DISCUSSIONS

I use Fairygodboss a lot—it’s an excellent space for sharing advice, venting, and getting grounded feedback. But lately, I’ve been struck by how often replies seem like knee-jerk reactions. Like, we’re so quick to type out what we feel in the moment without stepping back to consider how we’re saying it—or whether it actually helps the original poster.

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Tina Moreno

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I use Fairygodboss a lot—it’s an excellent space for sharing advice, venting, and getting grounded feedback. But lately, I’ve been struck by how often replies seem like knee-jerk reactions. Like, we’re so quick to type out what we feel in the moment without stepping back to consider how we’re saying it—or whether it actually helps the original poster.

When I respond, I really try to noodle it over. I sit with it, run it through Grammarly to make sure I punctuate and ensure my thoughts are clear. I try to write something clear, thoughtful, and grounded.

Yes, I do believe most folks here are trying to help—but I’ve seen a growing number of replies that are overly negative, lack a sense of nuance, or seem to come from a place of personal bias or unprocessed frustration. Sometimes the focus shifts from supporting the original poster to blaming them or picking apart what they didn’t do.

There’s a fantastic video called The Secret Weapon for Communication, and I keep coming back to the four filters it offers before speaking or typing:

  • Is it true? (If not, don’t say it. Speaking assumptions as fact helps no one.)
  • Is it kind? (Truth without grace is harsh. “Keeping it real” doesn’t mean being reckless.)
  • Is it necessary? (Not every thought needs a microphone. If it doesn’t build someone up, why say it?)
  • Is it timely? (Even truth can be destructive if said at the wrong moment. Discernment matters.)

This community works best when we lift each other up, not pile on. Thoughtfulness goes a long way. It applies here too—especially in an anonymous space. Just because we can post without our names doesn’t mean we should throw empathy out the window.

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  1. Anonymous

    Yes, this is true and good advice. In fact, it's the same in speaking to another. Do your words have purpose? What purpose if any do they serve? If they serve you more than the listener, it's not a good use of your time.

    I would also include that there are some on here who reply back to the helpers, really nasty remarks. When I see this, I cringe. This platform is not an open invitation to be nasty or for name calling. However, outside of that, please let's not all write 2 chapters from a book in your response. I know many feel they need to ooh and ahh over the person's post. But most of us do not have boundless amounts of time so let's keep our responses to a respectful amount of words. I just don't think reading a soliloquy for a Shakespearean play is what I want to read here.

  2. Tina Moreno

    Totally agree with your input—some responses can feel cringey or over the top, but I think it’s all about staying open to different perspectives. Not everyone practices self-awareness, and that’s okay too. At the end of the day, folks post for advice and we respond from our own lived experiences. If a comment isn’t helpful, you can scroll past. Some of us (like me) tend to seek clarity and offer fuller context—that may not be for everyone, and that’s fine. Take what serves you and leave the rest.

  3. Anonymous

    I get your point, I do...but I feel like it may fall on deaf ears....the ones you are really trying to reach. Coupled with the increase in spam posts (see the 'response' you received from Peyton Rivers). Like everything, this forum seems to be evolving in a less than favorable direction.

  4. Anonymous

    A social platform invites all posts and all responses. Take a breath and try and understand the nature of social media. Policing responses and judging tone and style is not really necessary. But thanks. It takes all kinds.

  5. Tina Moreno

    Thanks for your comment. I hear you—and to clarify, my intention wasn’t to police or control anyone’s tone or style. Social platforms do invite all kinds of posts and responses, and that includes reminders to practice self-awareness. My post was less about judgment and more about a gentle redirect toward reflection. Social media has a lot of power—for connection, but also for harm—and I think this space was built for support, not snark. Just offering a perspective, not a rulebook. Appreciate the dialogue.

  6. Tina Moreno

    Very true—it’s not between me and them, and I appreciate the reminder. I wasn’t trying to police or control the dialogue, just offering a gentle redirect. We’re all navigating tough stuff, and a little pause before we post can go a long way in keeping this space supportive.

  7. Tabbi Kinion

    Thank you for this. I wholeheartedly agree with you. I hope some people read your post and consider it. This isn't the nasty world of Facebook responses posting the mean things one thinks but would never say to the person's face. This is FGB! A place of support for women navigating the professional world. To create that support bubble, it is essential to let people know the expectations for being here!

    When I first came to FGB - in the days before the Muse - the majority of the audience was bosses supporting other bosses. It was a place to pose challenges and learn from others trying to navigate as a manager who happens to be female. As I was working in a place where 75% of the staff were male and there were only five other managers (of 40 or so) who were female, this was a place I felt seen and heard.

    Over the years, the audience has shifted so that most of the feed seems to be people struggling with HR issues and finding jobs. Far too many demonstrate why they are struggling through their posts and responses. It's a real-life demonstration of why we must help employees develop emotional intelligence skills!

  8. Tabbi Kinion

    If it is self-maintained by the members, the members get to say what they want this place to be. I think Tina is putting out in the world what her vision of FGB could be - the more the vision is shared, the more it will shape how people show up on the platform.

  9. Anonymous

    I think responses shouldn't always be warm and fuzzy. Sometimes you need straight talk and real words advice.

    I know everyone needs a hug once in awhile but hugs don't always help.

    I rarely ever have read a disrespectful post.

  10. Anonymous

    I agree. I appreciate reading suggestions for different situations and sharing many of my own.

  11. Anonymous

    Yes, I think in 4 years I read maybe 2 responses that were rude. We obviously do not need a tone police.

  12. Anonymous

    If reading straight up posts or even bold, in your face advice doesn't lift an OP up then you advise not offering up the advise, then I think you should rethink what this platform is all about.

  13. Melissa Nobile

    If you want the truth, sometimes a “knee-jerk” answer is exactly what you should get. Life isn’t unicorns and roses…

  14. Paulla Fetzek, MSEd

    Thank you Tina.

    I've been with FGB for quite a while, and I notice this as well. As well as the fact this happens a lot when people post anonymously.

    It costs nothing to be kind - and can mean the world to someone else.

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