I’m in a hostile work environment and unfortunately have been struggling with lack of flexibility with my work schedule for childcare needs.

16 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 7,2023 at 4:19PM UTC

   If you qualify for FMLA get your child's pediatrician to fill out the paperwork. You could take intermittent leave until your child is on a better path. Use PTO to offset the time away. We need to put our children first. I hope your employer is accommodating.

2. karina rosadoJuly 7,2023 at 6:35PM UTC

   They do come first! I will look into that. Thank you for sharing.

3. Jennifer AndersonJuly 7,2023 at 5:53PM UTC

   Wow, just wow! First and foremost - I'm sorry. As a parent with an ADHD child, I can empathize. I was fortunate enough to have an employer who would work with me a little bit so that I could attend school meetings for their special ed plan.

   My suggestion is first to identify what you are looking for in the way of an accommodation at work. Do you need to take some personal calls from the school at specific times, leave early to handle IEP meetings, or work different hours to be there at pick-up? Understanding what you need and what you are asking from your employer is the first step

   Next, see if any of the accommodations you need would actually help your company should they be implemented. For me, I wanted (not needed but really really wanted) to be able to pick my child up after school so that I could check in with the teacher daily and get homework assignments as there was no web portal. Then I would be able to work with my child on their assignments right after school I was fortunate because I was able to change my hours to 5:30 - 2:00 as I worked a lot with oversees companies and by arriving at the office at 5:30, I had 2 hours to interact with them on projects prior to their leaving for the day. Because I had a work reason and not an accommodation reason, I was able to sell it to them and we "tried it" for six months which turned into a year. While it only went a year, that was long enough for me to establish a relationship with the school, and work to create a routine that worked for me.

   When the same child hit middle school, the schedule was no longer available and it was at that time that I advised my job of my challenges. While I could no longer work those hours, they did grant me flex time once a month to leave early so I could check in with the resource teacher (same job, different management).

   Now for me, I had home support that allowed me to do both of these things and you may have a very different circumstance. The challenge is to determine what you need, and what your employer needs (even if it is a toxic need) and see if you can come to a win/win for both of you. It's a real challenge and your sales skills may be tested to the max.

   Good Luck and I hope you are able to get what you and your family need to succeed.

4. karina rosadoJuly 7,2023 at 6:34PM UTC

   Thank you for such a detailed response. I appreciate your recommendations. Once I know exactly the amount of hours he will need at a new daycare for special education, I will create a plan and propose it to them. It’s nice to hear I’m not the only parent struggling with this and that people care to respond and share their experiences so thank you very much.

5. AnonymousJuly 9,2023 at 6:41PM UTC

   ADA law was never intended to help caregivers with workplace accommodations. The law for that is FMLA.

6. KRISTIN MOOREJuly 7,2023 at 10:12PM UTC

   Do you know if your state has any type of sick or family leave now or coming up in the future? Many states have changed their laws in 2023 and some will in 2024. Did you go directly to HR to see what options you have? If there aren’t any state or federal protected laws working in your favor, go to your boss with three proposed solutions (work longer certain days, hybrid on some, etc…). Sell why it’s important to keep you and how your being able to balance everything will create ROI for the company. You got this!!!

7. karina rosadoJuly 8,2023 at 6:51PM UTC

   Wow. Awesome advice. I wish I had family but we loved to Colorado last year for this job and it’s ironic that they are a nightmare. I will have everything on writing soon. Thanks!

8. AnonymousJuly 8,2023 at 10:15PM UTC

   Being afraid and not at minimum allowing them to consider, well you're right, nothing will change. So, come to the table with a clear plan of what your employer can expect from you. Allow them the grace of consideration. You're right, they may deny your request, their right, but it's not not them being flexible, it's them saying this is what the position needs from their pov and if it's not working for you, then take that into consideration. They are not there to cater (unless it's a catering company and then well, yea they are there to cater), but you won't know if you don't present your needs.

9. AnonymousJuly 9,2023 at 1:56PM UTC

   It depends on the learning disability, what kind of accommodations are going to be made at school and how much outside school assistance your child needs. I had two kids with learning disabilities and worked full time. And yes, I was tired. a lot. And right now you are feeling overwhelmed and probably a failure as a parent. Plus, you have family/friends weighing in on their ideas. The next few months will suck. If your school system is good, yay, if it is like most, it sucks. Instead of going immediately to I need ADA accommodations, you might want to take some vacation time off work to get things organized. Or, one day a week, can you ask work for 4 10s? For just a few months? Once you get your kid on a schedule and figure out what is needed, they you are in the maintenance stage. I spent nights researching what worked for people and what didn't work, I spent many hours going over the IEP the school wanted as compared to what would best serve each kid. I only took time off when there was an appointment. If you have sick leave/vacation time, your employer really can't deny it. I know that is easy to say, but you will find dealing with work cranks becomes easier as you learn to be aggressive advocating for your kid. Practice what you want to say to people, both work and school. Practice scenarios and write down your answers to things you anticipate someone saying. Sounds silly but really works and is helpful. If you get flustered when you are "told" what is going to happen, then you have practiced this out loud and can respond professionally, using big words. And you won't tear.

10. Leader135412July 9,2023 at 5:18PM UTC

    I work full time and when the school was convinced my son had a learning disability they had a psychiatrist test him. And there was nothing wrong. He had a problem with phonics, and I had him in before and after care. I enrolled him at learning center that cost me $53 an hour. He went 3x a week and it helped. It was alot of running around but worth it. The school never gave up on the EIP and the meetings were only once a year. But stay in touch with the teachers, give them your email and tell them to keep you updated on any issues. Dont let the school system break you down, they're more a helicopter parent than you are.

11. AnonymousJuly 9,2023 at 9:41PM UTC

    Wow. I never thought of additional evaluations by other doctors. He’s only seen one psychologist so far. Thank you for the advice! At 2 1/2 they are so little you wonder if these medical diagnostics are accurate!

12. AnonymousJuly 10,2023 at 2:00PM UTC

    2.5 and they have you convinced there is something wrong?! That is far too young to make an official diagnosis. As a full time working mother of an Autism toddler, please find another doctor and get a second opinion first. Get them enrolled in an early preschool and do whatever you can to help get them where they need to be. Learning disabilities are not the worst thing in the world and I have missed a total of 5 hours of work due to her issues in the last year and a half. Flexibility has not been a huge deal tbh.

13. AnonymousJuly 10,2023 at 6:02PM UTC

    They are saying that because he doesn't speak any words and he lacks engagement desire and eye contact with other toddlers that he may be on the spectrum. It's rough and tough who to believe. I will get a second opinion though. That is a great point.

14. Monica HilgenbergJuly 13,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    Mine is on the spectrum.. is it harder? Yes, but with the right people in the right places you can do it. It takes a village after all. We have had to pull her out of one day of school in the entire year. There are early intervention services in every state, find yours and get something started. They will help you navigate through this. Autism is a big word, but an even bigger world. It is not always what it is shown as on television. Big breaths mama... you got this.

15. AnonymousJuly 9,2023 at 6:40PM UTC

    FMLA would be the law to investigate. You can get time off, flexible scheduling, or a transfer if the request is reasonable in the eyes of the employer. If not, try going to social service agencies for at-home help.

16. AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 6:27PM UTC

    What are the best ways to get financial support for children with learning disabilities or autism? Only Medicaid? It’s ridiculous that the new fiscal year started for my insurance benefits so now the deductibles are back to 0 so I have to pay full price which is like $1,000. That makes it harder to afford more than 1 evaluation for a 2nd opinion. How do families do it?! I can’t believe Medicaid financial support is tailored more toward low income families. What if non- low income families have autistic children need support?! This nation is ridiculous and discriminatory.