I was given a formal written warning about my "conduct" but they refuse to specify what I did wrong exactly.

57 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 6:06PM UTC

   HR is always looking out for the interest of the company, not the employee. I wonder if the mean clique used this as an opportunity to falsify information and put you in a bad light when asked by HR. It might be time to look for a new opportunity before things get out of hand with this mean clique.

2. Deneane Jones-ColesMay 19,2023 at 12:45PM UTC

   That thought crossed my mind!

3. AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 6:10PM UTC

   I’d start looking for a new job. Once they’ve deemed that they don’t want you - they will document anything and everything to get rid of you.

   in the meantime, document on your side, do as asked and keep your head down.

   in the end, try and remember that it’s just a job - and you’ll be better off in the long run when you land on the other side .

4. AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 6:25PM UTC

   HR was given enough proof that you have been out of line. They will not share that evidence to protect those persons that shares it.

   I would really watch all interactions and remain professional. Especially if you are not aware of your behavior in the past that was used in this writeup.

   So, unless you want to obtain counsel and try to pursue legal action, I would stop any interactions that could be construed as against company policy.

5. AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 8:02PM UTC

   You are generally entitled to review a copy of your personnel file by request so that evidence should be included in some form or another even if they redact names.

6. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 4:49PM UTC

   You can hire an attorney, file a,lawsuit and Subpoena fir copies. Seems like a lot of work but you seem really angry.

7. AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 9:46PM UTC

   This isn't true though because they told the other employees every thing that I reported about them. Our employee policy says you're allowed to respond to any allegations so that's why I'm not understanding.

8. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 12:18AM UTC

   I'm afraid you have been found to be a problem. Looks like it's time to move on.

9. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 12:19PM UTC

   Not necessarily. The team lead stirred the pot, then found her rump on the line. She threw this employee under the bus. I've seen it happen way too many times.

10. AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 6:26PM UTC

    From what you're describing, your manager certainly seemed to be stirring the pot.

11. AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 7:09PM UTC

    If you are confident, I would look into company policy as to this type of rhetoric. Remember it is a fine line between friends and business. I experienced something similar. Fortunately I had significant proof and through an internal Investigation, and my proof, because my colleagues lied, I woncommunicate through email as much as you can. I would record my verbal interactions on my phone there are some easily downloaded apps. I used ACR from Google Play.

    There are different laws between states about the use of audio recordings. Look up your state rules. Usually, they say you can't use them in court unless all parties are aware. But, that does not include you protecting your self from internal conflict.

12. EK WhitcombMay 18,2023 at 7:34PM UTC

    it sounds like this is simply a toxic environment and it might be time to get out? I have been in these situations where people are "jealous", because they have been getting away with low productivity for a long time, and that's on their leadership. Your leader confided in you because you are better and different. But she is also now in a position of being spotlighted for allowing this dynamic among her team. She saw you as an ally, but now she is alone with the toxicity she clearly has allowed.

    I recognize that it's not simple to just "leave", but what do you expect to happen of you stick around? Do you think you can change the culture, or continue to function and be productive when you are always looking over your shoulder? I'd consider your options. You deserve better. As for the others...they are working from fear and low emotional intelligence. They aren't likely to change and HR will support the company before they will support an individual.

13. Michelle WalshMay 18,2023 at 7:50PM UTC

    I was in a very similar situation, and yes, it was a toxic environment.

    Here I am, years later now, in the 2nd wonderful company in a row that values my contributions, encourages my growth, and seeks out my input.

    I may not have been able to appreciate the situation I'm in now, without having gone through an experience similar to yours.

    Don't LET it define you, and it WON'T

14. Jennifer WeaverMay 18,2023 at 7:58PM UTC

    This is disgusting. Something similar happened to me when someone on my team got into it with another team and it ended up being my fault somehow. I just don't understand how people keep getting away with this. I hate reading these types of posts because the reality is, you can't change their behavior, even by changing yours. I am so sorry.

15. AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 8:55PM UTC

    Caution, please don't always jump on the "HR fault" team. That's so unfair. HR typically only makes recommendations and it's the leaders decisions to assert counselings. Sadly, if you knew of any issues prior you should have felt empowered to voice your concerns. Not sure who "they" who are refusing, but I would then go to who they report to. No matter who gives the counselings understanding who makes the final decisions will serve you and many a lot better. WITHOUT speaking for every organization out there this is often an unfair blame. Definitely be your own advocate to get more information. Put it in writing and if you continue to not get the specifics of your behaviors they're asking you to stop then go to their boss , etc. good luck.

16. AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 10:22PM UTC

    Unfortunately, toxic work environments exist and they continue when there is no opposition to this kind of culture. What concerns me is the lack of transparency for the accusations. This tells me that they dont want anything documented on purpose. As long as there is noone else to confirm your experiences, this is def going to be extremely hard to fight, legally or otherwise.

    In the meantime, be professional, document everything for your own protection and start looking for a new job.

    Good luck!

17. BethBMay 19,2023 at 12:23PM UTC

    They chose to believe the clique over your. You are now seen as the problem, not them. It doesn’t make sense. You received a formal warning for your behavior but they don’t specify what behavior they found inappropriate? And your manager isn’t doing anything to protect one of the better performers? It’s not only unfair, it doesn’t make sense. How is someone supposed to stop doing something but not know what? How is a top performer expected to continue to perform well when treated with so little respect? ? It sounds like a recipe for disaster.

    Decide if you want to jump or be pushed because now that the mean girls feel

    vindicated it isn’t going to be any better. And if you are ever looking for an internal transfer again, find a more professional reason to give HR.

18. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 8:47PM UTC

    OP is the "problem" in the sense of sticking her neck out and advocating for herself.

19. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 12:30PM UTC

    Been there, done that.

    First and foremost, your manager is the issue. Discussing personnel issues with you put YOU in a bad position and "poisoned the well" in regard to these other employees. If she knew what was going on, and if these women were truly trying to sabotage you, then she should have dealt with it. Instead, she made it your problem, and when you took action for what she had communicated, then she threw you straight under the bus. My guess is she's the one who got you written up for not being a team player.

    The fact that they won't tell you what your perceived infraction is should be throwing up every fireworky red flag there is. Life is too short for this type of middle school toxicity. Plan your exit strategy, find something better, and tell this company to pound sand.

20. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 1:19PM UTC

    I agree. As further evidence, the "change" in how she works with OP means she probably got "raked" by HR for not dealing with it. This happens when managers discuss personnel issues of other employees with their subordinates. I always give vague explanations, as we know what is happening and management is developing a plan. I also indicate that I cannot discuss any issues between management and other employees.

21. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 4:03PM UTC

    This is called gaslighting! Usually when this happens there is no way to change the story.

    Best to look for another job while you are still employed. Good luck!!

22. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 8:46PM UTC

    If there's any fairness in this workplace, the boss has also been written up, or at least got a talking-to.

23. LadeybuggMay 20,2023 at 4:42PM UTC

    If I’m understanding this correctly, HR didn’t provide any specifics as to your infractions or violations of corporate policy, nor were you given any details of the exact improvements they expect to see. That is a red-flag concern here. If HR isn’t following through and providing details of the violations and expected corrective action in a disciplinary matter, the company could potentially face liability issues. HR matters can put an entire company in legal jeopardy when not handled correctly. I’m not saying you’ve got cause for a lawsuit; what I am saying is that upper management wouldn’t want HR half-assing a disciplinary situation. And this sounds like what’s happening. BTW your boss sounds like a “pot-stirrer” and probably shouldn’t be in the supervisory position she’s in, and I agree with others here who suspect she got her rear chewed over her unprofessional behavior. If you can’t trust her, you don’t want to work for her! If possible, appeal the “discipline” and ask that your request for transfer be reviewed so you can get away from the clique. Good luck.

24. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 12:43PM UTC

    It is time to consider moving on. You have given a lot to this organization, and if they support the clique and will not move you, you have given them move than they deserve.

25. Barbara ThompsonMay 19,2023 at 1:35PM UTC

    I’m sorry you are experiencing this. Rather than looking for fault in HR or even the clique, responsibility lies at your manager’s feet. She was friends and gossipy sharing with you about the clique and her troubles with them and then upped it to say they were focusing on you. There are some thought and personality disorders that cause someone to view every person in the category of “friend” or “not friend” and never able uphold the boundaries of being a manager. My hypothesis on the situation is that she saw you as “friend” because she wasn’t allowed in the clique. Then for some reason she was allowed in, and to be friends with them, you were now placed in “not friend/enemy” camp. HR really can’t tell you who said what.

26. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 2:45PM UTC

    I am going through something similar. I posted a few days ago. NO ONE talks to me in my dept. My boss gossips and it is 3 other girls and her that are a mean girl clique. I'm afraid to go to HR/Ethics or her boss in fear of more retaliation. I try to ignore it, but it is so difficult to hear them chattering and I am invisible. My boss compliments everyone every day on what they are wearing. She has NEVER said anything to me and I'm one of the best dressed. These are 50 year old women acting like 16-year-olds and my boss is " Regina" lol.

    If you can, try to just work, wear ear buds if you can. Hopefully it will blow over or you can make plans to leave.

    I hope it gets better.

27. Mary PoolMay 19,2023 at 4:29PM UTC

    You can wait it out, find another job, or do both. Or maybe try to mend some fences. “Somehow, we are on the wrong foot. I am sorry if I somehow offended you in some way.” (Read my reasoning below.)

    For the future, here is a tip. If your manager gossiped with you about others, she is gossiping about you to others. Gossipers gossip. Your best defense is to say something like, “This is way above my pay grade. I’d rather not discuss it with you,” or “This sounds like a matter for HR.” Nip it in the bud.

    Also, she had no right to tell you what others said about you behind your back. What was her motivation? Did she want to make you uncomfortable? Did she view you as a threat? Her “confiding” in you should have been a red flag. Made you happy, didn’t it? Made you feel secure, didn’t it? Sabotaged you in the end, didn’t it? You were happy until she “informed” you of the problems. Remember that and learn from it.

    Also, were they actually saying these things, or was she making this up? I have a firm and fast rule if someone says XYZ said “whatever” about me. I immediately call that person over with the other person still present and say Jane just said you said this. Is it true? From how HR reacted, I supposition that she was the one turning everyone against you by telling them things you supposedly said about them and their work (thus the mend fences idea).

    Remember, what others think about you really doesn’t matter. It is really none of your business. When you worry about what others think about you, you give your power away. What matters is what you feel about yourself and how you handle yourself. If you had not had these conversations with your poor excuse for a manager, you would be happy where you are, and all of this drama would have been avoided. There are many great articles on this hard-to-fathom concept of not worrying about what others think of you. You might want to check some out.

28. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 6:05PM UTC

    Looks like they want you gone. Finding out why and who said what won't help you.

29. AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 8:43PM UTC

    Time to go.

    You got your boss into trouble with HR, and now you don't have your boss on your side anymore.

    Document everything you can and forward emails to your personal email account if you think you may have a legal case, but female-on-female bullying is not illegal.

    Check the laws about termination and review your contract and employee manual.

    Meanwhile, continue to work at the high level you have attained if only for your own peace of mind. Keep your head down and minimize exposure to the bullies.

    What happened to me is that my boss started framing every little thing in the worst possible interpretation, and even made something up.

    I was let go, but I made it clear that I was documenting my legal case (I had one), so they had to let me go without cause.

    In a previous job, I asked to be let go without cause and with a severance deal because they'd transferred me out of my specialty and into a position that had nothing to do with my training. They did!

30. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 6:31AM UTC

    You're done or don't you see that???

31. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 7:11PM UTC

    Be nice.

32. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 12:35PM UTC

    Completely unprofessional for the Human Resources team to not give you details. Insist on it. Start job-hunting. You may want to use a coach, or one of the great outplacement companies that truly help in situations like this (Right Management is one; but there are a number who take on individuals in need of empowerment in their job search, and quest for a new mission). Consider this a "learning experience." I think your manager is also scapegoating you, and is probably not very influential with the people who really make decisions at your company. Do you have a higher level internal sponsor, or mentor? If not, that is one key lesson this can teach you. Get one at your next company. AND when you leave, insist on getting a formal exit interview, and ask for its WRITTEN results. (You may or may not get that). Your HR team is truly not helpful in this situation, for sure.

33. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 12:39PM UTC

    What a boss shares in confidence should not be shared, when you approached HR originally to change teams should have not brought up the toxic environment or anything your boss stated unless you wanted them to investigate. Evidently something you said required them to triggered them to look into the situation. They don't need to ask your permission to do so because many people sue companies for toxic workplaces they have to do their diligence.

    With that said they they should have asked for specifics from you had before launching an investigation and they should have given you specific guidance on what you need to do to correct behavior that caused them to give you a warning. You can't fix based on generalizations and it is your right to ask for specific not generalized feedback.

34. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 12:43PM UTC

    It is quite unfortunate that this experience occurred. If you felt harm was done to you, then you had every right to inform your HR department. Workplace harassment and bullying is illegal and not warranted by the EEO laws that govern work environments. You should consider changing your work environment if you are uncomfortable.

    People have changed toward you because no one likes to be investigated, especially due to these type of situations. Now, the unprofessional behavior is on blast and under the microscope. You may not have been the only person who was treated this way; however, the one who reported it. It only takes one person to create change, positively or negatively. The former manager is upset because the “3” now knows how she really feels and this has probably created tension that she did not want to have, even though as an effective manager, she could have shared her sentiments with them even if she had to include upper management in her conversations.

    You should definitely save copies of all communication and even begin looking for a new employer. Your wellness is key to your success. You need to be in a positive environment where you feel valued, appreciated and supported. YOU depend on YOU to be well. YOU hold the key to your happiness. Remember that!

35. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 12:44PM UTC

    You stood up for yourself and they have retaliated. Document everything! The bullying and the retaliation, you will never be able to move forward with that company.

    Unless HR has other people complain about the 3, you’ll never win. Bullying in the workplace is awful and should not be tolerated.

    I had a similar experience and it affected my mental health tremendously. You need to protect yourself. If the company doesn’t see the bullying run!

36. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 1:05PM UTC

    Hello-

    You said it in the very beginning, 'there is a group of 3 employees who formed a nasty, mean girl clique and consistently underperform at an unacceptable level' that right there is enough to move. They lured you into their web and now you were reprimanded. Very sad that this has happened to you. I agree with documenting everything. You need to protect yourself. You may play right but the playground has already been tainted.

37. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 1:26PM UTC

    This situation will not get better and will only get worse. Time to move on.

38. Michelle S.May 20,2023 at 2:30PM UTC

    I agree it’s time to move on. In the meantime, HR is doing what it does best, it’s documenting. However, make sure you send a formal email to your supervisor asking what you can do better and specifically mention your previous talks with her and how she agreed with you, so you’re confused about why she isn’t supporting you anymore. Blind copy yourself. if you do get fired, this supposed paper trail that they are trying to create will be obliterated by your documentation. Save any and all documentation you do get of this behavior or asking your team to do something more than once, etc. and you know, that HR sucks. Because as HR, your job is not to investigate an employees request. She should’ve investigated if she wanted but moved you immediately anyway .. I’m sorry, the worst thing in the world is unprofessional, ridiculous people, and especially a bad HR!!

39. Michelle S.May 20,2023 at 2:31PM UTC

    PS. The purpose for blind copying yourself, and sending that email is so you can prove, if you are fired, that you didn’t do anything to warrant intentional misconduct. They can document stupidly all day, but if it doesn’t make sense, it won’t affect your unemployment.

40. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachMay 20,2023 at 6:05PM UTC

    And BCC your personal email. If you get fired your work email will be gone prior to you even knowing you're fired.

41. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 2:33PM UTC

    I had a similar situation. I had a manger who complained to me about other workers. They would come in late and were irresponsible, she couldn't count on them etc. She would also tell me that they were jealous of me. I did out preform them. I actually had one tell me they were mad I was given more assignments or projects than them but they didn't want to do more work. Apparently I was just supposed to preform at their level so they didn't look bad. I found out later that my manager was also talking bad about me with the other employees and stoking the division. I ended up leaving and I'm glad I did.

42. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 2:36PM UTC

    Colleagues and leadership have made up their mind about you personally. Does it really matter who said what? They are not looking for your defense. They are looking to get rid of you.

43. Kris WolframMay 20,2023 at 3:54PM UTC

    Write a rebuttal to your counseling and ask for more info. You should understand what you did and how to fix the problem

44. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 4:26PM UTC

    Find a good employment attorney and speak to them about the situation. You are entitled to anything in your personnel folder upon request. Find out exactly what behavior they are speaking of and let them know that you are going to report to the EEOC the toxicity if they do nothing. You should perhaps be looking for something new as well but it seems like retaliation is what you are dealing with. Women should support other women's success but alas I (from the HR side) have seen far too much of this petty BS, chatter, gossip and nonsense to last a lifetime. Be the change, rise above. Don't further engage and document everything bcc-ing your personal email as well.

45. BethBMay 23,2023 at 7:31PM UTC

    Good luck if you are an "at will" state.

46. AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 5:36PM UTC

    It’s time to leave. The situation will never improve at this company. Reality bites but this is a cultural issue and best to leave them to it.

47. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachMay 20,2023 at 6:09PM UTC

    This is awful, truly. I agree that it's time to leave. If you must work while you search, follow the advice to document, document, document. Ask to see the comments in your personnel folder that led to this reprimand. Tell them you need specificis in order to improve. This shows a level of humility and you can get the info so you can rebut.From your side of the story, it seems the other 3 got their stories lined up and perhaps fabricated some instances of your behavior. Alternatively, is it possible that there is truth to what they say (when you find out what it is!) and can you learn from it? Your boss may well have been pitting you against them all along, and now has chosen them. Good luck. It is time to find a new job.

48. CStiggerMay 20,2023 at 7:16PM UTC

    Petty and catty women.

    I have worked in healthcare and dealt with this. Unfortunately you have a poor leader and these women are gossiping queens. Do not walk, run to a new employer because this behavior is sanctioned.

49. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 8:35AM UTC

    Same! The gossip queens are the problem, but without good management it will never change. I walked, when I should've ran. It nearly cost me my health and sanity. I am happy now with a great team, and manager. Wish I had left sooner. BTW it only takes one b***** to ruin a great team, and a seasoned one will deceive everyone before you realize what's happening.

50. Myra DykesMay 20,2023 at 7:25PM UTC

    Run....fast. There ate companies with great culture, and I hope you find one soon

51. Zeecil KimmelMay 21,2023 at 3:59AM UTC

    I could not have said it better

52. AnonymousMay 21,2023 at 4:32PM UTC

    I had this job I loved and management loved me.

    I did the work and they appreciated it. End of story.... for now

    THEN this 20yr old starts and wants my job (two entirely different roles) Evidently she had a bad childhood and told them she needs a career break: MY career.

    Rather than management tell her to crack open a text book or two and learn, they tell me to "dumb myself down" and that I owe this girl some happiness and confidence at my expense.. (She's taking orders over the phone and I'm lead accounting with analysis). This person is young enough to be my daughter!!

    The VERY PRIOR day, I was praised by management and although I don't brag at work because of jealousy and potential drama, she caught wind.

    I ended up leaving a month later for something unrelated but this girl started stalking me on LinkedIn and I had to block her.

53. David PageMay 22,2023 at 2:38AM UTC

    get out of there and move on there never going to believe your side.

54. AnonymousMay 23,2023 at 6:28AM UTC

    I can't think of a reason why an HR team would allow such unprofessionalism; I know HR has a propensity to be Pro company, and that employees are usually heard out but at the end of the day if the employee is not working out the employee is going to be the one to go not a company executive, and HR is there to protect the company executive the people who make money for the company. You need to get out of there start looking for positions.

    I had a similar problem many years ago; I was an executive assistant for an accountant firm and one of the managers that I worked for sat at my desk and put his feet up on my desk. Up near keyboard typing area where all my working is...so I told him about it. I said please take your feet off my desk " the next thing I knew I was out on vacation and a temp was in and the temp was so happy. He was trying to get rid of me. So I refuted everything and it was shown that my reviews were good everybody I worked for didn't have a problem with me. and HR wanted me to float around. And I told them absolutely not I did nothing wrong I'm not going to float; and if you guys try to get rid of me I'm going to call the new stations and make a big deal and I did drop a name on who I would call...hence I was left alone, and I did eventually leave on my own terms, but that taught me that HR is for the company.

55. Liz MilneMay 27,2023 at 9:17PM UTC

    You should absolutely have the right to know what specific behaviour they are say is the problem - insist on knowing what it is, or refuse to sign any acknowledgement of it. Otherwise HR are just opening the door for vague accusations and spite to pull the company down - and that's really not what they're for!

56. Patricia CrookMay 30,2023 at 1:56PM UTC

    My only guess is that HR is biased or possibly one of them is related to the catty girl group? Sounds like your supervisor got in trouble over it. I would say this is a huge red flag to leave.

57. AnonymousMay 31,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    Something similar happed to me- I worked for a company where one of my managers was being passive aggressive about everything and re-asking the same question over and over looking for me to change my story[basically thought I was lying] so I told him to ask the other employee who was involved. This went on for months and I was at my breaking point so I went to my other manager to discuss the behavior and explain I did not enjoy the behavior. Now these 2 are married and own the business together and they are HR. After telling her specific examples and asking for help she said she would have to process everything. The following week they both spoke with me about how my performance was lacking. They gave me 0 examples so i asked they type something up. It was ridiculous with what they felt needed to be "improved". I realized that there would be no moving forward and found a new job and couldn't be happier. I suggest you also think about a new job, it might be hard to leave, but in the end you will be thrilled you chose to get out of the toxicity