Concerned about the way the new manager treats me. Is this a red flag?

14 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 25,2025 at 4:00AM UTC

   Thoughts are the same as yours. Watch out.

2. AnonymousAugust 25,2025 at 5:02AM UTC

   You might want to put out some "feelers" and see what other positions are available outside your current company. I agree with you that in your shoes I would feel somewhat vulnerable. You may just find out that your skills would be valued more somewhere else and be happy with jumping ship. You never know until you try.

   In my experience - semi-retired at 75, so lots of experience - it is always better to trust your intuition. I tend to be a "rosy glasses" type person, and have often felt like I could fix anything in the way of personal interactions, but some are just not worth burning the daylight on. When I have gone to another company because of my intuition, I have found it to be a good move.

   Wishing you all of the very best - it can't hurt to look elsewhere while keeping your job search under the radar.

3. AyianAugust 25,2025 at 12:47PM UTC

   First of all, yes, you should be concerned. Start looking for another job.

   Second, start addressing his comments directly. He doesn't have faith in you and if you haven't been responding with "yes, that is the protocol I follow" or "I would never do that, that's not how it's done" when he's dressing you down (that's what's happening here), he will not grasp that you already know your job and don't need to be taught like a noob. If he responds in anything other than a positive way, send him an email after the conversation recapping it and BCC your personal email so that if you are reprimanded or removed, there's a paper trail to follow.

4. Courtney KilleenAugust 25,2025 at 1:21PM UTC

   It's also possible that he's just neurodivergent and checking all the boxes without regard to your feelings. The professional thing would be to have a private conversation with him after pulling him aside to a neutral zone (not your office or his). State what you've noticed, ask any needed followup questions, leave him space to ask questions or give feedback; you can let him know the impact of his past behaviors and how better to communicate with you so that he gets the desired result because you "know [you] both want the best quality possible and want to work as an effective team to accomplish company goals." State and re-state how you'll make any suggested changes and then make any needed requests to meet his expectation. Clarity is key. If he's neurodivergent (top level middle aged and older guys often are) then he'll respond to the directness and highly professional approach. CYA by keeping date/time records of incidents and when you discussed with him. If problems continue, contact HR for advisement and provide documentation if needed. (Also document the HR meeting). It should resolve. If not, it's a systemic issue transforming the culture in the workplace and you have to decide if you are ok with it. If it all goes sideways, you'll have what you need to demonstrate an issue which you can provide to lawyers (worst case scenario).

   Long to short? Trust, round up, be professional, verify, document everything.

5. AnonymousAugust 25,2025 at 2:13PM UTC

   Thanks for all the feedback. I have been looking at the situation with rose-colored glasses, but ultimately, I get the sense he doesn't even want to have faith in me. He knows who he likes, who he trusts because he's known them for years and they come from the same town, and probably who he'd much rather see in my job. We'll be having a nice conversation, and then he'll say something that introduces a little bit of discomfort or iciness, leaving me with the feeling that he doesn't want to give the impression he likes me enough to keep me in the role.

6. maria roseAugust 27,2025 at 10:18PM UTC

   if that’s what you, the OP, feel is the reason for how you are being responded to—you have 2 basic choices—and your choice depends on your financial situation. One choice is to leave this company and find another job with comparable pay and benefits. Don’t quit unless you have found another position and don’t burn any bridges by aggressively reacting to this supervisor despite any negative feedback you feel you are getting. The second choice—again depends on your financial situation, especially if leaving the company denies you any retirement benefits that you have accrued over your years at the job, especially if you have achieved tenure status when those benefits start accruing and that means you have to not let the manager aggravate you into being fired for technical misconduct or find a reason to fire you. I noticed in your final paragraph about the situation, you are under the impression, that there’s some kind of nepotism play in action that you can find out if true based on what happened in the various other position area sections, this manager has been at. Plus if you can get a transfer to another team you will not lose anything financially. But do what works best financially for yourself.

7. AnonymousAugust 25,2025 at 4:15PM UTC

   Time to manage your manager, it's never too late. Sit him down and in a gentle way let him know how you prefer to take pre-corrective action. He is definitely doing this because it is part of his dna and you need to show him how you receive or don't information about his specific wants and nuanced needs. Meet him for a daily 1-1 for a "stand up" for 10 minute each day until you dial it in. You are an inheritance and need to show him how to wrangle you because he clearly doesn't know how to.

8. AnonymousAugust 25,2025 at 5:54PM UTC

   You need to call him out... or it wont stop. Be professional and have a witness- maybe even HR? but you need to document and sit down with this man and make him put all the cards on the table. AND THEN you need to hold your own (not saying you cant) but once you call him out you'll need to keep receipts of your work.

9. JenniferAugust 25,2025 at 11:05PM UTC

   A few thoughts for you here... What happens if you presume best intent? What if your response is, "Absolutely, it's clear we're on the same page!" instead of seeing it as an affront. The newish manager may not know that the established processes already follow the ideal workflow. Maybe a lunch meeting is in order to fill the manager in on the current workflows and get feedback if anything doesn't align with the new manager's expectations?

10. Alexis GladstoneAugust 26,2025 at 12:22PM UTC

    I had a manager like this once. He took over the team I was leading at a higher level. He did things like this to me and I realized he was insecure and needed to prove to himself he knew what he was doing. I learned to ignore it.

11. AnonymousAugust 27,2025 at 1:03PM UTC

    Go with your gut. The situation will not improve, and document everything.

12. Leader135412August 28,2025 at 12:55PM UTC

    When he says such things, start your sentence with " Have I ever ". and let him explain himself. Mold the conversation to your benefit. and remain Stoic.

13. AnonymousAugust 28,2025 at 4:00PM UTC

    How long has he been doing this to you? Does he do it to others?

    maybe he’s a trust but verify? To the ones he doesnf - has he worked with them - known tbem?

    if he’s now responsible for your unit, he needs to get to know you and trust you first.

    you said he’s well connected. Maybe him cc others is actually a benefit by him getting your name out there.

    you need to also learn is communication style. It could be nothing at all. But either way, always - take notes. Document everything and always thank him for his feedback

14. Linda BlackmoreSeptember 2,2025 at 2:39PM UTC

    I think he is gaslighting you. Gaslighting is questioning someone or presenting information to the degree the recipient starts to question her/his perception, sanity and/or memories. Why? For power and control. It's manipulation. Why? Perhaps this is how he operates. (You said he'd been there a while, so has survived). Or perhaps it is conscious manipulation of the interactions between you. Why again? Perhaps your gut is right (ALWAYS trust this) and he wants your role for someone else. But it would be good to start with managing him and your communications, as he does have you a bit on the back foot. Do be direct, in a professional manner, and on a case by case basis, attempt to re-set what he seems to think about how you work. Document everything via email directly afterwards and BCC a copy to your personal email. If he responds well then perhaps he's not intentionally manipulating you. (though I think he is and it won't get better). But worth a try most definitely. And in the meantime, start looking for something new. Good luck.