Office etiquette seems to be gone and how to cope when management does nothing.

Anonymous

November 16,2022 at 2:15PM UTC

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Office etiquette seems to be gone and how to cope when management does nothing. There is a group of people who come into the office and they are just rude. They either talk loudly on the phone, cackle, stand outside of cubicles talking not considering that others may be trying to work., etc. One managers in that group has a nasty habit of barging in on conversations-I was meeting with another manager in her office behind closed doors and she opened the door without knocking and interrupted our conversation! Yesterday I was talking with someone and she literally came up and hijacked the conversation. I tried to see what they were talking about but I was dismissed and so I walked away. I came up to my cubicle and a person was standing inside my cubicle talking to other people and I asked them why they were hanging out in my cubicle. I wear my earbuds and have to turn my volume up to high to tune out their noise. What can be done about rude managers? If I say anything, they will tell my manager. I am thinking of talking to my manager or asking if I can be moved so I don’t have to be near this group.

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AnonymousNovember 16,2022 at 3:26PM UTC
Does your company have an HR department or an HR person? That rude behavior is exclusionary, bullying and creates a hostile work environment. I encountered a similar situation at my job and went directly to HR. They resolved it through management immediately. However, I'm getting ready to talk to HR again as the behavior is starting back up again. Apparently, my coworkers are emotionally 12 years old and need to be corrected repeatedly. The sad part is that they are women and they can't feel good about themselves unless they are making other women miserable.
AnonymousNovember 16,2022 at 5:03PM UTC
This is the culture of where you work. Culture is extremely or next to impossible to changed without leadership commitment to do so and there doesn't seem to be any of that.
I suggest you keep your ear upside in or better yet get noise cancelling headphones. Ask to be moved and try and understand you can always quit.
April CrooksNovember 16,2022 at 5:22PM UTC
Sometimes it is best to rise above it, trying to mind my own business and making a point of making it known that behaviour like that is not okay in your working space immediately would be a good option. Telling the group of coworkers or people in higher seniority that this workplace behaviour directly affects your working outcomes and ability to smoothly and efficiently carry out your duties daily can help in situations like this(from my past experiences). If other co workers are afraid to say something, then the “culprits” or disrupters may not realize how disrespectful or how impactful their behaviour is in the office. Verbally saying something first, and if it escalates further state that for the record you have said something regarding this and that your opinion does matter! Don’t get emotionally involved, just be super professional in nature when stating this, this will gain respect for you and from other wi workers who may feel the same way but haven’t said anything.
LynnNovember 16,2022 at 6:26PM UTC
Asking to be moved is a great idea as is the earbuds. Sustained rudeness in the office is difficult and I don't know that it can be changed. One book that has helped me deal with challenging workplaces is Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****. There is only so much we can do individually, and the rest is just trying to not letting these very legitimate workplace gripes rob us of contentment and productivity. Good luck!
AnonymousNovember 18,2022 at 1:16PM UTC
That book changed my life
AnonymousNovember 18,2022 at 10:27PM UTC
Depending on what a person does and what they listen to, earbuds can be a more significant distraction than interruptions (although I concede they are very likely more pleasant.) I wear hearing aids that have an "earbud-like" feature. If I'm on a phone or zoom call with a headset, and suddenly the ringing phone is all I can hear, which takes me away from what I am supposed to be doing. NOT connecting to the phone is not always an option, as I have health issues and frequent calls from doctors.
AYANNALYSENovember 19,2022 at 1:30PM UTC
Exactly
Rebecca Gale-GonzalezNovember 18,2022 at 2:04PM UTC
Perhaps some timely meetings in their cubicle... I feel like asking for what you need is a better way to go about it. Letting them know the disruptions cause you to lose productivity. They may ask for examples, if not provide them and explain how each instance caused productivity to suffer. I didn't get my questions answered, the interruptions make me feel disrespected and it takes time and energy to get back on track. There are ways to do this that don't outright point blame but offer only the circumstances...the cause and effect. No need to name names...identify behaviors and perhaps offer solutions, some kind of mention in staff meetings, what to say when you feel disrespected,, why bad behavior hurts productivity. Then again was someone waiting to speak with you...how do you prefer they reach out...an IM, appointed time or place, waiting outside of my personal space when I am elsewhere...all appropriate expectations among professionals.
AYANNALYSENovember 18,2022 at 2:11PM UTC
Stop caring ! And I mean let your work suffer when this happens, ask for a cup of tea , take a walk do anything but work when when they ask for a reason tell them the truth you have not been able to work because constant interruption.
AnonymousNovember 18,2022 at 10:18PM UTC
I am not a fan of someone sabotaging themselves to make a point that it is hard to work in a particular environment. It can backfire. It sounds like the manager is part of the problem, so it is time to take it one step up or discuss it with HR as an opportunity for continuing education on office etiquette. I remember taking a Dale Carnegie course that covered many subtle things I didn't realize before. Office dynamics, protocols, and policies are an evolving process, especially with an emphasis on diversity.
AYANNALYSENovember 19,2022 at 1:30PM UTC
I feel like taking steps up is sabotaging relationships remember she has to stay working with the exact same people, so imagine working with people who know you reported them they will make your work a living hell .. would you like that to happen ? I mean sabotaging yourself such as taking care of your mental health doesn't sound sabotaging to me she can't controll them well then control yourself and that means not engaging she can't work, period!
Shelby CNovember 18,2022 at 2:29PM UTC
If management is breeding this contempt, there sadly isn't much you can do about it. You will need to adapt. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. It must be a terrible distraction.
AnonymousNovember 18,2022 at 2:32PM UTC
She can "adapt" or find another job. It's that simple...
Shawna BruceNovember 18,2022 at 2:46PM UTC
If upper management does nothing to support their mid to lower management on any office etiquette it is time for a new job!
AnonymousNovember 18,2022 at 3:27PM UTC
Oh my goodness. I wouldn’t be able to work in an environment like this! You have my sympathies. If management won’t do anything then it’s time to look for other employment. That is BS.
Bobbie LloydNovember 18,2022 at 3:39PM UTC
This behavior seems to be top driven so you may need to look for work in another department.
Erin BeemerNovember 18,2022 at 4:27PM UTC
I recommend professionally addressing the issues as they happen. A manager shouldn't have to tell people in the office to be quiet unless you have addressed the issue several times and there is no improvement AND your work is suffering. We are all adults and should be capable of informing others of our needs. Perhaps being remote/hybrid has made us all forget our "manners" at one time or another, your colleagues should be open to your feedback if delivered in a professional way.
AnonymousNovember 18,2022 at 5:39PM UTC
I have found that manners in general are missing , when was the last time someone said excuse me? Or please thank you? I feel when manners went out the window so did society generally , simple manners cost nothing but they are a way of empathizing with someone or a situation
you have to be considerate and think of others to say oh excuse me did I interrupt? Or excuse me I didn’t realize You had someone in your office I’ll come back, or excuse me I didn’t realize I was talking so loud
bottom line people were taught no manners they were taught to look out only for themselves and they are the only ones who count
you can certainly try to talk to your manager trying to say anything to the cackles will most likely end up in argument at best that’s a very hard situation good luck
AnonymousNovember 22,2022 at 1:34PM UTC
Six years ago the unacceptable became acceptable and now it's the norm. The loss of polite society means that people can say and do whatever they want and to hell with the impacts on anyone else around them. The rest of us are just supposed to do the same thing because it's all about "Me". People were taught manners and there used to be expectations about how you were supposed to act in public and professional settings but all that is gone now. Everyone has been given permission, and are even encouraged, to embrace the worst part of themselves.
Bradford McCormickNovember 18,2022 at 5:55PM UTC
If somebody(s) are interering with your work and your ability to get your job done, isn't that something your manager shoulod be able to help with? if you cannot resolve the issue yourself? Make sure you have done eveyrthig reasonably possible ,and then respectfully, tactully but firmly ask your manager for help with the impediment to your work because that is why you are there: to do your job. You want to do it but are being hindered by conitions beyond your control. You will be rated on how you do your job, not on how many people choose to schmooze next to your desk.
AnonymousNovember 18,2022 at 7:55PM UTC
Find an effective article or YouTube video about basic office etiquette. Talk to your manager and Hr to see if they can hold a discussion with the team to discuss effective ways to practice good etiquette. HR should use the opportunity to point to the policy that addresses this. I hate to admit that I do tend to cackle from time to time, but that is only in particular settings where everyone is laughing at the same joke. But the other examples you mention appear to cross boundaries and should be addressed.
Rachel StolworthyNovember 19,2022 at 2:04AM UTC
"point out you were having a conversation about xyz procedure or providing info on such and such topic. Would you care to join us?" I don't think the interrupter has to told what you two were talking about - it may be none of their business at all and they barged in to a closed door conversation.
Bronwyn ReijndersNovember 19,2022 at 5:00AM UTC
Unfortunately, it seems like this is the culture being fostered in this department. Your manager LIKES it this way, or they would do something about it.
if you complain or go to HR, your boss WILL take personal offense, because they will interpret this as a direct attack on how they run the office.
Your best bet is to build the skills and contacts required to move to a different department.
It seems like you are, unfortunately, the only person in the office who feels negatively impacted - this is a hazard. This makes you the odd one out, and it's much easier to just get rid of you than to change the culture of the entire office.
You will either have to learn to deal with it (because let's be honest, your manager will NOT change), move to another department or leave entirely.
Be honest in an exit interview - you left because of poor management and a lack of productive focus in the department.
AnonymousNovember 20,2022 at 1:12AM UTC
Ask your manager for a notice to be put up to maintain low noise for the working community
AnonymousNovember 29,2022 at 9:02PM UTC
It sounds like they pass out the title of "manager" like they pass out toilet paper.
Thus, the problem.
TheodoraNovember 29,2022 at 9:50PM UTC
That is an unfortunate and frustrating position to be in, especially if you share space with people from different departments. I try to break up long winded conversations between my team members because I can see the people around them are being distracted. It is, unfortunately, a top down situation where if your manager doesn’t see an issue with it, it’s hard to get the team to see how rude and disruptive they are being. You could mention that you’re on a phone call or zoom to get them to pipe down and maybe it’ll catch on.
If there are quieter areas in the office, I would suggest asking to be moved. Good luck and try to hang in there.