I need help on how to deal with an all boy's club at work.

65 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 10:19PM UTC

   Find an outlet for that anger (activities outside of work, fitness, cooking healthy food, new recipes, time outside, friends & family, adequate sleep, therapy if needed).
   Seems like a very steep uphill battle that you will never win. Either remain status quo and finish your career there in hopes of the promotion and deal with them, or seek alternative employment, which is difficult but doable. Best of luck to you.

2. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 12:57PM UTC

   Thank you to both replies, I do have a therapist. It just keeps reminding me of this patriarchal society we live in and that STILL we need to deal with this BS. It should be different by now and I feel for the younger women who are only just learning to navigate it. They shouldn't have to work twice as hard for the same outcome, and I see that happening.

3. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 6:17PM UTC

   You're right. I'd love to see you succeed in breaking through those old boy ways by starting a female group but do invite the guys and get your say in about work during the time together. Golf isn't the only activity guys would participate in, but guess they like it because there's time outside, able to drink alcohol during the game (from what I hear), and lots of time for talking.

4. AnonymousJune 26,2023 at 9:12PM UTC

   You asked for advice on how to deal with your anger. That advice was provided. You failed to provide key information like I have a therapist, I have tried being included in the boys club, I have told them I like sports and I still don't get invited. You cannot get angry for being provided for the advice you asked for. You can be frustrated that we didn't answer the question with the answer you wanted but you need to ask better questions and provide all the answers. My answer however is still the same. Communication is the key. Explain to your co-workers how you feel and how it feels like you are being excluded and set up to fail when business deals are being made without your knowledge or input. Communcation is the key to making teams, and relationships work. Im sorry we cannot solve the issue of a millennia of being ruled by the patriarchy.

5. AnonymousJune 27,2023 at 6:05PM UTC

   In my experience, taking this approach results in more exclusion & retaliation, as you are now viewed as a threat by some of these men.

6. Lisa MarieJune 4,2023 at 9:29AM UTC

   Does the company have a health and welfare benefit program where you can call for therapy sessions? Perhaps your health insurance pays for a therapist?

   Find out and talk with a professional to get the best advise with dealing with that anger you feel.

   Overall, it is good that you recognize what's happening, and is seeking a way to deal with the anger you feel.

   Good luck.

7. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 12:52PM UTC

   I have worked a lot of jobs that were typically male, the only way to get in with them is to go golfing with them, enjoy the sports etc. That means you need to know how to golf, learn about the sports. You can still be a woman and yet enjoy these tasks… otherwise you will be left out.you have to be slightly aggressive and say I like to golf, but you can’t complain about the language or discussion that happens out there…

8. Alexis GladstoneJune 4,2023 at 12:52PM UTC

   I agree with the comments to find an outside outlet and/or someone to talk with. You might also want to incorporate some mindfulness time throughout the day. Anytime you feel the anger bubbling up, stop, close your eyes (if you can) and focus on your breathing. You can count the breaths, breath in and out for a slow count of 4-5, or just sit. Taking one-minute breaks to do this throughout the day can help calm you in the moment and over time, lessen your reaction.

9. Sharna BecklesJune 4,2023 at 12:53PM UTC

   only worry about situations that you can & are willing to change.

   You are frustrated because you are not prepared to take the steps for change.

   If you are asking for a solution to the issue, well there is several ways, it depends what you actually want?

10. Jacqueline CutlerJune 4,2023 at 2:40PM UTC

    I think you nailed it in the first sentence. Since you like it and want to stay, it's about compartmentalizing.

    Continue to kick ass at work and deal with them as politely and professionally as possible.

    If at all possible, channel that anger into working out after work. know that may sound silly or dismissive, but when I was in untenable work situations, I found a half hour at the gym - no matter what you do - really helped.

    Best of luck!

11. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 3:29PM UTC

    I’m still chuckling at the suggestion that you learn golf, like that’s going to solve the problem. Even if you learn how to golf you’re not gonna be invited. Golf is not the problem here. Honestly that’s not a problem that you’re going to be able to solve. And if it were me, I would probably be putting in my hours doing my job, keeping my head down and getting good references and reviews and making a swift exit as fast as possible, with a nice squeaky clean résumé

12. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 1:46PM UTC

    I love your reply to me, thank you. I'm laughing at the "learn to play golf" "invite yourself" statements too. I also explained how they get invited to professional games with each other and they KNOW I love these games, I talk about it openly with them at the office. I am absolutely being excluded because I am female. And YES I have a therapist, everyone keeps suggesting that's my best option. Yeah I've gone to therapy for a long time thanks, and I have a very fulfilling life outside of work with a daughter and a husband and family and lots of friends. I'm involved in a lot of community activities. This is purely about the "boys" excluding the "girls" at work. Thank you for understanding your reply was a helpful one. ?

13. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 11:03PM UTC

    I’m dealing with this crap now at almost 60 in a heavily male dominated company and industry. The employees run the gamut from gen z to boomer. Never been asked or included. Suits me. I gave up the Sisyphean task of trying to change this stuff when I saw the generations of women after me put all their life expectations and hopes and dreams on having a fairy princess day (wedding), changing their names, having kid after kid, and essentially being Donna Freaking Reed. People need to teach their boys and girls better.

14. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 3:57PM UTC

    Teach them! If you don't speak up about not being invited or feeling this way you are part of the problem. Why get angry? Anger is not a useful tool in solving this. If it truly is not changeable no amount of promotion is going to make this better. Explain to them that you want inclusion and that when you joined you were led to believe that you would be included in business decisions. Make it be about the inclusion part and if golf is not your thing either try it once and see what you think or find another event and make them participate in what moves you.

15. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 4:30PM UTC

    No, golf is not the issue. She is being excluded because she is female. Put in your time, do good work, and get out as soon as you are able. This will not change for you.

16. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 7:27PM UTC

    I would find a therapist to speak with if you are committed to staying at this job. You are clearly a minority in the office and working to get into the boys club will be futile. And would you even want that? I wouldn't lol.

    But a neutral 3rd party, who's looking out for your best interest, can certainly help with strategies and be a sounding board. They've helped me approach challenging work situations in a healthy manner.

    Ultimately, I think you should consider if this is really an environment you want to be in long term. Perhaps you work to get the promotion and then use it as a springboard to something even better with a better fit.

17. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 1:50AM UTC

    How do you deal with ingrained culture and behavior?
    You figure out a way to build a life that fills you up and is joyful and extremely satisfying.

    It's hard to be be angry when you're filled to the brim with gratitude and contentment. Besides you cannot control or change the boys club. Not even a little bit. So live your life on uour terms or find a new job

18. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:27PM UTC

    Great advice! If you sit and stew… it’s on you! You cannot change the culture, but you can get involved. Go out and be involved… who says you can’t play golf or join in… when did sports Not include women (I play golf, and am on a co ed softball team mind you we suck). At 46, I like to think that there is always room for everyone on my team. The only persons attitude you can change is your own… and it is often contagious.

19. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 12:19PM UTC

    Tell them you like golf and want to be invited. If they still don't invite you, then you are being excluded because you are female. The only solution then is to leave because even if you get this promotion you likely won't go any further than that.

20. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    Then offer to join in on the golfing, then if not included then it's up to you with your next steps. Either continue to be frustrated, excluded and angry or take action steps of awareness. You may want to be THAT pioneer for your company and others being excluded and take action.

21. Kristie WhiteJune 5,2023 at 12:30PM UTC

    Golf is the business sport and sports in general are the boys club. Unless you want to learn golf and get good at it, you are going to be excluded and even then, it won’t be the same. Your choice is to accept this job’s limits or find a job with more women in management around you. You can’t break thru the penis barrier when the wall is this reinforced.

22. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:22PM UTC

    How is golf a man’s sport? I play golf! Wth?! Ever hear of the women’s tees? LPGA? Sheesh!

    women play golf, ladies… and women can do all this and go to football games… come on!

23. Kristie WhiteJune 5,2023 at 7:50PM UTC

    Please read a little more slowly before you blast me. I didn't say golf was a man's sport - I said it is the business sport. Lots of deals are made on the golf course. And if she wants to be invited, she has to learn to play. And if she wants to be invited more than once, she has to play well. Telling this group she needs to be invited when she doesn't play is pointless. And she needs for them to WANT her there, not feel like they are being forced to play with her. If the group feels forced, there will be no camaraderie. In addition, sports is much more dominated by men than women and that includes the barroom games, the sports analogies, the common knowledge and references that are shared by a majority of men.

24. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 8:07PM UTC

    I don’t think you got blasted, lighten up

25. Katie HewittJune 5,2023 at 12:47PM UTC

    join in and invite yourself next time they are playing golf. When I was 17 I worked at a car dealership and everyone was Much Older and it was def a boys club. I made myself one of the boys and not to be left out. It sucks, it’s not fair and it’s ok to flaunt your own deals without an invitation tot hem either. When you mysterious or one of the boys - either way you may found it easier.

26. Georgia SinghJune 5,2023 at 12:54PM UTC

    So, here's my thought: are they inviting you to play golf? If you answer no, then there's an issue--and they are looking for you to react to their bad behavior. After all, like it or not, we have gone back 70 years with how women are treated in society and the workplace.

    As a female engineer, I have walked in the shoes you are wearing too many times. And this is what I did: I became an industry expert in my field. I got my masters, then I went back for more and started publishing on the subject that I know best. Today I am working on my doc, now they can't have a conversation without me because I made the customer need me, when they didn't want me.

    It was a long hard road that took my weekends and free time from me. But understand, we have to play the game differently.

    For the anger--and I was angry too--get a therapist who specializes with work related issues because you need a professional to validate what you are feeling (and it's very real.)

    Don't ever let them see you emotionally fluctuate--don't get mad, and don't cry.

    My thoughts are with you.

27. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 12:59PM UTC

    Golf is sexist, classist and ableist. It's well overdue that HR departments took this on.

28. Kristie WhiteJune 5,2023 at 7:46PM UTC

    Golf is a volunteer sport that HR doesn't have any control over. Just like eating, drinking and sleeping.

29. AnonymousJune 6,2023 at 12:37PM UTC

    HR and legal write the employee manuals. They can write in protocol for handling all other aspects of entertaining (my employer has a whole section on it regarding dining out and "gifts.") There is certainly a section on not discriminating based on gender, physical ability, etc. so they absolutely can cover all business related activities that are paid for with company cards on company time and mandate that they must be inclusive for all employees. Associates can dine out or attend a customer's event.. plenty of inclusive activities to choose.

30. Amy GeffenJune 5,2023 at 1:02PM UTC

    Agree with the comment - go for an advanced degree. Start to publish. Talk to a therapist. We can't change men's behavior.

31. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:01PM UTC

    We absolutely should be trying to change their behavior. This is a "let boys be boys" response and perpetuates the problem. She said she has a therapist, her getting help should not be the answer. The men should go see a therapist for their toxic masculinity.

32. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 4:55PM UTC

    "YOU should not change your behavior. THEY should change theirs". Er... nope. They owe her nothing.

33. Renee GrahamJune 5,2023 at 1:20PM UTC

    Ultimately how you respond to this situation is your decision: with pent up anger/frustration, leave, seek help, grin and bear it, learn to 'play the game'...or even start changing the culture. It is a reality that the boys club is alive and well in every facet of our culture. AND there is a peaked awareness in post #METOO culture (i.e. an opportunity) to educate an (either clueless/not self aware or defiant) group of men about what the work culture could be when it is inclusive and diverse. I am speculating but as someone else commented, there are probably others in the workplace that are also excluded by this 'behavior', and would likely be open to changing workplace culture as well.

    This may seem like too high a bar, but consider the alternative-leaving it for the next generation to figure out-will likely never stop this cycle of (learned) behavior. I hope you're able to find the strength, support and empathy you need to do what is right for you and for your workplace. Good luck!

34. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 1:59PM UTC

    Thank you, I can tell you get it.

35. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 1:57PM UTC

    I appreciate that people took the time to try and help by answering me here. But honestly if this is the advice you are all giving to the younger generation of women I am not encouraged. I am older and can make decisions I know are right for me, but "get a therapist", "learn to play golf", "find a new job", "just accept that it won't change and work hard" are all letting this patriarchal system continue. Do you not have daughters? I have been working my ass off and my plan is to rise higher than them by always being better and then being their boss! I'm also going to start organizing more get togethers for just the females in the office so we can help each other. I have aligned myself with the only female head executive and am cultivating that relationship so she knows I am working much harder than the men. In addition, I build relationships with the marginalized people in my company who have typically been left out and they are now loyal to me. These are concrete steps we should be teaching women.

36. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:19PM UTC

    Really, what do you want to hear? Put on your big girl pants and get in there! I’m 50, and this is what I would tell my three daughters, quit whining, I grew up in that crap… And as a veteran… yeah, that’s right, it is a boys club. You have to make a name for yourself. Life is not fair…. We all know that. So do your job better, make the deals and stand out. Show your interest and go to the sporting events. This sounds harsh?! I worked in an office with 14 men and only 1 other lady, and it sucked… and I outsold the guys in contracts. The reality was I was good at my job. They hated me for it for the first year. And yes, the same climate… beers after work, and the links on the weekend…. But I realized I had value. And they realized it eventually.

    So do you have value? Show them! Frustration can be a great motivator or it can be a soul crusher. You decide.

37. Susanne McKenzieJune 6,2023 at 1:19PM UTC

    Put on your big girl pants? Just so silly. If men could "sack up" and be men without needing "the club" to stand up straight, we wouldn't need to have these conversations searching for solutions to their bullshit.

38. Susanne McKenzieJune 5,2023 at 2:20PM UTC

    I agree that the only way to combat the patriarchal bullshit is to gather smart females and make whatever power moves necessary for your health and well being....whatever is effective.

39. Susanne McKenzieJune 5,2023 at 2:23PM UTC

    And remember that some women have zero interest or ability to stand up to workplace wrongdoing, let alone shift a culture. Those are not your people (mine either) .

40. Georgia SinghJune 5,2023 at 2:47PM UTC

    This has been humbling and interesting. I'll offer you no more advice and wish you the best of luck.

41. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:48PM UTC

    Sounds like you already had the solution already so not sure why you posted for advice? Best of luck smashing the patriarchy!

42. Sandy McNamaraJune 5,2023 at 2:53PM UTC

    unfortunately, the “GOOD OLE BOYS CLUB” still exits even in this day and age. Women are purposefully excluded.

43. Lisa McCartneyJune 5,2023 at 4:25PM UTC

    I dont know if this has been suggested or not, but if it were me, I would say next time "the boys" come back with items that affected me, "Hey maybe you should have consulted or brought me into the conversation." I would do it snarky, but that's me. If I was feeling generous then it would be a gentile reminder... Keep it in the front of their mind.

44. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 7:13PM UTC

    I don't disagree with some of your points but do you want to spend your time educating men who are living in a historic point in time? This is some very serious emotional labor you're talking about. Great if you're willing to do it, but it's a factor in your anger. Is it your responsibility as a woman and feminist? Maybe. But it's still something you have to decide to take the time, effort, and risk to do. Maybe your answer is yes to wanting to tackle this issue at your company. Then that's your path and many have replied with strategies on how to deal with your anger. Another thought is to go where you can have a bigger impact in moving women's rights forward, this might not be that outlet.

45. Kate BooksteinJune 6,2023 at 12:31PM UTC

    Totally agree, these comments to "deal with it or leave" are part of the problem. We need to push for change, it's 2023... Golf is sexist, classist and ableist and not an inclusive business activity. Period. Let's work towards a better way, not sit down and "deal."

46. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:33PM UTC

    The social interaction is an important aspect of relationship building. If you don't play golf, ask if you can join afterwards for a drink (typical after a round of golf). You can also take the lead of organizing a team event - bowling, happy hour, etc. Go to lunch or grab coffee 1:1 or with a group - get to know them personally and learn about the deals that are being discussed and in general get the inside scoop that usually comes up in casual conversations.

47. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:50PM UTC

    If you want to know how to deal with your anger, funnel it into outperforming all of them at work. If you want to play the competence game and not the social networking game that's a valid choice.

48. Linda KrugerJune 5,2023 at 3:11PM UTC

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49. Bradford McCormickJune 5,2023 at 2:51PM UTC

    If you are doing a good job, are they? You sould like a mature person. aybe they aren't. So you need to educate them, politely but firmly and clearly. And always remember one very important point: You are not complaining about anything "personal". You ahv eonly one objectie: to see to it that the best job gets done to help assure the company's success, and this behavior on the pert of their superannuated school boys is not helping. Keep your anger to yourself. Do nothing that would give them ammunition to hurt you. But you want to see to it that everybody works in an environment of mutual respect because that's the way to help the company to succeed. You are on board. srre they? And you are right. Don't go "tattling" to HR or god=ssipping with a female colleague. Stand up straight and confront these "old boys" directly with the harm they are doing to the company. Before you cond=front them, make sure you have your supportingevidence at your fingertips. Get a good nite's sleep and -- well, be a "man" (like these immature males are not being).

50. EMILY KIKUE FRANKJune 5,2023 at 3:10PM UTC

    Read Sarah Cooper's excellently funny How to Be Successful without Hurting Men's Feelings. It's just the dose of humor you neet, I think, to get through a situation like this without punching anyone in the nose.

51. Jennifer WuolletJune 5,2023 at 4:10PM UTC

    Offshore O&G Engineer, I live in this world somewhat, although its usually shooting instead of golf, even though I shoot, that doesn't mean I get invited. As far as your anger goes, it's valid and is going to take time to absolve. You have to start making your own club. Invite the guys to lunch, set up a happy hour and include them. Attempt to network and bond with them. Excluding them from things will only alienate yourself more which means you will have a fight on your hands if you do become their boss, which will lead to a whole host of other problems. I know I don't want people who don't like me working for me. I want a team, not a war.This will be easier if you can find a male higher up as well to align with. Once one of the "boy's" says you are good/in/cool your life will be considerably easier. You are more likely to listen/align with a female than you are a male, it's the same for them. The point isn't to have a board of all women, its to have a board of all people with mixed gender/race/background/etc.

52. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 4:26PM UTC

    You're not going to win. Choices are typically suck it up or find somewhere else, unfortunately.

53. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 4:57PM UTC

    Go play golf. Go to the driving range, putting practice, whatever it is that gets you physically there, even if you hate it / don't know how to play. Show them that girls can beat the boys at their own game. And stick around for the drinks afterwards too. Sparkling water and lime looks just like a G&T!

54. Audrey KirschJune 5,2023 at 4:59PM UTC

    You say you're about 6 months away from being promoted. Is this going to happen whether or not you are part of the 'buddy' circle? If so, don't sweat what others are doing. However, if you like sports or have a partner, family member or friend that does, drop hints that you'd love to be included in the perks. I work in sports travel. I'm not a big sports fan but my husband and I enjoy going to games or events occasionally so I come right out and let coaches know that I'd love to see the team play when they come to my town. Or, I can ask to be part of the staff when the company is arranging a large event. Sometimes you have to come right out and ask to be included. That way you will know if they are just assuming you wouldn't be interested or making it a point to exclude you. The first is just the history of stupid men think while the 2nd is intentional discrimination. Being close to a promotion that you want, you need to know if you are mad enough to find out.

55. Antonia CalzettiJune 5,2023 at 5:23PM UTC

    I worked in sports and entertainment for 13 years and it was led by THE "boys club". I left 6 years ago as a result of only the men being promoted. See what happens in the coming months but don't get comfortable. Unless you're a female on the top tier leadership chain, things may not change. In the meantime, try to network, try to bond, invite them to social outings, etc. If there is another male higher up, target him for networking and social purposes. I wish you the best of luck! If you need to vent, please reach out. Lived this world for far too long.

56. Titra HamiltonJune 5,2023 at 5:28PM UTC

    I get your frustration. I am in a male dominated industry. I tried to learn how to play golf. It did not work for me because I had zero interest in it. What helped me deal with the anger was weight training and the delight that came from besting them. You mentioned that your supervisors play golf with SOME of your other male colleagues. Perhaps, those men who are not included are feeling some kind of way, too. How well do you know them? Can you pursue deals together, tap untapped customers? Also, it sounds like you need an advocate, too, some to speak up for you when you are not in the room. Does your bosses' boss know you, what you are working on and the results you are delivering? Perhaps, you two should talk.

57. roseJune 5,2023 at 7:01PM UTC

    One thing I always advise to folks on my team is to "find your joy". When they go on a business trip, a meeting they may not be motivated to attend, or whatever else - find your joy. So maybe trying to fit in at golf is not your thing. It tends to work out badly for us. They want to smoke cigars and engage in locker room talk. If you are not the person who can do that, don´t even bother. You can, however, engage in other ways. Ask that senior person for "help" over lunch or coffee. Provide some advice on colleges for that teenager they are talking about. Offer tips on a trip they are planning that you have already done. Don´t try to measure up on the boys´ turf. As you have probably already figured out, they are normally quite limited. You do you. And find your joy!

58. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 8:18PM UTC

    Since you're experiencing increasing frustration and actual anger, I would suggest you ask yourself why you are there. It cannot be because you're good at the job and are receiving good feedback on your efforts.

    You can love other jobs, be even better at those jobs, be aligned with the culture and not experience so much frustration and anger.

    This company and its culture is at its core a boy's club. How you deal with it is up to you and your willingness to accept it. You have a great big life....your work is only one part of that life. Spend your energy on those areas you can change.

59. Nicola BanksJune 5,2023 at 11:26PM UTC

    Gosh, this is a real situation... You can either learn to play golf and love sports (*tiny bit of vomit just came up*), you could quit (seriously you've put WAY too much work in), you could chat to your direct reports about feeling left out (not sure this would really work) OR you could create your own moments...

    Ask your direct bosses to meet you at the golf course and have high tea, or if you know them really well - find out how they like to spend their time outside work (I bet it's not all golf and sports).

    PS - are your male colleagues really "getting ahead"?

    PPS - continue to take your authentic self to work - ask your male colleagues to lunches along with your bosses, ask outside males along to something that you might enjoy - I'm thinking the theatre or something of that nature.

    Keep your head up and see if you can't change that toxic masculinity - if not for you... for the next female that enters that domain - you have a real chance to make a difference for the next generation of girls... Good Luck!

60. AnonymousJune 6,2023 at 2:33AM UTC

    I get what you’re saying about working hard to get ahead and all that, but I also believe sometimes you gotta go out of your comfort zone to just feel like you fit in. My VP invited me out for a drink after work with others. As much as I would have rather gone home, I felt I needed to go just to be more a part of the Team. Maybe you don’t play golf, but could meet up with them for lunch or drinks after they play. Just trying to think of ways you could connect better.

61. Jeannette SeiblyJune 6,2023 at 4:04PM UTC

    Talk with a therapist. Consider playing golf with them OR offering to drive the "beer cart." You need to do something that can develop a professional relationship with them or nothing will change.

62. Susan Grant-SuttieJune 7,2023 at 1:37PM UTC

    At the next meeting, bring to the table how communication needs to be improved for better productivity. As well, you wish to have it more of a team playing effort and support the timelines and process for the business. Make it look disadvantaging that information from the business has been taken outside of the office and not recorded, not shared, delayed paperwork, and how it will undermine the greater good of the company. As well, if the business is undertaken outside the office, it leaves the business open for potential phishing from other businesses, the security of the business is becoming a concern. This is one way to handle it if you believe that laying out the downside of t-time contracts on the golf course is occurring. This is just another option. If you don't want to do anything, and none of the choices offered or your own potential actions are not what you want, and you only want to know how to deal with anger - I agree with Jeannette Seibly, go to a therapist, drive the golf cart, or blow off steam with a friend. You are in this for the greater good, the money, or social connection. Why are you in this company?

63. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 4:56PM UTC

    I work in IT and the old boys club is real here. Most times I am the only female tech.

    However, I finally brought up to my management and salesperson that the next time they go golfing that I would also like to go. This does not solve the bigger problem of your team making deals without your knowledge.

    Talking to a therapist will help with your anger but wont resolve the issue.

    The only way to resolve the issue or to come up with a compromise is to communicate with your team that this is an issue for you. I don't know if you going golfing with them is an option as I don't know if you like sports or playing golf. But maybe you could suggest going to happy hour with these people or suggest other outings with the team with these colleagues. Like maybe the team going to lunch with them. Honestly, communication is the key. If no one knows you are bothered by this then they cannot fix it. But you also need to reach out to these colleagues to build a relationship with them so that you can get ahead. I hope this helps.

64. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 7:26PM UTC

    Great answer and I’d like to thank you for using the proper term “old boys club.” (a.k.a. The old boy network.) it always makes me crazy when people call it the “good old boys club” because “good old boys” are something entirely different. :-)

65. AnonymousJune 9,2023 at 1:39PM UTC

    Have you voiced your concerns with your direct manager? Just being angry or trying to deal with it silently isn't going to help you. Here's a great article just published on how golfing excludes women in the workplace. https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/29/opinions/women-golf-promotion-leadership-alaimo/index.html