So, how would you feel if you had worked for a company for 1 1/2 years...(smallish department, and you are one of only two remote employees in your department.

13 Comments

1. AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 7:20PM UTC

   How's this for fun? My company too has a 3-day bereavement for parents (5 days for a spouse or child).

   My father passed away at the young age of 65. He still worked for the company (and had been there for over 40 years at the time). I basically worked for him with one person in between us in the hierarchy. His office was right near where I worked.

   I took a week thinking surely the company would give me those extra bereavement days considering the situation.

   They didn't. They took two of them out of my PTO. It's been years and it still makes me upset when I think about it.

   I'm sorry you've received no condolences at all for losing your mother. I would be upset as well. I'm finding that the corporate culture of caring about your coworkers seems to have gone away and it's sad.

2. AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 7:27PM UTC

   First, I am sorry for the loss of your mother. Losing a parent is always hard no matter if it was unexpected or anticipated.

   It has been my experience that each company handles these situations differently. In the last 15 years, I've worked for 3 different companies. The first one, we went from the basic 3 (that seems to be the most common) to 5 for extended family and 10 for immediate family (I used all of one day when my father passed, we were estranged for several years just prior to his death). Depending on the employee and relationship to deceased (and with the employee's permission), we'd post the info to the intranet and we had a policy sending flowers or charitable contribution).

   The second, religious nonprofit, basic 3. And that's it.

   Currently, 5 days bereavement and leaving it up to individual managers if they choose to do something (and what they will typically do is arrange for flowers or donation, group attending memorial/funeral/visitation).

   Honestly, I wouldn't fault the company. So many people have complicated familial relationships that many employers, in the interest of fair treatment to all employees, will not do anything (that said, depending on your relationship with your manager, I would thought they would have done something).

3. AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 7:50PM UTC

   3 Days of bereavement is VERY common. I get it though, but use vacations, personal leaves, etc. Why do you have a level of expectation of this? Again, I get it. That is hard to think that others aren't being thoughtful, do you think it's indicative to you being remote? Move on, giving that energy to this isn't helping you on your journey in reconciling your loss.

4. AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 8:51PM UTC

   1.5 years remote usually isn't enough time for people to get close. Though on the other hand I worked a year in a place where people would take up a collection every other week for someone's deceased relative. A lot of them were first or second generation immigrants, I wondered if the American hesitancy to speak about death might be related.

   I ended up taking a week of unpaid leave when my father died at 58. I had to help my mom plan my dad's funeral. She was kind of fried after being his caretaker for a year. I wasn't sure how long I would have to stay. I'm sorry for your loss...losing a parent sucks.

5. Jackie RukaMarch 22,2024 at 9:34PM UTC

   So sorry for your loss, it’s hard to loose a parent and companies just don’t seem responsive to human emotions.

   when my Dad died, it was also 3 days bereavement but I was told to take as much time as I needed. Well that was not realistic as I was running a division and was the boss of many, so I would be coming back to a sh;t show … I took some mornings off after those 3 days and a few Mondays to deal with closing out my Dad’s affairs for my Mom.

   Honestly , it was a complete blur and waves of emotion that I guess I was just grateful to have what time I could take but it was never really enough to grieve which can take a year or more.

   My saving Grace was my work, it kept me focused during a rough year.

6. AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 9:42PM UTC

   my company offers 4 days. When my father passed last year, was not near enough.

7. AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 9:49PM UTC

   I got 1 week but no condolences or flowers.

8. AnonymousMarch 22,2024 at 11:27PM UTC

   I’m sorry for your loss.
   Sending hugs!

   I hear you. I announced my pregnancy in my team meeting and didn’t receive a single positive message of support. It was met with “ok” by the manager and nothing else. And she just returned from maternity leave and we celebrate her kids all the time!

   Some folks just don’t want to be close to their colleagues. Lot of burn out and they don’t want to give anything extra.

9. AnonymousMarch 23,2024 at 2:22AM UTC

   So sorry for your loss. It sounds like I was treated better as a temp when my father passed away. If you are not liking the environment, time to move on.

10. AnonymousMarch 23,2024 at 1:51PM UTC

    No condolence card or acknowledgment - unexcusable; three days is the norm for bereavement, but it has to be for immediate family (spouse, children, parents) and others, you get one day. I worked for a non-profit and was in constant touch with my boss when my mother died. I was out for three weeks (part of it was an already planned vacation, and I was able to arrive before she died), but they paid it all with two weeks of vacation, two personal days, and three days of bereavement. Non-profits are not expected to give in these circumstances because of the nature of their business. Several of my coworkers contributed to her honorarium and sent flowers, however. I still have problems with US companies thinking that people can "get over" the loss of a parent, child, or spouse plus deal with their estates in three days. Some places show grace, but most will stick to the timelines in company policy or use it as a rope to pull you back before you are ready.

11. AnonymousMarch 23,2024 at 2:18PM UTC

    I had this happen to me last year, my mother died and I had to fly out of state, had to take PTO, and my boss said she was going to send flowers but never did and then said she owed me flowers and I told her to donate to Parkinson’s because that is what my mother had. Also I left in the middle of the day completely floored at my mothers death and my boss told no one why I was gone for a week and came back to people asking how my vacation went.

12. AnonymousMarch 25,2024 at 2:07AM UTC

    I'm sorry to hear that you mother passed away. My condolences.

    Three days is pretty standard. Some companies don't even give that.

    I'm not sure exactly what you being a woman has to do with any of this.

    Some people don't deal well with death. Some folks consider it a private family matter.

    When my husband passed away, I didn't tell anyone at work.

    Regarding your being angry about this - the only person that 's going to hurt is you. I suggest you concentrate on healing from the loss of your mother and let the rest go.

13. Susan Grant-SuttieMarch 25,2024 at 6:11PM UTC

    Condolences on your mother passing. I agree that not leaving at least a card of sympathy is hard hearted. If it were me, I would remind myself that these are not friends but co-workers. I could a) start a social committee where people would acknowledge births, deaths, birthdays, etc. or b) hold a coffee time with those friends who shared their shoulder with you and note that work is a different non-personal category of your life.