Manager no-show

Anonymous

April 5,2023 at 9:51PM UTC

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Manager no-show

I have a manager who is in the habit of calling meetings and then just not showing up. If you miss the meeting, she's furious, but if she misses the meeting, it's no biggie. Today was the fourth time in three months. Four of us all sitting there, waiting..... fifteen minutes pass..... nothing. She can't be found anywhere in the building. She's also the head of HR, so it's not like I can talk to them about it. What do I do?

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Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachApril 5,2023 at 10:29PM UTC
Just know you can't expect her to show up , she's proven multiple times that that is not something she does.
Get what you need from her via email, in the hallway, or schedule a 1:1 with her (if she will show up for those!)
Also - you could include that in feedback if you are asked to give feedback before performance reviews for your manager.
Maureen CorbettApril 6,2023 at 2:34PM UTC
Can you get her to confirm the meeting ahead of time? She will get the hint after it's done a few times.
AnonymousApril 5,2023 at 10:48PM UTC
Oh wow! So, what happens after y'all sat there for 15 mins? Does anyone send a follow up email to her meeting invite and document y'all all showed up but she didn't?
It's possible they forgot or had another commitment come up last minute (trying to give benefit of the doubt).
However, I also believe in respecting people's time as that is a precious currency we can't get back. Are y'all keeping documentation of these incidents? Has anyone attempted to give verbal feedback so far?
Agree about if there's an opportunity to give feedback about your leader's performance, this is definitely something y'all should mention and keep the documentation handy should this raise flags with upper leadership.
Good luck to you/y'all and I sincerely hope things get better.
AnonymousApril 6,2023 at 1:52PM UTC
Great reply, lessened in professionalism by all the y'alls.
AnonymousApril 6,2023 at 2:34PM UTC
Yep
Kat KarpinskiApril 7,2023 at 3:12AM UTC
Please stop the "y'alls"...it reads uneducated. Sorry it sounds mean but it does. Your comments will not be taken seriously with that many "y'alls"...
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 12:11PM UTC
They are not applying for a job in this forum. They are simply responding. In their work environment this may be perfectly acceptable. Unfortunately in the environment I work in double negatives are not mentioned, and they are like nails on a chalkboard to me! I don’t mention anything because the person who speaks like this is a supervisor.
Diane J HuffApril 7,2023 at 12:25PM UTC
Stop judging in a forum of safe space. Y'all is a perfectly acceptable response in this type of setting, and in any Southern work place. As a matter of face, I've lived in NYC for 30 years and most of my professional network finds my Southern drawl and y'alls "quite charming." It hasn't dampened my career in any way. Try not to judge in a place designed to lift up and help others. It's not uneducated. It's a cultural and regional contraction of a word that is perfectly acceptable anywhere, but apparently not here with you.
Sarah MuddApril 7,2023 at 1:22PM UTC
I'd encourage you to check your internal bais that you think the gender-neutral term used by an entire subset of the United States is "uneducated."
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 11:58PM UTC
First rule of public speaking: know your audience. This is not a “y’all” audience.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 4:06PM UTC
Interesting. I actually deliberately adopted "y'all" to replace "guys" which was a deeply ingrained group address after 25+ years in the technical end of the software industry as a more inclusive informal term for a group of people that does not leave out women or nb individuals.Don't think I'll change my ways but I do encourage you to consider whether your own biases may lead you to dismiss valuable input from smart people due to language or linguistic biases. There are a number of good studies about this out there to read.
AnonymousApril 8,2023 at 1:26AM UTC
Y’all? Guys? No.
say “people, staff, employees, coworkers “.
AnonymousApril 6,2023 at 2:23AM UTC
another psycho manager….
AnonymousApril 6,2023 at 12:14PM UTC
They answer to someone, find that someone, provide dates and times, who was in the meetings and voice the concern.
Diane McDevittApril 6,2023 at 1:33PM UTC
Have you spoken to her about this - provided feedback on the impact her not showing up is causing to the team both in workflow and in emotional stress. I think that needs to be the first step, and document it in an email after the feedback. I had a President who did that, I told her I would text her 15 min before each meeting and if I didn't get a response, I would cancel the meeting to preserve work time for the team.
AnonymousApril 6,2023 at 5:45PM UTC
OP here - thank you! Great ideas!
Kat KarpinskiApril 7,2023 at 3:08AM UTC
oh such a power-monger. Bad manager, sadly...
GirlBossanova934974April 7,2023 at 12:32PM UTC
First of all, this HR manager is the last person in the world that should be in the HR manager job. People besides yourself are looking at this manager under the microscope and she is setting an example for the entire company. Don't show up for meetings and it's just fine. This is what can cause serious problems throughout the entire company. That being said, I would inform said manager that going forward, the meeting starts WITH OR WITHOUT HER, TEN minutes from the official start time. Be prepared to run the meeting yourself. I would also insist on an agenda or list of items to be covered during the meeting. If this is one of those regular status meetings, go through the updates and then close the meeting. Life goes on. No one is indispensable.
Dawn S. CrossApril 7,2023 at 12:49PM UTC
I work in a department that handles annual enrollment for multiple corporations. That being said during our busiest time of year, I can often have 8-10 meetings a day, so being on time is imperative.
I have a rule that the meetings start at 2 minutes after the start time - it doesn’t matter who is missing including me. I send out notes to those invited after the meeting thanking those who could attend and recapping notes as needed. It has taken awhile, but now I seldom have key players missing the entire meeting. They may be 5 or so minutes late due to circumstances, but they know the meeting goes on.
This all to say, if the person calling the meeting is missing, start after 2 minutes (or a designated timeframe), send notes and call it done.
KathrynApril 7,2023 at 1:28PM UTC
She does not respect your time but you are expected to repect hers. I would say go over her head and then call a meeting with her and that person and ask why if you miss its the end of the world but if she does it's nothing. And if this bothers you start looking elsewhere. But this one is a matter of her perception. So you need to make her see the issue
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 1:38PM UTC
I had the same situation and had a talk with CTO about this. Since nobody cared I found another team and moved there. But before I left my manager was doing his best to make my life miserable. He was manipulative, repeating that "guys got used working with you" etc. He didn't change his attitude, but he wants to be respected. I think the best way is to not be silent, speak up the problem and start looking for another team or new job. This kind of ppl are not interested at all to change.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 1:44PM UTC
She clearly has other priorities.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 2:24PM UTC
The HR field is such a growing and competitive market. I’m asking you, why are you still there, instead of finding another organization that values you and your skills? Maybe that’s easier said than done, but what are you gaining in your current role?
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 2:41PM UTC
Maybe she's looking for another job, and or is totally selfish and clueless too. She may be busy but it's really easy to let people know something came up. Hope you can find another place, the HR job market it tightening.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 2:54PM UTC
Send an email to her and cc: everyone who waited for her at the last meeting AND her boss. Simply ask her to reschedule the meeting at a time that she can actually attend. Period. End of conversation. She will either calmly answer and reschedule or the boss will ask why she didn’t show up at her own meeting. I’ve done this. It worked. It tells your manger several things at once: I’m not scared of you, I’m not scared of your boss, and we (the staff) stand together in agreement that your behavior is unacceptable.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 4:42PM UTC
It sounds like that could be a political issue here, if the offender is in the C-suite the poster would have to escalate all the way up to the CEO? I think this is a good way to look unprofessional in that scenario, although I agree this might be a good approach lower down in the organization if this person has no authority or political power.
Jennifer RApril 7,2023 at 3:14PM UTC
I wonder, could you start sending a request for meeting attendance confirmation 30 minutes before each meeting to "all" potential attendees? Surely she would respond (as, theoretically, everyone else would be chiming in)? It's disappointing to have to treat your manager like a child but might demonstrate for her that everyone's time at work is valuable.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 3:23PM UTC
Sometimes we have to lead up. Try to dig in and see what the issues are for you personally.
Is it bothersome because it’s taking time out if your day and breaking your focus?
is it because it’s a character flaw of that person that you’re struggling to work with?
Once you understand what the issues is for you then you can decide how to address it.
it sounds like you may not like the person that is your boss and it may be a matter of you finding work elsewhere to be happy at work.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 3:50PM UTC
Not an excuse, but I have seen people in this position being pulled in every direction especially if they report to the CEO. The right thing to do is send a late notice or cancellation. If the head of HR has an assistant then the notice should have been sent to the group. Hopefully the head of HR sent an apology.
Maura van der LindenApril 7,2023 at 4:21PM UTC
That is clear evidence that this person doesn't not value anyone else's time and a big red flag.
I will wait up to 10 minutes. for someone who has pinged to say they are on their way but I draw the line at about 5 minutes for someone who just doesn't show with no notice - especially to their own meeting.
If the meeting can continue without that person (like we have an agenda or discussion), I will usually try to drive that forward, take notes, and send them after the meeting with the person listed as not attending. If they cannot go, I send email saying the meeting disbanded due to meeting owner absence.
Then I would keep all this documentation while I look for a new job - either for presentation in an exit interview or if I need to discuss with the person's manager.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 4:38PM UTC
This used to happen to me a lot at a global company I worked at. Specific leaders would regularly set meetings for 7 am my time and then cancel it just as the meeting was scheduled to begin. It was the most frustrating experience to configure your entire morning around somebody’s lack of consideration and inclusiveness of people in other time zones, and then have those meetings cancelled without a second thought. It’s a clear sign that they don’t give a damn about their employees’ wellbeing.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 5:30PM UTC
Don't show up for the next meeting. When asked tell her you can't afford to waste valuable time waiting for meetings that may never happen.
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 5:44PM UTC
Oh yes you can talk to her about it. I work in HR and had the same situation happen to me. I waited in a 1-1 for 25 of the 30 minutes and then in the last 5 her admin sent me a slack and said oh sorry she got pulled into something else. Since then I have never sat in a meeting with her again until I saw she got in there first. Document these things bubble them up to her in private let her know that your time has a value and suggest that if she is not in the meeting within 10 minutes of the meeting time then you will adjourn assuming she got pulled into something else. If it happens again after that conversation (definitely also email this out as well) then I would bring this to her manager and let them know it's not a good look and that her direct reports need the same respect she offers to others. If you don't bring this to their attention it will continue. Just because she is HR does not mean she is exempt from common courtesy. Hold her to it.
AngieApril 7,2023 at 5:46PM UTC
Is there a way you could have a private conversation with her? Maybe she doesn't realize the frequency of this habit?
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 6:44PM UTC
Do nothing. If your manager wants to pay you to sit there. Then just drink your coffee or tea and sit there for a while ... You are not responsible for her actions and even though it's annoying. I wouldn't worry about it too much period let the higher ups worry about it
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 6:44PM UTC
is rude and inconsiderate that not a character flaw? ?
I have a leader that has some of the same issues but at 3 mins in - I address it with organizer and attendees. I don’t allow my time to be wasted.
they are being pulled in a million directions and putting out fires they’d rather not even have to deal with and it’s unfortunate - but that’s why I lead up and set expectations. A title doesn’t make someone more important than another - just means they have more responsibilities and sometimes need to be reminded that others are dependent on them and their poor choices are having negative impacts
Wendy ScottApril 7,2023 at 9:03PM UTC
Just flick her an email/teams message first thing that morning, copy in all the attendees and ask if the meeting is going ahead. If she queries why you have asked, just say that you’ve noticed she sometimes get pulled away by other issues.
This way you are dealing with the issue but avoiding damaging your relationship with your boss.
Jay PowerApril 7,2023 at 10:38PM UTC
Perfect response!!!
AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 10:59PM UTC
I would wait 15 minutes like you did and head home. After that not your responsibility.
AnonymousApril 8,2023 at 3:11AM UTC
I wouldn’t bring this up with the manager, and would not mention it to anyone either, because unfortunately, common sense is not always common and they may not take kindly to being called out on it.
If they’re not the type to own their mistakes, you expose yourself to the risk of creating an issue between yourself and your manager which might upset your comfort at work even more than the inconvenience of those meetings. Instead, if the meetings are set at a time I would rather be working, I’d show up to meetings with work I can do while waiting, and I’d keep the wait at 10 minutes, unless they’ve notified that they’re on their way.
Cara HouserApril 8,2023 at 5:10PM UTC
Wait 5 minutes only, and then go on about your day. Keep being on time yourself and respectful of others' time.
If she strolls in 15 minutes late, you are all gone, and she decides to become angry, simply say that since she did not arrive timely you assumed she couldn't attend and folks decided to get back to work.
The next time you do meet (and everyone actually shows up) raise the issue of meeting cadence/time and suggest setting a new one that folks will commit to attending regularly. Perhaps once per month or less (or not at all)!
She may still avoid the issue, if she's playing power games. Her behavior is pretty unfortunate given her role. But start with the benefit of the doubt and try to create a more workable meeting schedule for everyone first.