Co-worker that throws you under the bus in front of boss

18 Comments

1. AnonymousJanuary 21,2025 at 1:50PM UTC

   I'm so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, being in your shoes at one point, I would advise documenting any interaction that you two have for your protection. Let him suck up to management as you work on getting recruits in front of managers and close positions. Keep a positive attitude with your boss so your boss knows that your behavior is uplifting and aligns with what the company wants.

   It's also such a huge red flag for him to act that way if he has only been with the company for 30 days. Even though you haven't been there for much longer, either, you still want to make sure every interaction with coworkers is a good one. He could try and see if there are any other petty coworkers willing to "join forces" with him and cause you to be miserable. Let him dig his own grave.

2. AnonymousJanuary 21,2025 at 1:56PM UTC

   "all warfare is based on deception." Sun Tzu "know your enemy and know your self and in a thousand battles you will never be defeated." I would suggest some light reading of the following: Sun Tzu's Art of War, Robert Greene's 48 Laws of Power and Machiavelli's The Prince even perhaps Miamoto Musashi's Book of Five Rings Yogi Philosophy and Yogi Science of Breath

3. AnonymousJanuary 21,2025 at 2:13PM UTC

   It sounds very immature, and him calling you out for how you talked to someone else is entirely out of his lane. I agree with the first response that suggested you stay in your lane and ensure you and your boss have a good working relationship. He is still in a probationary period, and if he continues to act like this with everyone, he probably won't survive it. Avoid interactions with him that can escalate like this if possible.

4. AnonymousJanuary 21,2025 at 2:15PM UTC

   It sounds like you have differing communication styles and would appreciate advice on how to bridge the communication gap you two seem to be having.

   Next time this comes up, you could ask them if they have time to discuss this with you further. Then ask what their preferred communication style is. If they don’t know, explain the different types to them.

   Then explain your communication style. Then you both come up with suggestions on how to bridge that gap.

   Learning to work with someone new will always have its growing pains. But don’t allow this to escalate. Try to work it out amongst yourselves and document everything you are doing to try and professionally mitigate their perceived issues with you.

5. AnonymousJanuary 21,2025 at 2:27PM UTC

   Have you had a conversation with him about the interactions following the meeting with your manager asking for clarification? I think it would be acceptable to inform your boss that you sense tension with this coworker and will be looking to have a conversation to discuss so all can focus on the work at hand and hit all your goals. As someone else mentioned, take notes to protect yourself or consider having the discussion where another co-worker can hear and back you up if needed.

6. AnonymousJanuary 21,2025 at 2:41PM UTC

   With two short timers, he may feel that he is in a competition with you. Who knows his motivation?

   I would begin documenting your contacts with dates, times and status for your manager. That way he knows who you've been in contact with.

7. AnonymousJanuary 21,2025 at 3:11PM UTC

   Its interesting that a new hire who has only been with your organization for just 30 days wields this kind of influence over you, your boss and your business function. Did your boss just stand there and watch this four-week old employee scold you? If so, I'd refocus energy on why your boss doesn't have your back in inter-office disputes.

   To that point, though, as two relatively new employees...tread lightly. If I were a boss and saw two adults bickering like they're in high school...I'd have serious concerns. I know you took responsibility and apologized but it sounds like the tension is still very much there.

   Please check out the "Book of Boundaries" by Melissa Urban. It provides chapters of real-life situations (like this) and scripts responses that are absolutely usable in the work place.

8. AnonymousJanuary 22,2025 at 2:05PM UTC

   This sounds like a great book. Thank you for recommending it!

9. AnonymousJanuary 21,2025 at 4:53PM UTC

   I would be suspicious as to the weight this very new employee has. That's bold to call out a fellow new employee.

10. AnonymousJanuary 22,2025 at 1:26PM UTC

    It’s fine to question intentions but an opinion can’t be false. He’s saying he didn’t like how you spoke to him and someone else - you saying well you’re wrong sort of suggests maybe you do need to think about how you are communicating.

11. AnonymousJanuary 22,2025 at 2:35PM UTC

    There is a saying in my town, “if you can not make it with the enemy, be part of it.”

    it is better to have a friendly relationship with the enemy than to have rough relationship.

    I think that is a good strategy to make the job environment enjoyable in many ways.

12. AnonymousJanuary 22,2025 at 3:49PM UTC

    It appears that you have the data points correct. Not much you can do but be you. There’s always someone trying to climb the ladder fast and will do anything. Unfortunately nothing new.

13. Dawn M Rollins-MurrellJanuary 22,2025 at 4:19PM UTC

    I hate to bring this up, but sometimes culture can come into play when someone is portrayed or perceived a certain way. For him to say he "didnt like the way you said" 'Darlene who,' or 'doesnt like the way you spoke to a coworker', seems like he may feel like your tone of voice and assertiveness comes across as aggressive when it was not. He may think you are trying to wield your power because you have confidence,and he feels threatened by it. Unfortunately because lines have been formed, I would be the nicest, sweetest person in the office, bring snacks, compliment everyone, bring your A game in your work, and show him and your boss that the issue is him, and not you. Your confidence in the way you speak is probably intimidating to him because you are both recruiters, and people usually take notice and try to sabatoge when someone is more of a bad a$$ than they are.

14. AnonymousJanuary 23,2025 at 2:38PM UTC

    Next time there is an outburst, I read a good way to diffuse and confuse is to say, “Are you okay?” It forces the conversation to be taken as if someone might be having a bad day or maybe they are not feeling well. LOL! They end up having to explain themselves. It’s also not aggressive.

15. GirlBossanova934974January 23,2025 at 2:48PM UTC

    Sounds like your company hired itself a FIRST CLASS LEMON when they brought in your coworker a month ago. WOW! The guy is not even in the place 30 days and he's out there running his own WHINE and Cheese party. Sounds like this guy some passive aggressive issues. At the very least, he is NOT suitable for an HR role such as yours as his skin is way too thin! What is he going to do when an angry employee comes his way? CRY?? I would suggest you go to your boss when these issues occur and document everything. It won't take long before someone figures out they made a first class hiring mistake.

16. AnonymousJanuary 23,2025 at 3:45PM UTC

    He is professionally jealous of you. Stay the course, do your job and ignore him. Recruiting tends to be somewhat competitive especially if you have a quota for the work you do and are in an agency. Be the bigger person, do your job, ignore him be overly friendly when and if he asks you something and try not to be in a place where it is just you and he and he can attack. Keep a record of anything he does which seems aggressive or mean and don't push it. That does not mean take his nonsense, he is just insecure and wants attention. Let him get it by being a jerk and if he directly attacks your character tell him to stop. Focus on the work. Good luck in your new role.

17. AnonymousJanuary 23,2025 at 4:33PM UTC

    Sharing office and work without clearly defined accountability is NOT recommended. Don’t jumping into gigs until you have formal offers in writing including job function, description, work location, SSA doesn’t count as income, and payscale, responsibilities are on paper, there is clearly divide on ghosting sideline vs legitimacy.

18. AnonymousJanuary 24,2025 at 2:03AM UTC

    Men are this petty. I was “raised” on the idea that women are petty and spiteful and evil-intended. This is wrong. Yes, some are, but no more (and likely less) than men in general. We just don’t have the time!. I have spent 90% of my professional career in a male dominated industry. They are more petty, ego-sensitive, and spiteful than any female I have ever worked with. (Except 2, who felt threatened by other strong females). - Advice- document every encounter with this person. If possible just record everything, otter-ai is great., but there are a ton of tools. KEEP RECORDS! And do t immediately respond when this person “sets you up” or “ throws you under the bus, and then backs up over it .” Respond in an email with others (choose an advocate) copied.