Dealing with an office gossip.

19 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 21,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

   I just have to ask: is this gossip about your work performance? Because if it's not, don't you have enough friends? Why would you care what she thinks about you personally?

   If it is work related, take it to HR. They're not schoolyard mediators but if her gossip is affecting your ability to be assigned work or to be promoted, that's grounds for legal action which can be taken after you have attempted to resolve the issues with HR but have been unsuccessful. Bottom line-if her gossip is messing with your income, take action. If her gossip is simply the distracting buzz of an annoying fly, who cares?

2. AnonymousOctober 21,2022 at 2:53PM UTC

   It is about me professionally and personally. She has only known me for a short period of time and is making a lot of assumptions about me based off of a conversation from months ago. I will give you more context, I had to be remote one day for reasons I won' t go into, I explained that to her, told her I would be willing to meet via zoom or in person the day after. This turns into her telling people I am lazy, my boss doesn't want to give me work because I was not flexible with my time (I gave her options) and that my remote days are more important to me than being in the office, which is not true, it was just this one instance.

   I do care about what is being said because it is an attack against me professionally and personally. I have worked hard to get where I am and have overcome a lot to be in a good place physically and mentally. I think it is very unfair that she does this. Going to HR is a possibility, but I am not sure I am ready to go that route.

3. AnonymousOctober 21,2022 at 7:25PM UTC

   Ok, I hear you. I still think this is a situation where unless her mouth is affecting your wallet, you don’t have much recourse. You say you’re not sure if you should confront her, but not doing so reinforces her behavior. You set the boundaries that pertain to you. I’m a little muddled on whether or not this person is your boss. Except in terms of how you address the issue, it doesn’t really matter. Slander is slander if it’s affecting your income.

4. Juanita JamesOctober 24,2022 at 1:19AM UTC

   I think you need focus on your job performance and not what is being said.
   The next time these people come to you about what she said ask them what did they do. Did they support you in front or just listen to carry you the gossip? These people can't be trusted. A dog the brings a bone, carries a bone.

   The more she talk about you shows up her character and not yours. Currently, I'm in the same situation and a wise mentor told me the same I just told you. She sending you in the spotlight to showcase your hard work and ethics, keep shining.

5. Indea MccombsOctober 21,2022 at 3:20PM UTC

   This is a form of harassment that should've been outlined at your job.

   If it's possible reach out to your company website for resources such as the compliance department for confidential help. I have had an issue or so with the same because it's profiling that isn't warranted onsite or remote and should not be handled lightly due to the degradation it causes within the workplace as well as with future prospects.

6. AnonymousOctober 21,2022 at 3:25PM UTC

   What is your desired outcome? Do you think this us worth your time? If so, take it to HR and perhaps an attorney.

7. AnonymousOctober 22,2022 at 12:03PM UTC

   Call an attorney because someone is gossiping?
   Get real! Who is going to spend money on a retainer fee and and an exorbitant hourly rate because of this? My god FGB, this default position of engaging counsel anytime someone has a hurt feeling is unsustainable. Do better!

8. AnonymousOctober 23,2022 at 12:09AM UTC

   This x1000. And what makes me legitimately angry is when I see the one of 500 posts where OP is ACTUALLY being discriminated against, where it is both acknowledged and documented, and the community is like "Eh, what can you do?"

9. AnonymousOctober 21,2022 at 6:06PM UTC

   Tell your manager and have your manager and her meet with you ti address the issue and that it needs to stop.

   When you tell the boss, explain she is creating a hostile work environment for you with the ongoing slander and that it is disrupting your work.
   Post meeting send email acknowledging the details of meeting.

   if you confront her head on she can lie and label you as an aggressor. So don’t do anything alone with this Karen jerk

   p.s. Every single stinking time this low life does this, follow it up with an email to both her and your boss acknowledging the incident. You don’t have to include in the email the source, nor should have to admit to it during the discussion. But every email counts as proving a pattern of behaviour that can be used against her even if your mgr does nothing about it. Keep an internal journal of each ee that comes to you to mention what she says. And also ask the ee each time. Who else was present at the time.

10. AnonymousOctober 22,2022 at 2:21AM UTC

    I went to HR about a similar situation and didn't really accomplish anything. Eventually I got a new boss who got her under control, but I was pretty close to quitting a couple of times over it before then. Last few years have been much better.

11. AnonymousOctober 22,2022 at 5:06AM UTC

    I wouldn’t mention hostile work environment to HR as we don’t know how much clout the gossip spreader has at the company.

    I would focus on the fact the gossip is making other staff who are relaying the gossip to you feel comfortable as the issue.

12. AnonymousOctober 23,2022 at 6:07PM UTC

    My company terminated an employee as he was accused of creating a hostile work environment.

13. Erica MitchellOctober 22,2022 at 12:19PM UTC

    I would approach her and ask her if she wants to grab lunch, get to know each other, and ask her if she feels you've done something to upset her. I think taking her to lunch to ask her is the best way to go about this.

14. Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)October 23,2022 at 1:14PM UTC

    Take her to lunch, then ask her, “since you seem to be gossiping about me, let’s chat; I can tellya more.”
    Then, tell her you want to return the favor, so ask HER tons of personal questions. HAHA- I’m just kidding, I think I would, however, ask her to lunch & get to know her.

15. DanielleOctober 23,2022 at 3:49PM UTC

    I don’t think confronting her without a witness is wise. Depending on what’s being said, I would go to HR. Is she saying things that damage your character?

16. AnonymousOctober 24,2022 at 11:33AM UTC

    Is this a workplace or high school?

    What is she gossiping about?

    I would suggest confronting her directly. "I under that you believe XYZ about me. Allow me to set the record straight *insert whatever it is that is actually true here* In the future, please come to me directly should you have any concerns."

    In other words, be the grown up in this situation.

17. Kimberly GrahamOctober 24,2022 at 6:48PM UTC

    I believe in being direct to address issues like that head on. Based on what you have shared above, I would slip it into a conversation in a non-confrontational way to share that you heard she had shared some incorrect information so you wanted to clarify. It would allow you to share your truth while also pointing out things get back to you. It will help you feel better and will likely stop the gossiper in her tracks. It has worked for me before which is why I shared. I can't stand mean girl environments. :-(

18. Sharon GrehanOctober 25,2022 at 4:52AM UTC

    I agree with speaking with HR - they need to open an investigation. The people she is gossiping to have a responsibility to shut it down too. By listening (even if they are going to you with what she said), they are enabling her.

19. AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 6:14PM UTC

    Gossip does not warrant an investigation. Bullying? Harassment? Discrimination, etc.? Yes. Gossip? no.