My former employer made several unlawful actions towards me, from discriminating due to my gender to retaliating when I spoke up.

32 Comments

1. AnonymousJanuary 20,2023 at 3:26AM UTC

   You can also check with your state's labor department. The department names vary by state, but if you Google the name of your state + "department of labor", it should point you in the right direction.

   You may at least be able to file a report, if not an actionable complaint.

   Second the other response, too. Congrats on your new job and moving forward with your life! It's important not to carry the blame for this. The responsibility lies with your former employer. Speaking up here was a good step.

2. AnonymousJanuary 20,2023 at 7:00AM UTC

   I won't reiterate the already great advice shared by the people below so I will add that you can share your experience on their Glassdoor company page in the form of a review. When doing so do your best to be objective and adhere to guidelines of Glassdoor to have your review successfully accepted for public view. Doing so can be very cathartic.

   Congrats on your new job and that the previous experience did not let you lose momentum with your success!

3. AnonymousJanuary 21,2023 at 5:50PM UTC

   You can still file a complaint against them and should. While the career at that place you save is not your own you can definitely save others. Alternatively seek counsel in a consultation for say an hour to see if you have any recourse. I suspect not but it does depend on documentation and witnesses.

4. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

   Yes, it was wrong and hard to deal with but you need to come to peace with this so you can move forward. Whether or not you file a complaint. You are in a new chapter of your life moving forward.

5. ChrishoggJanuary 22,2023 at 3:12PM UTC

   Hello Anonymous ---

   I have no idea what you should do or if / how you should "speak up."

   But before you do anything, I think you would be wise to ask yourself if you have this event in your past, or, if this event has you now, in the present.

   These hard events are so powerful (been there, done that) that they can really do us in. if we continue to hold on to them. But they can only impact us as long as we hold on to them. So one alternative you have is to let it go.

6. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 3:32PM UTC

   First off, let me congratulate you on a few things. For starters, you got out of an awful situation. You landed a better job (?) and you have acknowledged that you are having trouble getting over the hurt caused by your previous employer. That’s awesome because your healing journey has begun. I have been in your shoes before and I can tell you that the range of emotions you’re feeling are normal. I am truly sorry to hear that you had to endure those experiences, but know your worth. My suggestion is to find joy in new hobbies and experiences. What helped me overcome a very similar situation was to speak with a therapist trained in this sort of thing. Sometimes speaking with a neutral third party can help you validate your emotions and what you experienced but it can also help you realize that moving forward there are things you can do to protect yourself. I wish you luck in your new job. You will accomplish great things!

7. MJMurphyJanuary 22,2023 at 5:20PM UTC

   Your experience sounds traumatic. Several others offer great advice. Writing can be therapeutic and help release negative emotions. Putting your thoughts and feelings in writing is a way to release them from your mind to a place where they are contained. You’ll know where they are so you can refer to them if you ever want or need to in the future. Hopefully expressing yourself in this way will allow you to move on and put the toxicity behind you. Perhaps in the future you’ll be in a place where you are comfortable enough to destroy the writing. All the best to you as you move forward.

8. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 5:53PM UTC

   you could write a review at glass door.comthat will make all aware of your dissatisfaction

9. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 5:54PM UTC

   Being through something very similar I can tell you I spoke to a lawyer while I was still at the workplace where I was being abused because I spoke up to HR about the abusive boss - another woman by the way. The lawyer advised me against filing a complaint. I was pushed out of the job and found another that has made me happy for 20 years. After I left the initial company I found out the abusive boss was finally fired when a man filed suit because he ended up in the hospital from the stress. Get legal advice but be prepared to maybe not taking action. In that respect please get therapy to help you move on. Once you do you'll gain back your strength and confidence. You are very brave for moving onto another workplace and deserve to find peace around this issue. Good Luck.

10. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 5:55PM UTC

    You may not be able to do anything legally but I would definitely make sure to warn others of this toxic company on Glassdoor so hopefully someone else will see and save themselves from taking a position there. (You can post anonymously.) Hopefully Karma will take care of the rest, starting with you thriving in your new job.

11. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 6:03PM UTC

    A lawyer will not take your case unless it is viable. Why not take the time to write a summary and research lawyers who have won cases in your area on discrimination issues similar to yours, and send them the summary? It will only take you a few hours and you might be able to get representation.

12. Sidney BristowJanuary 22,2023 at 6:12PM UTC

    There is so much great advice here. I'd like to add to it, speaking as a person who carried around "previous job trauma": It Takes Awhile. I can say that no matter how I hashed it out and prayed it out, it still took awhile for me to no longer expect the proverbial shoe to come flying at me at work. It took awhile to stop looking over my shoulder, expecting imminent abuse. These are learned behaviors some of us sometimes have to endure to get paid. And they can be unlearned. I can attest to the fact.

    It truly took me about 9mo to a year to heal properly. One day i noticed i could speak about the trauma as something that once was, but was no longer my reality. So be gracious with yourself, know that you are a work in progress, and like another FairyGodBosser has already said, be wildly successful in your new role!

13. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 6:14PM UTC

    Wow. this is a problem I can address from personal experience. I had a horrific employment experience approx 4.5 years ago...contemplated many things, I did get EEOC involved at one point too, hired an attorney for, and was even given a letter to sue in Federal court. What did I finally do? NOTHING-- You see,. There is alot to say about all of this but I'll make it brief: These types of experiences are TRAUMATIZING. Our sense of trust, justice, fairness is totally botched. You'll never be the same person again, nor will you trust your employer entirely again, or give your heart and soul to a job that you might have loved...Nor will you ever trust that people and institutions have your well being in their wheelhouse, because 99% of the time--they do not. All of this to say that I went thru a hellish professional experience. My attorney told me that in 38 years of practicing law, he had NEVER seen such a horrible and convoluted situation. Again, I received a letter to sue in federal court--but the truth of the matter was and is that I didn't have 50K (which is what it would have cost me) to "make my point". The EEOC was super nice but they are backlogged and basically told me that the only cases they handle (and pay to prosecute) are ones dealing with sexual harassment- that's the hot button issue these days. Age, Gender--that all gets paperwork filed and you get permission to sue at your own expense. So friend--just let all of that EEOC and complaint stuff go ...It won't happen and even if it could, my attorney told me that my former employer would have drug me thru the trenches and $$$$ for 2 years, cause that's what companies do. You and I cannot afford that...emotionally or otherwise. So let's talk about how you have been traumatized--because that's what you are. Your heart and soul is broken from this. It's PTSD from a terrible work situation/experience. That's what it is. I went to a counselor for three sessions. he helped me to see that i was not "nuts" for my feelings, my anger and grief...it was all real and all terrible. But there wasn't anything to fix it- and I was powerless against the corporate bully. That's what you feel like- powerless, abused, with no recourse. Time will heal you. It's been 4.5 years for me, and I"ve moved on. For about 2 years, I was a real mess..but kept working anyway. I look back now and just figure that these are very "sorry" people, mean people...But you have to love yourself more, and believe in yourself, in your goodness to change the world. Dust that crap off your shoes and move on. Get a therapist who can listen every couple of weeks. Start journaling (I used Penzu's free app)--invest in good people and move on. I know it's hard, but practically speaking..it's all you can do. Your power is in YOU and your goodness, not these losers.

14. RiaJanuary 22,2023 at 6:25PM UTC

    Well said and wise counsel.

15. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 7:18PM UTC

    Agree with this... I spent 6 mos fighting for my severance and clearing my record of negative wrongful termination. I was employed there for 18 years! Was 2009 with awful recession & economy. Took me a year almost to the day to find a new job, but I did.

    A friend's recommendation to an employment lawyer who wrote letters to my former employer's lawyers finally prevailed.

    But it was my persistence with the HR Director to make things right. I called and Emailed consistently. Praise God for unemployment through it all.

    I was traumatized and felt awful through it all. Pain, anger, you name it.

    Exercise and healthy nutrition and surrounding yourself with people who build you up will be immensely helpful to move on. At this point, count your blessings and let go of that painful part of your life. It will set you free.

16. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 8:12PM UTC

    Great advice. Sorry you had to deal with it, and thank you for sharing words of wisdom. Eventually, “bad bosses” reap what they sow.

17. AyianJanuary 22,2023 at 6:20PM UTC

    Post on Glassdoor and Google reviews and seek therapy. Without thorough documentation including seeing a therapist, you would not be likely to receive damages in court and it would cost money just to bring the suit.

    I know these don't feel like amazing solutions, but they are ones you can actively seek out.

18. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 6:24PM UTC

    You are incorrect, one does not need a therapist report to sustain a viable EEOC claim. I've seen many successful cases where the complainant did NOT seek therapy

19. AyianJanuary 22,2023 at 9:54PM UTC

    This case is beyond EEOC deadlines and I fully admit that I am not an attorney. My immediate thought is civil damages, which may be hit or miss depending on the court and region. I am also very comfortable with being incorrect.

20. Sharmil McKeeJanuary 22,2023 at 8:02PM UTC

    I want to add another factor for you to consider too. Lawsuits are traumatic all by themselves. And I have been on both sides of the table as the lawyer and the client. You will have to tell your story over and over again. The opposing counsel and your former employer will call you a liar repeatedly (because that's their job) and blame you for what happened to you. You could get a biased judge who could also call you a liar and dismiss what happened to you. Also, lawsuits take years to resolve and add three years if someone appeals. If you are looking for peace, an apology, a policy change, a job, or acknowledgment, you won't find that in a courtroom. A judge can only award you money. So, you have to identify what you want out of this situation. Then, assess if you have the mental stamina to handle a lawsuit. I don't know which path you should take. But I want you to choose with your eyes wide open. Good luck.

21. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 10:27PM UTC

    absolutely 100% correct. it will drag out and those corporate attorneys will pull DIRT out of nowhere on you. Seen it happen, had it happen to me. I was aghast with their tactics. Yes, you will want recourse but every time you dip your toes into that proverbial pool of acid, you'll feel crappy...because you're dealing with nasty. Sharmil is 100% on the money! These are losers adn NOT WORTH YOUR TIME OR ENERGY. hard to swallow. Been there/done that....you've been traumatized. Best to name it and work on your own personal healing. Many of us have been there and we understand.

22. AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 10:56PM UTC

    Just don’t let FEAR be the determining factor in your decision.

23. AnonymousJanuary 23,2023 at 2:29AM UTC

    Thank you for this. I am trying to get out of a bad situation and needed to read this. Thank you so much.

24. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 1:20PM UTC

    c'est vrai, racontez votre histoire, des personnes vont et doivent vous écouter, bonne chance

25. AnonymousJanuary 23,2023 at 11:42AM UTC

    Bonjour, j'espère que vous allez mieux.Pouvez vous suivre une thérapie, je vous conseille l'arthérapie, je suis arthérapeute...courage courage

26. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 1:19PM UTC

    Hello je suis arthérapeute, l'arthérapie est une bonne thérapie, il faut un suivi, je peux peut-être aidé cette personne, formée à l'arthérapie évolutive, procédés créatifs, comme vous dites, courage courage...

27. AnonymousJanuary 23,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    I’m so sorry this has happened. Having gone through a bad work situation, and watched others evolve, please give yourself some time to heal. It took me the better part of a year to heal. It took another year for me to learn to process microagressive behavior around me. I got a settlement in exchange for a non disclosure but no one at the company was held accountable and their behaviors continued. My biggest takeaway is to not make a company’s culture my problem, work is a transactional relationship. Look hard at leadership. If too many are imported from out of the area, be very cautious. Therapy was very helpful. Best of luck to you.

28. AnonymousJanuary 23,2023 at 12:45PM UTC

    Ok. So you have found something else. Kudos for you. Since you are outside the EEOC timeframe, you should move forward. The transgressions you are experienced are in the past. Seek out some help to get you past what you experienced to the next, hopefully, happy stage of your work like. It sounds that you are not yet over the experience. It is not your place to "speak up" at this point in time. And if you need to "speak up" to get over it means you have not yet healed from your experience. Some of the other suggestions here are great.

29. AnonymousJanuary 23,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

    I wouldn’t waste another minute on that place. You are out of that shoebox. Now, you are in another one. I have pretty much the same story, except I walked out. That was my best choice at the time. A little over a year later, I’ve more or less honored the various bigger slights that led to my abrupt resignation. I remember now each and every micro and yes macro aggression I experienced and I think I’m in a much better space, now that I have a better understanding of the dynamics at play. I needed the year. What I did find is that these workplace “players” who not only work at their jobs but work the job for whatever they can get, exist everywhere, in every kind of job there is. It is sadly what workplace culture has devolved to. All any of us can do is learn to recognize, and then gracefully shield ourselves. These people in my story are mostly gone as well, some of their own accord, others not. You don’t get to know the future. If I had stuck it out, could I have outlasted them? I really didn’t like the job that much! I’ve thought about trying to get legislation to protect employees from abuse in the workplace. I’m aware of the complexity involved, and it takes many voices. If anyone on this thread has a story to tell, and state delegates all over the country started getting phone calls and emails about it, state laws could get on the books. Wouldn’t it be great to get to go to the office, settle in with a smile and just do what you do, because quite a bit of social gameplaying would have been eliminated. Ahh.

30. AnonymousJanuary 23,2023 at 1:18PM UTC

    Consider writing a letter and telling the former employer what happened and let them know that is one of the reasons that you left. I wouldn't expect anything would happen but you may enlighten those could make a difference (remember that HR exists to PROTECT the COMPANY). For your own good - pray about it, forgive and move on.

31. nobody cannot delete accountJanuary 23,2023 at 7:46PM UTC

    I was thinking about gathering stories such as these and putting it into a book to raise awareness. I had the same types of experiences multiple times. Please send me an email if interested sfmichelearmstrong@gmail.com

32. AnonymousJanuary 25,2023 at 11:51PM UTC

    I would definitely review the company anywhere you can. Indeed is an option as well as glassdoor as others have mentioned. Sorry this happened to you, and I am glad you are now at a better place.