I'm really bad at networking.

14 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 16,2022 at 9:45PM UTC

   See if your area has a "Women in the Workforce" style group that has events. I'm in one and we do 4 events a year, panels, mentoring, etc. and women are encouraged to participate, but there is no pressure to NETWORK, if you know what I mean. I've discovered that once that pressure is off, people are more amenable to talking. They see each other 4x a year and it's like "Oh hey you- I saw you before!" and conversation tends to flow.

2. Neena GuptaFebruary 16,2022 at 10:30PM UTC

   1) It's often good to practice some ice breakers -- noting something that was mentioned by a key note speaker, a nugget that you learned at a seminar are all good ways to start off a discussion.

   2) Don't think of it as "NETWORKING", but just trying to get to know someone - genuinely, as a person - curiosity and openness. Perhaps you can help that person, perhaps that person is just as terrified of networking as you are;

   3) Bring a buddy and help introduce the buddy with a key comment (e.g. Buddy really want to come here as she has a real interest in __________); buddy can do the same for you. It's like having a "wingwoman." Relax, like anything, it gets easier and more fun over time.

3. Sabrina CortesFebruary 16,2022 at 11:24PM UTC

   I'm not good at networking either. Instead, I attempt to build relationships by letting my genuine personality come through. After all, this is the essence of what networking is. :))

4. Crystal HowellFebruary 17,2022 at 1:07AM UTC

   I find networking is less scary when you can find a mutual point of connection. It doesn't have be "a person", it can be an interest, or a shared value. With most networking being done online, you see what they're interests are. Taking a few moments to look at their profile, likes, comments, dislikes can give you an insight which will help you find a point of mutual interest, and therefore an opening to network. I found this article helpful: https://www.wsj.com/articles/new-school-way-to-find-mentor-when-doing-remote-work-11643290156?st=65egd4xknclql8m&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

   Hope that is helpful!

5. LaurenFebruary 17,2022 at 1:59PM UTC

   One thing is to get out of your head. Everyone is a bit nervous when it comes to this. This is something that comes a bit more naturally to some than others. I’ve found leading with a genuine compliment (great shoes, really like that color of your shirt, I see we both like X sports team) is a very easy way to open the door. There’s no need to come up with some big icebreaker or story. Just the basics! ?

6. AnonymousFebruary 18,2022 at 1:41PM UTC

   Sometimes I have to approach it as a challenge to myself that must be met before I can leave. I try to identify the specific people that I’m going to seek out to chat with ahead of time. I also set a number for new people that I’m going to initiate conversation with. Doing this keeps me focused on the “task” versus standing in a corner alone or just leaving early.

7. Deanna McNeilFebruary 18,2022 at 1:45PM UTC

   As part of just making a new friend, never forget the value of a few well placed open ended questions that encourage the other person to speak. What attracted you to this event? Have you read something that captured your interest lately?

8. AnonymousFebruary 18,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

   Are you referring to networking in the office or at industry events?

   If you’re referring to in-office, what I can suggest is to focus on making a connection with 1-3 people at a time. Networking seems insurmountable when every one and every conversation is a networking opportunity. Instead, start small. Listen for a sense of humor, a funny joke, a hobby, a mention of kids in the same age group, etc. I use the acknowledgment-question combo when I hear something interesting. I say something like, that’s cool. Seems that (AI) is really a passion of yours. How’d you (find your way into this line of work)? If the situation is appropriate you can even ask (if it’s an area that interests you too) if they have an favorite article or podcast for you to learn more.

9. AnonymousFebruary 18,2022 at 2:07PM UTC

   Just be you! I second the suggestions in the other comments: don’t think of it as “networking” like a big to-do; that puts false pressure and expectations on every conversation. Talk about neutral current events (weather, sports, some topic you’re passionate about) Ask questions, people love to talk about themselves. Don’t feel like every conversation you have or person you meet is a stepping stone. It’s often where you least expect it that your best connections will come. Think of it as a casual conversation - if someone asked you if you knew a good plumber or car mechanic you wouldn’t think that was networking but in a way it is. You’ve helped that 3rd person obtain business. Eventually your contacts will mention you as a person for X job.

10. Mich.Fr.February 18,2022 at 3:40PM UTC

    I'm not a networker at all. I actually really dislike the term. As an extroverted introvert, I am typically more comfortable being the wallflower until I am approached. HOWEVER, having a conversation can lead to so many possibilities. I once was at the gym and told a woman I was looking for a job. She called her husband, the VP of the marketing department of a company I was interested in, and a week later, I was hired. I never thought of it as networking. Sometimes changing the terminology is helpful. You are meeting people. If it works, great! If not, there will be others.

11. Brenda F.February 18,2022 at 4:14PM UTC

    I am an introvert who at times has to be an extrovert. I loathe networking and mingling. However, I read an article once about likable people - it is those who ask others about themselves because people love to talk about themselves. As a female former Equal Employment Officer in a predominantly male organization, I made it my mission to visit all of the work locations around the state to meet all the employees. I would do this during inspections or events where people were standing around. After introducing myself. I would ask a staff member who they are, how long they have worked for the organization, what their job generally entails, what is the most challenging aspect about their job, and what they like best about their job. Look at it as an opportunity to learn about people’s work. From there it became easier to find some connection to talk about - even with someone who I would never normally have a connection. The next time I saw that person, I would remember them and generally feel comfortable returning to that location. They remembered me too. You do not have to ask about someone’s career - you can ask if they have ever been to that event before or what their favorite local restaurant is. Always follow up with, “tell me more about it?”When it comes to “networking”, not every person you meet will lead you to a career, but you will be surprised how the world works and how that person may show up again in your path.

12. Peggie Arvidson * Career Consultant | Adoptee Advocate | RecruiterFebruary 18,2022 at 6:27PM UTC

    Instead of thinking "I have to make CONNECTIONS" reframe to

    "I'm looking forward to meeting new and interesting humans."

    At the end of the day, EVERYONE wants to be heard. And EVERYONE (even those noisy, chatty types) worries that what they to say isn't worthy.

    Networking isn't anything other than what we did in kindergarten - making new f riends. "Do you like play doh?" is the childhood version of, "What's most important to you in your world?"

    Find places to stick your toe in and work systematically to practice.

    This isn't a game of "get the most business cards" or followers or what have you.

    It's about - who can I serve best and how?

    Feel free to reach out for a a few templates on how to reach out to new connections on LinkedIn and some tips for having conversations once the connection is made.

13. Karen GongawareFebruary 18,2022 at 8:39PM UTC

    By labeling it Small Talk, it takes the importance away. I really believe that all talk is important as it is a chance to communicate and find out more about people. I like what Peggie said about making new friends. That is it exactly. Learn to be social.

14. KFebruary 19,2022 at 4:47PM UTC

    I'm awful at small talk, so I put a regular (two months?
    a month? a week? you decide) in for a person, I buy the coffee, and they do the talking. This works out great for me. The cost of the coffee outweighs the not having to worry about small talk and the keeping up of the network. Call it maintenance funding.

    I found this to think about - https://cdn.ymaws.com/www.nationalpostdoc.org/resource/resmgr/2016_AM/2016_AM_-_Handout_-_3_-_Adve.pdf

    But the most useful thing I found was Dorie Clark.... an awesome life coach who has very good books and articles, a Linked In Newsletter and videos on Lined In Learning- one of them was 'Networking for Introverts'- that's ten minutes watching I guarantee you will not be wasted. There's also a book, but the video alone is a real eye opener.