Rejoined my former company as an FTE, but landed on a toxic team. How do I protect my peace?

16 Comments

1. Regina BrownJanuary 25,2026 at 12:13AM UTC

   You also have to remember your last position with the company was an an intern, now you are "playing with the big kids", so that is a different set of rules.

   Have you had the opportunity to speak with your manager? Communication is key here.

2. AnonymousJanuary 25,2026 at 2:45AM UTC

   I had 2 1-1 with the mgr so far. And the only thing he keep mentioning is efficiency ?

3. maria roseJanuary 25,2026 at 3:39AM UTC

   You, the OP, have already said your answer to the question that you put forth in your explanation of your current job position. I get that you are getting mentally stressed by being made/forced to progress at different “efficiency pace” in doing the tasks of the job you are doing and which you already did as an intern. I don’t know what field of work you , the OP, are working in, but I can tell you this certain fields of work requires a faster pace of doing the job because of the nature of the task. Think of your position as one of the spokes on a wheel—everyone has to put in the same effort/efficiency to progress at the same pace. You are only seeing the job from your single perception and not seeing the whole picture which is why you feel frustrated and stressed because you putting an I into the TEAM effort effect. The sooner you realize that you have to work well together with the rest of the team the less stressful the situation will become. You were not hired to become the next manager (!maybe down the road) but you were hired to be part of team and all

   members have to work together to make sure the job become more efficient

4. AnonymousJanuary 26,2026 at 5:10AM UTC

   I hear what you're saying about alignment. However, I believe a manager’s role is to facilitate that alignment through leadership and communication instead of only demanding delivery.

   When communication is harsh and expectations are only about efficiency instead of anything else, it kind of stops being a team effort and starts being a survival situation. I’m choosing to prioritize professional sustainability so I can be a good engineer and contributes for years, not just weeks.

5. AnonymousJanuary 25,2026 at 1:37PM UTC

   Efficiency and metrics are what it’s about. I’ve been at my job for 9 years and we all worry about getting fired all the time. It’s happening around us. 2 of my teammates were fired last year. With AI and automation such a focus, you have to give it your all otherwise you’ll be cut.

6. AnonymousJanuary 26,2026 at 5:16AM UTC

   Being laid off would make me cry and feel depressed, just like working with such managers.

   Perhaps I’m naive. Finding a job is challenging, but I don’t want to spend time with such unpleasant colleagues deep down in my heart.

7. SPQJanuary 25,2026 at 3:57PM UTC

   That's the work culture on that team... What can you do?

   It's like postulating... If it'll be fine if your sales team of 3 only makes $200 in sales this month, because the team is happy and just jiving. It's probably not fine. The company probably won't support this/survive for very long, and it's the management that take the heat for poor performance. Is your company at risk for layoffs? Are they profitable? Whats their cash burn and do they have enough runway to cover everyone's salary for the next 6 months?

   It sounds like you might be in an software engineering field. And more often than not, when it's crunch time, that's a pressure cooker lifestyle.

   I think you should carry out your current plan. Say what you will about setting boundaries but this guy hasn't learned (and may never) how to treat his employees with respect. So be prepared to have a target on your back. Or simply, zip those lips and keep it cordial. Do your silent quitting and be sure to ask the important work culture questions with your next prospective employer.

   Based on what you said, the team is not stable... But instability is yet to be proven, and unfortunately, you and your colleagues will be the guinea pigs.

   If he is a new manager, it might take years for HR to get involved. He's such a high performer, he'll cover up the lost output by doing it himself. Or, HR never gets involved because through this scorched earth approach, he will eventually find employees that can take the heat and produce the desired output.

   Don't overthink or overdo this. Goodluck.

8. AnonymousJanuary 26,2026 at 5:04AM UTC

   Thank you SPQ, I will try to set the boundary at this stage since he has already tried to put some not-that-beginner-friendly tasks on me.

   If he targets me, I will do the silent quit and, as you said, keep it cordial and zip my lips while seeking my next job.

   The company is profitable in a sense, but like all companies, they are seeking more ARR growth. Especially with the AI tools, we are expected to double the output.

9. AnonymousJanuary 25,2026 at 10:06PM UTC

   I'm sorry you are experiencing this.I too had a great job (for almost 10 yrs), but when they reorganized, I was placed on a new team that was SO toxic. I left after 2 years and took an LOA, found a new super job, went back from LOA for ONE DAY and handed in my resignation that day. Happily started with the new job the next week. Preserve your sanity, but plan your exit if you're going to find a new job.Blessings to you.

10. AnonymousJanuary 26,2026 at 5:11AM UTC

    Yes, well done, and I wish everything goes well for you from now on.

11. AnonymousJanuary 26,2026 at 3:26PM UTC

    So I am HR and these investigations are generally not taken lightly. I would recommend you have a conversation with him yourself, and yes please set boundaries. Other people’s complaints are red flags in some cases and in others, without all the information, you might be taking on their stress for no reason. They may have not had a conversation themselves with him or have performance issues already. If you have the conversation and you experience issues afterwards, take it to the department who handles your complaints, but take evidence. Keep a notebook where you keep record of when, who, and what happened. Keep any emails, messages, anything that would be inappropriate from the manager. Sometimes these things take time because it’s hearsay and there’s no evidence or starting point. Also, yes, keep applying to other positions in case.

12. AnonymousJanuary 26,2026 at 5:59PM UTC

    Going back to a company where you were before with preconceived notions about things being the same as before doesn't always pan out as the same. Take control of your time and set boundaries and expectations now with your manager about work time and non-work time. Be firm, follow up the conversation with written information. If you are being treated rudely directly by him tell him you expect professional respect and will give him the same but will not tolerate anger or rudeness. Sit down with him in a 1-1 and find out more about him. Perhaps his terse nature is because he is afraid of being known. He might also have pressures upon him from above. Don't involve the team. Do this for yourself and stay below others angst, control and own your own destiny here. Remind him of why you came back and how you are motivated and how you collaborate for success. Let him know how you take feedback ( good or bad) and tell him you are there to contribute strongly to his success as well as your own. Showing that card may soften his stiff reserve.

    If things don't shift within 30 days, and you need intervention bring HR or the skip level into the conversation. No one should be in a hostile workplace and crying is not a solution to this. Do note that the only one that put you into this is you. If you make a change to any other department be sure that you ask the tough questions of the manager first. How do you like to manage? How do you measure success? What does failure look like to you? How do you motivate your direct reports? How do you course correct when things don't align? Asking those and more will assure you don't get into this rough territory again. Good luck. It's not too late to own and control this you have to shift your behavior and his to get it back on course.

13. AnonymousJanuary 26,2026 at 11:44PM UTC

    Your boss has been very clear with you, many time over, that he’s laser focused on efficiency. Sorry to hear about previous workplace trauma, but your trigger…your responsibility. If you truly need a workplace accommodation to manager this trigger, then complete the paperwork and submit a formal request. It’s unlikely your boss will take his foot of the “efficiency” pedal, though. He’s not going to make a special exception for you.

    If you’re salaried and you try to school your boss on what hours you will and won’t work, I don’t think that convo will turn out well for you. By all means dig in on excessive nights and weekends but I think you already know this discussion will be hard.

    I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. As someone else said, you’re no longer an intern but you’re now playing with all the other big kids. Based off of your short narrative here, I’d start looking for another job. This doesn’t seem like a long term fit. Best wishes.

14. AnonymousJanuary 27,2026 at 5:18PM UTC

    It seems that you already have an effective strategy in place. All that's needed is to implement it sooner rather than later. Also, document everything: your findings, interactions with this pseudo dictator of a manager. Wishing you all the best, and most of all peace.

15. AliciaJanuary 29,2026 at 2:22PM UTC

    I'm sorry you're going through this and believe you have a very well-rounded outlook on your situation. My only recommendation is how you approach the 90-day conversation. Instead of "telling" this manager your plan, share what you've drafted, asked whether this is what they had in mind and where you might need to make adjustments (stroke the ego). Also offer bi-weekly check-ins to provide updates on the progress being made on the plan, and timing for when you suspect specific tasks will be completed ( i.e. btmy COB 5pm on Thursday). They sound like they have serious blinders on, which is a tough working style to break. However, we as employees are equally responsible for telling and showing leaders how we are best led.

16. AnonymousJanuary 29,2026 at 6:55PM UTC

    This is a no-win situation. Stand up to this manager and risk worse treatment. Say nothing and you will silently suffer. You must polish up your resume and then start looking for your next role. Going to your former team could really backfire, unless you 110% can trust that it won't get back to your current team. That would, again, make things worse for you. Same with HR - do not trust that they will support you. Their loyalty is to management and the company.

    I had the misfortune to work for someone exactly as you describe, Most of the team left or were fired (27 people, in total) by this person. It was incredibly stressful. I chose to leave. The PTSD was very real.

    Edited to add: Important that you keep your chin up, do your best job, be positive (I know, it's hard!), be sure to meet deadlines and be diligent. That way, you will eventually leave on YOUR terms, without burning bridges. All the best. I feel for you!