My job hunt has become a nightmare.

Anonymous

March 28,2023 at 3:46PM UTC

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My job hunt has become a nightmare.

After five years, I was let go from an employer in August. I received a generous severance package.

I was fortunate enough to start a new job in January. However, the situation quickly turned toxic, with my manager seemingly incapable of behaving professionally and projecting her insecurities onto me. Once, she called me practically in tears asking why I didn't want to be her friend when I said I wouldn't respond to texts outside of regular business hours after she texted me at 11 pm about a non-emergency. Ultimately, the organization offered me six weeks of severance after only eight weeks of work.

I have to restart my job search all over again, and the whole situation has my stomach in knots. I'm worried that when I let my references know what happened, they're going to assume that I did something wrong with the position I started in January when the HR rep told me explicitly that I had handled the situation in a highly professional manner and that my manager would be held accountable for her actions.

I know I won't include this short stint on my resume because it was less than six months, but now it looks like I have been applying to jobs with no success since August. This whole thing has become a nightmare, and I'm worried that my career is over at this point.

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AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 5:24PM UTC
A word of caution, hoping not to add to your angst; when job verifications are sent out to third party "investigators" for verification, they find ALL the places you've worked at as it's in your digital footprint for the govt (SSA). I might say, if it comes up, that it wasn't a good fit. If they push it, I might suggest that you say your manager had a habit of texting you with non-emergencies "all hours of the night" and you didn't sign up for that. It became an issue when you refused to reply to the texts.
AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 5:36PM UTC
Is there a good service to request this for your own information - I want to see what it out there about me and make sure it is accurate.
AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 5:42PM UTC
You should be able to look up your SSA benefits from your previous jobs on the SSA.gov site I would think.
AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 5:52PM UTC
Seriously! So, this woman was unstable and still gets to prevent me from moving on, potentially? Where does it end?
Heather BinghamMarch 28,2023 at 11:57PM UTC
With the economies of the world in turmoil, I don't think people will bat an eye. I interview occasionally and I might ask "What have you been doing with yourself since August?" in a friendly way, but it wouldn't be to catch someone out. Instead, I'd genuinely want to hear about the good things they have been up to with their time, with the tacit agreement that finding jobs has been hard for several months. In fact this happened recently and I got some great answers from someone who told me they had left their last role in September because they were burned out. It wasn't awkward in any way and they gave an excellent account of themselves overall.
AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 1:14AM UTC
OP here: I’m in graduate school, would talking about my thesis and the research team I’ve been apart of be a good thing to discuss in the what I’ve been up to category? My program is listed on my resume.
AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 3:27PM UTC
That is your answer on what you’ve spent your time on. No one will question that!
Heather BinghamMarch 29,2023 at 11:19PM UTC
Absolutely - I would love to hear about something that had really involved a candidate. I'm sure I would find it interesting, whatever the topic. The candidate I mention had simply learned to play the guitar and gained a couple of other new skills. What I gleaned from that is that the person had taken their wellbeing very seriously indeed and that was a big tick from me. Discussing your thesis would be even better.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMarch 29,2023 at 12:26AM UTC
I think you might be making a bigger deal out of this than it could actually be.
Just tell your references that the previous position didn't work out - if they even ask.
I would not leave the short stint off your resume. In my opinion, it's better to have that on your resume than to have a bigger hole. If one of the interviewers ask why you left after a short time, just say it wasn't the right fit. If they ask how it wasn't the right fit, just say the job turned out to not be what you interview for which is true because I'm pretty sure you didn't accept a job that entailed 11pm messages and then got upset by 11pm messages.
And yes, as someone mentioned below, it could show up on a background check.
I'm not sure why/how you go from 5 years of stable work history to your career being over in one fell swoop. The position didn't work out. Sh*t happens. I recommend you focus your energy on the exciting possibilities in front of you.
GOOD LUCK!
AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 1:13AM UTC
OP here: I come from a very old school family that talks about ever losing a job as both a moral failing and the end of the world. Even when I’ve left jobs to seek better opportunities, people in my family have acted like I had already somehow messed up just by wanting to move up and on in my career.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMarch 29,2023 at 1:51AM UTC
I am really, really sorry that your family is so judgemental regarding your career choices/progression.
How they feel about that is their problem. Don't make it a you problem. They can think whatever they want. You can choose to ignore it and not let it affect you. Choose you. Always.
Katherine Metres Akbar, Interview Coach & Resume ExpertMarch 29,2023 at 12:50PM UTC
What Joan said. Also you didn't lose the job. But please don't judge those who have lost jobs.
AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 2:46PM UTC
Hi OP, same here! My in-laws act as if switching jobs is such a terrible thing - even if it meant I doubled my salary!! It's weighing on your emotions and patience, I get you, but your career is faaaar from over.
My own story? I once left a stable position for a more "technical", door-opener type of IT position in a large Cardiac center. Let's just say I closed that door quickly since the people who ran the place were extremely toxic and insecure, like your old boss...so much so that they'd frequently pull rank and push teams using conference rooms to the kitchen just bc they wanted to use it instead. The worst part? Nobody spoke up about it but me, the newbie. I lasted about 8 weeks there and we came to a "mutual" agreement that it was not a great culture fit. Anytime I've been asked about it, I've been honest but give no details since nobody ever asks about the specifics.
Hang in there. The last job was just a stop and not your destination. At least now you know...pay it forward by leaving a Glassdoor review for that company btw. Sending good karma your way!!
Susan Heidi WolmanMarch 29,2023 at 12:20PM UTC
Make it into a temp job or consulting assignment to fill in thé space.
Paulla Fetzek, MSEdMarch 29,2023 at 12:22PM UTC
I'm sorry for your situation. But if the pandemic has shown anything, it's that many face a similar situation in terms of finding work.
I do so understand you though. Between my last job and this one, I was off work for 6 weeks. And felt horrible about it. Some of this I believe is due to this toxic American culture that if you're not working, you're not worthy. And HOLY WOW... you are SO worthy.
Katherine Metres Akbar, Interview Coach & Resume ExpertMarch 29,2023 at 12:48PM UTC
Oh dear. It sounds like you got infected by your ex-supervisor's insecurity. Your career is in no way over; you've just passed through a rough patch. How would you advise a friend in the same situation? "You gracefully exited a job that didn't work out through no fault of your own," right? And since the situation does not reflect badly on you, you can list the job on your resume if you wish. I would probably advise that, because you don't want to have to lie, have interviewers drag out of you what happened, or have employers find out during background check that you had a job you didn't list (and then have an awkward conversation explaining that). Now go out there with self-confidence and connect to that mentally healthy employer who has been hoping and praying for someone like you to help them. For more help on job searching, check out the free resources on my website, YESwriting dot com. May you look back on this chapter later as passing via a tough road on your way to the treasured job you then got.
Mary PoolMarch 29,2023 at 12:56PM UTC
I'd say it wasn't a good fit and move on. If they want details, say something like: "It wasn't a good fit; that happens sometimes," and give no more. They may be looking into if you will disrespect your last company, which is never a good look. Keeping it cool and professional should earn you points. Also, this is a resume, not a CV. A resume concisely describes your skills and qualifications; it does not need to list every job. A CV, on the other hand, should. One way to get around it is to list by year, not month, year. On your formal application, you should list everything. I really like Susan's suggestion of making it a temp job, because it was a temporary job.
Susan MazerMarch 29,2023 at 12:59PM UTC
Leave the stint out. You are selective about where you work and with whom and the mission of the work itself.
AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 2:22PM UTC
It wasn’t a good fit, clearly a toxic and unhealthy environment. Let it go. I too was in the same situation a few months ago and was let go after only 2 weeks into a new job. Clearly the manager had her own insecurities and let me go through no fault of my own so I was back on the job hunt. Stay positive, maybe consider having a recruiter revise your resume, utilize LinkedIn constantly and also tell your references what happened. They may know of a company that has a role that’s perfect for you. You will definitely find a much better company, team and role before you know it :)
Connie HymanMarch 29,2023 at 2:55PM UTC
You had a comfortable severance package, took some time to regroup and are trying to find a great fit.
A gap is not the end of the world.
AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 3:22PM UTC
Don’t put it on your resume and don’t mention it.
You can say you took a break from interviewing (insert reason - could be time to yourself, take care of family, take a class or time to volunteer while you figured out what you want to do next). I’m in a similar situation except didn’t start another job. I’m in tech sales leadership. I left my last job in the fall, needed time to heal from that toxic environment (I don’t say that - I say took time to catch up with family while I passively looked), interviewed for awhile and when things slowed down in Jan I took a step back as I was getting interview fatigue and took a trip for the month of Feb. Started looking again in March (in a much better head space after a much needed break) and my interviews are better. That’s the version I'm giving in interviews and no one seems the slightest bit concerned. I’m moving forward into next steps with the roles I like now. Point is they don’t know the details I don’t want to share and if you spin it positively, no one will question what you did with your time off. In this market recruiters and hiring managers are way more understanding of gaps than usual.
AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 4:49PM UTC
Something similar happened to me as well within 7 weeks for no fault of mine.
What's worse I'm in a new country with no experience here and I cant show 7 weeks on my resume either, especially when they want references. It doesn't seem to matter i have 10 years of international experience in the field, as it's not local. Luckily for me I have been taking up part-time styling gigs and I shared that instead so that they know I wasn't just being idle. I have been depressed in between with this job search and also went through interview fatigue. it is exhausting giving interviews for various job positions in different fields and not getting called back. I even sat 4 days doing assignments for 2 interviews with no feedback after repeated follow ups. And now instead of waiting for the right job, i'm willing to start at entry level on the lowest salary of my career at 38. You just have to change the narrative.
AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 4:54PM UTC
This market is currently overflowing with qualified candidates for almost every role out there. Definitely don't give up, network, network, network! Stay positive. If asked about the why that you left the other company be sure to let them know that you were hired for a local role and that the company ended up not honoring that and the job became a 24/7 and so you decided to part ways. Explain the boundary issue with your direct manager and that it just did not work for work life balance as you were being asked to do things in the middle of the night.
Make it less traumatic for yourself by doing some volunteer work and being useful to yourself and others during this time period to deflect from the pain of a long job search. You can do this!
misskelleypMarch 29,2023 at 5:00PM UTC
I suggest saying that you took a temporary position to learn more about a specific company and then realized that company wasn't a good fit for you. That shows that you were working, and explains the six month pause in job hunting. I think that's an acceptable story for your references also. Good luck!
Nuno AnjosMarch 30,2023 at 6:22AM UTC
Worry less and tackle the issue on request!
Many people will just think that the current economic situation lead the gap and you can always say that you took some time to actually rest before you started to actually look for work!
AnonymousMarch 30,2023 at 6:31AM UTC
It's an extremely rough market. There are a ton of jobs but also a ton of applicants available so the unemployment rate is low but salaries are very low and employers are extremely picky.
Alana D'EliaMarch 30,2023 at 12:50PM UTC
I think you should add it and explain that you didn't notice the red flags and that you want to be happy and grow with a company. It would be a mistake to stay somewhere that you were not a good fit.
They can see that you worked there if they do a background check. If it isn't there, you will fail the background check.
Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachApril 3,2023 at 5:43PM UTC
A few things that I hope you find comforting:
1. You don't have to put this on your resume
2. Your career is not over because of ONE bad experience
3. You handled a terrible situation very well
*while this sounds like a very unpleasant experience, how can you look at this as a learning experience and getting out of a workplace that wasnt a good fit for you ? How can thinking about this differently - maybe it can become the best thing that happened to you & your career. Now you get a breath of fresh air and a new start.