How do I calm the demon in my head?

Anonymous

October 30,2021 at 2:27AM UTC

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How do I calm the demon in my head?

I had last posted about being underpaid where I'm currently at (the company had been purchased by another company, new hires were making at least $3 more an hour than I, and I'd been learning new duties as some left for greener pastures as we had been at 32 hours a week since April of 2019 with no 401k match and no yearly raise since October of 2018). I did speak with my direct supervisor again about the possibility of being bumped up, and again was told it wasn't corporate policy to do so, unless I changed job titles, even though I was doing the duties in another job title in addition to my own.

So I took everyone's advice and started looking elsewhere, since I wasn't feeling valued and I didn't want to turn into a negative person there or at home over the issue.

Yesterday, after a round of (what I thought was positive) interviews, I was offered a conditional offer of employment in a "semi" dream job for me, contingent on my background and references check (which should go through with no issues since I'm state certified in my current position and couldn't be if I had any background trouble). I have an associates in Social Work and always intended to go back to a Bachelors, but that never really panned out as I've been working 2 to 3 jobs since I graduated (single parent making ends meet)... yet this position is in that field. It's a information and referral specialist position for people with various needs in a three county area of where I live.

I know I can do it, because I've worked direct care with adults with disabilities in the past and had to do this one on one with some of those clients, plus I've had to (somewhat) do that in my current position. Just not on a grand scale.

So now my brain is screaming that I've bitten off more than I can chew, and I'm not going to be good at this, and a bunch of other negative things that I've honestly never really felt before (and I walked into my current position that I've been in for 12 years with no clue on what to do for the job or what it entailed), so this is throwing me for a loop.

How can I make myself just breathe and be happy and confident in the next few weeks while I finish with the old job and transition into the new?

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AnonymousOctober 30,2021 at 8:28AM UTC
What you're experiencing is called imposter syndrome and there are countless exercises and thought processes you can employ to help you turn that around (a quick Google search).
It is a mind game your head is playing on you. Beyond nutrition and exercise for your general well-being, there are clever mind exercises that you can use that help break your cycle of thought patterns and reestablish a healthier and more productive patterns. Do a little research. Good luck!
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 12:39PM UTC
I was going to say the same thing. Imposter syndrome can really mess with your mind!
AnonymousOctober 31,2021 at 2:32PM UTC
It's very common to question your abilities when you've been undervalued and underpaid for so long.
Here's the good news, you already have the answer. Look at your paragraph that starts with, I know I can do it. You know you can do it!!! Read that paragraph every day. Once an hour if you have to. It tells you everything you need to know to make this transition. The only difference is you'll be doing the work on a bigger scale.
You know you can do this. Repeat when the negative thoughts arise. You got this!
Suraya NgobeniNovember 1,2021 at 12:16PM UTC
Self doubt also creeps in, when you are about to do or experience something new. Give yourself permission to evolve into something greater than what you are now.
Rebecca MillikenNovember 1,2021 at 12:18PM UTC
It's so for some of us (me included) to not doubt ourselves. But you said it--you KNOW you can do it! What I try to do, even though it seems kind of mean spirited when I write it out here, is say to myself--look at that person, she can do it. If she can do it, so can I. I know I'm more experienced or better than her.
I also have to make myself think back on other jobs where I mastered what I was doing. I'm in a new job now and while I know the job itself, I don't know all the ins and outs of the processes. I just have to remind myself I've been in this position every time I start a new job in in a few months I'll be confident.
Good luck and I hope you get it!
Rebecca MillikenNovember 1,2021 at 12:19PM UTC
Clarification--better at the job than her--not just "better" than her--that IS really mean.
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 12:19PM UTC
Before I give you any advice on pushing through the imposter syndrome and fears (which is totally normal btw), I am curious about what you mean by “semi dream job “? Also, is this new offer work that excites you? Is there a pay bump? What are the reasons you want to take the new job?
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 12:31PM UTC
We all have fears when starting a new position. You can do it
Karen GongawareNovember 1,2021 at 12:34PM UTC
Stop being afraid of change. Take that leap of faith and go forth! We are our own worst enemies, so get out of your fearful brain and enjoy the new job.
Katrina PeltersNovember 1,2021 at 12:36PM UTC
Wow I could of written this myself! I am right there about to make a career move... so I am going to say to you what I say to myself we've got this!! We are smart, intelligent people and we can do it!!
Christina JNovember 1,2021 at 12:37PM UTC
So happy to see you going for your dreams! Just trust that you know what is best for you and believe the doors that have been opened are for you.
Everyone starts off new but over time you will see how things work. Take some time and read on things in the industry and see what has been updated. Seek more information about the position and lastly, enjoy and have fun!
Hoping everything works out for you!
Angie JeanNovember 1,2021 at 12:40PM UTC
Everyone feels like this it's normal, it's a sort of self defense mechanism that kicks in when facing a new challenge, just remember if they thought you were incapable you wouldn't have been offered the job so just stay calm don't worry about how your feeling as its fleeting and go get um xx
Goalsetter StaceyNovember 1,2021 at 12:41PM UTC
You have been in the same place for 12 years. Of course you are feeling some anxiety about the move. This is a big change. Push on through. You got this. You are obviously a thoughtful person and well-equipped to take on this new role. You will do great!!
Nora G ReyesNovember 1,2021 at 12:42PM UTC
I will tell you what my very wise counselor told me once when I was in a similar spot. You may not know everything perfectly, nor be the best qualified, but you were the best choice of those that walked through the door. Which means you're the best qualified to those that hired you. So relax, you're the best they've got!
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 12:43PM UTC
Every time you see an interview about successful people it is a variation of: "I took a new role that I did not know anything about, it was a challenge for me and I could do it." People who would go outside of their comfort zones.
I have turned down job offers where I knew I really did not have the required knowledge and skills, but your situation is different. As bad as your current job may be, you have done it for 12 years and it is familiar, you know your way around and what to expect. While deep down you know that you can handle the new role, the unknown is scary.
Another point, why would your current employer do anything for you? You have done this job for lower pay and without benefits for a long time. They know they cannot hire anyone new under those conditions, but 3 dollars/hr in a Multimillion $ business is nothing. They don't care, they may actually be trying to get rid of the 'old' employees. It does not make sense but I have seen it. They insist on a new job title (required qualification/degree/experience) but there is always an excuse why you cannot get it. Take it or leave it, and maybe you need to leave it.
Good luck and let us know how it works out for you.
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 12:43PM UTC
A little anxiety is normal especially after leaving a job of 12 years. Prior to covid, I was in a position for 15 and now I find myself interviewing again so I definitely understand. It's about change and starting anew. Sometimes we tend to overthink and make issues a lot more difficult than they really are. Relax and breathe. You got this.
melissa_h2osNovember 1,2021 at 12:44PM UTC
I just had his conversation with a friend/co-worker...we all suffer from self doubt...as women, its amplified...take a deep breaths and process...YOUVE BEEN DOING THE JOB in another capacity...YOU CAN DO IT!!! Accept and embrace the new role...you've earned it...this may even open up an opportunity to continue your education...congratulations on tour new journey!!!
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 12:50PM UTC
People love to tell people (especially women) not to take things that happen in the workplace personally, but that's nonsense. Being underpaid and undervalued does have the unintended consequence of making people feel like they're less capable than they are. You absolutely have got this. It sounds like you're in the field a long time, don't be so sure that having the BA would make you any more equipped at this stage of your career then all of your years of experience. Your new employer didn't seem to care about this, so neither should you. Give yourself some grace, you may not do everything great at this new position out of the gate, but nobody would.
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 1:07PM UTC
Ahhh yes. You’re looking ahead to your new job and you’re wondering if you can do it. We’ve all been there. It’s a very familiar feeling!
I have made friends with this demon. I feel this before I present to a new room of people, before I do anything new really. I ask Myself— what am I afraid of? Sometimes the answer is, I’m afraid that I’ll fail and embarrass myself. Have I failed in the past? What happened? I play it
All the way out. I found a tool called “WoeBot” that.l stops the downward spiral. (I have no affiliation with the tool)
If I find that I am fearful because I feel unprepared, I made a list of what would help me
Overcome that. Should I
Learn about a few new industry terms? Should I read up? Should I chat with friends/contacts to learn more about something?
You could also use this as an oppty to ask
Questions of your new boss. No one person knows everything. There may be a couple gaps. How will they work with you to help fill any gaps?
The fear can be a good thing. Use it to get in touch with your sense of self and channel it into propelling you forward. ?
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 1:18PM UTC
When you interviewed, did you ask what the first 30, 60, and 90 days would look like for you, or did you get some sort of understanding of the learning curve? If not, asking what their expectations are might ease your worries. Most employers will have an understanding about new employees learning a new position.
As a single parent working multiple jobs to make ends meet, you know you work hard and you know you can do this. But after 12 years in one position, you’re probably in a bit of a comfort zone and any change is going to have some challenges. You’ll do great!
Judith ObatusaNovember 1,2021 at 1:22PM UTC
This demon is always lurking in the shadow of our next level. It's much bigger when we've been mistreated at work. But it's not saying the truth about you, so tell the truth about you.
Make a list of your strengths and competencies and use them as affirmations every day. Mel Robbins says give yourself a high five everytime you pass a mirror, so go ahead and do that. Lisa Nichols says every morning, go in front of a mirror and apologize to yourself for any mistake you're beating yourself up for and then tell yourself how much you love you and commit to at least 3 things you will do for yourself to love you.
These practices have helped me as I remain in a job where I've been mistreated for a while. ?that I'll be on my way out soon. Meanwhile, am rooting for you. I know you are good enough, believe it!❤️
Anna CarterNovember 1,2021 at 1:31PM UTC
Good morning,
May I suggest that you go on YouTube and search for Eckhart Tolle? I think you will find his excellent teachings on Present Moment Awareness practices to be truly helpful. May I suggest that you start with his audiobook, "Practicing the Power of Now"? I think you will find it life-changing.
Be well!
JasNovember 1,2021 at 1:53PM UTC
Tolle and Einzelganger's Youtube videos on stoicism.
Megan RussellNovember 1,2021 at 1:38PM UTC
I completely understand. I just transitioned my career after 10 years and took a position doing something outside of my wheelhouse. It is intimidating, and you will have doubts, but you should always do it scared. No matter what.
Beverly RuyleNovember 1,2021 at 2:03PM UTC
I've posted this before - Amy Cuddy Ted Talk "fake it 'til you make it" Strike that Wonder Woman pose and go for it. It works!
Laura BrowneNovember 1,2021 at 7:05PM UTC
Love this - it's a great video - I highly recommend it too!
You can find it at Ted.com - Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are.
IntentionGirl922796November 1,2021 at 2:50PM UTC
You know you can do the job, this company believes you can do the job. Get out of your own way. Visualize yourself doing a great job. Think positive thoughts. You got this!
Joanna PoeNovember 1,2021 at 2:51PM UTC
For me, nothing quiets that demon more quickly than agreeing with it and saying "but I'll learn, " and "I give myself permission not to be perfect." I've never felt 100% prepared for any position I've taken on that I was really excited about, there's always been some aspect of it that would be a stretch, and that's perfectly natural, or else none of us would ever leave the jobs we already know how to do.
EMILY KIKUE FRANKNovember 1,2021 at 2:58PM UTC
Oh, little head demon! Why are you so persistent? As others here have said, push on through, remembering that you can ask questions in the new role, and that you've tackled similar challenges in the past.
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 3:24PM UTC
Turn your jitters into excitement because you are about to change lives! Direct your focus outward instead of inward. Think about all of the people you will be helping in your new job. They need you! They are suffering without services but YOU will improve the quality of their lives when you go to work each day. You will have a lot to learn, you will make mistakes, but those concerns are minor details compared with the value you will now bring to your community. Every morning, ask yourself, "How can I improve the life of at least one person today?" and at the end of every work day, look at yourself in the mirror with pride because you are doing noble work and setting an excellent example for your kid(s). You got this!
Luanne NovakNovember 1,2021 at 3:34PM UTC
Remember, just because you think it, doesn’t make it true. Our minds create all sorts of scenarios because the mind is a scenario-creating machine. It may be helpful to approach your demon this way: instead of accepting your thought, “I can’t do this!”, look at it as, “ Gee, I’m having a thought that I can’t do this.” That’s a very different dynamic. Once you see that it’s just a thought, not reality, you may be better able to push past it.
DanielleNovember 1,2021 at 3:53PM UTC
Oh I empathize with you so much. Quieting the fear and doubt in your head is so difficult. Keep reassuring yourself you are experienced and competent in your field. Take some classes if you need to. I recommend finding a therapist to work through these issues long term.
You know you can do this. Keep that thought at the forefront of your brain and not the negative thoughts. When the anxiety creeps up, do some breathing exercises or stretch.
Good luck! You’ve got this!
Joanne RosenNovember 1,2021 at 5:15PM UTC
During COVID, many people have gone through huge mental health shifts. This is an exciting time for you. YES, there will be a learning curve but you already said you know you can do it.
Take it one day at a time. You got this!
Congratulations on your new job.
Cheers
Joanne
AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 8:31PM UTC
Think about where you are and unhappy and unappreciated now and look forward to the new challenge you have been given. All of us get imposter syndrome but you have to tell that demon to go away and think about how this new job will broaden your skills. No one walks into a new job and knows everything. There is a learning curve and the people who hired you have faith that you can do the job or you wouldn't have been hired.
Congratulations for taking the step of faith in yourself! You can do this.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 3:50AM UTC
Someone recently told me that imposter syndrome is only a bad thing if we let it be. She said that everyone gets imposter syndrome right before they level-up that it's a side-effect or symtom of leveling-up. You can stay where you are and stop growing and stop leveling-up OR you can push through the fear, move past it, and break through to the next level. Run towards the door causing you to doubt yourself it's filled with the most opportunity.
Terrie SultNovember 2,2021 at 4:15PM UTC
When that feeling comes up ask yourself why. When you answer that why keep asking yourself to explain why you feel that way until you get to the root answer. I guarantee that the root answer will have zero to do with your ability to do the job than your emotions. You know you are qualified. You know you did the work. You just have to trust yourself.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 6:42PM UTC
Agreed! I’ve tried this methodology and it’s been helpful Exactly the same realization.
Lori SlackNovember 4,2021 at 12:05AM UTC
Whenever I have to do something difficult or challenging. I tell myself that in 30 days time, I will be wondering why I ever stressed it so much.