Feeling unfulfilled and dejected at work.

36 Comments

1. Karen P. StoreyJuly 1,2024 at 11:51PM UTC

   ACT - DON'T REACT! ALWAYS BEHAVE LIKE A DUCK.

   KEEP CALM AND UNRUFFLED ON THE SURFACE, BUT

   PADDLE LIKE THE DEVIL UNDERNEATH.

   GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE...

2. AnonymousJuly 1,2024 at 11:57PM UTC

   Let me guess - commercial real estate?

3. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJuly 2,2024 at 1:02AM UTC

   Why are you still working at a company where you're treated so poorly? You didn't ask for advice but I'd recommend you fire up your resume and begin a job search for a company where your contributions will be acknowledged. Choose yourself - choose to be happier.Is there some reason to believe that your company pays higher than everyone else in your industry or space? Why do you seem to believe you wouldn't be able to get a similar salary at another company?

4. AnonymousJuly 2,2024 at 1:26AM UTC

   Original poster here. I live in a small city with a very limited number of large orgs. This is among the best in the area. We have kids and can't move. I've been looking for remote positions but those that match the salary are hard to come by. I'd go back to school but again, I have kids and my money and time goes to them. I get the sense there that the sweet spot for most women is a "wife" job where you're protected.

5. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJuly 2,2024 at 6:24AM UTC

   What about a different department or team within the company? Would that be an option? I'm sorry to hear that you have limited options in your immediate geographic area.

   Good luck with your job search - it only takes that one YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. Dele Downs KooleyJuly 2,2024 at 3:27AM UTC

   I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your employer. It seems clear that you are frustrated that your contributions aren't being recognized or respected. I noticed you ended your post with thanks for listening. If you are looking for options or support in creating a solution, I'd be happy to share some feedback.

7. AnonymousJuly 2,2024 at 12:12PM UTC

   Why expect changes after 5 years if you're not being that voice in the office? To have change there's need to be action and a voice advocating for it. Be that voice.

8. AnonymousJuly 2,2024 at 3:27PM UTC

   I agree here. I felt like my opinion meant nothing in a male dominated profession. It took a few slightly unpleasant situations for me to finally speak up and speak out. Now I can say that my opinion does matter and once I respectfully brought these concerns to my supervisor's attention changes were made and if it didn't change I was explained why these certain things were the way they were. Validation. Although I will admit I am nervous, again. My company was recently purchased by a smaller company that's branching out and I feel I may be stepping backwards when it comes to diversity all over again! Good luck to you. Know your worth!!!

9. AnonymousJuly 2,2024 at 12:35PM UTC

   I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It sounds like you know what you need to do. Please let us know how we can support you and keep us posted.

10. maria roseJuly 2,2024 at 1:45PM UTC

    I’m sorry you are feeling non-appreciated by your male work colleagues but considering that you have been there as stated 5 years but judging by that time line you must have had at least a 2 year gap during the 2020 -2022 years, unless your employment was classified as an essential job. You also probably have been changing in your view of the job over those years and something changed your attitude towards the job conditions and it is not just about your feeling that the men were mansplaining towards you. Let’s face it you have outgrown what this job offers you in growth potential and you want more recognition and responsibility than you get from this job. However you like having that paycheck. There’s no problem with testing the waters for new opportunities but do so without creating waves of resentment at your current job—you don’t want to burn that bridge because of your current dissatisfaction. Just know this, the job market is tight and finding a new job may not happen immediately and you will be fighting ageism and sexism no matter where you look . Good luck

11. AnonymousJuly 2,2024 at 6:27PM UTC

    Why do you presume she must have had a two year gap from 2020-2022 unless her job was essential? Many people in non-essential jobs worked full time continuously during those years, myself included.

12. maria roseJuly 3,2024 at 6:51PM UTC

    I am sorry that you only understood one section of my comment wording and chose those words to concentrate your response to, rather then realize that the OP has reached a point in their job where they are questioning whether the interaction between colleagues is best for their progression forward. A lot of people have internal time patterns fixed in their mind of career progression which has to be re-evaluated to reality in the job market and current circumstances. We never get the ideal dream job and sometimes we have to compromise. That’s the dilemma choice facing this OP—likes the job, loves the pay but doesn’t like the way their colleagues interact with them because they have a perception of feeling not appreciated enough. There’s many ways to deal with this as offered by the comments—the only way forward is what the OP feels would be the most comfortable path that suits all their needs including getting an equal pay which is not guaranteed if choosing to move on to another job. Sometimes one doesn’t radically rock the boat to get some change and that’s the issue here—what path forward—I wish this OP luck and enough wisdom to choose the best solution.

13. AnonymousJuly 2,2024 at 8:29PM UTC

    Wow. It seems like you're a victim of covert sexism: sure, they let you put in the work and participate in the process, even paying you well, but when it comes to giving you a "seat" at the table to prove your mettle as a valued employee, it seems to stop. It also seems that the behavior is ingrained in the culture, especially since many of leaders and managers' wives are employed there. Since you're a female, you probably aren't valued much more than those that are in the "wives" club.

    If you like what you're doing, that's fine. But you may have to put in the work to outwit and outsmart the egos in the boardroom to prove that you belong there., and not as an admin. But it can be done. Best wishes to you.

14. AnonymousJuly 3,2024 at 1:03PM UTC

    I had and every once in a while go through that "second class citizen" treatmen. I have been in the IT field for ver 40 years, I had someone that was meeting with someone. He called me to his office silly me I thought it was an introduction. Instead he asked me to bring them coffee!! My reply was I take mine light and sweet, walked out the office and handed 2 weeks notice.

    His manager later called me into his office and asked me not to quit instead I could report to him. This was an emotional decision I made, a spur of the moment which is not normal for me, But since that date I make sure that I set time aside and privately address the issue, this way they cannot say they were not aware I felt that way.

15. AnonymousJuly 3,2024 at 1:05PM UTC

    I worked for male dominated engineering company many years ago. I received the same treatment until I stood up for myself and received high praises from their female CEO. She mentored me to be a strong, independent woman with a fierce voice inside that must be heard when it is appropriate.

    I have also recently moved from a mainly female team to being the only female with the advanced degrees and experience in a male team in my current organization. I get nothing but respect from the men on our team, which is something I did not get from my former team.

    Moral: be strong, independent and fierce when you have to. If that means moving to an organization that will be a better fit for you, so be it.

16. GirlBossanova934974July 3,2024 at 1:15PM UTC

    Hate to say it but many company's workforces these days are very TRIBAL! Tribal in this case is a male dominated workforce where women are not taken seriously. In other cases if you are not under 30 years old, you are going to be shunned if you get hired at all. But there are some companies that are NOT tribal. You have a solid 5 years in with this company and your raises have solid during that time. You should be out there looking for another place to work. With your education, experience, and a SOLID company and job underneath you, you should be getting calls from employers when you apply. With a current job, your status is worth much more in the eyes of future employers. Why go on with this?

17. AnonymousJuly 3,2024 at 5:59PM UTC

    I've never heard of under 30. First it was 35, now 30? Most graduate at 22, and Gen Z's work ethic is severely lacking, so I doubt this is true.

18. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachJuly 3,2024 at 2:28PM UTC

    This is so frustrating. Have you thought about setting clear boundaries and deciding ahead of time how you will react when these things happen? What you will/will not do? These don't even have to be shared with others, it can be your internal decisions.

19. AnonymousJuly 3,2024 at 9:14PM UTC

    Oh the mansplaining is real. Thank you sir, but I'm good. Tell them you are a team player, and want a seat at the table. Remember Ruth Ginsberg? She had a seat at the table and fought for women's rights. Make yourself comfy at that table, and just tell them you are sitting in. Stand up, speak up and then maybe find another environment that will pay you well or even a salary break to get a mental break. Men are nonsense and they need to move out of the way.

20. AnonymousJuly 4,2024 at 12:43PM UTC

    "I'd like to stay and keep the good pay,"

    Then stay and stop whining!

    "I'm tired of being treated like a little girl"

    Then leave and stop whining!

    You have 2 choices (Fighting the culture will just get you fired.), stay or leave.

    Make a choice and own it!

21. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netJuly 4,2024 at 2:16PM UTC

    I totally agree with this. If you are that unhappy, update your resume and start looking on Indeed or CareerBuilder. Otherwise, change your attitude before they let you go because they do not want all that negativity in the office...

22. AnonymousJuly 4,2024 at 12:47PM UTC

    Do we work at the same company?

    You need to leave. I've been at a company for three years, and I am finally leaving. I tried to change the culture you describe -- it's impossible, unless it comes top down.

    Without strength in numbers, these men will continue doing what they are doing and acting how they are acting. I am a VP, and one of my male coworkers has 1/4 the experience I have and just joined the functional area four years ago (from Sales to IT). He has no technology experience, BUT, he is a man, and he is "faking it until he makes it" and he's made it, but truly should not be in a VP role.

    Best of luck. Find a place that does not support this culture -- they are out there. I know, I've worked for them before.

23. AnonymousJuly 4,2024 at 1:05PM UTC

    You can't change this environment. You can only change YOU. So leave and own it!!! Or stay, and own it!!....keep us posted on your decision...I want to hear!

24. AyianJuly 4,2024 at 1:23PM UTC

    If you feel like a girl at all, you're being infantilized, which tracks with the behavior you've described.

    This does not sound like an organization for someone with a healthy mental health landscape and who wants to keep it that way. You've received raises, that's great. However, market trends for the last 20 years show greater increases when changing organizations rather than staying in one for the raises.

    In your shoes, I would give my resume some love and start showing it to people. Since you're comfortable enough where you are for now, specifically seek out organizations based on culture so that the next role you take is a better fit long term.

    Good for you, establishing some personal boundaries. Always remember that you get to decide how you let people treat you.

25. AnonymousJuly 4,2024 at 1:26PM UTC

    you have a job being in your 40s which is hard for anyone nowadays i will say just be thankful of your great hard earn work ect : compare to not having a job and not to brag about your skill you already so skilled at. you have good talent so just own up to it in be thankful hope this helps you with some of your questions

26. MaryaliceJuly 4,2024 at 1:52PM UTC

    I’m 62 and was just offered a job as the only admin to a small office for a large corporation and am nervous about it potentially being a rough job because I got it because of my own merits or because no one wanted it. I’m scared to death but it’s not easy AT ALL to find a decent job and good pay with benefits at this age! ??? I’m having anxiety attacks about it!

27. Maggie SoldanoJuly 4,2024 at 2:06PM UTC

    You are worthy of being happy at work. You are worthy of respect and admiration for your accomplishments.

    To me, it sounds like you have a couple of options — change your psychology or change your geography. That is is to say that either you can recognize your value and look to flex your strengths in new ways where you are or at a new employer.

    In my experience, there's something about doing great work at an employer that you've served a long time that makes the idea of leaving induce a crippling fear. (At least it did for me.) But when I finally got the courage to leave, it was like a 100 lbs of weight just melted off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging you to quit. But it might be time to brush the dust off that resume, head for greener pastures, and find a place that values your strengths, knowledge, and skills.

    Another option is to start documenting anything you feel is gender-discriminatory and take legal action, but honestly, it may not be worth the hassle. Cutting ties and saying to yourself "I survived the misogyny of X company," could do more to bolster your self esteem and fulfillment.

28. Sidney BristowJuly 4,2024 at 3:57PM UTC

    I feel for you and I'm sooo sorry you have to endure this ridiculous behavior from your peers who don't treat you as such.

    As a Black person and a woman, my advice to you is to call your peers out on their behavior. Make them aware of their treatment. Folks can get in a rut, saying and doing the same things. And if they aren't made aware, if there is nothing said to the contrary, it will continue. Call them out: "I'm your peer, I know what you know, and you're explaining my job to me. What if I did the same to you?" That way, it's in their court to continue (now with knowledge of what they're doing) or quit it. Sometimes that's all it takes. Sometimes.

    At least that way you're not always the one steaming on the inside, always the one put on and put down. Now they can share some of that load.

29. Life BeckonsJuly 4,2024 at 4:01PM UTC

    There are not jobs out there. Please stick to what you have. A lousy job is million times better than no job

30. AnonymousJuly 7,2024 at 4:59PM UTC

    Seriously ? A scarcity mindset will keep you in unhealthy jobs and situations. There are many jobs out there, one has to know how to get them.

31. maria roseJuly 7,2024 at 7:37PM UTC

    How about some list of what kinds of jobs are out there—not all fields of work have opportunities. And we really don’t know exactly what field of work this OP is working in—all we know is that it’s a male dominated company with—that alone could indicate a field of work that doesn’t have many women in that type of job even if equally capable and if so until more women enter that field of work, most women will be in a male dominated workforce. Not a big negative if that’s your life goal career but changing the attitude will need more women in the field too.

32. AnonymousJuly 4,2024 at 6:44PM UTC

    I feel you for. I’ve been in similar situation while it is not fun, there really isn’t much you can do. You are danmed if you stand up for yourself and danmed if you do nothing.

    Is there another department you can transfer to? What is your goal in your current role? Are you trying to move into manager? Or at this point is it just a job?

33. AnonymousJuly 5,2024 at 12:44PM UTC

    Your situation is typical for a male dominated sector. They cannot handle a female who is competent (unless it's the spouse) and they have the urge to show you their perceived superiority. I think the reason for this behaviour is that it's not so long ago that females started working in industry - men couldn't catch up and learn how to treat women at workplace.

    I had similar experiences too, even without working in man-dominated sectors. (I work in healthcare and we are mostly females but higher up there tend to sit men.) I think it's male's issue and not ours in the first place.

    So if you have the coolness to let it be, accept it for THEIR problem and just keep on doing your good job, now and then joking about THEIR small boy's weaknesses - then you can stay longer. But I guess that you perceive this treatment as very unfair as you write that you feel stuck.

    Some ideas:

    - Have you tried to adress this with your superior?

    - Have you talked to other women who are not spouses (if there are any)? Maybe they perceive this environment exactly like you and are struggling.

    - Is there a possibility to change the section within your organisation? Take a look if there are openings in other sections.

    - Finally if nothing helps, update your resume and start searching for a new position. Because chances are small that the culture of the whole department would suddenly change towards a better treatment of females. Even if this topic is so popular right now, some men like your colleagues live in prehistoric ages and won't change so fast.

34. Margo MaldonadoJuly 5,2024 at 12:53PM UTC

    You will not change the culture. I stayed in a male dominated environment for far too long. I have my own business now. I am grateful for what i learned. Now there is more risk but also more peace. My time is important.

    start asking yourself:

    what is my purpose?

    what are my values?

    And create a plan to move forward.

    It’s scary but worth it.

35. Rosa GoesJuly 5,2024 at 8:31PM UTC

    I agree with most comments, especially Sidney's to call them out. I would add that when you do, set the tone you are comfortable with so it's not weird after telling them.

36. AnonymousJuly 8,2024 at 11:48AM UTC

    Start acting like a man. If they start to mansplain interrupt, finish the explanation and correct them. Add thank you for trying to explain but I understand/ know this thanks to my 25 years and degree. Being purposefully excluded from meetings is considered workplace bullying. Definitely bring this behavior to HR as it is hurting the business because you are affected in your ability to do the job.