Reaching out to a former colleague you were friends with after they quit, retired or got fired

26 Comments

1. Amanda NewellAugust 29,2025 at 1:39AM UTC

   I would reach out. I would avoid asking for specifics about what happened. I would wish him well in whatever he's doing next. If he says he left and doesn't have a job lined up, (depending on if I was willing to give a recommendation) I might offer to check with my contacts to see if they are hiring. If it was someone that you were friendly with you might invite him out for coffee or a drink (if that is something you ever did before as co-workers). If he wants to elaborate and tell you what happened, he will. If he's not interested in being friends - you will know from his response, or lack of a response. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

   Amanda

2. AnonymousAugust 29,2025 at 2:16AM UTC

   I have reached out to others in the past who left the company. Most were happy I responded. The ones who were grumpy did not respond to the emails. Best case is that you keep a friend. Also, that friend may even be a future job reference or internal referral to another company for you.

3. LauraAugust 29,2025 at 1:09PM UTC

   I'd definitely reach out! There are a number of reasons they might not have told you (embarrassment, overwhelm, not knowing how to address it) so don't take it personal.

   It doesn't hurt to reach out and it may be just what they need right now. And if not, then leave it for now but at least they know you care about them.

4. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 12:17PM UTC

   I would reach out. Just a neutral message like, “I hope you are well, I will miss working with you and wish you luck with whatever is next!” They can respond or not.

5. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 1:41PM UTC

   I just went through this--liked this manager a lot and he was abruptly fired. I don't know why and I chose to reach out and let him know if he wanted to keep in touch/need a recommendation. I will admit that part of me is now doubting myself because I don't know why (I've been there for a little over a year and never felt anything all was amiss) and this is an incredibly finicky field. The other recs of just letting them know you wish them well, enjoyed working together, etc. is probably just fine.

6. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 1:43PM UTC

   Forgot to add: I've been on the other side of this where I was fired and as this was the first time this happened to me, I was shocked and didn't tell anyone since it seemed management would "handle" it. A couple of former colleagues did reach out and wish me well, said to ask if I ever needed help/recs, etc. and that's why I went ahead and did the same with my former colleague. I very much appreciated it (and, in retrospect, told me a lot about the organization as a whole) and I'd bet your colleague would, too.

7. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 2:06PM UTC

   If I considered someone a "work friend", I have always reached out. I let them know what I loved about working with them and how I would miss them. I offered support and encouraged them to let me know they were okay. Ask yourself how you would feel hearing from an ex-colleague and act accordingly.

8. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 5:23PM UTC

   I would wait a few weeks and then reach out. Send them a card or note and tell them you hope they found a wonderful new place with fantastic opportunity and that you hope to stay in touch with them as you enjoyed working with them. Add your phone number, email address, home address, etc.

   Offer up a coffee date as the next time to connect say in about a month when they settle into their new job. If you hear nothing back let it go...I would assume they couldn't share because they might have gone to somewhere that they were replacing someone or were asked to not share. Don't take it personally because it's about him not you. Celebrate his move don't give him grief because he didn't include you.

9. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 5:46PM UTC

   That depends on your intention and whether you just have their info because you have access or if they shared it with you. I don't see an issue with you reaching out if you were friendly enough to exchange personal info on either side. It could be a very welcome and pleasant surprise for them to hear from you. Moving into a whole new job is never an easy transition and just because they resigned from the job where you met doesn't mean they want nothing to do with the co-workers they made friends with.

   As I'm sure you may be acutely aware of however, sometimes even though we're friendly with our coworkers it doesn't always necessarily mean we want to hang out with them outside of work. Not because we don't care about or like them that much, but because we ourselves have alot going on in our personal lives we don't feel comfortable sharing with the people we met at work. Sometimes it's just shyness and they may also not want to cross any boundaries.

   At the end of the day, I think it's totally okay to send a text, remind them of who you are, and see if they respond but ONLY IF they gave you their phone number personally. If that is not the case, your best bet is to leave them be.

10. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 6:54PM UTC

    When I was laid off a few years ago, only two or three individuals reached out to me to say goodbye. I had lots of 'friends,' colleagues with whom I had formed a great connection. It hurt me greatly. In my healing process following the layoff, I also had to let go of those connections. Please reach out. Just saying, "I'm thinking about you, I'm hoping all is well..." can mean a great deal.

11. maria roseAugust 30,2025 at 8:17PM UTC

    If your friendship with this individual extended beyond the workplace then by all means send them a note and let their response be the guide to continue contact communication.

12. Sue BaldockAugust 31,2025 at 12:19PM UTC

    "He/She left the organization" is what gets repeated after someone gets fired. If you have his personal phone number, by all means reach out and say something. If it were me, I'd very much appreciate that. I've been let go, and it's a lonely place. Even if he left voluntarily, it's a nice thing to do.

13. Rachel PaluchAugust 31,2025 at 12:26PM UTC

    Absolutely contact them. If they don’t respond then let it be.

14. Dr. Patty GrossAugust 31,2025 at 2:13PM UTC

    I agree that it depends on the context of your relationship and whether it extended to social interactions beyond work. If so, a simple "thinking of you. I'm here if you need someone to talk to," type message could provide comfort, but don't push it if he doesn't respond, as he may just want to move on and leave everything behind.

    That said, except for a few contacts on social media, I have no contact with any former colleagues, except for a couple with whom I have ongoing business arrangements.

15. Monica Alvarez-CunninghamAugust 31,2025 at 2:32PM UTC

    I quit my job in February, because it was negatively impacting my health. The coworkers who have reached out to check in on me have been so appreciated.

16. AnonymousAugust 31,2025 at 3:22PM UTC

    Check in with them. It’s almost always NEVER their choice not to say goodbye- they likely got let go with a minimal amount of severance to keep their mouth shut. However, if you reach out to them. They can then talk to you …

17. AnonymousAugust 31,2025 at 5:13PM UTC

    When someone is fired, management usually wants to proceed with as little fanfare as possible by saying "So and so is no longer with our organization." However, that doesn't keep the rumor mill from spinning. If you and this coworker were were friends outside of work and more than just friendly, coworkers, by all means, reach out to her. Also, keep in mind that this person may have some raw wounds and wish to speak negatively about your workplace, coworkers or management. If that happens, steer the conversation towards how they are doing and future plans.

18. AnonymousSeptember 1,2025 at 4:09AM UTC

    Definitely reach out. You do not know the circumstances and there is a very good chance your colleague was pushed out. If this is the case, you should be the one to reach out to them, not the other way around. In any scenario, you should be the one to reach out and there is a good chance your colleague will appreciate it very much. I know I would.

19. Megan LeasherSeptember 1,2025 at 2:19PM UTC

    As a friend, definitely reach out. But accept if he does not respond; you don't know what happened and he might not want to share.

20. Susan RoblesSeptember 1,2025 at 4:32PM UTC

    I hope I would reach out if I were you. Your former colleague may not be moving on of their own volition and may be very afraid about their future, and may be feeling shame for no reason other than human nature. They can choose to not respond or to take their time to compose themselves before replying. But your message may be a bright light in their day. I wish you and them the best.

21. Jacqueline CutlerSeptember 1,2025 at 8:53PM UTC

    I would reach out and offer to buy lunch. He may not have left on his own, and if you were friends would appreciate hearing from you.

22. AnonymousSeptember 2,2025 at 12:16PM UTC

    You can try to reach out to your friend. But if your friend doesn't want to talk to you or meet you, just let it go. Things happen sometimes.

23. Larisha ShelmanSeptember 2,2025 at 2:49PM UTC

    There isn't anything wrong with reaching out, especially if you were work buddies. Just accept silence as a response if you're met with it.

    Asking for a coffee or lunch meet up would be more than appropriate.

24. AnonymousSeptember 2,2025 at 5:56PM UTC

    You said that you consider this person as friend.So I think it certainly okay To just reach out and say hello... You aren't asking for details

25. Christina WeberSeptember 2,2025 at 6:41PM UTC

    From my experience, people appreciate knowing they are thought of. You can simply send them a note letting them know you are thinking of them and wishing them all the best. I don't see any issue with that!

26. AnonymousSeptember 4,2025 at 12:25PM UTC

    Sounds good, but make sure within yourself that you are reaching out for the right reasons. If we reaching out to build a true friendship, great! But don't reach out just to find out the gossip.