Emotionally drained at work

16 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 4,2023 at 10:58PM UTC

   I am the same way, and when I feel that a shoe is about to drop, I generally ask for a 1:1 sit-down with the manager to check in and ensure I'm on track with everything. This is particularly valuable if you don't have a regular schedule of performance evaluations.

2. AnonymousApril 4,2023 at 11:20PM UTC

   I would seriously think about therapy.
   Addressing this tendency can transform your life and relieve so much anxiety but you need help to navigate the behavior.

3. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachApril 5,2023 at 2:21AM UTC

   Hey anonymous,

   I can help you get out of this negative emotional "loop" and help you increase your work performance. You can set up a time for us to talk using this link https://maeganmillercoaching.as.me/?appointmentType=36003743and we can talk through what you are doing now, what you can do differently, and one way you can start building your emotional maturity so you can show up the way you want to at work!

4. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistApril 5,2023 at 3:11AM UTC

   I would recommend you work with a well-qualified therapist. Especially since you say you've been doing this all your life. Try to find someone who has experience treating this sort of issue specifically.

5. Kimberly AnneApril 5,2023 at 10:07AM UTC

   I do this. It’s from my childhood. I would suggest exploring yours and finding books on co dependcy.

6. Gretchen SkalkaApril 5,2023 at 12:57PM UTC

   Have you ever taken a Saboteur Assessment from Positive Intelligence?

   I think you'd find it incredibly helpful. :)

7. AnonymousApril 5,2023 at 1:32PM UTC

   This is me - you vocalized this perfectly and i so feel your pain. It’s something I learned through childhood based on environmental situations and no matter how hard I try I can’t stop it. I’m trying online therapy and I’m hoping that helps

8. MislynApril 5,2023 at 3:12PM UTC

   That is really hard to do I’ve been there. My relationship with my boss started out great. We were great partners. We laughed joked and were very close. So close my family members would tease me about it. Then one day that all changed he started questioning my work performance being less lenient on days I requested off would monitor my lunch breaks everything. Like taking vacation time even got hard and I earned that time. He even started getting on my computer to check my activity.he was constantly questioning me about things and he never did that before. It was like a switch flipped. I got so paranoid that I was going to be fired I asked a friend in the company if he was trying to get me to quit. I immediately started looking for another job. It affected me so bad I would cry and I didn’t know what else to do. My mental health and family life suffered greatly. I put my whole heart in building that company and to find out it was for nothing. I finally started getting interviews so that was a relief and I started to totally ignore him. Honestly act like he wasn’t even there. I did my job but only what I needed to do nothing more. I put in no effort the last year or so because I knew this job was going nowhere. I kept my eyes and ears open trying to figure out why he was treating me the way he was. That is something I will never understand and no longer try to. I got another job and I will never look back. My emotional state is better and I finally have peace in my life. I hope you talk to friends and family and get some insight from different people on how to handle the situation. Everyone deserves peace and calm in their life I hope you find yours.

9. Terrie McWhorterApril 5,2023 at 4:56PM UTC

   Ask for follow-ups and one on ones! Get the feedback...directly from the horses mouth, not from a signal that you are feeling. I too, used to do this. Then I trained myself to ask for a sit down. Scheduled said sit downs and my relationship; with my boss became better. I let them know, hey, I have a tendency to get nervous or thing you disapprove when you don't give me feedback. I need to hear from you. If you aren't happy and want something done a different way, TELL ME. Best of luck.

10. AnonymousApril 5,2023 at 6:57PM UTC

    Being aware of the behaviors is a great skill when you can use it to be self-aware and how to utilize it in your favor .However since its causing a problem ,you definitely need to tone down on that .We may not know every reaction is tied to you, most of the times its not because of you but because of what ever is going in other persons life they interact that way. Trying to be vocal and communicating /clarifying your fears would help clear your doubts other wise all that can be just in your head and not a reality. Even if someone is unhappy with your work, trying to figure out what areas need improvement is needed to get out of the situation.

11. AnonymousApril 6,2023 at 12:56PM UTC

    You are what a therapist told me was "hyper vigilant". It's a safety valve that makes you overly sensitive to what is happening around you. Sometimes therapy is needed to fix this, usually caused by trauma or neglect. Try to teach yourself that not every negative reaction or vibe you run across is because of you. I've had a difficult relationship with a boss also. You must have a discussion about your responsibilities and priorities. There might be some misunderstandings. If that doesn't work and you cannot fix this relationship you might want to consider changing jobs. Good luck and remember how amazing you are !

12. Maggie StoneApril 6,2023 at 1:27PM UTC

    Avoid mind reading (making negative assumptions about how people feel about you based on outward behavior) and personalizing. How people respond and react to you has more to do with what’s going on with them internally than it does with you. It’s a sad but freeing fact that most people are focused on themselves and their own stuff. So if you allow others to dictate how you feel or your mood, you will always be miserable.

13. Cheryl WilburgApril 6,2023 at 4:35PM UTC

    Therapy. It will make you happier in life and in your work life to be able to conquer this

14. AnonymousApril 6,2023 at 5:13PM UTC

    There is some level of managing up that everyone does, it makes sense because you want to do a good job. I think perhaps stepping back, acknowledge to your boss (or at least to yourself openly- you did that here) that you know you are not doing 100% explain it as lack of motivation, or lack of trying to figure out what success should look like. Take a moment before you do something to think about what is the task, what is it when its done and then do it to that standard. Don't worry about the higher ups, unless there are variables in the delivery of this that require their input. If they leave it to you perhaps do 2 versions. Then offer up the final versions and let them decide which one is preferred. Not knowing what you do for a living think about what you do outside of work to keep your emotional state thriving. Take time for you, don't dwell on negativity. Feed your own soul and purpose.

15. AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 1:39PM UTC

    There are some great responses here so I won’t be able to add anything substantial for the situation at hand. I do just want to point out that hyper-vigilance and rejection sensitivity are two very common symptoms of neurodivergence, especially of ADHD, and of C-PTSD. I’m not trying to armchair diagnose or play doctor, but we do know that women are traditionally less likely than men to be diagnosed correctly. So, I want to encourage any woman who may potentially be neurodiverse to look into it for herself, especially if you have had these previously mentioned struggles since childhood and were never evaluated. That’s the boat I was in, and learning about my brain has only helped me manage my work load and work-life balance.

16. Susan Sims-PrittsApril 7,2023 at 4:26PM UTC

    I don't have much to add, other than to second several suggestions. Having been an employee as well as Director and small business owner, you have a wonderful gift.... you're aware of your feelings, and of the subtle behaviors of others. On the other hand.... You're aware of your feelings and the behaviors of others... LOL. My suggestion, is to take some positive steps to moderate your anxiety. I've practiced yoga for 40 years, now, and slipping into a calming breath pattern, or standing to stretch and take a short walk around the office- even using a restroom break or something to drink, can help you to refocus, and lessen anxiety. If you're not having regular conversations with your supervisor or employer, you might ask to set up a schedule. It will be helpful to them, to know that you're interested in providing your highest level performance, and focusing on their priorities. Be sure to take other actions to care for and support your physical and mental health. If anxiety is a persistent issue, consider therapy and medication, or research how to self treat with healing foods. I've found that choosing and accepting responsibility for my own feelings and life situation is very empowering! You sound responsible and intelligent. You've got this! Don't let your anxiety and fears rule your life.. Take some of these positive steps to give yourself breathing room and space from the anxiety. Best Wishes!!!!