Advice on Bad-Mouthing Bosses?

51 Comments

1. AnonymousNovember 5,2021 at 10:03PM UTC

   Maybe ask for examples so that you can defend yourself? Her badmouthing needs evidence or everyone will see it's a joke.

   Regardless, she shouldn't be calling you out at all. It's unprofessional and she's making herself look stupid.

2. Christina JNovember 7,2021 at 1:19PM UTC

   I agree with S. Try asking for examples when she is making these claims on the call. If she says it is just an example then let her know ‘these examples are not appropriate for these meetings and we need to stay on track for time sack’.

   This will hopefully make her question herself the next time she feels implied to speak on matters against others; which are inappropriate.

   Hoping things get better!

3. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 1:29PM UTC

   I am sorry you are going through this. I had this one situation where I was laid off from a job. There was a colleague who could not stand me and vice a versa but I just did my best to ignore them. When I started looking for new positions whether on my own or through an agency, I was having a very difficult time finding a job under the suspicion that this colleague was spreading negative things about me because in my industry, everyone knows each other. I sent an email to the head of compliance at my former job and reported that while I understood I was no longer with the company, I had suspicions that this person was doing this. It was no secret that they went out of their way to make me miserable and bullied me constantly. He agreed to come up with an approach with HR to remind my colleagues /boss's that anyone's termination for whatever reason is strictly confidential and that unless someone I specifically asked for and agreed to give me a refrerence, which two did, any general inquires about my tenure there should be forwarded to HR and gave them a warning that any kind of negative comments said about me could put them at risk for a slander suit. It worked.

4. EricaNovember 7,2021 at 1:31PM UTC

   Honestly, as long as your name isn’t mentioned, I would ignore it. Why give it any attention at all? Eventually this person will find another target and move on.

5. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 1:37PM UTC

   Take Michelle Obama's advice. When they go low, you go high. Otherwise totally ignore it. Don't stoop to that level.

6. AnonymousNovember 8,2021 at 2:05AM UTC

   Exactly! Take the high road. Always.

   Original poster, you indicate that you have a feeling that your former boss is bad mouthing you, and that you think that she was criticizing you during a recent meeting though she did not name you. As others have advised, as difficult as it might be, please try your best to ignore these thoughts. Why allow them to ruin your chances of reaching your potential at your new workplace? As someone else alluded, your work reputation is based on your work performance and your behavior, not someone's comments, real or imagined. Stand tall and proud.

7. Maggie StoneNovember 7,2021 at 1:40PM UTC

   First, Congratulations on the new role. I am sorry you have to be on calls with your ex boss. That must be very awkward and uncomfortable. If she does bad mouth you, she will only gain herself a reputation for being negative, unpleasant, and unprofessional, not to mention petty. Keep doing a stellar job, so that your reputation shines. If she is one negative voice in a sea of positive impressions, people will figure that out and take it with the grain of salt it deserves.

8. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 1:52PM UTC

   Congratulations on your new role! I second this post. I'm sorry you have to work with your former boss, that is incredibly awkward. My advice is do a really awesome job and, if you can, build a really strong, positive reputation among your new colleagues so that if your former boss ever tries to bad mouth you to them, they completely disregard it because they've personally seen your work and have built strong relationships with you so they ignore it. Good luck! You've got this!

9. Terry CampbellNovember 7,2021 at 1:54PM UTC

   In my experience, people are pretty consistent in bad (and good) behaviors; others have similar experiences with the individual; and this affects their reputation and credibility. There is little you can do to protect your reputation against those who criticize you. So it's important to focus on what you have control over - your behavior -- how you project professional behavior and demonstrate the value that you bring to your organization. Taking the moral high ground works in the long run. Focusing on healthy living practices will also relieve the short term impacts

10. Susan KuhnNovember 7,2021 at 2:04PM UTC

    Consider your leadership role in the industry as a whole. Look for opportunities to network, and build your own reputation and professional relationships. Put her firmly in the past and chart your own brilliant career direction.

11. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 2:08PM UTC

    By now, I’d like to believe that when bosses bad-mouth former staff —that it is seen as a negative reflection on their poor leadership skills, ethics and moral character. You don’t need to initiate or engage, refuse to get caught up in the drama. The only exception is when you are personally called out by another, you address it once and press forward. It’s true, “when they go low, we go high — M.Obama!”When I’ve been bad-mouthed by name, I have gone 1-on-1 to nicely clear the air. Cope emotionally through meditation, prayer, affirmations, positive attitude & Smile. I refuse to validate someone’s negative opinion about who I am and what I bring to the table. I bring my A-game and shine! Hope you find this to be helpful!

12. Penny PriddyNovember 7,2021 at 2:16PM UTC

    I have been in a similar situation and here is how I handle it. WHEN I know I have to deal with this person or I get stressed even thinking about it I go to YouTube and watch a video on how to deal with work place bullies or toxic work environment etc. The little nuggets really help me stay on course and remember it's really all EGO. She might be so insecure that bashing anybody doing anything makes her feel all snap snap! Also, this may have been how she was taught to manage. You never know. The bottom line is you can't change HER you can only change your reaction to her. So... if she has a reputation of being a sour grape, then that's her MO. Take the high road. Bad behavior reads just as well as good.

13. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 2:18PM UTC

    Is your old boss now a client? If not, does she have any other power over you at this point?

14. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 2:20PM UTC

    Stay on course. Don’t say a word. Focus on the positive. He/she will be gone soon

15. Shelby CNovember 7,2021 at 2:26PM UTC

    It would not hurt to document it just in case; however, in my experience everyone else most likely sees and knows her for who and what she is and does. She is a bully. If she ever makes any direct remarks toward you, they won't carry much weight because she apparently:
    a) Can not effectively manage a team (or even one person) which is a direction reflection upon her (that is what she is broadcasting when she complains about her former employees),
    b) Won't be taken seriously because she doesn't have a positive word to say about anyone except herself,
    c) Is a negative, petty, vindictive, and jealous person, -OR-
    d) All of the above.

    I know statistically C is usually the correct answer, but it is D in this scenario. ;) (Insert sarcasm here.)

    I would just ignore her bad behavior for what it is like you would ignore a toddler and move on. Otherwise, you are fanning the flames of what could potentially be a fire.

    People can say a lot of things, but that doesn't make them true. YOUR actions will prove your worth. Stay positive and be thankful you don't have to work with her anymore. She sounds like a miserable person.

    It wouldn't hurt to reach out to HR at your previous company. Do not mention her. I would ask for a generic letter of recommendation (or perhaps to a mortgage company instead - anything to have it in writing) to place with your resume that states you were an employee from X-Z, made a base salary of $350,483 annually (we can dream) with quarterly incentive bonuses that ranged between 30-50k, were located in Pretendville, where you worked as a Widget Engineer, you left their employment in good standing, and you are (this is important) eligible for rehire.

    In the event, that things ever escalate with her, you will want to sue her and your former employer because they are the deeper pockets and she is their representative. They are liable for her actions because she is acting on their behalf. When they give you the letter, they will be stating that you are, in essence, a model employee. After they vouch for your character on company letterhead, they won't really be able to effectively argue that her claims are true at a later date if they issue the letter. Make sense? Then, they don't have any credibility. It can't be both ways. They can't give you glowing reports, write the letter, and then effectively argue what she says is fact.

    In the event that she names you in a group and you are present, ask her to give an example of your "behavior". That is when I would retain an Attorney on contingency. Whatever she says, keep it classy and remember who and what she is. Just give her the needed room to screw up her career and stop damaging others.

    Another alternative is to serve her with a C&D; however, they don't carry much weight. It may scare her enough to shut up. They are easy to write, but it is best if an Attorney sends them. I have a friend that signs everything and sends it for me when I write it so I don't have to pay legal fees. A Cease & Desist may be an option if it is effecting your mental health.

    Congrats on the new job!!!

16. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 2:28PM UTC

    It’s a challenging spot to be in. Since you mentioned it’s an industry you love, focus on being and doing your best. Don’t entertain negativity. If people are mature enough in your new organization, they won’t easily be persuaded by this bad mouthing thing. Say affirmations to yourself daily. You got this!

17. GirlBossanova934974November 7,2021 at 2:53PM UTC

    Here is a thought. Have you considered the thought that your former boss enjoys bad mouthing people behind their backs AND to their face whenever it suits her? In that case, you are not special here. She does it to everyone. Eventually, other people catch on. This person loves to go negative. Best to avoid her. Take it with a grain of salt so to speak...........Life is too short for that sort of stuff.

18. Laura ReinaNovember 7,2021 at 2:53PM UTC

    Take a step back: The only power she has over you is the power you give her.

19. Focused721350November 7,2021 at 3:14PM UTC

    Good Morning,
    She must feel real crappy about herself. Because people who disrespect or put down others usually have "LOW SELF ESTEEM"!!!! Trust me on that! Been through that from others in my life. It's "CHILDISH AND IMMATURE..... She's the one that looks 'RIDICULOUS"! Like you said she's done this before. People know! Besides! You left that "TOXIC ENVIRONMENT"! Just focus on the "NEW" and don't make yourself stressed over it! " NOT WORTH YOUR HEALTH"!!!!!

    Good Luck and God Bless! ;)

20. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 3:21PM UTC

    If you no longer work with her directly on a day to day basis, her criticism is just noise. Block that out. This is a person who probably loves the sound of her own voice and enjoys cutting people down. Notice I said people. Not you, specifically. Try to ignore her!

21. Siroonik Sarah HenryNovember 7,2021 at 3:26PM UTC

    This must be so tough to deal with dear, .especially when you like the industry and its a new job. My thoughts are -1. How does she talk/ or behave with you in person,or during one-one communication.
    2. Does she talk in that way with everyone, if yes then
    -a) why has no body yet voiced out their concern?
    -b) what are they doing to deal with this?

    Sometimes we need to really observe our new work environment carefully and read your new peers/bosses well, figure out the biases and trends without conclusions . If your observations lead you that you are being treated exclusively or dealt with unfairly, then please walk up for a direct chat with that person ,request a meeting with them - try to ask them for a feedback on your work/ abilities and what aspects of your work needs improvement and then tactfully mention your concerns.
    Petty things which don’t involve work place ethics, integrity or employees emotional/ physical health typically may not be considered urgent to address .However your scenario needs to be addressed with utmost tact, urgency and wisdom. We can always address a concern without burning bridges and having a work-friend/ confidant around can be of great help too.

    Please feel free to reach me,if you need help in this regard.

    All the best, take care.
    Sincerely,
    SiroonIk Sarah Henry:)

22. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 4:03PM UTC

    Don’t ignore this behaviour it will get worse. In my experience I called HR and told them how I felt during this moment. They told me to journalize everything from the day time what was said and keep any recording or written proof . If I couldn’t approach the person verbally about my concerns this was going to be an HR conflict to fix. I hope this helps!

23. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 5:02PM UTC

    Is this with WFM? Sounds very familiar. Our former boss was a power-tripping bully.

24. AnonymousNovember 7,2021 at 5:57PM UTC

    I would recommend having 1:1s with other people in these calls and being classy and letting them get to know you. You don’t and probably shouldn’t talk about your former boss but you can let them know that she was your boss and you recently left for another role. Let other folks fill in the missing pieces. Regardless of whether you have time for this networking, try to forget about her. The best revenge is being successful in your own life. Other people will pick up on her unnecessarily harsh criticisms and some may try to be your allies. Accept that support, which takes time. Have faith that goodness will prevail and people understand more than they let on.

25. Chivo RamirezNovember 8,2021 at 2:16AM UTC

    The best revenge is to call this Sociopath called a former boss and step on his/her neck, figuratively Being nice and side stepping will bring more months and years for this idiot to lord over your life.

26. Bretley DannerNovember 7,2021 at 6:06PM UTC

    I have dealt with other situations like yours, though not exactly the same situation. I did my best to be upfront and honest, and it got me nowhere. I would get upset, and that was even worse.
    I suggest that you do your best not to get caught in her trap. She is baiting you, and you are already upset. She is no longer your supervisor, only talk to her when necessary, be overly nice, be respectful in front of others, and show no emotion. Do your job well, ignore any game playing (like the phone call situation), and move on… This will not only drive her crazy, it will hopefully back fire in her face, and make her look bad if she continues. Bitches gotta be bitches - leave her to her own misery!!

27. Joanna PoeNovember 7,2021 at 6:30PM UTC

    You don't have proof, just a feeling, so there's little to be done here except to stop worrying about it and let your actual personality and actions speak for themselves. Conduct yourself in such a way, and present your accomplishments as much as you can in social media, etc, that any false claims this person may be making will be seen as the petty backbiting they obviously are.

28. JenNovember 7,2021 at 7:27PM UTC

    I just left a company where the owner does exactly this. He bad mouths everyone that doesn't agree with him, to anyone that will listen. While it's never fun to be the person being bad mouthed, others catch on to this behavior and realize that it's not always the person getting bad mouthed that's in the wrong!

29. Nancy MontalvoNovember 8,2021 at 12:06AM UTC

    Just stay strong and don’t let him ruin your work day hopefully you will be okay!

30. AnonymousNovember 8,2021 at 2:12AM UTC

    Do you report to this person anymore, or is this former boss have authority over you?
    If not and you are sure that he/she is bad mouthing you, have a conversation with this person. A bully will continue with that behavior until you stop it. You can do your job well and be employee of the month, but it will continue, that's how bullies operate. The problem with our culture, we expect bullies to leave us alone if we ignore them. Personally, I think that makes them more driven to continue that sort of behavior.
    Many so called experts say that bullies have an inferiority complex. I think that they are sociopaths and prey on the weak.
    Confrontation is the way to do it, but prepare yourself and get advice from people in the company like HR, but when you do consult with them keep the x-boss's name confidential.

31. Sabrina RahmanNovember 8,2021 at 5:01AM UTC

    Of the types of bullies that exist, this one sounds like a coward because they won’t name you.

    If they did, it would be defamation/slander which, if it caused loss of income or damage to your career, could result in the bully/slanderer ex-boss being held liable for it.

    The ex-boss is a coward.

    So focus on other things and when they are talking focus on how it is being said, is it a tone that is emotional? Are they grasping at straws trying to get a reaction out of you?

    Treat it like a game. Where the less you speak, the more they get wound up.

    Unless and until s/he names you, then consult a lawyer.

32. Maria Paula CalvoNovember 8,2021 at 8:23AM UTC

    I truly belive you need to nurture and strengthen your self-confidence. If you are not being named, then the topic may be about someone else, don´t make it yours unnecessarily. You are already at another company what means your skills, profile, capacities are valued. Keep up with a great performance and let the rest flow away.

33. Belinda RodmanNovember 8,2021 at 1:21PM UTC

    I've been in similar situations and agree with all the comments here. Each one is unique, but what I've learned is that cream rises to the top. Your performance will get you there. Your professional behavior and results matter most. What I learned from 2 similar situations was my 2 female bosses were jealous and trying to put me down in any way possible. Years later, I learned that they weren't liked and hated by most of their direct reports. But I did brilliantly in both jobs in spite of them. Was it fun? No way but I was proud of my work and relationships I still have today. You don't work for this boss anymore. And if she says something on the call you don't agree with and it's back-stabbing, maybe ask her politely if she can explain further to back up her point.

34. Janelle ThomasNovember 8,2021 at 1:30PM UTC

    I know that this situation can be a difficult one to be in however, you have the power to move past it. Do your best to rise above it and use it as motivation and let your work ethic speak for itself. She doesn't have the gull to actually name who she is referring to so honestly I wouldn't give that passive aggressive behavior the time of day. Trust me, someone sees through the bs however when she knows that she can get to you- she will just continue to doing it.

35. AnonymousNovember 8,2021 at 1:39PM UTC

    If she is doing this publicly, she is only hurting herself. Hang in there and do your best. The others will catch on to what is happening and she won’t be able to continue what she is doing for very long.

36. AnonymousNovember 8,2021 at 1:57PM UTC

    I think it's horrible for a boss to do that. Maybe she feels threatened. I'm in both positions right now. Boss and employee. I have an employee who is badmouthing her bosses and other employees. We have talked to her twice and tried to get her to see how this causes a bad atmosphere at work, but she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. Any suggestions?

37. Audrey NickelNovember 8,2021 at 4:05PM UTC

    Give her an official warning. Be sure to detail the specifics of the problem, what you expect to improve, and by when. Have her (and her immediate supervisor, if that's not you) sign it. If things don't improve as defined by the official warning, it's grounds for termination.

    No office needs that kind of behavior.

38. Audrey NickelNovember 8,2021 at 4:06PM UTC

    Just to add, it really doesn't matter if she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. If it's causing a bad atmosphere, it's wrong. Just be very specific, and document, document, document.

39. AnonymousNovember 8,2021 at 9:00PM UTC

    If I read the original post correctly, the former boss from the poster's former organization interacts with the poster's current organization. What can her current employer do to help her? What authority would it have? I do not disagree with you that she should document any conduct of her former boss that could be considered harassment. I ask these questions not to shoot down your suggestions, but I ask out of genuine curiosity. I am not in HR, and I am not very familiar with employment law. In a quick read of information on the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's website, I notice a suggestion that employers establish an effective complaint and grievance process. (This is not to assume that the employers are in the U.S.) Maybe it would be worthwhile for the poster to investigate if her current employer has such a process. Just in case. The EEOC website states that a harasser can be an agent of the employer or a non-employee. Good to know.

40. Audrey NickelNovember 9,2021 at 1:13AM UTC

    I was responding to the "anonymous" post above. Here's the text:

    "I think it's horrible for a boss to do that. Maybe she feels threatened. I'm in both positions right now. Boss and employee. I have an employee who is badmouthing her bosses and other employees. We have talked to her twice and tried to get her to see how this causes a bad atmosphere at work, but she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. Any suggestions?"

    Those were my suggestions.

41. EMILY KIKUE FRANKNovember 8,2021 at 3:48PM UTC

    It stinks when that happens. If she does something on social media that names you or gives so much info that anyone in the field would recognize you, you can also try https://www.reputationdefender.com.

42. Healthcare workerNovember 8,2021 at 5:08PM UTC

    Our GM does this to everyone who leaves has for the last four years. He describes every person who leaves as toxic, not a team player, etc. The outcome has been that the people who leave us are not perceived poorly for leaving and are seen in a positive light because this man is known throughout our industry locally. It has negatively impacted our ability to recruit talent(all our hires over the last year and a half have been people who moved here from out of state) local people will not apply to us. It has also cost us numerous business partners. Trust me, when someone engages in this type of public behavior it only makes them look bad, not the person on the receiving end of their vitriole.

43. Leader556780November 8,2021 at 5:17PM UTC

    People who see and hear this horrible behavior are aware that it has been done before and who and why is dong it. Your have received some great replies; report, confront but don't be silent.

44. Patricia ManroeNovember 8,2021 at 6:17PM UTC

    I've been in a sort of this situation. As Leader556780 says below, report it and confront it. They have no valid reason to bad-mouth you if you haven't done anything wrong.

45. Karen GongawareNovember 8,2021 at 7:24PM UTC

    If she names you on social media, on a conference call, or even to others, then you can take legal action. It is illegal, in my State, to slander or engage in malicious gossip if it harms the person's reputation and ability to earn a living. If she puts it in writing, well here comes libel charges! Other than that, who cares what that jealous of talent critter says. If it is true, own it. If it is not true, ignore.

46. hjk1020November 8,2021 at 10:20PM UTC

    I agree with all of the comments below--I would suspect that everyone knows her modus operandi and therefore probably don't put much credence in her opinions or "badmouthing" if she does it all the time.
    Still feels demeaning and causes fear, but your hard work will show your new boss that your old boss is dead wrong! Hold your head up high and do your job to the best of your ability and forget about her as best as you can

47. AnonymousNovember 9,2021 at 2:27AM UTC

    I needed to read this, even while I gave my feedback. The last sentence says it all, I needed this! Forge ahead, thank you!

48. Gia Marie WorksNovember 9,2021 at 4:07PM UTC

    I relate in so many ways. Feelings are beyond stressful when someone does that. Often people in authority tend to be insecure within themselves, so much so that when presented with someone that has a stronger work ethic and demeanor that cannot be overturned, it interferes with their ability to control the work environment and the people in it, they deal with it by unleashing chaos throughout the work community and its sad. You may be powerless over what words she speaks about you. Your power lies in your consistent hard work, down to earth, yet professional personality, and your dependability. You have goals, let nothing, especially a hot mess interfere with your success or a restful sleep. If she keeps it up, sue her! Period. How I dealt with my situation: I requested sit down with my boss but with the presence of a neutral referee, then I respectively checked her without prejudice. Something remarkable happened when my contract (yep, I was a contractor when this all went down) Janelle hugged me and whispered in my ear not to ever let anyone push me around. I knew what she meant but I was so surprised that she would say that to me. We actually got along after the meeting. Not all situations like this share my same result. There should be harmony in the work place because tension effects everyone.

49. Jennifer FalandysNovember 10,2021 at 7:09AM UTC

    I am sorry that this is happening to you. My advice is to let it play itself out, especially because you are new to your role and all eyes are on you and how you respond. The people that you work with will get to know your integrity and character. I know it is hard to weather emotionally. Hang in there and keep your head up.

50. Cathi GNovember 11,2021 at 8:35PM UTC

    I'm sorry this is happening. Gia Marie Works mentioned having a conversation with the other person with a neutral referee. If I were you, I would casually ask my new HR department if they provide this service - you can call it mediation or facilitated dialog. If they don't, and you wanted to pursue it, you might find someone nearby who provides that service at this webpage: https://www.americanbar.org/groups/dispute_resolution/resources/links_of_interest/

    If I felt comfortable enough with my new boss, I would ask them for their thoughts around the situation.

    And finally, I would practice the art of positive inquiry. This means that when someone says something that I think is negative about me or someone else, I say, "Hm, that's not what I would have expected to hear. Can you tell me more about what you mean?" This is really hard to do! And I find that when I can step back from my gut response and ask curious questions instead, I learn new things at the very least. Once, the interaction was bringing up personal issues for me (unintentional triggering) and I wasn't able to get to the curious questions, so I saw a counselor to help me deal with it better.

    I hope some of that is helpful.

51. AnonymousJune 25,2023 at 8:36PM UTC

    Maybe she was promised something very expensive by someone who was trying her on for size like someone tries on shoes at Nordstrom.