I am disturbed by actions of others.

13 Comments

1. AnonymousSeptember 21,2022 at 6:35PM UTC

   Wow, that sounds like a hard situation to be in. Are there any shared phones that you could use to report? Or a suggestion box?

2. AnonymousSeptember 21,2022 at 6:46PM UTC

   There is an online submission that allows you to be anonymous, but I am sure there is a way to find out who is doing the reporting.

3. AnonymousSeptember 22,2022 at 1:46PM UTC

   Could you use a shared computer for this? Not sure you have that in your workplace.

4. AnonymousSeptember 21,2022 at 7:02PM UTC

   As a person who was in this situation, I certainly appreciate your kindness and looking out for others. BUT, tread lightly. While this is so noble (and thank you), watch your back. Do you trust your immediate manager (or anyone in upper management) call this to attention?

5. AnonymousSeptember 21,2022 at 7:04PM UTC

   Nothing changes EVER until people advocate for change. This is the culture and the current dynamics support it 100%

   So this, unfortunately, will continue until it is stopped.

6. AnonymousSeptember 23,2022 at 3:31AM UTC

   I’ve learned this to be a hard price to pay. But when I did this I thought really hard about my decision and potential impacts. Writing it out helped me realize that by speaking up in a situation that I thought wasn’t right, it became clear it was an act of self love to file an EEO complaint.

7. AnonymousSeptember 21,2022 at 7:10PM UTC

   Yikes!

   This is so unfortunate to read. Ugh The fact that people are so afraid of them (the executives) is disturbing. Ultimately, the decision to-do something about it falls into the hands of someone who isn't afraid to call out this type of behavior. Also, do you know if others have tried in the past? I'd say maybe start with reviewing your company policy and see what that says.

   If there are other current employees who can attest to the same behavior and are willing to go forward and make a report about, then honestly, there's nothing more than you can do. Documentation is key! While being a witness in the situation can be important to back things up, the fact is, there's got to be an airtight paper trail that demonstrates that these two people are violating the company's policy/promoting a hostile work environment and have been for certain period of time. I also believe it has to come from someone who actually experienced said behavior. It's hard to come to someone's defense who has already decided to depart from the company. Sometimes these things are difficult to "prove" because everything is open for interpretation and depending on the degree of said issue, it might even require outside legal counsel. It's hard to say w/o specifics on the issue at hand.

   Even if HR investigates this issue, what does that outcome look like? Would it be an outcome folks find fair and reasonable? Also, what is your HR's internal reputation? If this person (that's leaving) is choosing to leave without reporting this issue, then that could be a reason why too.

   Sometimes, in these situations the best decision and greatest act of self care is choosing your self and knowing when to walk away. It's not defeat by any means, it means you love yourself more and you know that the situation isn't worth it. There are bigger issues going on in the world (and in our home lives) and no job is worth your mental health. Period.

8. Kristie WhiteSeptember 21,2022 at 7:41PM UTC

   I think you know what you need to do. Justice is not served by those who stay silent.

9. AnonymousSeptember 22,2022 at 6:04PM UTC

   Yes, you are correct. I do know, it is just nice to come here and get great advice from all of the wonderful people on here.

10. AnonymousSeptember 22,2022 at 12:55AM UTC

    As a blk female thank you for seeing those people as human beings who deserve to be treated with respect.

    Now as far as what you should do, you should always think of the worst case scenario. In any job the purpose of hr is to protect the company, organization and leadership…they won’t tell you that, it is true. If you put in an anonymous tip…it won’t be anonymous unless it is on a piece of paper slid under someone’s door. But even if you went to that extreme, a more meticulous camera could roll the surveillance footage. This could put a target on your back. My point is that what is happening here is a systemic problem. If the 2 females are there, you can try your best to support them on their way out. They can certainly file an EEO complaint or get union involved if applicable, but if they do their research, they would come to find that 97% of EEO cases fail. And it is like that for a reason, regardless of evidence provided. As heartbreaking as the situation is, they should leave and find an environment that values them as though they should be. Hell no it should not be that way, especially In 2022 but unless someone who cares has some level of influence above their bosses, it’s going to be close to impossible to get that needle to move to where it is impactful In a positive way. Been thru similar situations like this a few times and leaving was the best decision every time, thank you again for even acknowledging the situation for what it is because not many do.

11. Saidah AbdulhaqqSeptember 22,2022 at 6:14PM UTC

    Having been a victim of this in the past at the hands of a manager and director (both female), it would have been so helpful if anyone else on the team said something to HR.

    It was my word against theirs even though everyone on the team knew what they were doing and pointed it out. Past employees had left for the same behavior but were so afraid to burn bridges that they said nothing. After I left, despite my warnings to HR that fell on deaf ears, and my exit interview that stated explicitly that this behavior was my reason for leaving, it was assumed I left for money (a 25% increase for 50% less work). The next team member with a high profile was targeted within the following 6 months and it started again.

    You should have the ability to report it anonymously, preferably in written form with a copy you keep. Document everything you see along with the times and provide them to HR and an external reporting source. Reporting them to whatever employment regulator possible should bring some attention when internal filing does not; and it may take that to get HR to notice.

    More than anything, that person needs support and encouragement. And they probably should leave the company at the first opportunity (probably you too), because the chances that this will change are slim to none. Company and team cultures that are toxic tend to blame the victim and find excuses for why they left rather than self-reflect. There are no winners until that team's "leadership" is gone.

12. AnonymousSeptember 22,2022 at 6:42PM UTC

    We utilize a third-party company to manage our anonymous hotline, so it really is anonymous as they don't provide us with contact details. That said, I serve as a contact for reporting in a specific area and I always counsel potential reporters on the limitations. Basically, the fewer witnesses and the more specific the reporting, the less likely the reporter will remain anonymous. The people being reported will figure it out without too much in the way of mental gymnastics. I may come up with ways to "catch" the offenders in the act, but not every person is going to bother and not every situation lends itself to that approach.

13. Liz MilneSeptember 26,2022 at 1:05PM UTC

    If nothing else, reach out to the victim. Tell her you've seen the abuse she's received and that you're neither complicit with it nor comfortable with it. Then ask her what she would like you to do - if she's decided that she's going and doesn't want a fuss, she will say so. But reaching out to her will let her know that she's not alone and ignored... :( A horrible situation all round, especially if, as you seem to imply, (I might be misinterpreting it) the victim falls under BAME, LGBT, or another sensitive/ protected characteristic...