Is it ok to skip company events?

45 Comments

1. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 11:35PM UTC

   I think it really depends on the event. If you are trying to move up in the company, some events are a great way to remind people that you exist. A company happy hour with higher ups at it for example. A lunch for someone you weren't close to...not a big deal to skip.

   If you aren't trying to move up, you really don't need to attend any company events. Just make sure you have an answer besides "I didn't want to go" in case you are asked. Something along the lines of "I already had plans that day and couldn't attend, how was it?" should be perfectly fine. The key is to stay true to yourself.

   Outside of a couple of people, the people I work with are not part of my social life. I attend company events based solely on if I think there will be some sort of benefit to me (upward movement, would've felt guilty/bad if I didn't, joy because I actually like the people, etc.).

   I refuse to feel guilty for having a life outside of work, and you shouldn't either.

2. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 11:51PM UTC

   yes it’s ok to skip.
   Especially if you are sensitive to other people's energy. Whether you are or not, regardless of the reason, you have a right to decline. Where this gets tricky though is if you are pursuing leadership, depending on who the gatekeepers, that might be important to them who shows up to the social events because its an opportunity for others to get to know you and perhaps see another side of you beyond the scope of work. So if that is a non-factor for you, just don't go. But if you are pursuing leadership, understand, some leaders take that seriously and that is why sometimes what might seem small for a simple get together could be a big deal to a decision maker.

3. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 12:39PM UTC

   I agree that some events are valuable to attend, especially to put in non-office time with some of the senior execs.
   As an example, there was one year that I happened to be working on a project with the president/founder of the company. At the holiday party, he really wanted to do karaoke, so I offered to do it with him. It was awkward and silly, but definitely earned me some points with him, which helps when they are thinking about bonuses and promotions.

4. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 1:57PM UTC

   Excellent point. And good luck on all of your promotion endeavors.

5. AnonymousOctober 1,2022 at 1:10AM UTC

   I attended one lunch one time and I felt so uncomfortable, I didn’t go again.

6. Shanita Taylor BSIS, BSc (Psyc), M.A.E.LOctober 1,2022 at 2:10AM UTC

   It's your fair choice. Do what makes you happy and feel comfortable.

7. AnonymousOctober 1,2022 at 8:59PM UTC

   I tell my staff, it’s a good idea to attend some sort of event whether it be social or volunteering. They have yet to do it.

8. AnonymousOctober 1,2022 at 1:24PM UTC

   I spend 8+ hours a day with these people. Why would I wanna spend more?

   that said—the leadership comment is good advice.

9. Maggie StoneOctober 5,2022 at 2:40PM UTC

   As an introvert, I feel you. However, I would attend at least some of them. Aside from missing growth opportunities, you risk being labeled antisocial, not a good fit, or not a team player.

10. AnonymousOctober 1,2022 at 8:57PM UTC

    Yes, however if you want to be seen and have growth opportunities, I would attend atleast a couple events. I started a new job 4 months ago and have already attended 2 events. The 2nd was hell but it got my name out there. I work in a department in another city so easy to get overlooked.

11. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 7:03PM UTC

    In my opinion - this is ok! If they wanted everyone to attend then the event would be help during company hours, right?

12. Kimberly McKenzie-KlemmOctober 5,2022 at 12:15PM UTC

    I missed my first-level manager's Halloween party twice. He held the party in November (after Halloween) and the first week of December. (To this day I do not know why it was still a Halloween party). On the other hand, both times I had already scheduled my vacation and he had changed the party dates twice. This was frustration on my part. I did want to attend and could not go. I think it stiffens relationships when work-related social events are no-shows. I finally made it to a workgroup attended hockey game, so I think maybe I was unwilling to participate eased up a bit. How do you explain you cannot cancel company-approved vacation time or airplane vacation tickets to show up? Regardless, too much "no" causes friction.

13. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 1:32PM UTC

    ou don’t have to explain If you had a vacation. but it’s still in your best interest to participate. Contribute cupcakes to the party or incorporate yourself into someone else’s costume but find a creative way to show you would have joined in if you were able to.

14. Ashley BasilioOctober 5,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    Great question and responses. I have often felt like you do. But forced myself to go here and there because of the “optics” especially since I wanted to build a career not just clock in-clock out. Sometimes the events were as terrible as I anticipated and I left early after saying hello to friends and key players. And sometimes to my surprise I ended up having so much fun I was glad I went!

15. Diane ReidOctober 5,2022 at 12:37PM UTC

    I think it really depends on your company. If you can see that the events are very important to them, you should go. If not, the choice is yours!

16. Shelby COctober 5,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

    I think that you need to attend all company sponsored and department wide events.

    If there are things that are purely social and coordinated by co-workers outside of office hours that are not company sanctioned that is a different story. I still believe it is in your best interest to be 'social'. While I don't think it is wise to socialize with those we work with, you don't want to 'snub' them either and place yourself on the outside. For example, if they have a weekly cocktail party that is from 5-9 on Thursday's, I would make an appearance once every month or two for an hour. Go early, so no one is sloppy drunk or stupid yet. You may be able to score some free appetizers and they legally have to let you drink free if you tell them you are the DD in my state (check your laws).

    The other thing I would be cautious of is the dreaded 'pitch in' birthday party. They have a tendency to get out of control. If you have a well-meaning person that is hitting you up for money every time you turn around to buy Jack, Suzy, Karen, and Carl a card this week and cake and then a different bunch next time, please do what I did and speak with HR. Not only is it a drain on company time (it takes away from everyone's day when the 'collections' begin), but not everyone has that kind of cash. It can be a burden and awkward situation. If birthdays are going to be celebrated that is great, but the person who is having a birthday should consent (not everyone wants to be celebrated), it should be monthly, and a designated person should buy the cake with company funds.

17. ReachingGoalsOctober 5,2022 at 12:49PM UTC

    It isn't required, especially if you weren't close to the person leaving. If it is a pot luck type thing, then yeah, regardless of your feelings, you should at least spent 15 minutes in the room. If they do a group card, then sign it. But, it also depends on company culture. Does anyone comment when you don't attend a work event? How big is the office? If there are 10 of you then your absence would be noticed, if there are 50+ then probably no one would notice. I work with a woman who refuses to attend company functions, of any type for any reason. It hasn't hurt her in any way. We all know she won't attend, but she will sign a card. I go to very few. None after working hours. It is all in your attitude. Don't go if you don't want to but skip it graciously "Oh, I have plans, I will have to miss this one". Honestly, if your boss doesn't care you shouldn't

18. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

    I see such interactions as beneficial for people who are climbing the corporate ladder. They often give you more casual access to decision makers and allow them to see your personality in a way that they might not when you’re in your office or cubicle. As a program leader for a nationwide organization. I can assure you that most upwardly mobile employees were not judged merely on their technical skills before being promoted into upper management roles. There’s an expectation that those people are technically proficient - that’s why they were put in the position. Those soft skills that shine through in social situations become more and more important as you climb the corporate ladder. Can you interact with people at all levels? Are you socially awkward, or do you have requisite social skills to carry on a conversation with your colleagues?Your superior? The bartender? Are you courteous to the wait staff or demeaning? I know it sounds counterintuitive - I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women that I mentor say “I just want to be judged on my work” - but the truth is that social skills matter too. And while it’s possible to get into upper management without participating in office events, I would use those outings as an opportunity to see and be seen.

    Having said all that, if you’re complacent in your current role and, as you said, your manager isn’t pressuring you to attend, then it’s probably okay if you skip them. But check your company culture before deciding. If you’re the ONLY person who routinely skips these events, I’d reevaluate my position. Maybe try to attend a select few.

    I hope you find this advice useful.

19. Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)October 5,2022 at 1:10PM UTC

    Not really

20. GirlBossanova934974October 5,2022 at 1:16PM UTC

    Since your manager doesn't care and you really didn't know the person leaving, this is perfectly fine NOT to attend. These are events designed to bring together close co-workers for a farewell. More is not better in this case.

21. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 1:21PM UTC

    It really depends on the event. A goodbye lunch for someone you don’t even like—and who doesn’t like you either? That’s a hard pass. But while nobody can force you to attend these events outside the office, it might look weird to skip all of them. Maybe no happy hours, but attend a lunch once in a while?

22. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 1:31PM UTC

    It depends on your goal. If your desire is to move up and progress in this company, being seen as present and involved in company events outside of work are a necessary part of showing that commitment. If your goal is to just do your job and not rock the boat, then you should be fine not showing up to events as long as you let them know you can't make it.

23. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 1:53PM UTC

    You're not forced to attend any company event.

    HOWEVER, don't expect to be promoted, given the plum assignments or to be in the loop as to what's happening. Come time to trim the herd, which theses days is a common occurrence, employees like you (anti-social) are usually the first to go since you're not seen as being part of the team, or someone who is liked by their colleagues.

    Every action, or inactions, has consequences. There are consequences to to attending team events. Are you able to accept the consequences?

24. Ulrike HOctober 5,2022 at 1:54PM UTC

    As most everyone here has already said: As to this specific lunch, it is fine to skip. Looking at the other company-sponsored events, it depends very much on your long-term goals. Lastly, I suggest that you attend, events created for or by your team (unless you have a true and real conflict, which you should communicate) otherwise you give a strong message that you do not want to be there/work with them. If that is the case, i suggest you look for other options since this is not a healthy environment for you.

25. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 2:16PM UTC

    Many people are introverts and don't feel comfortable in social situations, and so judiciously decline most invitations to gather outside of the workplace.

    But that isn't what you said.

    You said that you don't like and are not liked by "a bunch of people" and that you are "to the point" where you don't want to attend general work functions at all. This is not a healthy work environment for you. You may want to explore new opportunities to find a place where you fit in better. We spend such a big part of lives at work, it should be a place that we are at least comfortable in.

    Also, if you haven't considered the possibility that you may be going through a period of depression, it is something to consider. Please think about exploring some of your antipathy towards your co-workers and workplace with a licensed professional.

26. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 2:27PM UTC

    Attend other functions as you want and need to on a somewhat regular basis so you show your face and play the corporate game. I agree that these appearances grease the wheel of social interaction and arguably promotions at a later date. Maybe take the high road and wish each person you don't care for, good luck in their next endeavors by an email. What do you have to lose with a short nice note? They're out of your hair now so you can be 'big' about it, leaving everyone with a good taste. Perhaps let your manager know that you did this and that ' you were thinking of attending afterall, but you offered a 'good wishes ' email instead. Will give you some social cred all around.

27. T MNOctober 5,2022 at 2:48PM UTC

    I feel the exact same way. Twenty plus years of happy hours, lunches, good bye parties, I'm done. I value my personal time and do not wish to socialize with co workers. BUT WE ARE PERCHIEVED AS DIFFICULT if we do not join in.

28. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 3:24PM UTC

    I very rarely will participate in after hours company events or even socialize individually with other employees after hours. Honestly, I'm a socially awkward person and I find it painful to do that. I have had one manager tell me that I needed to do more or I wouldn't get anywhere in the company. I outlasted her by about 4 years and I left voluntarily. (And I'm in HR if it makes a difference,)

29. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 3:51PM UTC

    It really depends on where you are at in your personal life, work life, and career.

    My experience is that it may not be a good idea to go to these events if you are not in a space were you can try to enjoy yourself.. doing so can make your reputation worse than not attending.

    That being said, if you dislike your job, or the team you work with so much that you cannot attend these and at least appear to enjoy interacting with the team... it may be time to find a new job.

    I want to stress that i am not advocate of making your company and coworkers your best friends, or the center of your social life, but you should consider how getting along at these events can help improve your workday.

    The earlier you are in your career, the more impact this participation can have.

30. bahrbeOctober 5,2022 at 8:14PM UTC

    >>The earlier you are in your career, the more impact this participation can have.<<
    People "earlier" in their careers are usually in their 20s and 30s and less likely to have family responsibilities. Encouraging them to normalize company expectations for after-hours socializing hurts not only the people who cannot do that (usually older, coupled workers), but also those younger workers as they age out of their always-available status. It's also a detriment to organizations who rely on volunteers willing to give their time and effort during their "off" days.

31. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 5:43PM UTC

    We were recently told that our "participation" in company events would be considered when handing out merit raises. A lot of these events are after hours or on weekends. I've been here for over 20 years and I love my job. I also love my home life. I absolutely hate this new way of doing things.

32. bahrbeOctober 5,2022 at 8:08PM UTC

    That's a big red flag if attendance at company events was not included in the job description. Your company is, in effect, penalizing emloyees for not working off the clock (illegal) and they also risk incurring lawsuits for discrimination, since the people most likely to be available for after-hours socializing are those without family responsibilities -- usually (but not always) young and single, or older without children at home.

33. Antoinette VanSchaickOctober 5,2022 at 7:12PM UTC

    I have been at my company for almost three years (November will be my third anniversary). While there are some people I am not thrilled with, there are some I am very friendly with, so I do try to attend if I can.

    I've been to their holiday parties; farewell party for an attorney who retired, and a local baseball game (the suite was paid for by the partners), and I've had a nice time at each of the functions.

    I, too, am an introvert and it takes me a long time to feel really comfortable, but I think going to some of the functions lets the bosses and staff know you appreciate them and they are also a part of your life.

    That being said, I would recommend going for even a half hour. As long as they see you, it can't hurt.

34. Valentina Huang, MBA, SHRM-CPOctober 5,2022 at 7:31PM UTC

    It is your money and your time. If you don't want to go, then don't force yourself to go. If the company holds 20 events and you don't go to any, well, that may send a different signal. Try to attend when it's the 'important' ones where you can put in some face time with the important folks, because that will carry some weight down the line.

35. Bevin MarieOctober 5,2022 at 8:02PM UTC

    I would suggest that you pick a couple of key after work events to attend each year and prioritize those. This way you don’t get sucked into frequent happy hours or small events where there may also be others missing, but you can get face time at the more prominent events where attendance is expected.

36. bahrbeOctober 5,2022 at 8:03PM UTC

    You didn't mention the size of the company, or whether the person who was leaving was in your work group.
    It's harder to skip such events in a small office; but in larger companies I don't think it's expected that people will attend outside events on their own time.

    For the small-office situation, if you don't want to go to an event, you can do something like bringing flowers, balloons, donuts or some other token of recognition for the person's last day -- i.e., something that others will see and that sends a message . And if you don't want to spend much money, you can make a gigantic farewell card for the person's desk or work area. The card can even say something to the effect that you won't be able to attend the group send-off but wanted to share your good wishes.

37. Tiffany ManningOctober 5,2022 at 11:15PM UTC

    Well, it honestly depends on career goals both within and outside of that company. I'm an introvert myself and deep down could careless about 'mingling, but depending on the event it could be considered networking. The more those in decision making opportunities can get to know you, the more they're likely to connect with you and connect you to those they know. You never the connection(s) someone has that could help now, or later. You may believe your boss doesn't care whether or not you attend, but they definitely notice that you don't. #outofsight

38. AnonymousOctober 11,2022 at 10:59PM UTC

    This!
    If you're here questioning your actions, it is probably because you're wondering if it could be affecting your career. And it probably is. Everyone plays favorites, whether they mean to or not, and I'm sure work discussions take place at these off-hour events, so you could be missing out on key information that could land you a project or promotion. It sucks to have to put in more time than you already do for a job, but if you're looking to advance your career at your company, think of this time as a fun "stretch assignment".

39. Les AndrewsOctober 5,2022 at 11:49PM UTC

    I like my colleagues. They’re lovely people. But I don’t want to spend time with them outside work. I want to go in, do my job, go home to my family. I have enough friends, I don’t need any more! So it’s no thank you to work socials from me.

40. Dr. Patty GrossOctober 6,2022 at 2:30PM UTC

    Co-worker happy hours and good-bye lunches are one thing. People with other activities, especially those in alcohol or drug recovery, would not be expected to attend or to give reasons for not attending. If the invitation involves clients or volunteers, comes with a formal request, and comes from high-level management with wording that resembles a "strong encouragement" to attend, then depending on your position and your hopes for advancement, you may want to consider going. This is especially true if the clients or volunteers coming are those you work with closely.

41. Bertha GalindoDecember 12,2022 at 11:28AM UTC

    I don't think this is a good idea. Interaction with colleagues outside of working hours is very important and forms the lion's share of the impression about you as a person

42. AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 12:55PM UTC

    Thats a debatable subject.

43. AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 12:55PM UTC

    old post needs to be removed.

44. carolina girlNovember 10,2023 at 1:50PM UTC

    Ok….so what’s the problem? If you don’t like work events, then don’t go. Its not a big deal.?‍♀️

45. SheilaApril 17,2025 at 2:40PM UTC

    For me personally, I feel the same as you - I am not anti-social, but I spend way too much time with these folks during the day - I don't want to hang out after work too. But this is not a one size fits all solution. If the bar/restaurant is within walking distance of my corporate campus then I will usually pop in for 10 or 15 minutes - just enough time to be seen, wish the person well, say hello and goodbye to everyone. I don't order anything, and I can get in and out quickly. No harm done. This way you can fulfill the unspoken obligation and at the same time respect your own personal boundaries.