Advice on addressing table manners/how to dress with a direct report?

18 Comments

1. AnonymousJanuary 12,2023 at 1:35PM UTC

   Fellow Casual Person here: Maybe provide a company t shirt or polo and ask people to wear it for in person things. I'm not sure on the slurping. Perhaps have a team professional development day and make business etiquette the topic. You could bring in an outside trainer if feasible financially. Tell them beforehand that eating habits need to be covered. This way someone who is not on the team could provide feedback.

2. AnonymousJanuary 12,2023 at 2:08PM UTC

   I think you could politely handle the slurping situation by saying something to everyone, like, "When we are in meetings, please make sure your mic is muted while eating or drinking. It is difficult for others to hear what is being discussed over the sounds." As far as the dress goes, if your company does not have specific attire requirements, he is not technically in the wrong, even if you prefer him to dress differently. It may be as simple as having a team discussion about the type of ideal work dress for your department. I would keep in mind though, that you may also have habits that he finds annoying or unsettling, so be prepared to hear those as well.

3. AnonymousJanuary 12,2023 at 3:26PM UTC

   I had a similar problem with a direct report at my last job. The dress was casual, but since our population included the homeless, some of which were sex offenders, we had clear instructions about what was appropriate and what was not. I finally had to put it in writing because one woman kept coming in with "after five" attire. The notice stated that they had to be covered from shoulders to knees, with no spaghetti straps, and closed-toed flat shoes (preferably sneakers or boots). When she walked into the office one day with a painted-on miniskirt and 4-inch heel sandals, I turned her around and told her she either had to change and come back or take a day of PTO.

   I like the idea that another poster has about providing a "polo" type or "t-shirt" with the company logo that you expect them to wear for in-person days and meetings. You can address the slurping by doing the same with a hot/cold company logo coffee/tumbler that does not have a straw and suggest they use that.

4. Barb HansenJanuary 12,2023 at 5:19PM UTC

   I would address each item independently, starting with the most egress item first.

   "Jason, we can hear you drinking from your water bottle during meetings, and it's distracting for the team. Please mute your mic during Zoom call and perhaps leave your water bottle outside of the team meeting rooms when we are in the office"

   "Jason, I noticed the other day, during our in-office all-hands meeting that you worn very causal clothes. Company policy is business casual for all in-office interactions. T-shirts are absolutely okay to wear but let's make sure that there are no holes in them."

   Just address the issues straight on with facts and without judgement.

5. Kimberly GrahamJanuary 12,2023 at 7:28PM UTC

   I almost blurted coffee out of my nose when reading this post since using a Camelback in the office takes things to a whole new level of casual!! I look forward to reading the comments since this one is tricky. I have experienced teams with a bathing issue, frustration of the clicking sound of a colleagues long fingernails on a keyboard, inappropriate comments, etc. but I think the Mom in me would take over when confronting this. Good luck!

6. AnonymousJanuary 13,2023 at 1:35PM UTC

   I use a camelback at work to avoid spilling all over my papers and computer, and I’m not casual

7. AnonymousJanuary 13,2023 at 2:47PM UTC

   can human resources provide any specific comments for you to have a discussion with this individual that probably would be helpful

8. Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterJanuary 12,2023 at 8:20PM UTC

   I agree - and if it isn't documented, it's definitely time for HR to get the "rules" in writing.

9. AnonymousJanuary 13,2023 at 2:53PM UTC

   I had to address business casual attire recently. Our new employee came from a more blue-collar environment where they wore t-shirts and jeans. The direct supervisor met privately and provided some ideas for affordable attire and clearly stated the minimum standard.. I dress more formally than I expect my staff to, but we need to meet a minimal standard.

10. AnonymousJanuary 13,2023 at 3:01PM UTC

    He may be “working poor” but there is no excuse for hoodies and t-shirts on video calls or in the office. But then, this generation of college grads/20 something’s is all about being comfortable and the attitude of my clothing has no bearing on my work performance. Wrong. They are SO wrong. If he is truly underpaid and short on funds, there are enough used clothing places that have decent clothing available. Walmart even sells button down shirts, buy two and rotate them.

11. AnonymousJanuary 13,2023 at 5:31PM UTC

    I do not like when the whole office is addressed for a particular person's actions. Because believe me that person doesn't think it is them, if so they would not dress like that in the first place. As a Sr Manager have a review with the offender and discuss the office attire policy if there is one. If there is not a stated policy then you just need to say that holes in shirts or in my mind Tshirts are not appropriate. Hopefully that will address the issue or you may find he is having financial issues and if your business can't provide company shirts, then maybe you can provide resources in the area that help with clothing.

    As far as the slurping goes I would just politely ask that he mute himself or doesn't bring bottle into meetings.

12. AnonymousJanuary 16,2023 at 1:11AM UTC

    When I had this problem, I did both. Since each location has a different set type of clientele, and ours was the only one that allowed sex offenders, I had the latitude to ban anything that might be perceived as "sexually provocative." Therefore, I banned tank tops, spaghetti straps, crop tops, and holes in the jeans/pants/shorts above the knee. Then I had leverage when there was an infraction and there was one that worked hard to push the buttons.

13. Glenport LifeJanuary 14,2023 at 12:09PM UTC

    unfortunately no you can't say anything, let his slobber sink his ship while yours rises thru being professional

14. Coach Nancie Kay ShumanJanuary 14,2023 at 1:18PM UTC

    So the CEO at GM created a 2 word dress code: Dress appropriately. The company went crazy! But ultimately, the conversation came down to this: we are a business. Is how you are presenting yourself appropriate for the business? Is it respectful of your co-workers and the clientele, etc (no swear words on tee shirts.) Does it reflect your personal values, along with those of the company? There haven't been a lot of problems since then.But it took a minute. The CEOs point was all taken: if you can't trust your people to be able to handle this one aspect, how can you trust them to make important decisions about their work?

    But to me the key is to be sure that employees understand what is appropriate, and what isn't . Sometimes examples are a good idea.

15. Carolyn MillerJanuary 14,2023 at 2:12PM UTC

    I’ve worked for companies where the dress code in the employee handbook was very specific. Everything from attire J. Crew Factory has amazing business casual options for everyone & they have an incredible sale section. Consignment & thrift stores same thing. I have personally used all of the above for work attire. As far as the Camelback, perhaps as a career kindness someone should as kindly as possible point this out privately that the slurping sound is distracting,

16. AnonymousJanuary 14,2023 at 6:58PM UTC

    Is it the food noises or his wardrobe that bother you? If its really the food that is exacerbating your tension let him know how it sounds by recording it and playing it back to him in private. He may not be aware of it. My grandfather slurped his soup so loudly he could drown out the TV but he was one of the funniest men ever. I miss that sound. Find the good in this guy and let it go.

17. Maureen MulveyJanuary 15,2023 at 7:34AM UTC

    I would suggest that he or she be mindful about how others perceive their attire. Bad eating manners is a tough one but at least mention people have made complaints about it and again could they be mindful of it.

18. Paula BrantnerJanuary 16,2023 at 3:28PM UTC

    I would address the slurping issue as a matter of noise instead of as "table manners." The latter, people are likely to get more defensive about. But they may not be aware of how much noise they're making while they're eating and drinking (which seems to be the issue anyway.)