Boundaries & Lack of Respect.........

Anonymous

October 19,2021 at 7:10PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

Boundaries & Lack of Respect.........

The company I currently work at has about 5-6,000 employees. There's a certain behavior I notice when it comes to certain admin levels that I've never seen with former employers.

My level is one above Assistant 3 and one below an EA although my manager is considered the same as a VP. It appears that those at my level aren't treated with much regard. Boundaries are not respected from the level 3 and sometimes the EAs. Anyone whose been in the admin game for any amount of time should understand there's a chain of command. They over-step, go around you, copy bosses on matters that should be handled at admin level and so on.

When addressed, you get told that it's not that serious, we're a team. But overstep with them and of course it is an issue. In terms of the EAs, there are times they will have to do things and not collaborate as it is time sensitive. That I get. Being part of a team includes respect, trust and yes knowing when to stay in one's lane. It is obvious that those boundaries are clearly blurred and it is quite frustrating.

No, I can't control their behavior but can control how I respond. There are instances where you have to set a boundary because if you say nothing, the behavior continues. How do you navigate environments where you don't seem to be respected and boundaries are often crossed?

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

8 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

8 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 8:00PM UTC
You behave professionally, call out boundaries crossed when appropriate and ignore minor grievances.
Your boss is not a VP and does not, evidently warrant a level of respect afforded those higher. Therefore you do not enjoy the respect by association of an executive. In very large organizations, these slight differences in status translate into many slights and offenses.
It's a microcosm. It has its own class system.
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 8:47PM UTC
So. Well. Said.
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 9:08PM UTC
Yes, it's weird but assistants are "classed" in accordance of where their boss asides. If your boss is not an executive or C Suite officer, you, as their assistant, will not have the respect and deference those EAs enjoy.
It's really subtle but can get pretty ugly in really large corporations. There's a value system that impacts people's civility that you can't quite get around.
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 8:54PM UTC
Are you more concerned about the opinions of your peers or those of your boss?
We can all agree that boundaries are important, however, boundaries require contribution from another. And that may not always be possible. And sometimes our ideas of what are reasonable and appropriate are…. A bit too idealized for our colleagues with different ideas.
Sometimes it can be helpful to play it all the way out and ask… what am I really afraid of and start there. There may be other practical things that you can do.
I appreciate that this may not answer your question. To respond more specifically, I would have to know exactly what the behavior is. I encourage you to create a specific post with an exact scenario and you’ll be surprised at the level of insight you receive. :)
AnonymousOctober 19,2021 at 10:08PM UTC
Both. I really make an effort to make sure that I remain respectful of other admins roles (regardless of level). There isn't anything I am afraid of but just simply wanting others to extend the same courtesy.
I get it - others don't work the way I do. Some instances require the EA to go straight to my boss (they will copy me). That is fine. It is the providing my bosses calendar availability to a customer instead of directing them to me. Sending information without confirming if maybe I've already taken care of it. Lack of communication.
AnonymousOctober 20,2021 at 2:28PM UTC
I hear you. Thank you for clarifying the need.
In that case, there is a clear expectation in your profession that your peers must follow.
All professions have unwritten processes that are fairly standard. It sounds like the expectation is that all coordination/ communication with your exec should go through you.
I’d say, engaging in a mix of stating the “business process” and positive reinforcement is a good way to go without engaging in toxic behaviors.
What I mean by that is, you could send an email that says something like, as you know I am here to aid in (task) for (role). In service of that, the business process is to reach out to me. I am happy to assist in this matter and can offer added value (example potentially even hidden pockets of availability).
When they do reach out, reinforce it with, thanks for (reinforce the ask).
AnonymousOctober 20,2021 at 2:36PM UTC
Why would the EA reach out to the exec? Do they fee they will get a response faster?
Does your exec even want to be reached out to by other EAs? Does your exec refer the EA back to you? (Should they? Can you ask for that)?
I always thought that EAs coordinate together. Isn’t that the definition of the role is to manage these conversations? If that is the case, I think your exec needs to reinforce your role. It sounds like those other EAs are operating outside the classic definition of the EA role and are breaking the chain of command.
Could you simply say to your exec, I’m here to handle this for you. Your time is valuable. Point those EAs back to me & cc me.
AnonymousOctober 20,2021 at 3:52PM UTC
In some instances they will reach out directly for quicker responses and that I get. Sometimes it requires that. But it's the other areas where it happens that doesn't sit well.
Yes, I thought that we were supposed to coordinate things, but this one apparently feels she doesn't need to. With my exec, he doesn't seem to care. I know he likes this EA and that plays a factor. I can have a talk with him but he'll dismiss it - I don't have the support that I should have from him.