Can we talk about women who support toxic bro culture but receive public praise during Women's History Month?

Anonymous

March 31,2023 at 2:45PM UTC

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Can we talk about women who support toxic bro culture but receive public praise during Women's History Month?

I was recently let go from start-up with one of the most toxic, abusive environments I’ve ever witnessed in my life. While I’m hopeful to find a new job soon, it was actually a good thing. This company was a complete bro culture, where friends of the founder were put in leadership positions, some with no relevant experience whatsoever. Worse- the very few women in leadership positions were awful, and often threw other women under the bus to get ahead.

I reported to one woman who was notorious for pushing down others to get ahead. At first, I was excited to report to another woman in tech and hoped she could be a great mentor. What I didn’t know was that she already burned through 4 other people in my role in the last year. She was manipulative, catty, and was unwilling or unable to give clear direction. Once when I asked her about how to work with a challenging stakeholder (ahem...one of the founder’s bros), she told me to “convince him that your idea is actually his and it will make him happy.” Another time, a man said something completely sexist and inappropriate in a meeting, she just laughed it off. Her advice was always gross, and honestly just lacked integrity. Worse, she was completely unsupportive and made the entire team feel like they were always set up to fail.

Recently, my old company posted a few things on social media in honor of Women’s history month. Guess who was highlighted as an ”Amazing leader for women” in tech? I guess I wasn’t surprised to see a post about my former boss, considering the few amount of women in leadership positions at this start-up. However, it was a sad reminder that these posts can often be misleading, and the people they highlight hypocritical.

So, as an end to Women’s history month, I’d like to shout out the real heroes of women in tech. The ones who are quietly supporting others or speaking up when they see injustice in smaller, but more meaningful ways.

I think about the woman who once informed me I was getting paid less than others in my role and how grateful I am to her for helping me see my true value.

I think about the other women in meetings who always make sure we’re heard and get to finish our thoughts.

I think about the many wonderful women leaders who have supported me throughout my career with thoughtful, ethical advice where I never felt like I had to compromise my values.

I’m so incredibly thankful to them and encourage others to be more like this. I hope to always be that type of person in my career and I know that lifting up others is better for everyone.

So, for the women who enable or support toxic bro culture, please just leave.

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AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 4:56PM UTC
I worked in the non-profit arts and then education for many years and while there may have been some singular questionable personalities, NEVER did I feel anything less than supported / uplifted by my female co-workers/acquaintances. In turn that encouraged me to be even more supportive of those working next to me / coming up behind me. ..... And then I worked at a for-profit arts/educ co. and all thoughts/ideas of sisterhood went straight out the window. Two women managers in a row (who coincidentally didn't care for each other -- like knows like!) were so destructive in terms of behavior, attitude and ultimately support (or lack thereof). I was dumbstruck. I can't read into WHY they behaved as they did, but it was clearly different from anything else I'd ever encountered. I don't ask someone to support me JUST BECAUSE we're both women, but having an awareness of the harm the toxicity they bring when mimicking old-fashioned male/bro tropes of behavior is a bare minimum. So I echo the OP's comment for women to stop enabling the old system (and not coincidentally, where one type of bias / toxicity exists, so too frequently do others -- & thus the fallout is on all sorts of groups who've been historically disenfranchised).
AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 5:29PM UTC
You were dealing with a male centered woman, which imo, is worse than dealing with the bros. Clearly she has internalized misogyny. Unfortunately it will not benefit you so it’s best you’re out of that culture. Male centered women are a detriment and they ought to be ashamed of themselves, but they will continue to uphold these toxic cultures. Hopefully you find a better fit.
AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 6:22PM UTC
Some of these women are often confused and abused themselves. Document everything. Contrary to popular belief, women can also be responsible for creating a hostile work environment for other women.
AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 6:44PM UTC
Bro-Culture is quite common at top-level, most of the top leaders are comfortable having their own people in leading positions, crushing everybody mercilessly both men and women standing in their way.
A lot happens at that level which they are not comfortable to share when there are unknown folks around them. Unfortunately it can happen irrespective of the gender.
AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 7:04PM UTC
In a big organization , wins and accolades go to people who are close to influential people.
It is pretty easy for them to pull anybody for the role or award who is from their group. Since women groups are pretty active these days having their candidate in it is becoming so common , it improves their marketing, shows them as caring and giving people who support for women's cause. Even though sometimes its just tough to separate those people from actually who believe in the cause they do get exposed when their hypocrisy shows up. This has happened to many big companies who got exposed when they just did a lip service and dint actually believe in the cause for women or of DEI they were vehemently commented and opposed in social media and those companies had to do damage control .
MandyApril 2,2023 at 3:59PM UTC
A special shout out to the ladies who say “she literally pitched that exact idea” when all the men in a meeting are ignoring a woman and then repeat what they said like it was their idea 2 minutes later
AnonymousApril 2,2023 at 5:45PM UTC
Your post is very very very valid here and this is truly the forum for this kind of praise. I would also add that women who have figured out how to thrive in that sort of bro culture have a special talent which is useful to know. I do agree with one thing that she said which is make him think your idea is his own. True leaders who are able to influence others to see the path they want to push ahead know how to do it irrespective of the gender on the receiving end. I always in my career wanted to work for a female CEO and when I finally did she had a bigger ego than any man I ever dealt with. Knowing about the folks that left a company and the folks that (the 4 you reference) did not make it before you accept a role can help to assure you never ever find yourself steeped in toxicity again. Aside from linkedin there is blind where people post blindly about their current companies to assure no one comes in blind.
I think we still definitely have a super long way to go in true equality and recently feel like we have stepped back some because there is more tolerance for boys being boys in some places of employment. We have to continue to call out the places that do this and accept that nonsense to lift women up to safety. Thanks for the commentary and for knowing what is not acceptable.
MislynApril 4,2023 at 9:02PM UTC
I definitely don’t support bro culture. My boss was always making sexist comments to me and about other women. Was chatty and condescending To all women. Would lie like no other. Constantly talking about whoever was not in the room at the time. Hired his friends and family that were worthless and think they did an amazing job. Nope sorry new job for me.