I moved into a job 8 months back, I loved the work I did at my old job but because there were no growth opportunities I left.

Anonymous

June 22,2023 at 6:49AM UTC

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I moved into a job 8 months back, I loved the work I did at my old job but because there were no growth opportunities I left. I got a decent salary hike while taking my new job but currently I am struggling with my boss on a few reasons, feel really overwhelmed sometimes with all of this:

She doesn't come to work on time and hence expects us to stay late everyday.
Has blurry boundaries, really likes to get involved in my personal life and shares a lot of details of hers.
Difficult to work with - she doesnt communicate on emails and constantly expects me to remind of her things personally.
Takes things personally at work - has a tendency to make a big deal out of work problems and takes it super personally and expects to be sympathized with because of it

The last 2 months have been really stressing me out and I am not able to figure out what to do. Its really affecting my personal life and mental health

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AnonymousJune 22,2023 at 11:36AM UTC
Invest in your personal life and repeat to yourself, "It's just a job. It's not my life."
She obviously has issues, and you'll figure out how to maintain boundaries, if not with her, at least within your own head.
Mary PoolJune 23,2023 at 1:26PM UTC
As yourself this: What is the team doing to change her behaviors? Just because she doesn't have boundaries doesn't mean the team can't. Also, it is the team’s choice to stay late; it is perfectly acceptable to say, “My shift has ended. We can connect first thing in the morning.”
Why should she change her behavior if the team is willing to accommodate it? Your team is giving her no reason to change. She imposes, and your team accepts it. Where is her motivation to change when the only negative consequences are on others?
As far as getting involved in her personal life, set boundaries. "That sounds personal to me. I like to keep out of personal lives.” "I don't think that is an appropriate topic for you to discuss with me." For her asking about your life, "I keep my personal and work life separate. I am uncomfortable discussing it with you."
She would not depend upon you to remind her if you were unwilling to do it. If she forgets something that is not on you, it isn't your problem. “I am sorry you forgot that. However, it was not on my to-do list, so I had no reason to remember it.” OR, you could email her after each discussion, "As per our discussion today, you have agreed to do xyz by Monday." That way, you have a documented reminder.
Regarding sympathy, it costs nothing but a few moments. “I am so sorry this happened to you. If you’ll excuse me, I must return to this task.”
This is what so many people forget. Managers get paid way more, way more, than workers. This is because they are supposed to be better organized, have a clear view of the work needed, and are to facilitate their direct reports. It is not the other way around! My daughter-in-law was asked to take work home and to work over the weekend. I loved her answer, “My paycheck doesn’t have enough commas in it for me to give up my personal life.” Her manager ended up doing the work. Why? Because she set a boundary, and their paycheck has enough commas!
The boundary books by Cloud and Townsend will change our life! (They have personal and work boundary books).
AnonymousJune 23,2023 at 2:03PM UTC
I love the "my paycheck doesn't have enough commas for me to give up my personal life" comment. (Not OP)
Ms. S.June 24,2023 at 7:17PM UTC
Amen!
AnonymousJune 23,2023 at 3:24PM UTC
Be very factual when talking to someone like this. She will take what you say personally. Pick one thing. Maybe the easiest. Describe the situation using as few adjectives as possible and stick to the facts. Then state or ask for what you want. Be prepared with a few solutions.
Mary, I need to leave work by 5 and can only stay later occasionally.
When she gets emotional, try validating her feelings. It must have made you angry that Joe stole your idea. Three validations in a row may help her deescalate. You can even normalize it if it’s true, I’d be mad if someone passed my work off as their own too. If all else fails, needing to go to the bathroom buys you time, lol
AnonymousJune 23,2023 at 5:43PM UTC
Have you sat down with her and told her what you need from her? It may seem a bit late to do this but do it! Let her know what your comfort zone is for personal chatter at work. Let her know how you take feedback and how you like to be given work to do. Let her know that your work hours are limited and that you will irrespective of her coming in later need to leave daily at X time. Be firm then follow up the conversation in an email with the same details. Be sure that this will not totally solve it but manage your manager, it will make you much happier and less stressed out.