Hi, here an exhausted mum am trying to get some external input as I think I got to a point in which I can't decide properly.

Anonymous

March 6,2022 at 6:12PM UTC

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Hi, here an exhausted mum am trying to get some external input as I think I got to a point in which I can't decide properly.

Sorry in advance for the long post but I guess it needs some context.

When I was about to finish my maternity leave I got through a former colleague a freelance project opportunity in a new start-up that came as urgent and somehow as a favor, but very interesting and challenging so I agreed. It was supposed to be a week long gig and then everything would go back to normal (3 more months of maternity leave).

Suddenly they had more requests and I felt very motivated and somehow refreshed to be working again (lost my dream job in 2020 while on trial period due to the pandemic, then got pregnant) and I think I did pretty well, finishing everything earlier than expected even though I had to work everyday overnight after taking care of my baby all day, a partner working +40h and a 5 yo kid (and some days with minimal sleep).

The surprise came when they offered me to join the team full time as they were very happy with my work and told them I unfortunately couldn't as my daughter wasn't in kita yet and I was planning to look for a part-time position once she would start daycare. They told me they could wait (3 months in total) and would be ok with me joining part-time if I could still support them until joining the team officially. Obviously happy I said yes, signed the contract and magically got the start of my daughter's daycare earlier than expected. Everything seemed to fit perfectly.

The problem: they started to request more and more and as I only had time to work nights (usually between 22PM and 2AM, sometimes even until 3.30AM and then going to bed to a still breastfeeding baby) I started to be extremely tired and told them I would like to only work 2 days a week. Still after that there were so many requests that some weeks I had to work more than those 2 days, sometimes doing corrections or last minute requests during the day (with a baby on my lap) and this week for example I made two minor mistakes due to the urgency of the corrections, but also due to lack of sleep and organization from them (I have the feeling that some of my future coworkers are still young and inexperienced and the way they request what they need is sometimes not well explained + short deadlines so it leads to mistakes and I started to get annoyed).

It seems my future manager (previously very happy with my performance) also got annoyed and today wrote me a long message with negative feedback (in a polite way) saying pretty much that in most of the requests I do mistakes (I only know (or was told of) those 2 from this week), that the way I work slows them and that they expect better quality and more originality in my designs, which made me very sad after all the effort and exhaustion I am experiencing for trying to fill their requests and makes me doubt if it's a good idea to start working for them after all.

So here my dilemma, am I overreacting due to tiredness and I should still give them a chance to start the contract and working during daytime (my baby is about to finish her adaptation to daycare) or resign even before starting the contract, rest and breath and look for another opportunity in another company where the people is a bit more experienced/organized and maybe more motherhood friendly? (Btw I am 41 years old, in Germany it's not that bad, but it's something that also stresses me out because I am not sure if it would be difficult to find a job I like easily)

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AnonymousMarch 6,2022 at 10:31PM UTC
Your letter is a bit confusing as to the circumstances.
-Does your contract specify a specific number of hours and are you fulfilling them?
-Or are you working full-time and the company is insisting that you devote more hours?
***
1)In either of the above cases, the company sounds exploitative. I am presuming that you are either working the number of part-time hours specified in your contract, or that you are working a full-time work week of 40+ hours. If this is the case, I suggest that you resign. This company is obviously not appreciative of your work.
2)If, on the other hand, you are able to work the number of hours specified in your employment agreement only by working from 10 pm to 2 am, the issue is less the company’s unreasonableness, but more an issue of the job being incompatible with your personal needs. If this is the case, you should also resign and find something more suitable.
Either way, it is a strong job market for employees now. Resign this job and find a better situation. Your current employment isn’t worth keeping.
AnonymousMarch 7,2022 at 8:53AM UTC
I think part of the problem comes from my side as I didn't specify how many hours I would work, it's my first long freelance project and only said 2 days/week and trying to accommodate all requests within those 2 days (sometimes impossible, and I think they were expecting the high performance of the first weeks).
At least I guess I learned I have to be very specific about my availability and set better boundaries. Thanks for your answer!
Kristie WhiteMarch 6,2022 at 10:40PM UTC
Hi. First of all, or course you are over-tired and it's impacting your perceptions. However, start-ups are NOTORIOUS for this - overwork, underpaid, high stress, high demand and often toxic environments because everyone is over-stressed. So you had a honeymoon phase in which you were enjoying getting back into the work mood and getting some intellectual stimulation. They knew you were temporary and were more thoughtful about their demands. Now that the contract has been signed, the honeymoon is over and their real culture is becoming transparent. This will not change for a long while because of the stresses of being a start-up. Plus, as you sensed, they are immature and disorganized because now they are blaming you. In start-ups, managers are typically inexperienced in people management and have difficulty being clear. So..
First, the demand will not lessen.
Second, if the demand does not lessen you will be constantly tired and trying to meet their requirements.
Third, when they are unorganized and unclear about their requirements, they will lash out and blame you.
Fourth, if you do not have management status, you may not have the ability to coach them to improved their performance. But that is more of an unknown at this point. However, if you do have the ability to coach them, do you really want to take on that responsibility while in the early stages of returning to work after maternity? Again, it's the demand.
Finally, it is very likely that you will end up separating anyway because of all of the above. This environment is not family friendly.
To stay, I would recommend you train your superiors by setting boundaries. Do Not allow yourself to work at all hours, all night, etc. Figure out the number of hours you can work, the schedule it needs to be and tell them that this is necessary in order for you to provide quality work. Then document everything. Because it's like I told my teenage daughter - poor planning on your part does not create a crisis in my life. Do what you can, but set your boundaries.
AnonymousMarch 7,2022 at 8:59AM UTC
Thanks, makes sense