I've been at this company for 8 plus years.

Anonymous

October 1,2021 at 1:10PM UTC

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I've been at this company for 8 plus years. I was hired as the EA to the CEO, exceeded all the goals I was directed to set - some were more 'task-like' then goal, but you do what you're told. 2 yrs ago, fully aware I could see the emails the CEO went hunting for a new EA. I didn't say anything at first - just put my head down and did my job and continued to exceed. He attempted gaslighting - I'm more than a little savvy - having watched him perform the same routines on others. When the time came - I was also picking up work from the Director of Compliance who was happy to have me (we are now very good friends) - I confronted him. He'd already hired someone - made the obligatory email announcement. Typically he turned it on me - 'why didn't you ask?' In this scenario I was happy to go to Compliance as EA and Project Manager simply to NOT have to pander to him further on a day to day basis. Again, keeping my head down. Recently we had required training modules per our Risk Manager and I oversaw the rollout and reporting - we gave the 45 employees 90 days. A week from deadline, I was asked by the CCO to provide a graph detailing who had taken, who was in progress and who hadn't started (this is 7 days til deadline). I prepare this chart and provide it to the CCO who tells me that the CEO wants to 'shame' - the CEO's words - those who hadn't taken or hadn't completed and I protested that I was uncomfortable, they'd be uncomfortable and we could just report numbers. No. Had to show the names. This was presented - as I was directed - at an all Employee meeting. A week later - I'm reporting out final numbers and the CCO is taking them to the Exec Meeting which is high level - maybe 10 people and one of them brings up the discomfort and awkwardness of providing the 'shame' report and the CEO - in this meeting - blames me directly. This is not the first time I've been scapegoated by this asshat. In the past as his EA, it's kind of expected to be gracious and just grimace and nod your head. I'm over accepting blame graciously for foolish choices made by Executives. If I hadn't already protested and got blamed, I may not have had such a strong reaction to just another attempt to pass off a lack of honor onto someone else.

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Stephanie IngleOctober 1,2021 at 1:39PM UTC
Well, you shouldn't have to just take that... I know how hind sight is 20/20, but were it to ever happen again, it would be best to say, "actually (name of Ahole CEO), I also believed it would cause discomfort to name names, but you asked me to include them, and so I did." If it were a team effort, you could suck up the blame that should have gone to a single colleague, but this is straight out lying or, at best, selective memory. Since you say it's pretty common for this to happen, I suspect that no matter what his response is, the others in the room would understand that was not your decision....
Even after the fact, you certainly want to let your managers know you had nothing to do with that...
Further, I do question why people felt "shamed" for not completing required training. True, individual "reminders" would be better, but you know, if the shoe fits...
Lindsey Roth-RosenOctober 2,2021 at 12:45PM UTC
Shaming is a huge part of the "strategy" to make others feel less then each other. It's a game of survivor if you watch how things unfold from the perspective of "survivor" you'll quickly see the same elements, alliances formed and reform, and the gas lighting goes on to a deeper level. Most employees want to be moved upwards and they will do it at any cost, even to their own detriment.
Cindy LaceyOctober 2,2021 at 8:50PM UTC
I have worked at companies with this sort of requirement. They did not publicly name and shame. They would bring up that some people had not completed the training and said that not completing it timely made the team look bad. It believe the stats were reported by numbers at the team level but not by individual names.
TerryOctober 1,2021 at 2:48PM UTC
You’re done! Please get out of there and work for a company who isn’t gaslighting and scapegoating you!!! You are better than that-you’ll find a way better opportunity with your skills!!
Nirupama RaghavanOctober 1,2021 at 3:01PM UTC
Honestly, it's a little foolish for people to assume that the EA is making decisions about what is being presented at a high-level meeting and to blame you. Sorry to see you're bearing the brunt of the CEO's actions.
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 3:06PM UTC
So sorry this happened to you. It's amazing, what some people can get away with. I like to make sure evertyhing is in writing as often as I can. After a meeting, I'll email to confirm that the person XYZ and I'll be sure to Bcc myself. Or even CC myself if I want that perso to know. depends on your preference. good luck.
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 3:20PM UTC
I guess you saw this one coming. He's very shady but that's who runs your company.
Joanne RosenOctober 1,2021 at 3:50PM UTC
I hope you put that objection to using names in an email. Then, it's so easy to prove that you did not support the move and that he insisted. Always CYA. I used to go into meetings with my phone recording it. I've had too many managers like that.
AnonymousOctober 2,2021 at 12:35PM UTC
Yikes. In the future put everything in writing. If you have not already. Beyond looking for another company to work for I’m not sure what to tell you. Your boss sounds like a glass bowl.
Lindsey Roth-RosenOctober 2,2021 at 12:37PM UTC
Oh, I've been there. These CEOs and other executuves are cut from the same cloth. What's even more frustrating (on top of the gas lighting) is facade everyone sees, of the perfect leader. But, we've seen the real ugly come out and yet others still think you're rthe absurd one!
Allison LaRockOctober 2,2021 at 12:46PM UTC
Sounds like you need a new workplace! Sounds toxic.
AnonymousOctober 2,2021 at 2:01PM UTC
I hate this for you. You were right about the shaming. But. He’s the CEO. Everybody who works under him probably already knows how he steals glory and shoves off blame. And since he’s CEO, he’s nearly untouchable. So - doing anything about this at work is counterproductive.
But -there’s probably little harm (to your career) if you want to burn him in effigy (of course) in your own backyard
Rika M PhippsOctober 2,2021 at 2:58PM UTC
I am so sorry you are being abused by a narcissist at work. You aren't getting paid to be scapegoated, I think it's time to go elsewhere, and be appreciated for the work you do. Sometimes money isn't everything, and knowing you're valued at your workplace goes a long way. A good boss will train you so you can go for something better but treat you so you don't want to.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistOctober 2,2021 at 3:16PM UTC
I'm sorry this happened to you but I guess my question is why are you still working at a company where you're treated so poorly, where the CEO is always going to undermine you?
AnonymousOctober 2,2021 at 4:15PM UTC
I am so sorry. He’s a psychopathic narcissist. A lot of CEOs are. Get out NOW. Turbo charge your search. These asshats are like Teflon. We suffer because we are the perfect employee and they hate us. . Save yourself. This stuff is so bad for us. It’s hard to recover. You deserve so much better. Dealt with this from lower level execs a year ago. And got out fast! Best thing I ever did. Im in my dream job now.
Cindy LaceyOctober 2,2021 at 8:46PM UTC
I hope that the conversation where you objected to using names and were overridden by the CEO was confirmed via email? Clearly you need to CYA.
Healthcare workerOctober 3,2021 at 12:35AM UTC
1. Eight years is too long to be at one company in the same position so you should be moving on.
2. The CEO sets the culture and the culture is trash so you should be moving on.
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 5:59AM UTC
Since you're pretty uses to being treated poorly for 8 long years, I'm assuming that you aren't open to moving from this company so I would focus on trying to work on other areas of your life so you can balance your life and add some joy and positivity to it.
You seem to be able to tolerate the nightmare of work very well so I'm hoping you are earning a great salary and are able to spend your personal life in wonderful ways to there is plenty of happiness and satisfaction in your life.
AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 7:08AM UTC
I hate to say this but this happens a lot. It use to be when you did your job and didn’t well you would get thanked. But what you’re going through a lot of us have also. Your boss will not change and the company is toxic. I would look for another job.
Emmy BemmyOctober 4,2021 at 3:48AM UTC
I hate to say it, but this is why you ask questions via email when dealing with someone you don't trust. If they call you to respond, send a follow up email confirming the conversation. It is really disgusting how willing some people are to throw others under the bus. Very weird for an exec to blame an Admin for the decision you describe...(surely the others in the room knew better?)
Diane McDevittOctober 5,2021 at 12:40PM UTC
Actually he's done it before many times
Emmy BemmyOctober 5,2021 at 6:19PM UTC
Do you think people believe his ridiculousness.... really? A VP's preference/decision was overridden by his admin? Hopefully his peers/team are smart enough to know better. Either way, I would definitely not want to work for/with him!
AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 12:39PM UTC
To follow up, I have been looking but it takes a long time when you hit a certain age - I've gotten to about 12 firts interviews - been very well received, but either my age is throwing a wrench in that or I'm too 'generalized' in skillsets (lots of project management, social media, jill-of-all-trades etc). I'm finding that it's not a selling point to have worn the hats of many positions within the company and have spearheaded processes that turnkey to others.
AnonymousNovember 8,2021 at 1:41PM UTC
Hi there, thought I would circle back on my original post - after nearly a year of searching, interviews, jumping thru recruiter's hoops, being ghosted, etc. I have found the position I wanted. EA to CEO - the career track is confirmed, he does want me to upskill, learn, prepare to be the CoS and I am riding that high. You can do it, you must be patient, you must prepare and practice for the interviews - AND be authentic. You are enough.