I recently posted about some drama at work. I appreciate everyone’s input. I have realized the only way to avoid the drama is to not engage with anyone. I feel terrible, as the one friend I had is not talking to me at all now because she thinks because I went directly to a mean girl about a rumor I heard, that my friend is now on the chopping block it’s brutal here. So I have zero people to talk to here. It makes me sad because I can hear I there’s chatting here and there, but I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone here. Is it time to start thinking of moving on? I do like the work here, but I’m quite lonely. At least a little part of work is social, right?

18 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 4,2024 at 2:50PM UTC

   Life is too short to remain in such a toxic environment. I stayed in a similar one for 8 long years. Not everywhere is like that! Start looking elsewhere. Have confidence in your abilities and know that you are not running away, but running towards something better!

2. AnonymousJune 4,2024 at 2:56PM UTC

   Gosh, that advice is so hard for me to hear. I’ve been here only a year, and was hoping this would be my last job until I retire in a few years. I just cannot stand the whole updating resume/interview/switching jobs thoughts! But honestly it’s hard to not consider moving in. ?

3. AnonymousJune 4,2024 at 3:19PM UTC

   I think having the right mix of connections at work is vital to your success and satisfaction. Everyone's mix is different but it's important to have consistency to the mix. That means counting on a certain environment and exchange.

   Without that I would expect to feel very lonely/isolated. We are human beings and need a certain level of connection.

   From what you've describe, I think you've outgrown your current situation and should look for a new place to land.

4. AnonymousJune 4,2024 at 3:36PM UTC

   Thanks. I know you are right as the other person here giving similar advice. It’s just so hard to move on to another job. I had a few years jumping from job to job and thought I finally found a place that I fit in. I guess I was wrong. ?

5. Anne KrookJune 4,2024 at 3:54PM UTC

   Workplaces tend to recalibrate, but not always quickly. If you can start with purely social chat with no expectations, you will most likely gradually be able to engage with others over time Be polite and professional, and eventually you will have at least some non-drama-driven interactions. Liking the work is a big deal, which will help you appear and be positive to others

6. Dr. Erica WallsJune 4,2024 at 5:06PM UTC

   Sorry you're going through this. Your next move depends on several things: Do you need to collaborate with others to do your job? Do you have a good relationship with management? How competitive is your field of work, i.e., could you secure another role quickly? Take some time to think through those. And, consider what this situation taught you, to help avoid it in the future.

7. AnonymousJune 4,2024 at 5:13PM UTC

   All very good questions. I think this place is an anomaly really. I have a good relationship with my manager, but he is very non-communicative. I have to peruse any information that should be readily provided to me. There are days that I don’t even know if he is in the office. He rarely checks in with me. I’m the one doing the checking in. I don’t know if I can secure another job quickly. The owners are even worse at communicating. It’s a small company, and they barely will greet me if I pass them up. Very odd. I just dread going through a job change again. I’m 60, and have faced age discrimination previously.

8. AnonymousJune 5,2024 at 12:28PM UTC

   I have been there, mean girls group of three laughing so I could hear, mocking my clothing because I got a promotion and I was very friendly with some of the guys. I was also married they weren’t.

   I always got along better with guys. I grew up with three brothers so I guess I’m more of a guy mentality nonetheless, I stuck it out. Was there for 10 years but met my husband there and when I think back now how horrible it was I’m shocked I was able to get through. it was clearly where I was supposed to be destiny wise.

   The mindset should be like it or leave it and it seems to be more of this bad behavior now more so than it was back in the 80s that I’m talking about .

   I think it happens almost everywhere. I’m sorry to say.

9. AnonymousJune 5,2024 at 4:53PM UTC

   Yes. Mean girls mentality. And just learned that this mean girl has been having an affair in and off with one if the (married)owners for years!!! Advice is not to cross her, cause she gets what she wants. Sad.

10. maria roseJune 5,2024 at 6:44PM UTC

    Are you working to create a social life with your coworkers or are you working to create a career path that progresses you financially. Most coworkers are just work buddies-great to know while working at the specific job function but are they really part of your lifestyle after work. Answer that question and you’ll see that being upset because you don’t really socialize with them outside of work will help you see how they really fit into your lifestyle. Yeah, you see them daily for the time spent at work but unless you eat, sleep and work 24/7 , they don’t really affect your work performance, just your emotional need to have someone else to talk to ( gossip) But is that what gets you paid your paycheck or is it your performance at the job? Don’t make this more important than it isn’t—good luck with your job.

11. AnonymousJune 5,2024 at 7:20PM UTC

    I’m absolutely not looking to socialize outside of work. And I’m not looking to gossip by any means. I just want work friends. To chat a bit during work. It’s very lonely when nobody talks to you, let alone even greeting you. You must not have ever experienced true loneliness.

12. AnonymousJune 5,2024 at 10:22PM UTC

    I have. But you know what I've learned? I'm very impacted by the moods and 'tudes around me. So I have to makes sure if I choose to engage, engage with the positive people. I've also learned I am so much more productive when I don't have a work buddy.

13. AnonymousJune 6,2024 at 3:39PM UTC

    That’s fair. And I do agree. I’d just like to have a LITTLE bit of a connection at least.

14. AnonymousJune 6,2024 at 2:00AM UTC

    in your short post you’ve said it’s brutal in your office, you have no one to talk to, you’re lonely but you like the work. Which is it?? Suffering is a choice so remove yourself if it’s that troubling to you. Start applying for other jobs.

15. AnonymousJune 6,2024 at 3:38PM UTC

    Why can’t it be both? I guess I’ll clarify. I enjoy the actual work I do. The people are a whole different story though. The ones who have been here have all the control, so if they decide they just don’t like you, they will find a reason to get rid of you. When I am left alone to get my job done, it’s all fine. But the only way to survive is to be lonely. I don’t even know if my boss is here today!!!

16. Cindy GloverJune 7,2024 at 1:02AM UTC

    Great perspective

17. Cindy GloverJune 7,2024 at 1:02AM UTC

    I couldn’t agree more

    if not applying for different positions- I would instead, busy my butt and move to the next level and either supervise them or another department- then remain within professional relationships - I know it’s hard but there are other people there with the same mindset as you regarding work relationships but you just haven’t found him/her yet

18. Eileen MJune 6,2024 at 4:05PM UTC

    Establishing healthy emotional boundaries at work is just as critical as physical and mental boundaries like working hours, breaks, prioritizing goal. You're doing the healthy thing, avoiding getting caught up in the gossip and drama. It's just noise with no point. I agree with others who shared follow the work satisfaction to determine whether you should stay or leave. You can always mend fences, and if they are true work-friends, they'll return through an open dialogue. If they don't then it reinforces your decision to remove yourself from the drama because they'll always be drama llamas.