends.

4. JessicaFebruary 13,2026 at 4:57PM UTC

   Ask for more or just make the switch - your loyalty to this business means nothing to your family.

5. Cindy McCroryFebruary 13,2026 at 6:07PM UTC

   In 5 days or less, no one will remember your switching to the remote job.

6. AnonymousFebruary 14,2026 at 2:15PM UTC

   The reality is that this is a business decision and if the tables were turned the business would have no problem passing on you and going for the better offer. Trust your instincts.

7. AnonymousFebruary 14,2026 at 2:32PM UTC

   I would do what’s best for you, don’t worry about embarrassment

8. AnonymousFebruary 14,2026 at 3:03PM UTC

   When people are on their deathbed, which are they more likely to regret, not doing more for their employer or not doing more for their family? An employer is loyal to you for as long as is expedient for the employer, while your family is your family for your entire life. If the remote job is stable, is a firm offer, and it's better for you and your family, consider telling your current employer that you're honored, you will miss everyone, but there is an offer too good to refuse because your children are doing so well in their current school and you don't want to uproot them. Express gratitude for the opportunity then do what's right for YOU. Above all, trust your gut on this. What is it telling you?

9. Kit FosterFebruary 17,2026 at 6:03PM UTC

   This 1st offer is just a signed agreement -- so how can she "miss" anyone? The 2nd opportunity sounds like a new one, not a counter offer from her current employer.

   Beyond that, I think your insights re: job/family are profoundly valuable.

10. GirlBossanova934974February 14,2026 at 3:47PM UTC

    I am a little confused here. Do you have a FIRM offer in hand for the remote job? Doesn't sound like it. If you do NOT have a firm offer in hand, I would go with the original offer. Would be and could be are 2 very overused words out there right now.

11. Jacqueline CutlerFebruary 14,2026 at 6:59PM UTC

    One is a possibility, and the other is a signed deal, so I would go with the sure thing.

    Also, in a small, competitive industry, people would know that you went back on your word. I don't know if there could be legal ramifications.

    My tendency would be to go with the firm offer. I would call the other place and tell them you are happy to stay in town, but that the other happened first.

12. Kit FosterFebruary 17,2026 at 5:48PM UTC

    There are no legal ramifications to simply backing out of a deal. They aren't paying for her move (which makes this claim of how high profile this offer is a bit dubious) so what has either party invested yet besides time?. The 1st company has a lengthy list of runner-ups to go back to. And I doubt her start date is "this second" so she has time to press the other firm to accelerate it's process.

13. AnonymousFebruary 15,2026 at 9:49AM UTC

    You have to give weightage to the job in hand. You don't know if you will land the other job and how long it will take. You can tell the recruiter that you are already joining a new job and that they will have to hasten their steps, if you want to consider this opportunity.

14. TriciaFebruary 15,2026 at 2:46PM UTC

    My first instinct was to say resend the position and put family first… BUT i am only seeing the other company reached out about the position and you haven’t been offered a job.

    Here is my advice; Talk to the recruiter about the position, let them know you’d like to work with XYZ company and that you are very interested in the job. Ask some hard questions of when does the position close? What the interview process looks like? Try to get a feel for what you might be up against. Maybe even ask if you could talk to the hiring manager? (Never hurts to ask) In asking those questions and things seem to work out in your favor, it’s worth a shot to give it a go.

    If the process is going to be long, you aren’t feeling it may work and no one is helping to provide answers then stick to your original plan. You accepted the job, must’ve thought about it enough to realize it was a good opportunity and was worth it to uproot the family and move.

    Put out of your mind that this position was brought to your attention, you’d still be excited about the new role.

    There is no guarantee that you will even get the other job and in the end losing out on both opportunities. Not what you want to do and you’ve possibly burnt a bridge.

    Go with your gut on this one. The grass may not be greener on the other side. Don’t worry about what people think about you and if you resend the other job do it gracefully, professional and keep your fingers crossed. You got this!

15. AnonymousFebruary 16,2026 at 1:25PM UTC

    Bird in the hand.

    You have committed to a course. Are you willing to torpedo your reputation on a possible position?

16. Kit FosterFebruary 17,2026 at 5:38PM UTC

    I believe the OP said she had a second OFFER - to me that means a deal that has been struck. If it really is at the nascent stage then she needs to accelerate the process if she's really interested -- and leave her emotions at the doorstep ("professional embarrassment" is one of those) a

    I've been hired in less than 7 minutes, so the decision needs to be based on whichever one serves her career goals and family needs best. Remote work also adds a high % to the value of the 2nd offer -- no major wardrobe revamps, no commuting costs, no childcare - both in costs of TIME lost to all that new routine, not just $$$

17. AnonymousFebruary 18,2026 at 1:34PM UTC

    I did not take her post that it was two competing offers, just that she had been contacted by a second company about a position. If it's a small industry and the companies are well known to each other, I would choose to be very cautious about it. I might still have the conversation about the 2nd position, but I would not tank the first already offered & accepted position for a possibility.

18. LaVerne LipscombFebruary 16,2026 at 1:49PM UTC

    Take what you got and maybe in a yr or 2 the remote may open up again

19. OLIVIA JOHNSONFebruary 16,2026 at 4:39PM UTC

    Hi there!

    First, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Sounds like you scored yourself an awesome opportunity.

    I'll keep this short and sweet as I wanted to spend more time on the CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    Don't give up an exclamation point "!" for a question mark "?"

    We all have woulda shoulda couldas but when we truly think about it rarely is it that we actually have both opportunities in our grasp to compare apples to apples. There's no offer on the table so you made the best decision for you and your family. Move forward with it excited that you beat the job search and have an awesome venture ahead!

    Great job and again CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    Best regards,

    Coach Olivia

20. Amanda GillFebruary 17,2026 at 1:44PM UTC

    Do what's best for your well being and family. At the end of the day that's what's most important.

21. AnonymousFebruary 17,2026 at 2:08PM UTC

    It's a good problem to have. I would do what's better for you. Eff them!

22. Monisha WalkerFebruary 17,2026 at 3:20PM UTC

    Congratulations, on the position.

    Watch how Jesus open doors for. Keep your word , move and do not look back...

    I definitely need to read your testimony, your testimony helped in .ore ways than one. Is your company hiring.

23. Monisha WalkerFebruary 17,2026 at 3:21PM UTC

    I forgot my name is Monisha Walker .

    It was a pleasure reading your testimony.

24. Tomiko NicholsFebruary 17,2026 at 3:43PM UTC

    I've been second-hand traumatized over someone that picked up and moved across country then got laid off almost immediately due to Covid. Also, I'm very pro WFH, that's another 10k onto your salary right there. If nothing else maybe it will give you leverage to re-negotiate a possible hybrid agree or remore agreement.

25. Kit FosterFebruary 17,2026 at 5:30PM UTC

    Passing over the fact that when I was a middle level Director all my "costly moves" were paid for by the hiring firm , (including 2 months of executive housing) I'd say that the

    #1 thing you need to remember is you could be cut in the blink of an an eyelash, let alone an eye. So then you are in a new place with perhaps a lot of your network somewhere else. However negotiating relo AFTER the offer generally doesn't lead to good outcomes -- you needed to get that as part of the up front offer

    Embarrassment, guilt, worry are all useless emotions . Pick based on which opportunity serves YOU and your family member(s) best -- and if it's the local firm negotiate into your new comp agreement that a large severance or buyout will need to be part of that to get you to accept this "2nd offer" and stay put.

    This is business; leave your emotions out of it

26. AnonymousFebruary 17,2026 at 5:56PM UTC

    Are you concerned about the disruption for children or cost more? If children, that is a harder one to resolve.

    If cost, the company should absolutely be footing the bill plus a significant signing bonus at your level.

27. AnonymousFebruary 17,2026 at 10:00PM UTC

    I would start interviewing with the new company, then decide when you get the offer.

    see if you can stall the move and work remotely until then.

    If they make it a big deal, then you can take it as additional info for making your decision.

28. Milissa JacobsFebruary 18,2026 at 3:05PM UTC

    Is your word important to you? You said that it's in a small competitive industry, so if you move, your next boss will be aware that you are not the most loyal employee to hire. It stinks, but everything happens for a reason. Keep your word and don't look back.

29. AnonymousFebruary 18,2026 at 3:14PM UTC

    I would understand first if the job you are contacted about is a real possibility being totally transparent about having already accepted another position. Also consider if you have signed a contract to work for the first company, there may be legal implications. However, your work life balance is critical to being successful in any job so if you are certain of the 2 opportunity and there are no legal implications if day go for the one that suits your life best and ignore the potential perception of switching.

30. AnonymousFebruary 18,2026 at 6:18PM UTC

    As a female remote is almost a requirement bcos you're also a mother. Working remotely helps you do a better job at both. It's not about keeping your word. This is your life. Remote will help you not disrupt your children's lives. Either company can terminate you months after hiring you. If your kids have real psychological/emotional problems due to the move and while you're helping them, it affects your job performance, they will fire you without blinking. Tell the company of your new offer and respectfully request them to change your job to remote, perhaps with a quarterly/bi-annual in person check in and tell them you are still taking less pay than the new offer is offering. If they say no, prayerfully and respectfully decline their offer and go with the new offer and be honest with the new company that you will be a better PERSON as a whole as in wife / partner /mother/ employee with their offer, that's why you're taking it and it's not about greed for money. They have families themselves and will reason with you...

31. Mary Mathiowetz-ShafferFebruary 19,2026 at 4:25PM UTC

    Keep your word - in a small industry, your reputation carries more weight. Regarding movement of your kids - as a military brat myself, moves can be great! They help kids become more resilient - and kids are more mobile than people realize. Make sure you provide your kids with the same type of change management support you might expect to receive - understanding new resources; identifying and openly discussing anxieties and strategies related to moving to a new town and meeting new friends; establishing a plan with tasks and responsibilities that gets them involved in owning part of the family move. It can be a memorable and fun adventure if you make it so!

32. AnonymousFebruary 24,2026 at 1:53PM UTC

    Those childhood years with your children cannot be replaced. I put my career above my children and regret it now. My children are in their 30’s now ans I am in my late 50’s- if I was able to do it all over again I would make different choices- you may hurt feelings but in the long run your family is more important- All those years I worked so hard for my employers and the most precious things in lift are all grown up- in the end you are nothing to your employer no matter if you worked yourself into an early grave wirh overtime and exceeding expectations- I can’t believe how fast the years have gone past and although I have reached all my goals I am regretting it all….