Looking for a nice way to tell my boss to stop texting me.

25 Comments

1. Cassie SpencerMay 22,2024 at 11:33AM UTC

   I would suggest having a meeting to evaluate / to rest expectations. Providing your preferred method of communication (maybe it is still text) and specific windows of time when you will not respond / when she can expect a response can help with this. I've had similar situations in some of the contract work that I do and I found including language around response times and communication methods in my contract also helped.

2. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 12:10PM UTC

   Learn how to use the mute settings on your phone. Check your messages only during working hours.

3. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 12:15PM UTC

   You have to set boundaries with a person like this. I would let her know that you don't always have your phone with you or you have other commitments that you have to take care of outside of business hours. I had to do this with someone recently and it worked. If you don't create this boundary you are giving her permission to keep doing this.

4. April LineMay 22,2024 at 12:33PM UTC

   I will echo what others have said that all interview practice is good, and unless your recruiter has a relationship with that employer, they would have no way to replicate interview conditions. I would say that is on the up and up.

   Re: not getting a job when they solicited contact for questions and you and your recruiter agreed that it was ok to contact them & then they told you you didn't get the job bc you contacted them? Whoever above said you dodged a bullet, hard agree. Bc that is shady AND, yes, dishonest.

   When I was hiring, I used a generic, "pursue other candidates," to let people know they did not get the job, and if someone asked me for more information, I was tactful and honest. The couple times that happened, the person wrote back (all conducted over email) in anger or defensiveness. In one separate case, the interviewee was very young and I saw a lot of potential and it was a close decision, so I offered feedback if he wanted it. He declined.

   So it sounds like whoever was in charge of that communication was either trying to be helpful while avoiding a potentially uncomfortable reaction from you, or it's a petty, toxic workplace.

   Either way, soldier on.

5. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 12:41PM UTC

   Certainly you need to consider expectation and boundary setting, but I also think you need to consider having a work phone vs a personal phone. Consider using a VoiP option like Google Voice or Zoom Phone. You can even set it up to ring to your cellphone but only during work hours.

6. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 1:01PM UTC

   Stop communicating with her. This will send the message loud and clear.

7. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 1:09PM UTC

   I gotcha! I did this last night - with the help of ChatGpt:

   Hi [Boss's Name],

   I hope you're well. I wanted to discuss my communication preferences regarding work-related matters. To ensure I'm organized and can promptly respond, could we please keep our work communications to email or through our official channels? This would help me manage my work and personal time more effectively.

   Thank you for understanding and for your support on this matter.

   Best regards,

   [Your Name

   I hope this helps!

8. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 1:54PM UTC

   Does your phone have a "Do Not Disturb" feature? Mine will let me designate hours for the feature to be enabled and I can limit it to texts and/or calls. I can also specify certain persons I will allow to bypass the DND setting. I have used this extensively because I got enough notifications during off-hours to miss important texts from work or family when my mother was sick. I had the opposite problem and a workplace that would respect not sending messages that could wait until the next day. Does she get antsy if you don't answer? That would require a serious sit-down and setting of boundaries. You could also hit her in the pocketbook, saying you will charge her for the time she expects you to be available after hours.

9. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 1:59PM UTC

   Use your focus features on the phone esp the “do not disturb”…it helps you in many way

10. ChristineMay 22,2024 at 2:44PM UTC

    You can use Non Violent Communication approach to make a request. Here is an example:

    " Over the past few months, I’ve noticed that I often receive work-related texts during nights and weekends.

    While I understand that sometimes urgent matters arise, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed by these off-hours communications.

    It’s important for me to have some uninterrupted personal time to recharge, so I can stay productive and focused during work hours.

    Could we establish a guideline for work communications? For example, non-urgent matters could be discussed during regular business hours, and urgent issues could be flagged in a specific way if they truly need immediate attention.

    I value our working relationship and believe this adjustment will help me maintain a healthy balance, ensuring that I can continue to provide my best work.

    Thank you for understanding and considering my request. I’m open to discussing this further to find a solution that works for both of us."

11. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 2:16PM UTC

    That sounds very AI... I liked it but put more of a personal spin on it.

12. AnonymousMay 26,2024 at 7:01PM UTC

    Oh, that's NVC - it's very inappropriate for a workplace.

13. ChristineMay 27,2024 at 6:21PM UTC

    Why is it so?

14. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 10:21PM UTC

    Waaayyyy too much explanation! Set the boundary and don't ask permission,.just kindly let the owner know. Hated NVC - its couples therapy communication patter and really isn't workplace appropriate

15. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 12:44PM UTC

    I have had this happen to me and I just ignore them and act like I didn’t see them on Monday if asked. If she doesn’t ask eventually she’ll get the hint and stop - if she does then some

    of the other suggestions can be used.

16. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 10:20PM UTC

    Let's say it's Monday evening and you see her text, don't answer it. On Tuesday, you can say "oh good morning, I see you texted last night. I'm actually cutting off my electronic devices for a while after work hours so I can get some rest, and spend more time with my family in my off hours. Is there anything I can help you with today while we are in the office together? " If that doesn't help, I hate to say it, but your boss is clueless. Do not respond to her texts. You are not on the clock, so do what others suggested, and set the do not disturb feature. I think you can set it per person in your contact list. Hope this helps!

17. Liz MilneMay 23,2024 at 11:00PM UTC

    Put your phone on do not disturb: tell her she can keep messaging without worrying that she's disturbing you because you've set 'do not disturb' to be active outside of your working hours.

    She will either a) realise that she's been overstepping or b) carry on, but now no longer expect answers before you're back on her clock...

18. Marcia SmithMay 28,2024 at 3:38PM UTC

    I LOVE this advice!! :)

19. AnonymousMay 24,2024 at 6:43PM UTC

    If you are charging them an hourly rate let them know that your weekends are double time or that any texts on the weekends will be ignored till monday. Give them time parameters for when you can respond. Be polite but let them know you cherish your time away so that you can be fresh during the work week for them. Next time you start a new. contract set those terms up front as boundaries are meant for both sides to be respectful.

20. Marcie BarbatoMay 25,2024 at 12:19PM UTC

    I just would like to say one interesting heavier about a similar experience that I just went through with my last job. Was that salaried employees I don’t know if it’s New York State or not but if you are a salaried employee, your employer can expect you to be on their beckoned call 24 hours a day 7 days a week!!! I am a nurse practitioner and this seems to be a new trend that is happening for small new for profit companies that take over clinics. They kind of expect you to have no life.

21. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 3:03PM UTC

    It's actually beck and call but that is not legal. If you believe that you are not being fairly paid make a complaint to the DOL. They will investigate the companies practices.

22. Marcie BarbatoMay 25,2024 at 12:16PM UTC

    I’ve definitely been there before & unfortunately things didn’t end well. As a new employee for a small company they had already established ways of behaving which included phone calls & texts any day or time of the week. This did not fly with me whatsoever, so I knew I immediately had to set up some boundaries. Unfortunately, my manager, who was also a nurse practitioner like me felt as if I was being confrontational and continued to be argumentative with me for the next few weeks that I worked there until I quit because it was just a very toxic and healthy working environment so kind of be careful that may be a red flag for you. I hope it works out, but if a fellow employee tells you that everyone is family here that is kind of a red flag because that’s what they told me and that was very bizarre. I thought thank you.

23. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 10:48PM UTC

    On your phone, go into settings and hit the focus feature on the phone. select the “do not disturb" and then select which contacts you want to silence. Just by the person seeing the moon sign / do not disturb will help curtail. I turn this on starting 7pm, giving people a little time..

24. Michelle MarkgrafMay 26,2024 at 1:26PM UTC

    I see several posts about boundaries, which are great to establish. I have a different viewpoint, though, on which boundary to enforce. Your position at this busines is blurred. As an independent contractor, the power differential shifts. You do not have a boss; you have a client. You do not report to her; you report on the ways you are fulfilling contractual obligations.

    As an independent contractor, you control your hours because you are your own boss. Unfortunately, boundary setting is not easy, especially when the boundary does not start at the outset. (This is one of those learn-the-hard-way situations!). The other advice given here is great.

    You may consider having a discussion about whether your position is truly one as an independent contractor. From your brief description, this appears to be an employer-employee relationship. In the U.S., the DOL has strict guidelines about who can be called an independent contractor--and some hefty fines for businesses that skirt employment taxes by labeling employees independent contractors.

25. Christi LopezMay 28,2024 at 12:15PM UTC

    "You do not have a boss; you have a client. You do not report to her; you report on the ways you are fulfilling contractual obligations."

    Exactly. Shifting your mindset may help make setting those boundaries easier. When I set up contracts with my freelance clients, I make sure they know that I work a full-time job, and am only available to them on the weekends. You may want to consider building your available hours into your contracts in the future.